Robert J. Strock responds to someone experiencing profound emptiness and disconnection. He suggests finding one caring person to contact, using impermanence as a stabilizing insight, and recognizing that emptiness often signals a longing for a more meaningful, heartfelt life.
So, Robert, there's been times in my life where I've felt very empty and life has felt really meaningless to me. And part of that is when I feel that way. I also feel really disconnected from my heart and I feel kind of trapped in the day to day meaninglessness with no depth and no warmth. And I feel. I feel cold towards myself and to other people. And I'm just wondering if there's a way, if it's possible to access love and tenderness and warmth when you're feeling empty and disconnected.
Well, first of all, I just want to do what you can't do for yourself, which is to congratulate you for facing those places that almost everybody else avoids. Because what you're talking about is a very real part of human experience that is just simply run away from. I think the biggest key to being able to support yourself there, if you're lucky enough is to have at least one person that you can say what you just said to and ask them to care for you, to put their hand on your heart, to just be kind, to be tender, and to let them know exactly where you are. And that experience is almost like no other in that if you can find that one person, even if it's a counselor or a teacher or a friend, obviously it would be wonderful if it could be a lover. But it's pretty rare that it can be. But you want to try to develop that capacity. Certainly. Then what happens is you realize that you aren't as unlovable or you aren't as meaninglessly empty as you think you are. And just having the contact, I won't say hi, but say the contact. Caring with another person is irreplaceable. So that's, let's say, the easiest method. If you're lucky enough to have that person. And I would always welcome you as being someone that when you're in that place, to please call me when you're in that place and you don't have anybody that you feel like you could make contact with, it becomes a place that there's a few strategies that can help you. Number one is you recognize that it's impermanent. And that there is a place that even though you can't feel that it's impermanent, you recognize that I've been here before. It does cycle in and out. And I know, I feel like it's permanent. Because what happens when we feel that depth of emptiness? We remember all the other times we've been empty. We somehow believe that that means that that's who we truly are, and that's just all of us. And it's a lie we tell ourselves. It's a deception. So that's one strategy is recognizing the impermanence. The second one is we have that inner guidance or mantra practice where we have a suggestion or two or three that's prepared just for those times. Now, the suggestion could be, this is impermanent. Or the suggestion could be, be as kind to yourself as is possible. Or the suggestion could be, let yourself be as empty as you are and congratulations for having the courage to face your emptiness. But those inner guidance suggestions are critical when you're empty. And it's a very important part of being able to tolerate being in that open and naked of a state. And then the third thing is you can inquire and go into an inquiry practice of, is there anything I can do? Is there any way I can be with myself that would support me? So, for example, sometimes the thing you can do is distract yourself into entertainment because you've been empty long enough that it's just not worth doing it any longer. So you might turn on the Lakers or you might go, just do your favorite distracting thing. Or another time you might feel like, you know what, I'm just going to go lie down in bed, put my hand on my heart and breathe, and just breathe and just suggest to myself that I be as tender as possible. But your inquiry is asking yourself again and again, is there any way I can be? Is there anything I can do to care for myself while I'm feeling empty? The overriding way to support yourself is to have a deepening realization that the reason why you're really empty is because you're longing for a more meaningful, inspired life. And congratulations that you're not normal. And that's a good thing, that you really are wanting to find a way to be in more heart contact with yourself and with others. You don't even realize, I don't think, how rare it is that somebody will come and say, I can't feel my own heart. I can't feel my own love. Almost everybody's used to being able to blame the world or their partner for why they feel the way they feel. But you don't have any ordinary defenses like most people, so you're more vulnerable. And so that's worthy of a congratulations that you're that honest with yourself, that you're a deep enough soul, that you can see that you're suffering because you're not finding your own heart and that you hopefully grow from a little bit of appreciation to more appreciation. As you trust your knowing that you really do want a more meaningful, heartfelt life. And that that's the deepest source of your emptiness. And that will give you enough of a buffer to tolerate the harshness and the desert likeness of the emptiness.
Thank.
You.
