Discerning between God’s voice and your mind’s - Faith & Growth Podcast - #19

So if you, my friend, have asked yourself if this thought that you have or this feeling that you have comes from God or from the world, from the mind, then this podcast is for you. A few years after Fofi's passing, I was already finding joy and peace, and that radiated. People saw it. So I started receiving in my private practice, a lot of people who were experiencing grief and wanted what I had, they would literally come to the office and say, like, betsy, I'm here because I saw you down in the dumps grieving and so sad. And I see you now so full of joy that I want what you have. And I keep telling myself, if she could do it, so can I. So they started coming to my practice. And I remember at some point, I was having a conversation with one of my coaches, Jonathan. He's one of my mentors, and he's just incredibly wise, and he includes the Holy Spirit in his business also. So I really trust him. And I. I was having a conversation with him, and I'm like, you know, I've been getting a lot of clients, like, with regards to grief. And he was my marketing mentor and coach, and he did my marketing work. So he was like, well, maybe God is calling you to do more of this grief work. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am the couple's whisperer, Remember? Right. Like, I've been working with couples for a long time. They called me the couples whisperer. I loved the title. I was passionate about it. I enjoyed it, and I'm really good with couples. Plus, I. I think marriage is sacred, and. And I preserve the sanctity of the relationship. So it was my thing. It was my thing. I was the couple's whisper, and I. I wanted to keep that identity. But when he said that, I. Well, maybe. Maybe God is calling you to do some work with grief. And I had that reaction. Like, that, like, no way reaction. I couldn't shake it off. It followed me. It kept on echoing in my mind. And I remember leaving his office, getting in the car, and being like, God, please don't. Don't make me, because I'm obedient. In the end, whatever he asks of me, I am going to do. I fight, I argue, I. All the things is that I have an opinion. I have a way. I like to control things, but ultimately, I obey. So on my way home from his office, I'm praying, and I'm like, please, Lord, do not make me the grief girl. Please, please, please, please. And I started crying. Like, I was begging him. And I started crying. And that emotion conveyed that he was calling me to do something with people who were experiencing grief. And the way my mentor put it into words, he's like, well, baby Betsy, you don't have to be the grief person. Because I told him, like, I don't identify with grief. I've never identified as a griever. I've never liked the title. I've never owned it. I have fought it all along. My first question to the priest when he was sitting down with us the day after Fofi passed in our walk in closet was, well, it was my husband's question, but it was mine too. It was like, is it possible to be happy again? I always knew I wasn't meant to be a griever. So being the grief girl was not in alignment with what I believed about myself. And I was explaining that to him, and he said, well, maybe that's why you're being called to do this, so that you can change the way people think of grief, so that you can be the hope girl instead of the grief girl. And to make the long story short, I surrendered at that moment. You know, I fought God first, like, very much like Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, that he's like, you know, let this cup pass by me, but let it be your will. It was like, please don't make me the grief girl, but let it be your will. And then it was a beautiful journey. And it just led me to a speaking engagement that I was doing that I would never talk about Fofi in my speaking engagements because I felt that doing so was a way of monetizing my loss and monetizing her. And I had all these limiting beliefs as to why she didn't talk about her when it's work related. And I had incredible coaches such as Caroline de Posada and Lulibee, who are now very important people in my life. They're my friends. And they constantly argued that it wasn't monetizing, that it was honoring her through service, that it was connecting and relating to the people God had assigned to me, that it was. It was being an embodiment of hope because they saw that I had also experienced pain. So that journey of not wanting to talk about Fofi, I wanted to talk only about psychology, to being in this stage after having the conversation with my mentor and having that feeling that God was calling me to do work with grief, I'm in that I'm speaking about psychology terms and all the good stuff that I wanted to Talk about. And then suddenly I started sharing about my story and it became such a powerful moment. And I ended that speech dancing and twerking maybe a little bit. It was a women's conference and it was a women's workout conference and they danced as a workout. So it was very appropriate. And I, I remember feeling so much joy inside of me. I was excited, I was, I was alive. I felt like I was, I had honored my daughter so well, rather than thinking I was using her or monetizing her story, my loss. And everybody came to me, like to, to give me the feedback. And it was, it was, it was transformational for the people who