A group discusses emotional numbness in relationships. One person describes feeling disconnected while others, including Justin and Jodi, explain how to rebuild trust through small disclosures, testing safety with just 5% of what you're actually feeling before sharing more.
When. When you were being me in the. In that video and you were talking about just wanting peace, and you kind of dropped into your self and were just saying kind of like, in a vulnerable way, you don't know how to be peaceful. I feel my equivalent of that is like, I don't know how to feel. I don't. I don't know how to do that. Sometimes, like, as I talk about it, I can feel some. Something. But a lot of the time when you'll ask that, like, do you want a vent or do you want some space? Like, I don't even know. Like, I don't. Like, I don't. I don't know how to feel. Like, I don't feel anything. It's just like, it's numb. And so I don't know. I don't know what I would say or what I would do with that space. So I'm just kind of like in this blank void.
But that's okay. I mean, even that is. That's fine. That's perfect, you know?
Yeah. I guess the starting point.
I think it's a phenomenal starting point. I think even if you were there for the next five years and you said, half the time, I'd like to be in that place where I don't know how to feel right now. I don't know how to be the center of attention. I don't know how to give that to myself. And you were to just let Jody be with you in that way. Correct me if I'm wrong, I can feel a part of you celebrating just hearing that from Justin.
Yeah.
When you said that I wanted to just reach out. I was like, well, maybe if I touch him, I'm going to ruin it.
As I say that, I feel sad for myself.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And I feel a mixture of sad and happy for you at the same time. Where, you know, the happiness is that. That sadness of not giving a part of yourself to yourself and not asking Jody or the significant others to be able to be in the center. That grief, that sadness is like an incredible birthing. It's really just such a sweet asking, and it really is a humility. It is the experience of the humility of. Oh, that's right. I really don't know how there was.
A shift because I felt kind of resentful. Like before this, when I was being asked to do that. It felt like. Like another trip being laid on me or another chore. But I think it's because it's hard to believe that somebody can. Can hold that Space and stay loving no matter what and not go off somewhere else.
Yeah. And maybe just make contact with Jodi and just. She's the somebody right now and really experience what you're saying with her as you're looking at her. Just. It's like, it's hard for me to have faith that you really.
I'm ready to say it. I think it's gonna take me a long time to trust that, and maybe not, but I don't know. But I think it seems. I know there's plenty of ways I'll get tripped up in trying to be the center or not even. I mean, kind of have the space to vent or to share. And it's gonna be hard for me to trust that you can not spin out and that it won't become about you. I think that's gonna take me a while to really. I think there'll be levels of venting. Like, at first, I sometimes kind of test the waters in an event or, like, I share about, like, 5% of what's there. It's not like I do that consciously, but when I look back on it, it's like I do that in little pieces to see, like, how well did she handle that? Or, like, did she spin out into her own feelings, or was she, like, able to just kind of be there for me and then, like, I don't. That probably puts. Feels like you're walking on eggshells with that. But I just know it's gonna. It's gonna be gradual for me. I don't think it's gonna be like, I just feel safe.
And there's a quality in your voice. I don't know if you're aware of it. That's soft, that's tender, that's humble. That is flirting with really trusting.
Yeah. It showed up when I was thinking, I don't know how to feel. It's the lump in the throat that just kind of shows up, does something. Yeah.
And it feels so lovable. Feels so lovable. And you're already showing up when you're just sharing that. It's not even. Like, you have to do anything dramatic that has a frequency to it. You don't have to be dramatic. You just need to let yourself be really where you are. And I think that's the way that you get out of the double bind, is you ask yourself, how could I truly be as I am without performance fully? And you just experienced a way to do that. I don't know how to feel at this moment, but I do know that I want to balance things out. So I don't set things up to where I give myself or you the illusion that you're the one that makes the direction go towards you and makes you the center of attention. I want to take responsibility as a being that I'm an absolutely co contributor to that illusion.
