Episode 3_ They Lied

Hi, everybody. Welcome to our third episode of our podcast, Black Woman Business. Today, we're going to be busting some myths. We're going to be really, really displacing some myths, kicking them right out of the ballpark. I'm so excited. I've been wanting to do this episode for a while now. But quickly, before I proceed, I want to say thank you so much to the people that have shown an openness, a kindness, an appreciation for me expressing myself, contributing in this manner. It's something I've wanted to do for quite a while, and your reception has been tremendous. I'm talking from all corners of our country, all corners of our continent, and even throughout the globe. Thank you, guys. Let me jump into it. The myths that we're going to be displacing today is the Ph.D. pull her down syndrome. I'll explain that for people that don't understand what it even is. And then the second one is you black, so you didn't get it on merit. And then the third one will be displacing, is that men have the balls, they win. And then the other one is preference is to black women owned business. The other myth is that do what you like and the money will follow. Wow, that one really funny. And then the other myth is work, work, work. You must work hard so that you can achieve. Really. Okay, the next one is your mentor or your big break will come from somebody who looks like you, speaks like you, who's really very compassionate about you. No, the other one is we need funding for our businesses. Big myth, big myth. And then the other one, Poverty porn means you are very compassionate. Exposing yourself to poverty porn means that you're a very nice person. Myth. And then the final one. Yeah, no, my gran will kill me for this one. Is that qualifications will open your doors. I still say no, they won't. You will open your doors. Okay, let's start from number one. PhD pull her down syndrome. For the people that don't know what this is, it's a group of women. I heard about it from a group of women some years ago at some black women's conference where they say, all of us women, when we together, we. It's our instinct to try to pull each other down. And we just really have a deep hate for each other and that we really can't really uplift. You know what I found really strange with this one is that it's mostly men that like to talk about a pull it down syndrome. They love that concept. I mean, I heard a very upstanding ambassador talking about pull it down syndrome. I was like, so disappointed because, I mean, firstly, and I'd like to say, guys, for anybody that thinks that this thing does exist, it does not exist. The only problem is you are surrounded by the wrong people. Get away from that bunch. That's all it means. If you find that you are amongst women that want to pull you down and you are sensing that they want to pull you down, you are in the wrong place. Get away. Block them, delete them, unfriend them, do whatever it takes. You're in the wrong place. Because in my experience, oh my word. I've received the most nurturing and the most loving in this entire journey from women. Warm women, strong women, fierce women, women from any race. Oh, my God, like, where do I begin with these women? I'm telling you, even with this podcast, there's women that have offered to assist me with their professional services for free. Please, guys. PhD. You guys need to get away. There's so many wonderful women around us everywhere. And also, you know what? When we pick up bad vibes, we need to use the instinct of a springbok. You know when you watch the animal animal documentaries where the springbok is eating some grass and all of a sudden he has his head up, he doesn't even know where the lion is, he doesn't even know where the danger is, but he starts running like hell. I think that's the same type of sixth sense that we need to start using as soon as you can pick up that, no, something's not right here. Just get. Just get away and start putting labels on you. Trying to submit to bad situations. And then this one, I also love it. You are black, so you didn't get it on merit. Guys, so what if you are black? And so what if in. If the person thinks you didn't get it on merit? Because remember, once upon a time, being white was a merit and also probably is in some situations still a merit to be a white person. So we can't just say no because you are black. Now you must feel bad and feel like, oh my God, now they don't think I'm really worth it. You are worth it. Even if you are just black. Remember that same blackness and that same femaleness that you have with you is the same thing that people got discarded for when they were fighting for our freedom. People were fighting for our freedom and they were being discarded because they were black, because they were female. And now all of a sudden being regarded because of the same reason. I'll Take it. I'll always take it. And then my. My job from then on is to prove that I'm worthy of it. I collect all the resources that I can get. I find all the people of any type of race that can help me execute flawlessly. That's my duty. To avoid sabotage, to just navigate around sabotage and make sure that I execute whatever it is in the best capable way. The fact that I'm black and I'm a woman, if you're giving it to me because of that, thank you very much. I'll take it. So, guys, I've heard very upstanding men, members of our South African delegations, speaking very, very flippantly about, oh, no, I wouldn't. I won't take it if they say it's just because I'm black. I mean, guys, really, I just think that is actually very childish to say anything like that. Moving on. Men have the balls, so they win. Oh, my word. We do this without even knowing how many times at work that a male colleague will put up their hand and you won't. And, you know, right in your head, this guy is putting up his hand, and he's gonna expect me to assist him. You know why he's putting up his hand? Because you won't. We women like to talk ourselves down, and we like to complain even about it. And that is not fair. And I heard a very interesting talk from Dr. Leila Fori, who's the CEO of the JSE. She speaks so candidly about this, how we won't step forward for leadership positions, how we won't step up for. For anything. Basically, that's got to do with being