A short guided talk instructing listeners to notice situations that trigger persistent anger, to delay immediate expression, and to communicate anger compassionately by first asking permission, acknowledging feelings, identifying unmet needs, and choosing harmless, reflective expression. Emphasizes eye contact, respecting the other person's boundaries, post-interaction reflection, and ongoing practice to foster less destructive, more peaceful relationships.
As you take your next breath, ask yourself the question, what is the situation I find myself in that creates the most perpetual anger or frustration or resistant emotions in my life? And let that gradually become clear to you as you scan your life and feel the quality of whatever the state of resistance that you're in, Let this be an encouragement and a perpetual reminder to take a few breaths before you consider any expression. If possible, encourage yourself to delay talking as the anger will almost inevitably leak into the conversation no matter how hard you try to stop it. Notice how much you are contracted or angry, and if it's severe, pay even more attention and recognize that you are more likely to be destructive in some way. Ask yourself, do I have an agreement with this person that it's okay to express my anger directly? This is never something to be presumed as you even ask this question. Don't feel bad if this isn't something you've ever done, as most of us haven't really become this sensitive and this aware to be considerate to the person that we're angry at. If the answer is I don't know whether I have this agreement with them, ask them when you are calmer if it's okay. Once you have a clear agreement, start by acknowledging that you're angry and that you'll do your best not to hit below the belt. Recognize that your intention to do some damage control and to have a harmless communication pause and see if you can realize what it is you wanted that you didn't receive, that you believe made you feel aggressive. This is a state of great awareness where you're shifting the focus from what you're mad at and instead asking yourself, what is it that I really wanted that made me mad in the first place? This is always the healing step and furthers the motivation to contain our anger. Now. If possible, let them know what you wanted, or if you don't know, let them know you are frustrated but can't articulate the reason. Give them time to respond if you're able to tell them what it is you want. If their response is not leading in a direction of receptivity, suggest that you wait until a time later to try again. If that isn't possible, see if you can agree to disagree. Notice if you can maintain eye contact while you're talking, which will help you remember that you are both vulnerable human beings, something easy to forget when you're angry. If this person says they don't want to hear you while you're angry, there are virtually no situations in which it's healthy to override their view. Think of a time that worked out well when you were pressing your anger against another person's will, and don't be surprised if you can't find any that worked out well because even the good situations resulted in them getting back at you later. See if this reminder will help you delay your expression and lead you to more advanced practices. Stay alert to the consequences that can help guide you the next time you're in a similar situation each time. Be careful to note afterwards whether you could have waited and how clear, simple and harmless you were or you weren't. Appreciate your effort to do your best and to learn from what you did and plant seeds to continue practicing the most important thing of all. Recognize that being less destructive, more peaceful is needed for healing, for reaching your heart and accessing your pure intentions. Recognize that this is the key not only for you individually, for all of us collectively.
