Robert Strock argues that modern culture's obsession with certainty blocks genuine insight into purpose, relationships, illness, and death. Real depth requires embracing not knowing as a starting point for inquiry. He offers questions for self-examination and warns against living on autopilot.
In our society, knowledge is highly valued by most people. It appears that it's more honorable and impressive to know than to admit uncertainty. However, as we explore this bias, it becomes evident that feeling like we know is only effective for staying on the surface of life's issues. Have you noticed that when we delve into deeper areas of our lives like purpose, spirituality, intimacy, psychological insights, or illness and death, the experience of not knowing becomes unavoidable, inevitable, and essential? True depth, contemplation, and wisdom come from embracing the unknown. Thousands of times I've emphasized to clients that not knowing is the perfect starting point and an essential gateway to growth when we're delving into essential questions. As you ask yourself the following, you'll notice the necessity to come to a place where you don't know. And yet you need to see this as the beginning, not the end. The questions include ones like what have I learned through my hardship? How can I strengthen my relationship with my partner or closest friends? What's the most important conversation I need to have, and how do I find the wisdom to communicate it in the best way possible? What habit do I need to change, and what's stopping me? Where in my life do I need better balance, and what's holding me back, and what are my subtle beliefs and feelings about life and death? Instead of getting lost in helplessness or withdrawal, we can learn to embrace the unknown and move forward one step at a time. If I go through a day without experiencing some form of not knowing, it signals that I'm likely on autopilot. Rest and relaxation are truly important, but allowing this to become our default state leads to stagnation. True fulfillment comes from embracing not knowing as a lifelong companion. As a civilization, we're all facing a time of not knowing, and it's time to move right into the center of this reality and find the courage to walk the path of curiosity, self inquiry, and continual reinvention of who we are. We need to develop a deep reverence for not knowing.