were there. It was beautiful. And I'm sharing this story because God's will, God's voice, God's plans for me. God's plans for you are always going to pay off. They're always going to evolve into joy and peace. Even when he asks something of you that feels scary because it's unfamiliar or hard, uncomfortable, he's always going to guide you through a journey that ultimately leads to peace and joy. He's never going to assign something to you that depletes you, robs you of your peace that feels overwhelming. Like, I remember many times having. I have a little bit of a savior complex where I want to help everybody, I want to say yes to everybody, I want to sacrifice. You know, I'm always willing to sacrifice for the well being of others, but at my cost. So I've had a little bit of that savior complex that I've been working on overcoming because I think ultimately when we try to save people, where what we're conveying is that they're not capable of doing it themselves or they're not resourceful enough. And I have bought into the belief that we are all whole and capable and I don't have to save anyone because they already have their Heavenly Father to protect them. And I am just a vessel that God uses. So I will obey when he tells me, yes, you're doing this. But typically that request does not come with that heavy weight, that depleting feeling of like, oh, I have to do this because or else I'm going to be a bad Christian or I'm a bad girl. Like, no, it comes with joy. Let's do things with joy. So because I didn't know how to trust myself and knowing what that joy felt like, I kept on asking God, God, can you help me discern between youn voice, you will, your plans for me and those of my ego, my mind, my human limitations, can you help me discern between the voice of God and the voice of the mind. And I think a lot of you have that question. Have you asked yourself when you're trying to make a decision, you're like, is this what I want? Is it what God wants for me? Is this the right decision? Meaning, is it the one that comes from divine wisdom or is it the one that comes from the human limited mind or from the ego, from pride? What is it? I have been processing this, praying about this, meditating on this, and I think I finally found a few good points to help you discern when the message comes from you and when it comes from God. So here it goes. First of all, God's voice is a kind voice. It's not forceful, it's not threatening, it's not fear based. Do this or else. It doesn't come from fear, it comes from love. So it's a kind voice. It feels soft, it feels kind. It comes with peace, right? Like it feels differently. And because he honors and respects you, your free will, God's voice is not pushy, it's not chaotic, it's not rushed. It's like soft and soothing and kind and respectful. And when it's inviting you to walk into something that's uncomfortable, his voice still honors your free will, so still honors your readiness. It's inviting, it's encouraging. It's like, come on, you got this, walk through this. It's not like, if you don't do this, you're going to go to hell. Like, I remember growing up and this is a message that I heard with my upbringing in the church. It was like, God is a God of love and mercy, but God forbid you don't go to church on Sunday because then that's a sin and you're going to go to hell and it's bad and right. Like, they didn't necessarily tell me that way like my parents, but, or the community. But that's what I heard. That wasn't a kind voice. That kind voice was the one of the priests who also years later, sat in my walk in closet to encourage me. When I went to my first parish in Miami, when I met my husband and moved here, I wanted to go visit the priest and just introduce ourselves. We had just gotten married and we just wanted to be a part of that community. So we went and introduced ourselves and, and I remember continuing to go to the priest office and priest's office and telling him, like, you know, when I had my first daughter, she had like certain naps in the day that Interrupted Mass or like that were in the middle of when Mass time was on a Sunday. And I always struggled. I'm like, do I wake her up? Because I really respected sleep. It took me forever to sleep during my daughter. Or do I go to church? Because if not, then I'm gonna sin and it's bad, and I'm a bad girl. And I remember going to that same priest and him saying, like, telling him, like, father, I went for confession, too. I love confession. I know other Christian brothers and sisters that are not Catholic don't believe in confession. I love it. I love, love, love being able to. It's like psychology. It's like therapy and coaching. You know, you go and you share what you're feeling, and that in and of itself, itself feels like relief. And then another person, in the name of God, in the name of Christ, like, forgives you. But it's not them. It's. They're just a vessel. Very much like I'm just a vessel when I'm supporting my clients. So I love it. I went to confession. I'm telling him the story, and I'm like, listen, it's gotten to the point that I don't even feel guilty about not going to Mass because I want to take care of my daughter. And I. And I know she needs to sleep, and I know it's important. And I remember him telling me, oh, Betsy, I don't like when you say that you need to feel guilty. God doesn't want you to feel guilty. He just wants