A guided meditation/reflective practice encouraging people to notice where anger and related aggressive emotions affect their life, pause rather than act impulsively, and practice safe, private expression (stomping, screaming) when possible. It then guides the listener to investigate vulnerable feelings beneath anger—hurt, fear, aloneness—and to identify unmet needs (kindness, understanding, empathy) that, when recognized, support harmlessness, compassion, and better conflict resolution. Practical tips for public situations and reinforcing appreciation for the practice are included.
Let your attention focus sensitively on where your anger or other aggressive emotions are most affecting your life. It could be anger itself, impatience, irritation, intolerance. Perhaps passively holding your anger. There are so many good choices, the way we uniquely hold our aggression. So look carefully for yours. Appreciate the awareness and especially stabilizing it and not being fleeting where it's going in and out. Let yourself really stay aware. Look for the place in inside you that wants to move toward being at least harmless to yourself and others. Can you see it? Can you find it? Can you look at your life experience and see how many times it has not worked out well? Realizing how much harm has has happened when you just act out impulsively is the greatest source of inspiration to contain. Let's first assume you're in a situation where you can leave as you're not in a car or with other people. Appreciate the consideration that you're delaying your expression of these angry type feelings until you're alone to support a better resolution. When this is occurring, let yourself go to a favorite place where you can fully pause when you're there. The more total the better. Say the words with the strongest tone possible, or stomp, scream whatever way is most natural to you. No performance, just allowing yourself to feel fully. It's very likely that this is going to feel contrived, but it isn't. It is so sincere to feel your anger in a way that's not going to create any harm, but yet there's no inhibition. Keep feeling your unique depth of anger, impatience, frustration, openly and if anything, exaggerate it to feel it more fully. This is a live, vital good energy when it isn't dumped. This is another step in being angry without creating harm. How much can you appreciate this? Just pause for a second. Ask yourself how much can you appreciate that you're reaching for a place to be able to experience your anger or that type of feeling in a way that's not going to create injury. Recognize this is the beginning of a certain kind of self. Love, peace and conflict resolution. This is a major turning point from being against what you don't like to leaning into discovering and working for what you do want and letting yourself remember so you can have access to it. While you're in this experience, let your attention go to a place where you're asking yourself what are the vulnerable feelings that might also be there along with my aggressive ones? Pause and ask yourself what vulnerable feelings are accompanying or underneath these more aggressive feelings. Recognize this is an evolutionary step developing a sensitive heart and fostering peace Keep feeling your unique depth of anger, impatience, frustration, openly, and if anything, keep exaggerating it to feel it more fully. This is a live, vital good energy when it isn't dumped. This is another step in being angry without creating harm. How much can you pause, even for a second, and appreciate this sincere move you're making? While feeling the aggressive feelings, let yourself ask, what other vulnerable feelings are there? And recognize it's probably going to be quite subtle, asking again and again, what are my flashes of vulnerability? What can I see? Like hurt, fear, aloneness, despair? Look very closely for them and feel them as much as possible. Pause again and just appreciate the ongoing search for your vulnerability and start to look for what your original need was was in the first place. Ask yourself, what is it you wanted that you didn't get, or what didn't you want that you did get? Look for glimpses of your needs that weren't taken care of. It could be something like kindness instead of anger, tenderness instead of being treated in a rough way, understanding rather than obliviousness, or perhaps empathy instead of a cool reception. Now let your attention really zero in on finding that original need and stabilize your attention to look for it. If you find it, maybe you might even go, ah, this is my need that I want to support. If you're in a car or a place with a group where you can't get away, do your best to recognize this is very delicate. How am I going to find a way to be able to deal with my anger or whatever feelings of aggression you have and not tip off the person that's right next to me? Recognize that you're going to need to modify your facial expressions so you're not a dead giveaway that you're upset. This isn't easy. If you're noticed, make a statement like, I'm upset about something, but would rather not deal with it until later. If you do say something like that, be aware and say it as nicely as you can, not to evoke conflict right there. Then go to your safe place as before. Every time you do this, don't forget to appreciate this crucial practice as you're attempting to reverse decades, if not centuries of conditioning and habits in our culture. Recognize that you're using the wisdom to want to not create harm, which supports a different kind of capacity for strength and intimacy. Every time you do this, see if you can be a bit touched by your own commitment to love, peace, and finding real strength for your benefit and those around you. It is an act of peace and trust that will serve and enrich all of our lives, Sa.
