Beyond Reactivity in Love Relationship_Guided Meditation

What do you do when your partner does something you don't like or doesn't do something that you don't like? The key is to stay with your internal experience and see that you're in reaction. So take a close look. As we're looking at this moment, you may be withdrawing or you may be contracting. You may be in despair, you may be in agitation, but see that you're in a state of reaction. Can you see it? Can you really see it? I am in a state of reaction. That's the primary source of suffering right now, not primarily what my partner is doing. If you stay with the dwelling in your mind, my partner's doing this or not doing that, then you're in hell, because then you're missing your own reactivity. Don't miss your own reactivity because that's the closing down of your heart, and that's hell. And it's particularly hell if you're unaware of it. Now, of course, you have to ask yourself, is, is it a big violation? Is it a big thing? It's one thing if they're having an affair, it's another thing if they have a bad attitude for five minutes or if you disagree about a perception or you have certain needs that are different. That's universal. So the key is two things. One is look at the whole big picture and ask yourself, does this person overall serve my life to be with them? Am I better off with this person or without this person? If the answer is I'm better off to be with this person, and you find that the thing you're reacting against is something you've already tried to communicate numerous times and it hasn't worked, then you know that the challenge is working with your own attitude and reaction. So that means being aware and honest. I'm in a state of reaction. I'm suffering. And I want to find a way to hold this suffering that's soft, that's tender, that's compassionate. It's okay that I'm in a state of reaction. It's even more okay if I can stay aware of it. And it's even more and more okay if I can stay kind and tender towards it, because then that kindness and that tenderness and that awareness will start to melt it. But if you stay believing the reason why I'm suffering is because you did this or you didn't do that, then you're frozen in hell. You're frozen in distance. The moment you can come back and say, I'm in a state of reaction, and that's okay. I can Work with finding compassion inside me. I can work in finding acceptance inside me because in the whole picture I know I love them and the whole picture I know that they serve my well being and I serve their well being. And so I want to remind myself, have the courage, have the awareness, have the humility to stay aware. This is my reaction and it needs compassionate, forgiving awareness. That is the healing. Softening it, softening it. Envision putting your emotion in a warm bowl of water and just let it soften. And that warm bowl of water is like your hands opening up and just holding yourself. Envision putting your hand on your heart and saying to yourself, I can see you're suffering and feeling helpless or angry or agitated. And I want to soften you. Find that compassionate core inside you so you can heal yourself and you can soften the demand to change something you can't change. Recognize it's not a compromise that's unhealthy. It is the utter maturity of your soul. Seeing you, seeing the whole picture and recognizing that the only way to a mature love is to find a way to be compassionate towards yourself. When you're in reaction towards something you can't change with your lover when you know you love them as a whole being. It is your work to stay with yourself. It is your work to stay aware. It is your work to find the compassion, the tenderness, the sweetening and staying with that will allow you to find the potential, the rich gold kernel of love in relationship and in relationship to yourself.