in front. And males will do it easily, easily a. Without even experience for the job, will put up there because they've got the confidence, because they, you know, they've got the whole thing figured out. You know, actually, that's how we think. We think they've got it all figured out. And we talk ourselves down. We talk ourselves down. And I just feel like, yes, men do have the balls, but we have the boobs. We have the eq. We have the emotional intelligence. We've got the nurturing instinct. We've got the love and the warmth and the understanding towards people. We've got the sixth sense. We've got a deep, thorough understanding of another human being in ways that for them, it would be a very tough task. And for us, that just comes very naturally, you know, And I had an experience. I remember when I was still employed at Kuburk, and we had. Because we were a nuclear plant operator. You have to be trained in firefighting. That's where I actually learned my deep, deep appreciation for firefighters. Well, we had to don firefighting gear. And that clothing is so heavy and so hot. The helmet. And then on top of all of that, you must wear that oxygen tank on your back and go fight a fire. For me, I was very fortunate because we were 11 in my group at the NPOS and I was the only woman in the group. I mean, that was, that is the usual situation in the industry that I'm in. And we had to learn how to fight fires. So in this occasion, they paired us to be two by two. Me was one of the males where we had to fight the fire, go close to the source of the fire and go and isolate where the chemical came from. And I had to go in with this guy and he was the one that's holding the hose. Guys, the pressure of this hose can actually literally lift you up, up. It has to be the two of you that are holding on this thing. And after our discussion, we decided that I'm the one that's going to isolate. And we were going into like a container. Imagine, guys, a container with fire. And we have to go inside the fire to go and isolate the source. As tiring as it was and it. As, you know, I. I don't even have the feeling to express how intense that whole situation was. We walked in there and the closer we got to the source, guy actually panicked. He dropped the hose and he ran out of that thing, leaving me alone with the fire. And the pipe was going up and down the, the container, hitting the top of the container and the bottom of the container. And I had to grab onto that thing, make sure that I go close to the isolation point on my own and isolate and then retreat backwards slowly and properly. And I did it, and I was very proud of myself. The group, obviously the guys are back bashing this guy that almost put my life in danger. And they've been doing that over the years. I feel sorry for him because he's a sweetheart, but I just mean, like, we are those type of women. I mean, in other even worse excruciating circumstances, we are able to put up with that kind of heat, you know, in the literal sense, I'm telling you. But that firefighting training for me was the pit. I mean, you can literally smell your, your flesh melting you. You so close with the fire. The only thing that's stopping the fire to get into your face is that cone shaped water. But nonetheless, Let me move on. So what I'm trying to say here is men have the balls, but we have the boobs. Thank you. And then the next one preference is given to black women owned business. Oh my word. You know what, I also really fell into that one. I one actually when I heard our then president going on and on on radio, President Zuma going on and on about the importance of black business. I really, really thought, you know what? All I have to do is walk into a room and say hello, I'm a black business. And things would just come to me. No, guys, no, it doesn't work like that. You need to be very serious about what you're offering. It's fierce competition. I'm telling you it is. First of all, there's lots of us black women businesses out there. There's a whole sea of us. So who is the preference really gonna be given to? You know, besides other competition that you have to meet up with. In any case, the perks are there, but they are very few and far between, honestly. And like I said, there's a whole sea of us stand and, and being ready for the opportunity. So the only thing that will make you different from the rest is your performance and how you really execute and your persistence and your, your never say die attitude basically. And then there's this one that I really, really love also. Do what you love and the money will follow. Wow. No guys. Really? You think this works? Like then if that is going to work, then who will be picking up our messed up sanitary pads at all these malls, at all these public buildings? Who's going to be doing that? You think somebody that loves it? I don't think so. I mean if in your area there's a shortage of bread, when people go buy bread, there's no more, there's no more. And you're going to offer dance classes because it's something that you love. Ah, guys, there's bread needed. You're going to offer dance classes? No, guys, I don't think it works like that. It's very few and far in between that you find the two coincide. If there is a need and it happens to be what you love, by all means you, you have actually really scored. Because that is definitely usually doesn't happen. I mean we also sanitize buildings of sometimes they've been covered cases and we get called out for one time in December, Sipen I got called out for one of our clients was in the hospital fighting for his life with COVID But he managed to call us, say that he was preparing to come back to his house. I think it was actually part of his fight and he fought a good fight because he did come back home anyway. So he sent us to come and frog his house, guys. You think that's something that we really enjoy? Donning all that ppe to go into people's houses and knowing that they were in contact with COVID and going to fight the, the virus? No, guys. So obviously you do what is the need, not what you love. You can always do what you love later. Really. And then there's this. Oh, people love it. Work, work, work, work hard and be. You must be busy, busy, busy, busy doing work, busy. Oh my God, guys, no. When I look back at the