Self-care isn't selfish if it makes you better for others. The speakers argue for balance: tend to yourself, but stay connected through trust, compassion, and letting people see the real you. Vulnerability invites mutual giving, not just taking.
We've talked about my issues of not being able to get the focus on me, of focusing outside of being the helper, of being a person that will view others in a way that I can adapt to what they want and I can interpret what they want, but never really letting them in to see me. And that a big part of what I need to do for me is to allow that, to allow people to see me, to be vulnerable, to expose myself. And yet I know others, many others and even others out there that I work with or help that I, I consider to be absorbed in themselves and just simply narcissistic people. And so where is this line of healthy focus on oneself and an unhealthy or narcissistic focus on oneself?
Well, I think the answer is balance and some kind of mutuality. And also not only focus on yourself, but the actual focus itself is rooting for and is looking for some kind of well being or quality that's going to make everybody happy. It's going to be a goodness to everyone. So when you say focus on yourself, it's not just getting what you want, it's it also might be getting what you want in a way that's good for everybody else. So it would involve a kindness or a trust or a tone of voice that just makes everybody around you feel better. So it's both a mutual focus, but it's also when we're talking with each other, the focus actually evokes more trust and peace and compassion. So in a certain way, even if you have a mutual focus and both people are just self centered and really don't have any interest in being more of a caring person, that's not really going to be that fulfilling. It's going to be empty. It's not that they're being punished just because they're bad people, it's just empty. To be fully self centered and one of the beauties of life, and it's a really subtle beauty, is it's not that we should be compassionate, it's that when we get to be compassionate, we're rewarded because it feels better. When we're in a state of trust, it's just wonderful when we stay at peace, it feels the best. So really the internal focus and external focus is half the issue. And the other half the issue is what qualities are we seeking while we have the focus on ourselves. And for you, I think you really would naturally expose I'd like to be trusted or I love it when you trust me or I like it when you see the part of me that feels empty when you're actually not focusing on becoming more loving or focused on more, becoming more kind or generous or honest, that what you really want is a certain kind of integrity and a certain kind of connectedness. And when you don't have it, it leaves you incomplete. So for you to share because you are such a naturally generous person, it's the need for that and the feelings of pain that come to you when the qualities that are being exchanged aren't including that. So when you share a feeling of emptiness or disconnectedness, it actually appears to be focused on you in a self centered way, but it's actually a form of compassion and it gives the person a chance to give to you in a beautiful way and empower them to bring the best in them to you. Sa.