you to take care of the daughter he entrusted you with and then come whenever you can. Of course we want to see you every Sunday, but not if that's going to rob you of your peace, because you're going to interrupt what you think is right for the daughter he entrusted you with. And I remember being like, wait, what? Like, a priest is telling me that it's okay if I don't come to Mass because I am living the Mass by protecting and taking care of my daughter. I had never heard that, but it made so much sense to me. I was like, wait, so if I'm doing God's work, if I'm doing his ministry, if I'm connecting with him, if I'm. If I'm living his presence in my home, or if I'm visiting the sick, or if I'm taking care of my mom or my kid, does that mean then that not going to Mass on Sunday is not the terrible sin I thought it was? And I'm not here to challenge any religious beliefs. So please just connect. You connect with your faith and your beliefs. I don't think everybody has to agree with everything I say. My point here is in conveying that the voice of God forbid you don't go to church on Sundays sounded different than the voice of that priest who said like, aw, we want to see you on Sundays, of course, and we want to have you here and we want to participate together of this mass and this celebration where we connect with Jesus. And it's okay if you're doing that in other ways. I'm not going to judge you for it. That just felt differently. So that's to discern a little bit about. That's an example of how the voice of God is kind, inviting. Guess what? I wanted to go to church every Sunday and congregate with that man who shone the light and love of Jesus to me that day. And I found the way to, to like manipulate the nap time for my daughter so that I could be there. It was a kind voice. The outcome was still the same. I was going to mass, but I was going with joy. I was not going forced, I was not going threatened, I was not going scared that I would sin. I was excited to go and participate and congregate with the pastor and the people who shown the light and grace and love and mercy of God to me. So number one, the voice of God, the plans of God are always kind, inviting, encouraging and as opposed to chaotic and rushed and let's go and fear based. They're founded in love and they feel good. And remember that good is God with two O's. So when something feels good, like it's a caress to your heart, it comes from God. Just there's a difference between pleasure and, you know, things like that. Like I'm talking about like the real deal, God. Good, okay, so the voice of God is kind, number one. Number two, when God speaks to you, he moves you emotionally. Like, you know how when you're watching a documentary or an interview or something and someone like is sharing their adversities and like, let's say like I have a friend who's very moved by the homeless. Whenever she sees homeless in like an interview or someone who came from the streets and rose up and, or she goes to feeding of the homeless, she's moved to tears, she's moved by that cause. So that's God telling her my purpose for you has to do with supporting those people. And we get to reflect on what charities, what stories, what kinds of people move us emotionally. If something moves you emotionally, it's most likely coming from God. That's God telling you, like, come on. It's not just a rational thing that it makes sense for me to donate to this or help the poor or, you know, believe in life, like, be pro life. There's some people that are just like, passionate about it. They feel like, oh my goodness, like, I want to help those people. Or, or maybe they're indignant about some injustice. Like my husband is indignant about innocent people who are judged as guilty. Like, it hurts him when someone goes to jail and he was innocent. It hurts him deeply. Like, what moves you? What moves you? Like, when you see something, someone, why do you feel like, oh my gosh, I want to do something for those people? Or when you see something unfair, unjust or sad, like, oh my gosh, I can't stand, I can't sleep, I can't, I cry. I feel that person's pain and I just cannot not do anything about it. Right. Like, so emotions could be positive emotions like passion and excitement to do something, or it could be more unpleasant, uncomfortable emotions that are still guiding you to do something greater so you get to pay attention to. Does this move me emotionally? Number three is, is the voice persistent? Because that thing that moves you emotionally, maybe it moved you once and that was it. And it was an isolated event. But typically when it comes from God, it's recurring, it's persistent. You know, they say it starts like a little whisper, like, hey, Betsy, I would love for you to teach people how to help others by incorporating both personal development psychology and me, spirituality, connection with God, indwelling wisdom. Like, I want you to teach the world about that. For a long time I resisted creating my faith based coaching academy. I was like, what? Like, no, like what I knew was private practice, one on one clients, couples groups, the traditional psychology therapist path. And I had a group private practice. Like, that was what I knew. And I was identified with that. That was part of my identity. And God was like, no, no, I want you to do this other thing. I want you to train people in this so that then they. As