Robert Strock and Ken Blanchard discuss staying in a servant heart during conflict, where both people aim to be at least 51% focused on the other's wellbeing. They use a family example of a son storming out at breakfast and show how compassionate responses can de-escalate tension instead of matching ego or self-doubt.
Robert, you talked about anger really works when both parties really are in a learning mode and want to, you know, use that to improve their relationship. Phil Hodges, who started the lead like Jesus ministry with me, got really interested in what is the relationship between where you are in our conversation with your ego and where I am. And what we're finding is that if I come to our conversation with a servant heart and you come to it with a servant heart, we're both as interested in the other person's success as we are our own, then if we're working on anything, we'll accomplish it and our relationship will improve. If we're both coming from false pride, you know, that we think we're more than and all we're into conflict, if we're both coming from self doubt, then we're not going to, we're going to deny and we're going to kind of avoid the issue. And so the real interesting thing I have found is that how can I stay in a servant heart when somebody's coming at me strong with a fourth false pride? I used an example recently talking with a couple about their son. Stood up in the middle of breakfast, said, I am sick and tired of the way you all act around here and you want to control everything. I'm out of here and I wish I didn't have to go back. And I said, now what would be the typical parent response to that is to run to the door and shout out, who do you think you're talking to? You get back here. So he came at you with false pride and you come back at him with false pride. Where the servant hart would run to the door and say, honey, you're obviously really upset and it looks like I'm one of the main causes. I wonder if later on we could talk and what you'll do is just lower that. And that's really been a powerful thing. And if somebody's coming from self doubt rather than get down there and wallow with them, how can you stay in a servant heart? I can hear that you really feel fearful about this. Is there anything that I could do to help you through this thing? Rather than saying, yeah, God, I'm, I'm afraid too, the economy's going to the tubes and all. Does that make sense to you?
Yeah. And I think you're really asking a question in there. That is the critical question. How can you stay in the servant heart? And what I would add is enough to have it be a worthy exchange because it's not a black and white situation. So it's critical that the servant heart be more than 50% and when the servant heart is the more dominating element where you really are in touch with more compassion more interest in creating a well being for both of you than you are in being right or in somehow just expressing your emotion then it becomes a possibility and even a probability that things will work out well because both of you are more dedicated to the servant heart the other subtle part of it is we don't have to be purely servant heart it's on a relative scale at least how it seems to me I haven't met anybody that's been void of ego and so in every exchange what we're really looking for is to up the ante of our compassionate qualities and our our spiritual development which I think is what you mean.
By servant heart yes and when you do that and engage in that kind of learning it's really powerful for you as well as the people you interact with Definitely it sure is.
