A short spoken teaching that identifies five common internal states (withdrawn, anxious, sad, agitated, hyper personality) and offers a three-step lifelong practice to deepen self-intimacy and connections with others: (1) notice and name which state is most frequent for you, (2) share that state with close others as an act of trust, and (3) use prayer (asking for the opposite state) or inquiry (creative, practical strategies) to move toward the opposite state while accepting where you are. Examples include rhythmic breathing, calling a friend, meditating, walking, or exercising to shift mood.
So through the years it's become really obvious that all of us have blind spots where we're in emotional states or emotionless states where we, we don't really notice where we are. And this absence of attention costs us the capacity to be intimate with ourselves and with those that we love. So over the next few minutes, I'm going to ask you to participate by identifying which of these states are most common for you and then suggest a lifelong practice that you can go into that could most support your inner world and your ability to connect with others. So take a look and see which one of these states are most frequent for you. You might be withdrawn or, or you might be anxious or sad or agitated, or you might be a hyper personality. Now just to explain those again, by withdrawn it means that you're kind of removed and you might not be noticing it. By anxious, I mean you could be frightened, nervous, by sad it means you're just sad, sorrowful, agitated could be the whole realm of frustrated, angry, irritable, impatient. And the hyper personality is someone that's bubbly and rising above what they're really feeling and is generally speaking, the life of the party. However, you have a sense that they're performing and they're not really being grounded into where they are. So identify which of these five is most common for you. Now, staying with the awareness of that notice in your real life that when you're in these states, you don't always stay alert to let yourself know, oh, withdrawn or I'm anxious or I'm sad or I'm agitated or I'm in my hyper personality state. And just that awareness is the first step that you're connected with your own capacity to witness yourself. Now the second step is to really realize that the people that you're close to, that you can start to let them know that this is where you are. Now this might sound really simple, but it's an incredible capacity of trust and dedication to the truth of your own inner experience and the ability to be connected to yourself and others. So for example, you might say to your friend, you know, I'm really feeling withdrawn right now, or I'm really feeling anxious right now. That congruence and that connectedness to your own emotional state, or again, emotionless state is really a doorway to making a deeper contact inside yourself. So step one, two, identify where you are and share where you are with those that you're most close with. Now that prepares the way for you to really enter into the third state, which is really where the deepest essential contact can happen, which is you're looking for the exact opposite state, or you're praying for a place inside or asking for a place inside you to emerge that's the exact opposite of the state while you're still being accepting of where you are. So, for example, if you're withdrawn, you're realizing you really want to be more engaged and that will allow you to be able to make contact with yourself or others if you start to become more engaged, if you're anxious, you recognize that there really is a desire to relax more. And so there might be an inward asking, or you might be asking your friends or a lover that you are really looking for a place where you can find a way of relaxing. So take a few moments right now and look at your real life and see if you can find the places that you don't notice the place where you could possibly share with significant others in your life. And moving into what we could call the third step, which is a prayer or inquiry practice. The prayer is asking for the exact opposite state to occur, if it's possible. Now, when I say if it's possible, that means you can't just demand, I'm not going to be anxious anymore because it just doesn't work. But you can ask from the kindest place or most sincere place inside you, if it be possible. May I be engaged when I withdraw, may I relax as much as possible when I'm anxious, may I find the way to be as happy as possible when I'm sad, when I'm agitated, may I find a way to be a bit more peaceful? And when I'm in my hyper personality, may I find a way to be more grounded and more in contact with whatever's real inside me. The other alternative to the prayer practice is the inquiry practice, where you are asking yourself, how can I find a way through my intelligence, to move to the opposite state through using the creative brain that's inside me, the higher wisdom. So when I'm withdrawn, how. How can I find a way of engaging? So you might be with a friend and that means you're going to ask them a few questions instead of just staying removed. Or if you're anxious, you might be asking yourself, how can I actually support relaxing? Which might involve just allowing yourself to breathe in a way that's just rhythmic. Or if you're sad, you might ask yourself, well, what would I be doing? Or how could I take care of myself where I could move towards being a bit more happy? Maybe I'll go do some exercising, or maybe I'll take a walk. If you're agitated, you might be asking yourself, how can I find peace? What would be the way of doing that? If you're a meditator, maybe you'll meditate. If you're someone who talks to a friend, you might call the friend. That will help you to be finding more peace. And if you're in your hyper personality, you might ask yourself, how can I be more grounded and in touch with where I really am now? These two practices of prayer and inquiry are practices that we can spend our whole lives developing and can change the quality of your life on an hour to hour basis. And it just requires deep dedication and the desire inside ourselves to really want to make contact with what's best inwardly and to share it with those around us.
