How To Express Anger Without Hurting Others | Awareness That Heals Guided Meditation 112

So start off by just allowing your attention to be aware of the depth and the flow of your breathing and just naturally find a rhythm that for you feels relaxed and flowing. If you can see what's in your mind, just gently suggest. I'd like you to be quiet now and notice that the way that's being said is kind. It's not critical. I'd like you to be quiet now and be sensitively present as you let your body move into positions that foster relaxation, peace, less pain, less tightness or discomfort of any kind. And now let your attention focus sensitively on asking the question where your anger or other aggressive emotions are most appearing in your life. Can you find them and look for them now? And take your time and look especially at your closest relationships, your partners, your ex partners, your family, which is where it normally comes from, where we care the most, we usually are also the most aggressive and insensitive at times. It could be anger itself or impatience, irritation, intolerance, perhaps passively holding on to your anger and just being tight and distant. There are so many good choices, the way we uniquely experience or express our tightness. So look carefully for yours and see if you can tolerate, accept, or maybe even appreciate the awareness and especially the stabilizing of it. I can see it, I can see it, I can see it, I can still see it. And stabilizing of it makes it so useful and not allowing it to be just a fleeting awareness where it's going in and out quickly. And see if you can say, I'm glad I'm aware, that will help you differentiate between awareness and judgment. If you say to yourself, yeah, I can see my awareness, then that's not awareness, that's seeing the judgment of being the way you are. This is profound. If you can see it and you don't miss it, see if you can find a voice, ah, I am aware. I can be aware. And as much as possible, let yourself stay really aware of where your aggression, frustration, agitation, anger resides, how you express it. If you're quiet enough, you can notice and just be aware. And once you've discovered it, see if you can develop and have a response that's much more like, oh good, I can see it. And see that this emphasis that we're giving on the acceptance, the tolerance, the goodness of being able to observe is a crucial part of awareness. It is very different than judgment and it's truly your honesty and awareness working and you don't want to fall prey to stopping with just your futile and unconstructive criticism. You Want your awareness to see, ah, I had my original frustration and then I have this feudal and unconstructive criticism. Ah, now I'm aware. Because awareness is never critical. It's neutral. It may have a little bit of caring, but it's never judgmental. Doesn't mean it's not going to say this isn't beneficial, but the tone is going to be for you, not against you. Next, allow yourself to look for the place inside you that wants to move toward caring for the anger. And also find a way for how you can experience it and express it in a way that is the most harmless. That means you might go to your backyard or your car or to a park or the beach and let yourself really feel it. And at the same time recognizing that it's not dangerous because you're not acting directly out, but you're amplifying it and if anything, exaggerating it so you can see it clearly, but at the same time you're appreciating that you're not doing it in a way that's creating harm. If you find yourself in a situation where you can leave so you wouldn't be in a car or with other people at a dinner table, delay the expression of the anger and know you're going to take it somewhere else. And perhaps you're going to bring it to a best friend that's going to help you. If you have a best friend that's mature enough with how to communicate in a way that's going to be constructive, or a counselor, and recognize that this fully experiencing your anger or frustration is a healthy thing. When it's not acted out, it's life energy, it's vitality, it's passion with negativity. But the passion carries the potential to be aware of what's needed that was thwarted. So you don't want to suppress it. You want to find a way to experience it as fully as possible away from the situation. Now, there are going to be other times where you can't get away. You're in a car and you're with your partner or you're at a dinner table with your family or your lover and you're really angry or you're really frustrated, you're really impatient, you're really intolerant. And you know if you express it because you've been practicing this for a little while, it's not going to work out well. So it requires developing a skill. And the skill is, number one is you recognize your feeling. Number two is you recognize expressing it. It's not going to be helpful. So number three is you've got to find a way to delay it. And in that situation you, you may have to alter your facial expressions so it's not obvious and that's an art form, but you're doing it for the right reasons. You're not being fake. What you're doing is you're not drawing attention to yourself so you can find a cleaner way of expressing it. And then you go to the place and you do the work. You do the work of feeling it and starting to ask yourself for what you need. If someone that you're with notices that you weren't able to stop yourself in one little frustration, slipped out, or your facial expression is not very pleasant, then it's fine to say, you know, you're a little bit upset, but you'd rather deal with it later and be understated. That is another way that if you're caught in a situation where you can't get away, that you can delay it. Those are very important skills. When you're alone and in a safe place, let yourself say the words with the strongest tone possible. Or if it's natural to you, you can stomp, scream, whatever way feels like. It's your way. You're not performing, you're just allowing yourself to feel wherever you are as fully as it's there. Now because this isn't what we were taught we it's very likely that you're going to feel this is contrived, oh, the real way is to be spontaneous and let them know what I feel. That is what we were taught. Or to shut up and suppress. But this other way is actually the way to let yourself feel the full bloodedness of where you are and start to discover how might I communicate in a way that is going to have the best chance of working out for everyone involved. It's also helpful if you can notice what other vulnerable feelings might you have. And by vulnerable feelings I mean feelings like fear, helplessness, aloneness, rejection, abandonment, anxiety. Because when you notice those more vulnerable feelings that are always somewhere there underneath the aggressive feelings, it makes it easier to to find what your needs are. And instead of being a nuclear bomb, you're less harmful. It's a preparatory stage for discovering how you can express your healthy needs. It may also be part of the communication to share some of your vulnerability as well. So we're talking about less dumping and less suppressing and just see, is that clear to you? You're finding a way to honor the feeling but not live. You're delaying it so you can have time to discover and express your needs in a way that have the best chance of serving you and the other. And just see as you're letting this into your heart, can you appreciate that this is a path you want to follow because you want to find a way to get to what you need rather than acting out against what you don't like? See if you can recognize that this is the beginning as a form of love, self love, peace and conflict resolution. This is a major turning point and a pivot from being against what you don't like and working for what you do need and letting yourself remember so you can have access to it. Recognize this is an evolutionary step in developing a sensitive heart and fostering peace. So keep feeling in these safe ways your unique depth of anger, impatience, frustration, openly and privately. And if anything, when you're there, keep exaggerating it so you can feel it fully. This is what live vital good energy when it isn't dumped. It's a major step in being angry without creating harm. So how much can you pause, even for a few seconds and appreciate this sincere way of moving toward taking care of everyone involved? Instead of being impulsive, or instead of burying your feelings while feeling the agitated like feelings, pause and see if you can get a glimpse of your vulnerability more clearly. Because as mentioned, that can be very helpful. To see your fear, to see your insecurity, to see your feelings of abandonment or inadequacy hurt and letting this help you find your original need. And then ask yourself what is it you wanted in the first place that you didn't get? And look for glimpses of your needs that weren't taken care of. It could be something like kindness instead of anger, or tenderness instead of being treated in a rough way, understanding rather than obliviousness, or perhaps empathy instead of a cool reception, communication rather than just being judged or withdrawn from. So now let your attention really zero in on finding that original need. If you find it, maybe you might even go, ah, this is my original need that I want to support. Recognize that you're attempting to reverse decades, if not centuries of conditioning and habits in all of our cultures, maybe with some exception with small communities here or there or indigenous cultures, but most of us, if not virtually all of us, were raised with a completely different model. Recognizing that you're attempting to use the wisdom to want to not create harm, which supports a different kind of capacity for strength and intimacy. Every time you do this, see if you can be a bit touched by your own commitment to foster love, peace and finding real strength for your benefit and those around you. It is an act of peace and trust that will serve and enrich your life and those closest to you. May it be so.