leaders of their homes. Because I have a lot of people who go through my program who are just, I shouldn't say just because it's not just who are moms and wives that just want to be better. They want to lead their children and their families better. Like you as a mom, you as a dad, you as a, as a, as a provider, as a leader of the house, as a parent, you are the CEO of that house, of that home. And you have the responsibility of educating yourself. And this motto to. To guide your team. Well, to guide whether your team is at work like actual employees or your team is at home. The people you manage, your kids, your spouse. It's your responsibility to know, to tap into wisdom, to educate yourself so that those people that you're leading, you lead with wisdom, grace, and knowing, with intention, your responsibility. So when I was guided to do this, I resisted it because it felt like, oh, that's too much work. That's like starting a brand new business. A brand, like, you know, tapping into a brand new audience. And I feel like I have done that too many times. First, I was the couples whisperer. So I had an audience of mainly couples. Then I had to, like, start from scratch and attract people who were grieving. And that was like a whole other journey. Like, new content, new. New information, new messaging, new branding, new. New everything, new intention, new programs, new services. And now you're, like, changing it again. Like, I feel like I'm a. I'm a forever startup guy. Like, come on, like, can I stick to something here? But again, I'm obedient. So when he guided me to do this work, I was like, no, no, no, that's fine. And then it came back. And then I remember I was hiring. I always hire coaches. I believe in coaching wholeheartedly, and I walk the talk. So I'm always being coached and supported. So I had. I was hiring a coach for my business. And in the interview, she was like, have you ever considered about training the trainers kind of thing? Right, like, so, like, about supporting other therapists or coaches or. Or people who were in the. In this field. And I was like, oh, Lord, right? Like I had already heard it from God. Then I heard it from this coach. Then I went to a workshop, and they had a testimony of someone who did something similar. And it called me. So, like, consistently in different areas, in different environments. I was listening to Betsy, I want you to support people who are helping others, whether that is, again, the CEO of the home or a person who actually wants to fulfill his or her purpose, as in a coaching career, by serving others, by igniting faith in others, unlocking their greatness and elevating humanity as a whole. When I kept on hearing it, I was like, okay, okay, right, like. But he respected that I needed a little time to process and a little time to release the resistance, the fear that comes with trying something new and different. He. It was kind. It was a kind voice that moved me emotionally because when I. When I finally connected with it, I was like, first of all, I was super passionate and excited. Let me tell you one of the things that I feel like was like a tipping point. Before continuing the episode, allow me to invite you to book a call with me or my team@talktobetsy.com so that we can learn more about you and see if the Faith Based Coaching Academy is the answer to your prayer. I cannot wait to connect back to the episode. When you finish your doctorate in clinical psychology, you, you know, part of the doctorate is an internship, so that happens before you graduate. And I did my internship in New York and had incredible supervisors that supported me deeply. And then when you finish the doctorate and you're in the process of getting licensed, you do a postdoc residency. And my residency was in Weston with. In Weston, Psychare with Drs. Seth and Faith Groveman. They're husband and wife, so the Grovemans. And they are people that I admire deeply. They were really, really good therapists, supervisors, people of integrity, business people. They're just amazing. So if you're from western Florida and you're looking for a therapist, I recommend them. They're amazing. So Faith and Seth were my supervisors, and I admire them tremendously. Imagine, like, I'm. I'm a little girl in this whole psychology field because I had just graduated from my doctorate, and they were seasoned and wise and knowledgeable and always had an answer to all my questions. And I was like, they were, like, amazing. I admired them. And one day I had lost a little bit of touch with them. I've always loved them and had a lot of gratitude, but with time, it's been 16 years since I worked there, so we lost touch a little bit. And suddenly, out of nowhere, one of the Grove mens reached out to me, I think via Facebook or something, and said, betsy, I have a client who lost her husband, and I've tried everything, and I don't know how else to help you help her. And I need your help. Can you please guide me on how to guide her? And I was like, what? Like, you're asking me the little girl that was learning from you 16 years ago, like, why? Like, no, you are the man. You are the one, you know, like, you are the one who knows. And at that moment, I was like, I. I know too. I have been guided by the Holy Spirit. I have experienced life in a different way. I've gone through adversities that many people, most people, and hopefully the minority