Counselors who wait and listen do more than those who jump in first. The video explores how presence and receptive listening, especially in sensitive moments like end-of-life care, matter more than steering the conversation.
One of the paradoxes I'm hearing in.
Being someone that's there for a reason. I mean, I'm invited, I'm coming because.
This person wants me there, presumably.
And at the same time, the reason why I'm there in this circumstance with that unique individual leads me to a.
Place where I'm a responder as opposed to an initiator, mainly.
And so at some point, if they want to watch TV with me, if.
They want to read the paper or talk about whatever's going on, is there.
Some point where I say, well, maybe my skills as just an empathetic friend really don't make a lot of sense.
For me to continue to just be.
Here as a support for that?
Because I'm a counselor, I'm a therapist.
I have certain skills.
Do they need to use some of my skills sometime?
That's a great assessment.
If they have plenty of people that can be with them in silence, in a comfortable silence, and in that kind of presence where you're bringing qualities to.
Them while you're watching tv, then maybe you won't be needed.
But don't underestimate the importance of what it's like for you to be there in silence.
And then maybe you make some eye.
Contact while they're watching it.
Maybe you laugh at the same angle.
And maybe there's that one minute in the commercial where you make a comment that makes the whole hour.
So I would say most of the.
Time, if they're wanting you to be.
There and you're watching TV with them, there's a very good chance that your.
Presence is what they want, not your words.
It's so incredible to hear that.
To really get who we are, who we are bringing with our beings, with our heart, is what really makes the difference.
It's not necessarily the techniques at all, although we hope they'll be useful. Or it's not necessarily talking about their childhood or evaluating the different people that they may be leaving behind and their relationships to them, and again, looking for the openings. But it's who we are. It is so utterly different than any other things in our practices.
I mean, the emphasis on who we are. If, let's say, we are bringing a receptive presence where they feel, no, I can bring up anything with you, of.
Course, that's going to create the atmosphere where they're going to bring up their.
Relationships that are unfinished in their life, they're going to have the best chance of talking about their relationship to dying because they're going to feel safe with you. That not only is it okay for them to come forward, but it's okay for them not to come forward. So there's a pressureless presence that's there that is so inviting that you're almost.
Saying at one point, give me whatever.
You want or give me nothing.
Be silent or come forward.
And you know I'm rooting for you in a big time way.
And there's this just little precision where you are in kind of a watchful way, subtly giving the message. If there's anything you'd ever want to talk about, of course, I'm here for that too. And just your awareness being there is enough because most people who are dying are living in a much more telepathic universe and they understand more sensitively what your message is. So if you're even thinking quietly that if you want to talk about something, it's as if they're hearing your mind much more so than normal. And so we can pretty much rely on the fact that if we're really in a receptive state and our awareness is looking for the opportunities they're seeing us look.
