Chogyam Trungpa: March Directly Into Disappointment

Over the last 40 years, we've had lots of teachers, meaningful teachers. One of them, Choigam Trungpa, told us as a teaching, to march directly into disappointment. It had an impact on us then. What was it for you then? And how has that been the underpinning of what's going on in your work today?

Well, the impact then was being captured by the seeming absurdity of it. Like, who wants to march directly into disappointment? I'd rather be happy. And yet somewhere deep inside I knew there was something true about it because I was avoiding going into my disappointments fully. So it became a question that I kept asking myself, am I avoiding disappointments? And if I am, what are they? Basically what started to come up was I was disappointed because I couldn't connect with certain friends in certain ways at times, or I couldn't connect with clients in certain ways at times, or I couldn't connect with my family in certain ways at certain times. When I go to parties, I couldn't connect with a lot of people a lot of the time. And so what was it that was disappointed? And so I started to get deeper glimpses then of this desire to connect, this desire for my heart to actually connect with itself and to connect with others. And so then it was really a wake up call in a beginning sort of way. Now I would say that it's pretty perpetual, that on a daily basis I sense disappointment inside me that I can feel the losses of being able to have a deeper kind of questioning with just about everybody I meet. I would like to ask, how you really doing? And there's a sense of disappointment that I can't really do that because it's going to be experienced as invasive or another disappointment is, gosh, I have a kidney transplant and I take medications and I have side effects. And it's disappointing that I can't rely on having a good night's sleep. And so the disappointment itself leads to a deeper kind of questioning, which is, how do I care for myself in the face of disappointments? So the disappointment actually has led to a certain kind of inquiring as to how I can nurture or find courage inside myself. Sometimes it's led to a prayerfulness because I'm in situations where I feel disappointed that I get a test result medically. And I want to find as much peace or acceptance as possible. So it will lead to a prayer. May I find as much peace and.

Acceptance as possible in a given moment. How does one march directly into disappointment?

Breathing. You slow down the breath and you take great interest in the experience of that sensation of the heart sinking. And you slow down enough to where there's a sound that sounds something like ah. So you hear the tone of ah, and you allow the breath to go slowly and sink deeply like ah. And you stay with it for a few minutes or longer. And I ask you, as my friend, please support me to be more disappointed rather than help me get out of it. So it's both an internal experience, which I value because I recognize that if I feel the disappointment, I'm going to be able to discover what it is that I really wanted underneath, or what it is I really want underneath that's sacred to me. And that can allow me to find my own internal resources. And it can also allow me to ask my friends or counselors or whoever it is that's going to help me. Do you have any suggestions? I'm kind of disappointed that I can't reach this certain place. It leads me into my vulnerability. So, staying with your question, it really is just feeling that sinking sensation. It really is most supported once our mind and our understanding gets it, that disappointment is really our friend. If we cognitively get that disappointment is a paradox and that disappointment is the key or one of the major keys, it supports us to go inside. And I want experience disappointment, not because I'm a masochist, but because I love myself and I want to discover the way that I can really find the nurturance or the source of healing.