of people go through. What I know matters. I have evolved. I have grown. And my idol supervisor is now asking me, the little girl that's not so little anymore, that has matured, that has evolved, that has expanded for help, for supervision. And at that moment I was like, huh? Okay, I do have something I must share. Like my first coach ever, Lulie B. Told me once I'd be like, how dare I talk about Fofi? How dare I think that someone's going to pay me X amount? How dare I? She would always say, how dare you not? How dare you not share your God given gifts, your story with Fofi, your hope, how dare you not share that with the world? So this voice of God is kind, it moves you emotionally and it's persistent. You hear it from one person, then from another person, then you heard it in an audiobook and then a podcast. And then I'm telling you again and before you know, you're like, okay, okay, God, I surrender. Have your way with me. So it's persistent, it's inviting, it's kind, it's loving, it's not fear based. And it moves you emotionally. Number four, the voice of God, when it's inviting you to make a decision, to step into your purpose, to release resentment and unforgiveness, whatever it is that it's inviting you to, that voice comes with peace. Peace is the ultimate guide on the discernment and the knowing of when something comes from God or from the mind, the ego, the world. Peace and peace is also an acronym I use for discernment, the. You know, especially when it comes to decisions. The P in peace stands for purpose priority. Whichever one resonates more with you, depending on what you're looking for. So for example, you get to first stop and ask yourself like, what is, what is my purpose for this decision? Or what is a priority in my life at this moment? What's that North Star that you may call priority or you may call purpose, and then you gain clarity on that. So for me, my mission in my life and career, my mission in my life, I always described as being the face of Christ. I wanted for people to see God when they saw me. So I wanted to be an embodiment of the grace and love and mercy that he stands for. And the way that translated into my business is my mission is to ignite faith, like, get people excited about connecting with God as opposed to, you know, feeling like, judged. And I have to, because if not just ignite it, ignite faith, unlock greatness, which is about, like recognizing and exploring the gifts that they have. Because I remember I thought I didn't have gifts because you know, I'm not a musician, I'm not a singer, I'm not an athlete, I don't play instruments. So I thought, well, I don't have gifts, I don't have special talents. And realizing that I have the gift of words written and spoken, that I have the gift of putting ideas together and simplifying them and being inspired to create certain content that helps people see life in a very special way. I didn't know that was a gift and that's my gift. So I am on a mission to unlock greatness, to help people realize what their gifts are. And now that you have the faith ignited and you know that you're unstoppable because what backs you up is the indwelling God, the Holy Spirit, the almighty, all powerful God, then now use those God given gifts to elevate humanity. So my mission, my purpose is to ignite faith, unlock greatness, elevate humanity. And so I thought like, okay, do I do this coaching academy? Do I not? Like, ah, like that takes a lot of time and that means like I have to maybe cut, you know, cut back on the one on ones to focus on this. And I'm like, okay, my purpose, my priority is to ignite faith, unlock greatness, elevate humanity. Okay, so now you have a North Star. Now the ENPS is exploration. Let's look for different possibilities. So that's where you do the research. You have conversations, you talk to people, you come to one of our coaches and process with them. You do all that stuff that we typically do as humans. We want to ask everybody for their opinions and for everybody to tell us what to do. They're not going to tell you what to do. I mean they will because we all have an opinion. But the whole purpose of going there and to do the research is to explore, explore the possibilities and ask God to, to reveal them to you through people, through books, through podcasts, through whatever. So now you're exploring and you have, you did all your research, you know what all the options are. I studied all like a lot of other accredited coaching programs. I joined Mastermind of Coaches because my background was in psychology and therapy. So it's, it's a little different. So I wanted to really get to know the coaching field. I did consults with other people who were in the industry, I spoke to coaches, I did all the research and I'm like, okay, I explored. I know what's available. The A in piece is alignment. So now that you have all these possibilities, I could do this. The life Coaching academy and certified life coaches. I could just focus on doing one on one mentorship or coaching with therapists and supervise them or guide them through their journey by instilling that psycho spiritual approach. I could go many different ways. So now I come back to the A in P's and I'm like, okay, how does this align, number one, with my purpose? Do these options align and everything that does not align, like, if something, you know, in my case, they all aligned with igniting