A therapist explores why staying calm and authentic can backfire in relationships. Partners sometimes need you to match their emotional intensity to feel truly seen, not perform passion but actually vibrate at their frequency.
I totally get it. And I feel like it's performing to be there unless I'm really provoked. Yeah, like I had the intention of wanting to access it. And then when I was talking to her, I knew it wasn't coming, but I couldn't get it there.
I think that is a perfect reflection of the double bind you're in right now, because your sincere authenticity really believes that equilibrium and just kind of responding that way is your natural flow, and it certainly is what's most familiar to you. And yet your wisdom somewhere recognizes, you know what, if I don't have more intensity, it's very likely I won't really be felt and heard by Jody or probably by a lot of people in my life. Their needs will become more central because I'm not really speaking from what I, Robert, would call my passion. And I think that your unconscious is confused between emotiveness and passion. And I think your unconscious is confused between emotiveness and strong sincerity or strength. Or your unconscious is confused and feels like a high frequency level is drama rather than what might be called healthy entitlement. Like, it's natural for me to just get a certain amount of attention in the exchange between us. Not more than, but not less than. It's like we're in a love relationship and let's just have the flow go back and forth. And so your mental awareness is confused because it thinks it's saying it, but it doesn't realize that language is vibration more than its language. And there are a lot of people in the world and so many relationships and so many men in particular that are confused about this, and so are women, because women feel like, well, these men just don't feel. I mean, they just don't feel. And then the men feel like these women, all they do is feel. But really what needs to be understood is it is a musical concert where you're trying to meet each other's frequency level. And if you do, then you have a chance of really dancing together and communing on the same frequency. So what you feel as performance inhibits you. It makes you feel like, well, I have to perform to be heard. But you also have a deep enough psychological understanding because you're a therapist and you have looked at yourself for quite a while to realize that you've been affected by being anti emotion because there's been a lot of emotion in your environment and in your condition. So in that point, your highest awareness goes, hmm, I really want to contemplate this double bind. I'm in my natural flow feels like, or my conditioned flow feels like that I just want to be even. But my higher awareness recognizes I'm going to be putting myself in a one down position forever. And actually putting a woman in a one down position too. Because what happens is I'm treating her as if her needs are bigger than mine. And that's an illusion. And understanding isn't enough. I need to wake up vibrationally. I need to stir up this heart of mine and this passion of mine. Not out of artificial performance, but because I basically have muted myself and called it equilibrium. I basically have out of a defense mechanism. I have made myself calm to try to communicate with those that are not calm. And when you really look closely at it and you have models in your life, I think you can see that it doesn't work.
Sa.
