A first-person account (December 2010) of caring for the speaker’s mother during her final six months. The narrative centers on a warm, intense anecdote in which both mother and caregiver reach mutual acceptance of death—culminating in shared laughter when the mother says 'I'll die'—and reflects on the relief and gratitude that acceptance can bring at the end of life.
We've known each other many years, and I know you've had your own personal experience with someone in the state of acceptance in this situation. I think it would be a benefit to hear about that. In sharing this, which I also shared at the service from my mother when she died, I was so concerned, and even now, as I speak, I'm concerned that those watching may or may not be able to sense the true state that my mother was in. But the circumstances were that I had the chance to be with her for the last six months and be her primary advocate and to really do everything from doctoring to personal conversations. And she was someone that loved to talk about the fact that she was dying and that she was really ready to go. And it was very intensive. And my mother was someone who was used to doing everything independent, but she allowed herself to be like a child for the first time in her life. And so she was very grateful at the end. And she said to me, how am I ever going to possibly repay you for how you've been with me in this way? And of course, I looked at her like she was mad and I said, repay me? I mean, it's been a gift to me that you have allowed me to be this close to you. And how could you possibly say repay me? And then she kind of looked, and this is 10 days before she died, and she kind of looked for a while and she got very excited and very enthusiastic. She said, I know how I'm going to repay you. I'll die. And we both broke up in just this hysterical laughter. And we both knew that she had accepted her death, that I had accepted her death, and that I didn't need to be her caregiver anymore, and that it would be a relief for me to just say goodbye in that way. And it was just one of these wonderful moments where we laugh for five minutes non stop. And that kind of experience, when both parties can actually be in a state of acceptance, is something that we should all be so lucky to have that once in our life.
