Clinicians discuss how to help dying patients address unfinished business with loved ones or practical affairs. They recommend direct questions, timing follow-ups carefully, and moving gradually to balance healing against the risk of triggering depression or anger.
I don't know anybody in my life, including myself, in any moment. If I were to imagine this is the moment where I have completely dealt with everything in my life or close to it, where there is an absence of unfinished business. And so I assume going in, that there's plenty of unfinished business. And I assume going in, if the opportunity arises with a person in this circumstance, that it would be healing and helpful if there is an opening to it.
To.
Work with it or explore it or acknowledge it, it's not automatically. But if it's possible, how can we enhance that possibility of healing that unfinished business?
I think with most people that we're dealing with that are dying, and most of the people that I've dealt with are dying, there's going to be at least one question that's going to be asked that's going to be direct, where it's going to say, are there any people that you have things that you wish you could say that are either alive or have died? And certainly, are there any practical affairs that you need to take care of that you haven't taken care of, and that we're going to make that invitation? And that's one area, as a professional, that we do want to create an invitation. And if the person says, no, I'm perfectly happy with everything, and let's say we know that they have a lot of unfinished business because we know them well enough, we might very well see if we have a second or a third opportunity. If the opening is there and the person is in a more receptive state, three months later, we might ask them again. But if they are really clear that to open those doors is going to potentially lead them in a depressed state, a state of anger, and one that they don't feel committed enough to, where you intuitively feel they can get through it, then we're not going to do that. So, yes, to once with almost everybody, and the rest is intuitive, is what I would say.
Oftentimes, as we've alluded to, the person may be in this situation, but I may have known them for one year, two years, 10 years. They know that I know many of the patterns, many of the relationships that have been difficult over their life. And so it's the balance between affirming their limits versus what is. Clearly, if we both look each other at all in the eyes, an obvious knowing between us that we know you have unresolved stuff with your mom or your dad or your son or, you know, somebody who has passed away, and do we simply disregard all that?
Well, you may or may not notice that as you're saying that you have sort of a smile. And I think that intuitive smile where there's that mutual sense of knowing, is something you share with the client. And you allow yourself to kind of non verbally. You kind of smile a little bit when somebody walks in the room and it happens to be the person they're having a conflictual relationship with. It happens to be their mother, their sister, their brother, whatever, their uncle. And you give them that look. And if they're a little bit receptive and they're looking with you, then you get to say more about it. So you take advantage of all the years of your relationship. And yes, you are always ready to inch a little bit forward, to experiment. And I think that's a worthwhile thing. But the operative word is inching. Sa.
