A participant walks through an argument that moved from anger to entitlement to sadness to peace, noticing they looked calm on the outside while turbulent within. The group discusses when it helps to show what you actually feel and when it doesn't, and how withdrawing can protect you from being vulnerable.
Well, right before we came over, we were in the midst of an argument, so we kind of had to drop it right before we walked in the door. But it was carried with us. So when you did the meditation, I mean, it actually shifted for me. It started off as feeling angry and withdrawn and shifted to entitled. And then toward the end, it just kind of felt sad and then peaceful. So it went through a whole thing just in your brief meditation. Great. But it was actually fairly easy to track while you were doing that.
And what did you see as far as how you presented on the outside?
Not congruency. I presented more peaceful than I was feeling.
And was that in your highest and best interest, given the circumstances that existed where we were?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that becomes a very important piece that sometimes it's in our highest and best interest, no matter what we feel, to present something else, because the environments we're in usually aren't interested in our innermost reality. So it's actually a very healthy thing to say. Hello, anger. Hello, frustration. Hello, anxiety. And I'd like to present a warmer, more connecting kind of place, even though inside I feel like something's still hurting or something's still angry. Now, there are other times when we're with close friends where it's just an excuse and people are capable of actually connecting with us, where it's much more beneficial to be authentic. So that's a great example.
Yeah. I felt it was hard to stay with just one. Like, I felt myself constantly. It was as if I was pouring my emotions through a strainer and just trying to get one. And I kept bouncing back and forth, but what I kept coming back to was inwardly, I felt really defensive, and there was a desire to present withdrawn, but there was an effort to present fine. So it's. So I feel like what I was actually presenting was a combination of slightly withdrawn, but.
Okay, what was the desire to present withdrawn? I don't understand that.
It's kind of like it felt too vulnerable to let the truth show, so I had to. It's a withdrawn from the actual emotional state.
I see.
If I could withdraw enough from everything, then I can present fine.
Okay, so I think what you're really saying, correct me if I'm wrong, is you wanted to present fine, and withdrawn was about as much as you could imagine yourself doing, but really what you wanted to do was present fine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, again, that desire to present fine is a very healthy part of you, and it's very healthy to be aware of defensive. And I think that for you to share in this environment, in this moment. The fact that you're defensive or that you felt defensive during that time is extremely healthy because we're here to be authentic and to be able to allow the inner experience to be shared. So again, I think that what you're both showing is the ability to be aware of the inside state where you are and when appropriate, or when healthy for you, share the innermost experience.
Sa.
