A therapist walks through how one client overcame premature orgasm and shame through honest conversation with his partner. The breakthrough came when he stopped hiding and started saying what was actually happening in his body.
In working with a client that was suffering a depression and deep feelings of inadequacy that they couldn't have a good intimate sexual relationship with a woman because he would always have an orgasm immediately upon entering her, the avalanche of inadequacy, insecurity and feelings of failure was overwhelming. I asked, mirroring the step that I was teaching my client, okay, so you can see the inadequacy and seemingly permanent feelings of hopelessness regarding your intimate life. Let's ask together, is there anything you can do to help yourself with your present relationship that's on the verge of falling apart because of this upon us dialoguing, I suggested that he tell his partner that he felt he was failing and that he wanted to try something new. Through our back and forth together, we came up with asking her, would she be willing to be still after your foreplay, Especially when I start entering her or whenever I start to freeze in my breathing, giving her a signal to be still. He let her know that it might help him not be overstimulated. It helped that I had the same experience in my early 20s and did the same thing with my partner at the time. He asked her if she was game and she said of course, with a very loving vibe. Within the next few times of being together, something quite amazing happened. Not only did he not have an orgasm quickly, but they felt more intimate than they had ever experienced with anyone else. The slowness allowed them to be a team of sensitivity. It brought a gratitude for the consideration and the slowness which allowed for an intimacy. And it led to breathing in sync, touching each other tenderly, slowly down to making some sweet eye contact, and ultimately to a mutually intimate orgasm. Through time, he had learned how to identify his feelings, even when they felt overwhelming and permanent, and to find a place that was independent of them. This was the result of honesty about his vulnerability and asking himself what he needed, and then communicating it all to her. Her caring and sensitive response led to a breakthrough that otherwise was not possible. Can you see areas in your life, perhaps sexually, where this could apply to you? I really hope so.
