Friendly Mind is Gold at Times of Need | A Conversation on Awareness That Heals

When you're in a really difficult feeling or emotion or somatic feeling that you know you can't change no matter what you do, what's the best option? Well, that is such an important question. And as I respond to this, I'm really hoping that the person watching is not just listening to me, but is really looking inside. And hopefully the worse they feel, the better, because it's going to give a chance for them to really apply it to when they're really not feeling good. So this is really not a conceptual discussion. This is really for all of us to be able to look at the times when we feel the very worst, or at least really bad. And how do we really guide ourselves to be able to navigate in the world, both inner world and outer world? So the first thing is to realize that our mind and our guiding mind that's going to support us, to give us the thoughts that are really going to take care of our feelings, recognize our feelings and relate to the situation that we're in is gold. And for most of us, we believe our feelings are next to God. They're so important that what we feel is almost like who we are. So it's critical that we start to grasp that our wisest, friendly mind is really the prime, prime place when you're feeling the worst. So it requires a deep retraining. And even as I'm talking about it right now, I'm hoping that everyone would be looking at the feeling that's the worst and say, oh, I want to develop a mind, a friendly mind, a friendly, wise mind that's going to take care of me, that I devote my inner attention to that. And not so much, oh, I feel so lousy. Oh, I feel so terrible. Oh, why do I feel so terrible? Instead, the mind will be saying things like, I see that you feel terrible. How can I take care of you? And it may not have that friendliness like when I said, how can I take care of you? Because you might feel so lousy that it might be something more like, so how can I take care of you? It might be flat, and it probably will be flat, and that's perfect. And that's one of the hardest things to get intuitively, because our guts always want to feel better, and that's a trap. Because when we were feeling the worst, we can't feel better. So just letting that in, I want to guide and be guided by my mind, my friendly mind, my friendly, wisest mind, and put my attention on that. Realizing that our hormones might be off, our chemistry might be Off. We might be in the middle of a tragic event. There might be a trauma that's happened. We might have just broken up with a relationship. We might have financial stress. It could be a number of things. How about lifelong suffering? Lifelong suffering, that's there forever. We might have anxiety forever. We might be depressive forever. So the friendly mind would go and be saying, I see you. I'm sorry you have to go through this. How can I best take care of you now? 20 years ago, I had a kidney transplant and I went through six years of feeling lousy, exhausted. I slept for about two or three hours a night, and I was in a state of being completely wiped out and couldn't feel any of the joyous feelings that I was used to my prior years of life. And so friendly mind became something that became obvious. That was the very best I could possibly do. And listen to it. Not just have it come out, but listen to it, let it guide me. Not just hear it, but really listen to it as a source of wisdom. And it's very critical that you realize this friendly mind doesn't have to be friendly in affect because it's a trap. If you say, well, I'm being friendly to myself, I can see that you feel this way, and how can I take care of you? And then we say, well, that wasn't very friendly. So that's not friendly mind. No, friendly mind is empathic thinking, but not empathic feeling. And that's very, very hard to intuitively get, even though it's easy to intellectually understand. So just keep imagining your own most difficult feeling, whatever it is for you. And what thoughts would be there that would guide you the best. So first thing is, I'm aware of you. The second thing is some kind of empathic thinking. I'm sorry that you have to be here. How can I best take care of you? Those would be a sequence that you would be going over and over and over for the rest of your life. But it requires you both to be aware of your feeling and also not getting lost in the reaction to your feeling, but instead of getting caught only in the feeling or the reaction to feeling. This friendly mind is gold. It's just exactly where you want to put your attention. This is your source of guiding you to the next hour, to the next five minutes, maybe to the next few seconds as to what you need to listen to. That will say, call the doctor, lie down. You know, just be present, breathe. Let yourself realize you can't possibly do any better. So the key is empathic thoughts. Let's just imagine that you feel chronic anxiety, and that anxiety is there as a lifelong condition. You get in a habit of ignoring it or trying to perform above it. Instead of doing that, you're saying, anxiety, I see you, and I want you to know I'm sorry that you have to go through this, even though you can't feel my sorry. But I know intuitively that I feel sorry that you have to go through this. How can I best respond to my environment given that I have this underground anxiety? And good for you that you're looking for your best possibility even when you feel anxious. And what you're doing, most importantly, is you're staying with what's possible. You're not trying to get rid of the anxiety. You're not trying to be real upbeat. You're just trying to be your natural best self. And you're trying to ask yourself, what is it that I can do? How can I be with myself so that I can best take care of myself? And you're listening to that voice and you're realizing, that's a home run. That's gold. That's the best I can be. It's not a booby prize. And I need to recondition myself that sometimes wisdom and friendly mind is the very, very best I can do. Sa.