Dr. Ken Blanchard and Robert Strock discuss why relationships fade from infatuation to criticism. Blanchard shares how his wife Margie stopped trying to change him after 11 years of marriage, which improved things. He warns that some people choose partners who are unavailable or unwilling to grow, and says trust and integrity matter as much as love.
You know, Robert, one of my observations about love and coupling and all is that when people fall in love, everything's right. I mean, all they do is see the positive, you know, And I've even had some friends where we thought they were picking the wrong person. And we try to, you know, maybe we didn't ask permission, but we tell them, I don't think. And they will not listen, see, because, oh, she's fabulous, you know, and all. And then all of a sudden they move in with them, and all of a sudden they say, what the hell's that? I mean, you got to be kidding me. What's going on? And all of a sudden, what was everything positive? Now they're focusing on what's wrong and what seems to me what happens in deterioration of relationships. And this happens in the world of work. The first day somebody's at work, oh, God, you got to take them around and meet everybody. Oh, we're lucky, you know. And then after a while, you start saying, you know, you find out their weaknesses as well as their strengths, and all of a sudden you focus on that. And so when people say, how do I make our relationship work? I say, well, I. I would sort of go back and review what were all the positive things that got you in this relationship? And are those still in there? And now how does that compare to these? Margie said our relationship. We've been married 47 years now, really took off after 11 years when she realized she couldn't change me, you know, because the things that she found out after she got married, finally she. So she decided to love those things that drove her crazy as much as she loved the things that really attracted her to, or at least put limited things, well, you have a few endearing.
Qualities to make it easier. And I would say that in addition to being able to find that affinity to the. The best in each other, which is such a core part of making relationship and marriage work. There's also another area that at least I've experienced enormous amount of times, is that some people's radar is really set on a match, that really there's nothing you could do to make it work. In other words, some people are raised in certain conditionings where they really, truly are dedicated to being attracted to somebody who is severely addictive, who's not interested at all in growing, is unavailable, which is part of the allure. And so sometimes it's important to also honor the fact that a person needs to look at their own radar. So if there are young people out there and then they say, well, you know what? No matter who I choose, I can make it work. That might have some truth to it. However, there are some people whose radar that needs to be, let's say, heightened, for example, to include that trust is just as important as love and integrity is just as important as love. And if you find yourself attracted to somebody who doesn't have those qualities and you say, I'm in love with them, I encourage people to take another look. Because character, as I know you, matter. I know you know, matters a lot.
