A six-step process for transforming anger into intimacy. Notice how anger shows up in you, contain it without expressing it outwardly, let yourself feel the fear or hurt underneath, identify what you actually need, share the process with someone you trust, and ask permission before expressing strong emotions to deepen connection.
The workshop on Transforming Anger and Resistant Emotions into Love, Intimacy, and Strength is really designed for anyone that's curious as to how to bring themselves from that place in which they're angry and resistant into intimacy and strength. And so the first step really is looking at how you uniquely are angry or frustrated or impatient in your life. So start off by just looking at that inside yourself. The second element is really focused on not expressing the anger like we normally do, but actually creating a place inside you where you contain your way of being angry and frustrated. And at the same time, you're not only not expressing it, but you're really heightening your awareness so you can become more familiar with it. When you're able to successfully do that, what organically happens is you become much more vulnerable, and you become capable of feeling your fear and your hurts and your sadnesses. When that occurs and you're able to feel those feelings, it becomes much more easy to access the fourth practice, or the fourth element, which is understanding what it is your core needs are. So, for example, when you're frightened, it becomes obvious that you are wanting security in some way, so you're looking for, how can I find security? Or if you're sad, it's obvious that you have some kind of a need to be happy. Once you've really become more familiar with how to go through those four practices, there's a couple of more ways to deepen the integration of them. And the fifth practice is really emphasizing how important it is to have some person in your life that runs through all of this with you on an ongoing basis. So you're not only doing it inside your own head, you're actually having a way of displaying this out in the open. So you reveal, this is the way that I'm resistant. I'm doing my very best to contain the resistance and stay aware of it, and that this is my vulnerability and here are my needs. And this person mirrors and reflects it back to you, which helps deepen the understanding of the whole process. And then the last element, which is really only coming into play for those that are dedicated, is, you see, you know what? It hasn't worked out that well when I dump my emotions on someone else. And so I want to become more sensitive and ask for permission for the person that I'm closest to. Is it okay with you if right now I really let you know how angry I am or how frustrated I am with you? And when you get a yes, you're able to use that permission to express yourself? Now, the key thing in this sixth element is it's humbling for all of us because we're so used to dumping our emotions. And so this final element is really something that we aspire to maybe do 1% of the time, 5% of the time, 10% of the time. And the whole process is designed to be able to create a much more intimate relationship between you and the people that you're closest to.