faith, unlocking greatness and elevating humanity. But for example, doing a coaching academy versus starting to promote that. I served therapists and coaches one on one. Like one was more aligned than the other. Because elevate humanity means impact as many people as you can, Betsy. And having a group format or a group business model allowed me to do that better and sooner than if I was doing it one person at a time. So I look for alignment with the purpose, but also alignment with your integrity, your values, your priorities, everything. So that's when you sit down in silence and stillness and you invite the Holy Spirit in and you feel into your body. Remember that thoughts are the language of the mind, emotions are the language of the body. That's from Dr. Joe Dispenza. So when you feel into your body and you think about, okay, the possibility of, like, the possibility of creating the faith based coaching academy, in my case, like, I just felt into it. I imagined it already complete. I wasn't focusing on how hard it was going to be and how much work it was going to take and how, you know, whether it could work or not work, people would buy or not buy. I'm not, I'm not focusing on doubts. I am focusing on the limitless possibilities of that option. Because when you have God in your life and when the Holy Spirit is your business partner, like, nothing is just mediocre or normal. Everything is extraordinary. It's amazing. There's greatness. We were created for greatness. So when I felt into that and I imagined it and I visualized it, I was, I was like, my gosh, could I do that? It was exciting. It was expansive. Like, it was like, I was like, what? Me having that program, that kind of, that caliber of a program, like, it felt expansive and exciting and like, wow. And when I thought about the one on one, I felt like, but I won't have enough time in the day. Which is what happened with my private practice. That's why I ended up doing a group private practice. Because I couldn't serve everybody that came to me. I didn't have enough time in the day to serve everybody. And I wanted to. So I aligned it. I aligned it with my priorities, with my purpose, with my values, with what felt good in my body. So that's when you like tap into that, that C in peace stands for control. But this time it's not about taking control. Because if you notice, PEA were all in your control, right? Like, you established your purpose and your priorities, you explored, you aligned. Now we are relinquishing control. So it's about surrender, really. It's just that surrender starts with S and control starts with C. So that's why we chose C Control. So in C, you've already done your homework. Now you wait. You wait. We think that we have to make a decision right now and the world wants to fool us and tell us that there are deadlines. And then if you don't do this by this time, then that's it. You lost the opportunity. And maybe you lost an opportunity. But if it's what God wants for you, he'll always open a better door, I promise you. I remember when I was doing the coaching academy, I was like, I established a deadline that I needed to have my website for a $14,000 program by the time I was starting with my first group. Like, it's only reasonable that they have a portal and everything very professionally made. But I was waiting for God to tell me who he wanted to do my website. Like, I really surrender everything to God. And he took forever. And guess what? It didn't matter. So that deadline that was self imposed and that I thought was the right thing just did not matter very much like many other deadlines that are in the world or that you have imposed to yourself. So see, means relinquish control, be still and know that I am God. He's the ruler of time. His time is perfect. You'll never be late, ever. So you sit back, my friend, you, after you did your part, you surrender it and you wait. You wait for guidance. And you do that in stillness, you do that in silence. Every time you start worrying about it, you release it and you remember, like, oh, that's right, I don't need to worry about it. I already delegated it to God, you guys. God, that's what surrender is, delegating to God. Like, you think he's ever going to fail? You think you are ever going to fail if your quote unquote executive assistant is God? If you delegate it to God, if he's your team member, you can't fail. Success is inevitable. So C is about relinquishing control. And just be still and wait. And what are you waiting for? You're waiting for peace. So the moment you feel like, huh, this feels right. I have peace with this. Okay, yes, I'm going to do this. Like the moment that you realize that you're sleeping well at night and you're not losing sleep over something, or the moment that you feel that not making the decision that God put in your heart is robbing you of your peace. That's God telling you, let's go. That's his. Let's go. Let's walk down this path now. So that's the control, surrendering control until you feel peace. And when you feel that, just execute. Which is the last e in peace, right? It's execute. Just make the decision. Right, because you can make that decision in the surrendering of control. Like, okay, I'm going to decide that my kid is going to go to this school or I'm going to decide that I'm going to do the faith based coaching academy. Or I'm going to decide that I'm going to go with