busiest times in my career, oh my word, they were so non productive. No staying up at night 24 hours, working on a thick document, going on, calling people no guys. It works for some people. I know a few people that just thrive in that type of situation. But for me never, never works. Also I just, for me, my weeks are four days. If I can just put it into that perspective, four days in a week of seven days that I'm really working the other three I needed, I needed for my time out, I needed to refresh, I needed to listen to you guys about your questions and just live life and take a breather, switch off my phone and just be. Because this to really ties up with a mental health and mental health is a real thing for me, guys, because in my family I lost my dad and another family member through suicide. So mental health is a big one for me, is a real big one. I don't play around. I do a lot to sustain mental health in my life and I know when I'm, I'm going a little bit off the rails and I need to get myself back. And sometimes it's a huge adjustment for my husband because he's the opposite. I think he's those guys that work, work, work, work hard and I just, I just can't. So it's not always guys, the most important thing here is to be productive. When you finally sit down and work, it must be 30 minutes of work that you can say, yeah, no, that was good. Yeah, no, I've achieved something here. Otherwise you'll be filling in paperworks until donkey days and you don't even know which page you're on and you don't even know what you are doing. So it's not worth it. Just keep track on why. What is the purpose of this world? When I'm done, what do I want to have achieved that for me is a thing. And then the next one, oh, lovely one. We need funding for this business. No, no, what are you doing in your business? You're selling something, what do you need? You need that something, right? Okay, let's be fair. You need to purchase that something. But then from whom do you purchase that something from in your business? What do you need? You need stock, you need office equipment, you need branding. Like I said, places like Cedar and even Nyda are able to provide you with that. They don't provide you with the money, they provide you with the vouchers to be able to do that. And then from then on, how do you navigate? If you need stock, you go to the person that you would be purchasing your stock from. Lots of companies offer 30, 30 day credit. 30 day credit where they can supply you with whatever you need and you pay them after 30 days. What happens is, especially when it's a beautiful transaction, you already have a customer waiting for what you're about to sell. That is nice because then your customer pays. You also order with that money. So let's stop this whole story of we need funding, we need funding. Lots of transactions don't need funding. And also lots of transactions just need to, for you to look at. What do I actually need here? You sometimes have companies or partnerships that do have the resources and that will actually assist you to pull this thing together. So it's not always that you need to funding and you need money. And then the other one, poverty porn makes you compassionate. Poverty porn is that whole story of exposing yourself to dire situations, tough situations where people are really, really struggling. For me, the only focus there, guys, is, is what are you gonna do for these people that you are looking at that you are taking pictures of, that you are exposing yourself. What are you, what are you gonna do to help? You know, there's so much happening, even the, the, the homicide, the femicides and homicides going on in Mozambique. That whole situation, like, what are we doing? Are we at least putting together a petition, something to assist those people? For me, it just seems so sinful to expose yourself to such and not do anything about it. And what you're doing is you're busy spreading the word and you're talking about these hardships. You're going on and on, yet you are doing nothing to assist. And also, this is, remember on the very first podcast I talk about, this is the reason why I actually started the business is because I wanted to be able to donate selflessly. Selflessly. But if we keep on exposing ourselves to poverty porn and we have no assistance plan for them or no help whatsoever. I just think it's self inflicted pain. Really it is. Because you're gonna toss and turn thinking about all these hardships and go through so much, so much which can even lead you to a depression. You are inflicting yourself of pain. So my suggestion is, unless you're gonna help, stay away. And then my next one. Oh, I love this one, I love this one. It says your big break or your help is going to come from somebody who looks like you. That one, a definite false. A definite false. Why? Because. Oh, I also thought so. Right at the beginning of my business career, I met a black professor. Oh my God. I thought it was going to be my biggest mentor. I was really looking up to him. Things didn't work out. I think it's because he used to forget a lot about our meetings. He used to forget when we're gonna meet. I mean it wasn't, it wasn't something that he did on purpose, but he was going through something. But I can tell you guys, once you open your mind to your creative space and what you actually want to offer, it's amazing the type of people you can attract in your radar. It's amazing how far your reach can go within your radar. You know, my biggest break actually came from a Canadian man. He is in his late 70s. He has been here in South Africa since then, the early 80s. And I met him in nuclear. I've never seen somebody who actually believes in me that much. You know, took my ideas, took them to the board, took them to the head office overseas in Paris. And I could actually see my ideas being implemented here in South Africa. And the instruction came from overseas. All because he really believed in me. You know, you don't need to focus only in one corner of people or on certain type of people. Once you open your horizon, you start engaging with people that are really true to your, to your essence, true to your purpose and what you're trying to achieve. And it's such a beautiful thing to watch unfold. So I'm saying let's not limit ourselves for looking out