A guided-meditation monologue (YouTube) focused on the therapeutic importance of tone of voice in personal and clinical relationships. The speaker teaches awareness of one’s habitual tones (e.g., condescending, irritated, withdrawn), encourages stabilizing that awareness without judgment, and practicing heart-centered, empathic vocal qualities over time. Key themes: noticing subtle tones, meeting awareness with self-compassion ("I'm so glad I'm aware"), deliberate practice to shift tone, and using tone as a vehicle for healing and intimacy in therapy and relationships.
So we're going to do another guided meditation, and this one is going to be on tone of voice. Tone of voice is something that blows my mind that our profession doesn't really integrate, but our tone of voice and the tone of voice of our clients is like getting access to their dreams for free. You hear a client say, well, you know, my wife and you, you might, especially if you have a caring tone, say, gee, how do you think you sound when you're saying that? Now they're only aware of thinking about their wife at that moment. They're not aware of their nasty tone, which I'm sure everyone in this room, predictably, has had many experiences where the tone is the key element of the fight that you can't get back to. And as therapists, if we can have tones that are more empathic or warm or kind, then we can use tone of voice as a vehicle to ask our clients about a tone of voice. If, on the other hand, we're distant, we're remote, far away, or not in our hearts, it's going to be very hard to say, what do you think? That tone of voice is not going to get a very good response. It'll probably get, what do you mean? And even if you do it perfectly, you still might get, what do you mean? And then the question is, can you stay with a caring tone? Asking and saying, this is a place where a lot of suffering exists. But it's something that I learned when I was six years old because my mom was a little bit, I swear, a little bit bitchy. Pretty stab. And so I'm thinking, well, wait a minute. You can't really believe that I'm gonna listen carefully to you while you're smacking me a little bit on the side of the head. Are you really not going to notice? And we all generally become accustomed. That's just kind of normal. We don't notice how we have these habits of tones of voice, or our partners do, although we notice our partners way more than we notice ourselves. That's reliable. Way more. And if you think you know way more, it's more than the way more. So that's a really important beginning. Take a look at where you yourself have a tone of voice that may be very subtle. You might be thinking, well, I have a little tone voice, but my partner, oh, they're way worse. And that. That's like putting on a blindfold and just look, my little superior, condescending, irritable victim, like withdrawn, agitated, impatient, know it all. Whatever your unique tone of voice is, that's caused suffering, conflict and distance in your relationships. Knowing that you're almost always going to view that as well. It's understandable, given what they did to me. Totally understandable. No, you're looking to really see what is my tone and it is a source when I'm putting out something that is toxic, of alienation, no matter how much better you are in your partner. And so staying aware of that tone of voice is the first part. And if you are aware, meet that awareness with I'm so glad I'm aware. Don't treat it like it doesn't matter. Let yourself realize that that awareness is sacred and especially if it can be stabilized and it's not just fleeting, but if we stay aware. You know, I am edgy. Yeah, she's worse. But I am edgy and I want to make that turn. That turn is moving toward quality that is more connected, more heart based. And you're going to want to really be literate as to what all these qualities are that you want to move toward in your tone of voice. And it's also crucial to realize that this isn't just a cosmetic shift. You need to search your heart and find that quality, Want to find that quality and then find that quality. To have a chance of really having a different kind of music come out of your vocal cords. And when you do, it's like an act of magic, except it's really not magic. It's actually hard earned because it requires the honesty to be aware, stay aware, want to move in a healing direction. Identifying a quality and then really doing your best to transmit it. This is just meant to be a glimpse. There's no way that any of us are going to be transformed today. This requires contemplation, practice, repetition, and all of us fail quite regularly, however, to be able to aspire, to want to move more and more toward our heart and at the same time without getting lost in judgment. Staying aware of what our discordant sound is is an act of humility, courage, and certainly will create more intimacy and peace. Just take a look at how much you feel like you're really able to do that, especially in your blindest spot, just to make the stakes high and almost unreachable without a lot more practice. And especially look at the subtle ones. And this is a place where a certain kind of informal prayer is very helpful, where you're praying that you can find a place in your heart that is more the quality that's very likely the exact opposite of the tone that you generally put out and Maybe the best you can do is pause for a few moments or a day or two or three while you're attempting to make the shift. And just being engaged in the process of being aware of the challenging tone and being able to focus on that harmonic sound and place in your heart is just such honorable life work and creates a sense of purpose in life on its own. It is a monumental shift and so we can't afford to get too grandiose. It's a slow motion life work. None of us ever arrive. There's an arrow or hopefully we just keep moving in that direction. And it's very important. One of the places a friendly mind comes in is let's say we're trying to change our tone of voice and we suck. And we're still doing it over and over again. Friendly mind would come in and say, oh, don't say you suck, hang in there, let's keep trying. Yes, you're right, you're still not doing it. But hang in there. Let's try to feel that place in our heart and do that. Now. It's important to understand this doesn't mean being passive. Sometimes it might be you're trying to find strength. Every situation is unique, but the more we have a sense that we're all in this for life and it's inspiring. It's kind of a relief to know we're never going to arrive. And yet it's still purposeful to keep digging deep to try to find this place. So most of what is being said is pretty easy to understand but difficult to practice. And it's very, very important that we don't confuse those two things. Because the mind can say, oh yeah, I understand what it means to be suffering and just to have a good attitude. But in real life, that's quite a different thing. Doing practices intensively is really the only way we're going to be able to significantly help our clients. Not just through a theory. And it's not a judgment, it's actually an inspiration to be able to see honestly and accurately where you are. So thank you very much, Sa.