this doctor treating my illness or I'm going to decide that I am going to buy this house. Whatever. I'm going to decide that I'm going to treat my child in this way or that I'm going to save my marriage or that I am going to even. Like, whatever decision you're making, you can decide it already, but you're not executing on it. You decided in your mind and with that decision you sit. And if you feel peace, then you communicate that decision to the parties involved. You execute on it, you sign the contract, but you can still make a decision and not execute on it so that you can be still and wait for that guidance. I even do this when I hire people. Like, I decide, okay, I'm going to hire this person, but I don't tell the person. I just wait. I wait for peace, full peace. I give it a couple of days, I bring it to God, I consent to his presence and action within me and then I execute on it. Okay, so executing comes after you've experienced peace with a decision you've already made in your mind. Okay. Now I think it is really important to remember that in order to experience that peace and that journey of discernment, there are some things that we can pay attention to to facilitate the process. I have a student in my coaching academy who's very inquisitive and curious. I love her for it. And she's like, but how do I Know when I feel peace and like, how do I know it's the right decision? And like, what if I make the wrong one? And like, you know, she gets a little stuck in the, in that drama when it's not supposed to be that hard. We're just trying, we're overthinking and we're wanting to surrender something, we're wanting to control our surrender and it just doesn't work that way. So some things that you can pay attention to that will support you in expanding so that you may be the kind of person who can receive and experience discernment because that's a gift of the Holy Spirit. So these are some things to keep in mind. Number one, remove expectation and assumptions. Like sometimes we think, for example, if you, you are looking for love, you want to find the love of your life and you meet a person that you know in your core, you know, God put him in your life and you're like, God put him in my life, this must be the person I'm going to marry. That's an assumption. Like you can trust that God put him in your life because that's a feeling. And you just know, you just know when God does something that you're like, God did this, I see his hand in this. But then we, with our human limited thoughts, we go, we jump to conclusions. Oh, it must be because I'm going to marry him. And then, you know, a year later you break up or he betrayed you or something and you're like, God, why did you put him in my life in the first place? Like, why? Well, he must have put him in your life maybe for a lesson, maybe for something that you needed to fulfill need, maybe to bring hope, maybe to remind you that you're not alone. I don't know. He must have put him in your life. Yes, what you felt must have been true, but that doesn't mean that it had to be permanent. Maybe that's what you needed because you're hard headed and you know, he wanted to take you the smoother path but the other way that was smoother but you were hard headed and he was like, okay, let's try this way then. So don't jump to conclusions. When God puts something in your heart and know that the same way you made a decision with his discernment, you can then make a different decision and change that. You don't have to be married to every decision that you make. And it doesn't have to be the end of the world. If you make the wrong decision, then you can for as long as you're alive, you can still make a right one. You can still change it. But we think that we must make the right one now and forever and for all, or else. And that's not true. I've made really poor decisions that felt really right. And looking back, they weren't bad or poor. They were exactly what I needed to learn the thing that was going to build me up and train me for something greater. So don't attach to the outcomes and don't jump to conclusions and assumptions of what that means. Don't assign meaning to it. Just trust the process. One step at a time. Obey what he's calling you to without necessarily assuming that it means what you want it to mean. Number two, remember that you are building a kingdom. You are not just building a latrine or a bathroom or a room or a kitchen. I remember when I built the Hurt to Hope program. After I wrote my book Hurt to Hope, I felt moved to do this group online program. And, and while it was incredibly powerful for the people I did serve, it did not do for the business what I was hoping it would do. And I thought it was like an epic failure business wise in terms like, because a lot of people, I couldn't reach people, like I couldn't reach people to like or convey to people the value and the power of the program unless they were coming for individual and they already trusted me and then they did the program. So the program succeeded at doing what it was meant to do for the people that did go through the journey. But it didn't do for my business, which was creating a little more freedom in a group program. It didn't do for my business what I was hoping that it would do. So business wise, it felt like an epic failure. And when I did that, when I, when I did the Hurt to Hope and I was so frustrated about the