for a toolie, for looking out for a tendi. No, that's not what you're doing. Even with your mentors. Spread, spread the type of people that you would like to affiliate yourself with. We're still going to have a topic on, on mentors and then I will go through the thorough ones. But for me, that one was a big one. Oh, this one. The qualifications Will not open doors, guys. Qualifications will not open doors. You will open doors. You will bust the doors with your persistence and perseverance. I'll tell you what qualifications can do. Qualifications can can back you up. It's a beautiful backup. I always love it when I tell people I started chem engine. Then it's like, yeah, it's nice. But I can tell you it's not that cam angel that got me to that room. It's my persistence. It's my never say die. It's my attitude and wanting to really get in there. People are collecting MBAs like it's nobody's business. People are collecting cum laude like it's no business. Guys, that cum laude, I can't do anything for you. You need to bust the door open and tell them I have a cum lauder. And if you won't open your mouth, guys, there's people like Tuli that will bust the door and open their mouth. And they don't even have much. They probably have just a metric. But they will be able to navigate tough situations and get themselves into very fortunate and advantageous positions just because they were able to bust the door. So this thing of playing nice, studying, thinking that if you get this, if you get. No, get yourself into that network, get yourself into that space around those people, into those doors. What are they doing there? Then eventually you can tell them them, guys, actually I have an mba. You know what? Then you are doing the things. This one reminds me of a situation I was in when I was in Petrosa when I did my in service training. It was fourth semester and I didn't do so well because it was just after my father's death and my results are so bad. So we have to get at least 4, 4 semesters in the bag for a national diploma in chemical engineering. Then you have to go and do your in service training. That is usually done internally by staff at the educational institution. They seek out what you call in service training place for you. But for me it was never like that. Why? Because my results are so bad. Especially the fourth. Fourth semester. But fortunately at that time we were still allowed. If you had passed three semesters, you were still eligible. But remember we. I was studying with those ladies that have the cum laudes, that have the. The four semesters sorted. So many distinctions. So I wasn't even competition. Like when the guy looks at my. What you call statement of results and looks at the fourth semester, I just go underneath the pile because there's other people performing better. I mean, why should he Waste his time on somebody who's busy failing while there are people there achieving distinctions. So I took it upon myself. I took it upon myself to get a list from that same guy, a list from chemical institutions that needed what you call in service trainees that year, I think it was 2005. And then I called them one by one. Most of them, as soon as I gave them my results, they never answered back. They were like, you know, they, no, thank you. And then it got to the point whereby, okay, I really had to go out of the scope. Now, I've always dreamed of working at Petrosa. I. It was just something for me. When I drive past on the end to going to the Eastern Cape and I see a Petrosa, I'm just like, this place. And then what I did is I applied, I called there, they said, we don't take in service training students. We only take students that we've given the bursary too, and on holiday. And then I was just like, but who is in charge? And they. It took me to the next senior person, the next senior person, until eventually I spoke to the CEO in the phone that time. It was. We used to call it containers at the Vodacom container. And I spoke to the CEO, CEO of Petra. And he said, yes, this is something that we are considering. And my main gripe was that you guys said we must study maths and physics. You guys said that we, you need engineers, you need people of our skill. And now you're not taking people. Where am I supposed to go? Am I supposed to stay home? And then he gave me contacts of the HR person. And then they said, he said he's gonna set up a meeting, that they discuss it. Guys, to cut a very long story short, I got a call back saying that they've had the meeting they've selected to take, I think 16 of us. Us. Oh, I made some great friendships there. Friendships that are still lasting till this day. So what I'm trying to say is, even though my results were bad, even though the situation was so dire, I couldn't even show my parents my results, but I managed to make something of it. And for me, that was a major jump. I'm talking about persistence, guys. I'm talking about pushing through and making sure that you are there and you deliver. By the time the guys at Petrosa asked for my money remarks, they had really known me quite well. The entire call goes back and forth were like an interview session. And I was also fortunate. I got called into another interview by a company that was called some chem. They, they manufacture explosive explosives in Somerset. I think they've since closed now and I've had to make a very tough decision of deciding whether do I want to go to SOMCAM at Petrosa. Guys, look at me, me. I'm the one that's deciding now which place I want to go to. And my results are rotten. But I made something of that situation. It's good to study, guys. It's good to really upgrade yourself. But the main thing, your persistence, your, your, your, your, your fight is going to count more than anything here and there is. Then when you've got people that are listening, you can start pulling out your records of your achievements and things that you've done. That will be a definite win. Guys. I think I've had a great time with you now. Those were the myths that I wanted to displace and I'm so glad because now that we've got all of this stuff out of the way, we can really proceed with some practical step by step bits on how to, to actually start this thing and to keep it riding. I'll see you again soon. Thank you so much for listening in. Bye bye.