amount of time, energy and like hundreds of thousands of dollars invested on it. I, I went to my, one of my mentors and I remember telling her, like, I don't understand. I've done everything right. Like, God put this in my heart. Why wouldn't he provide for it? And what I realized was God did put it in my heart. I know he did, like, because you just know. But he put it in my heart. He invited me to do this. I said yes, I obeyed and I ran with it. I ran with it instead of every step of the way asking like, okay, God, so what do you want me to do now with this? I'm building this for you, for Your kingdom. Right. So what do you want me to do? And who do I hire for this, and when do you want me to launch this, and who do you want me to invite? I just said yes and ran with it and hired the best people. The best people that I thought were the best. Betsy Guerra. The mind of Betsy, the ego. I did what I thought was the best, and I paid all the money and I invested all the time, and I did all the work, and it failed because I didn't include him. So notice that a decision is not something that you make that one time that you go through the peace process. It's an ongoing decision, and you get to include him every step of the way. Like, I failed because I didn't include him. I ran with it, and I did all the. What Betsy thinks is a smart and wise thing to do. And I also recognize that the Hurt to Hope program was not what I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be the castle, the kingdom, and it was just a room. But I had attributed meaning to it, and I had thought, okay, this is it. This is the one I'm going to marry. And I learned from that experience. Like, don't attribute meaning to what God has inspired you and invited you to do. Let him be the one providing the meaning, step by step by step by step. So I remember my mentor when I was telling her, like, how could this not work? God put it in my heart, and he didn't provide for it. Like, I did everything right. And she said, well, maybe this is just a room in that castle. Maybe this was not meant to be the whole home, the whole castle, the whole kingdom. And that resonated so much with me, because if I live a long life, and I hope I do, but I'm okay with going to heaven. So whatever you want, God, I'm ready when you call me. But if I live a long life, like, really, like, do I think that at 46, what I'm building is going to be it? If I have 46 more years of life, I get to build rooms and bathrooms and hallways and kitchens and family rooms and more rooms, bedrooms and guest rooms. We're building a kingdom, and that's unlimited, limitless. So don't limit what God is doing with you for you and for humanity through you right now. So, number one, don't give it meaning. Don't make assumptions. Don't jump to conclusions. Let him guide you step by step. Number two, include him in every moment, at every phase of that decision. Another example that I Use for this is I always tell my couples that I do is a daily promise. But typically you only say it once in the wedding. Wedding day. I do, I do. And then you don't every other day. So I do is a daily promise. Well, asking for guidance and asking for that discernment is a daily journey. And number three, remember that you're building a kingdom. It's okay. You know, you may build every little room as if it were the kingdom, with the same excitement and the same trust in God and the same energy. Yes, yes. Build it like you're building the kingdom. Like, I have a story that my grandpa told me that I love, love, love. He said he has a story about two men who were working building the most beautiful cathedral in Europe. And they're like, they're both like chopping at rocks. Like just. Just breaking rods. Chopping at, like, rocks? Yeah, like that's it. Picando piedra is how he says it. So, like, you know, chopping rocks. And this man passes by, the first guy who's the first worker and tells him, like, hey, good man, what are you doing? He's like, oh, I'm here, like, chopping rocks in construction. And then he's like, oh, okay, that's what it looked like. And then he keeps walking and he goes to the second worker and he tells him like, hey, good man, what are you doing? And he's like, I am building the most beautiful cathedral in the world. So. So build, make decisions, discern. Get excited about every little room that you're building as if it were the most beautiful cathedral kingdom. And know that it's also just a room so that you don't take it so seriously and don't get caught up in the drama of, like, what if I make the wrong one? That's okay. We'll have another room that you like better. It's all good. And guess what? The experience of building this room will help you create a better one next time. So that's how I discern. I hope it supports you. I know it's been a lot, but this is an important question and I want you to be equipped with psycho spiritual tools that allow you to discern, decide and fulfill your purpose. And if you feel that your purpose is to help people, then let me be part of this kingdom that you're building by supporting you through the faith based Coaching Academy. Just go to faithandgrowth.com and learn more about the program and book a call so that I can learn more about how I can support you. Okay. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me@faithandgrowth.com thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.