Episode #5: Master your mind; Guard your peace (Faith and Growth Podcast with Dr. Betsy Guerra)

If we know that we can confirm whatever we believe, why not fuel and reprogram our minds with thoughts that are going to create emotions that are pleasant, that are also going to manifest the life that we are created for. Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to the Faith and Growth podcast, the space where psychology and spirituality come together to help you rise into the person you were created to be. If you're ready to stop playing small and start living the life God designed for you, I got you. I'm Dr. Betsighera, psychotherapist, speaker, and author, and I'm here to help you heal, rise, and walk boldly in your purpose. So if you're ready to do that, let's get started. When I was little, my dad used to tell me, betsy, Nadia, te puede quitar la paz. Betsy, nobody can rob you of your peace. And I remember thinking, this guy's crazy. What did he smoke? He's so philosophical. And besides, what do you mean that my brother didn't rob me of my peas when he took that away from me or spoke to me so rudely? What do you mean my mom didn't make me angry when she didn't let me go to the party? Or how about my boyfriend who betrayed me? Like, what do you mean he didn't hurt me and offend me and break my heart? You crazy. 30 something years, PhD in clinical psychology and a lot of spiritual work later, I understood what my dad told me. And I am hoping that. That you will understand it today, my friend. Nobody can hurt you. Nobody can rob you of your peace. Nobody can take joy away from you unless you let them. Now, here's the science behind it. Everything that is inside of us, everything that comes out when somebody, like, says something, does something, or acts in a way that annoys us, everything that comes out of us is ours. And if you don't believe me, grab an orange. And if you're watching this podcast on YouTube, you can see it. Grab an orange and squeeze the orange inside a cup. When you do that, what comes out of the orange? Orange juice. Now, if someone else squeezes the orange, what comes out of the orange? Let's see. I'll do it with the other hand since I'm the only one here. When you squeeze the orange. Look at that. What comes out of the orange with my other hand is orange juice. And I bet you that if my husband came right now and squeezed the orange, orange juice would come out of it too. Why does orange juice come out of the orange when you squeeze? Squeeze it because it's what it has inside. So if somebody squeezes you, if somebody triggers you, if somebody says, does, or acts in a way that bothers you, that's yours. And that is beautiful. Because if you have something to do with how you feel about others or about circumstances, then you have the power to change it. You're welcome. So here's the thing. Thoughts are sentences. We are not our thoughts. We are not our emotions, we are not our bodies. Wayne Dyer says that only that which never changes is real. So we are the part of us that never changes. And thoughts change. I change my mind all the time. Emotions change. I was the most miserable person on the face of the earth when I lost my daughter. And now I'm unbearably happy. I'm annoyingly happy. My emotions changed and my body has changed a little bit. Now if I am that which never changes, then I am the spirit. Spirit, the seed of consciousness, the thing that God created inside of me, that lives in the body that witnesses and observes my thoughts and my emotions. So step number one, my friend, is disidentify from your thoughts and from your emotions. That is not who you are. I remember as throughout my career, every time somebody would call me and tell me like, oh, I am depressive. I would be like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't work with depressive. I work with human beings who experience symptoms of depression. Or they would say like, oh, I am anxious, I am bipolar. Every time they would tell me that, I would literally say, I'm sorry, I don't work with bipolar. I don't work with depressive, I don't work with anxious. I work with human beings who experience those symptoms. Your symptom is not who you are. Your feeling, your emotion, your thought, your body is not who you are. You are the observer. The truth about you, the one that lives eternally and that defeats and transcends death. That part of you is the one I'm interested in. So your thoughts, the thoughts that you witness and observe are sentences. If I tell you right now the pink elephant ate the purple truck, do you believe that sentence? Probably not. But maybe if I tell that to my one year old nephew, he may believe it, he may be like curious about it, like, how did the pink elephant eat the purple truck? It may be exciting, but we don't believe that thought. So notice that you also don't have to believe all the thoughts that pop into your mind. Now what happens is that when a thought is repeated or reinforced by other people or society or culture around you, repeating it and validating it, then it becomes a belief. So sentences that are constantly repeated become beliefs. And then what happens? When you believe something for a long time, it becomes a fact. It's, it's. It's real. Like, oh, no, no, I, I know this because it's what's happened my entire life. This is who I am. I'm not a morning person because I've never been a morning person in the past, or I've never had to wake up early in the morning. And, and yeah, I'm not an athlete because I never did sports. And, and we have all these beliefs about ourselves that limit us. And we are limitless. We are eternal beings created to the image and likeness of God. But we insist on limiting ourselves. We insist on making that which is infinite, finite. Okay, so thoughts were sentences that when repeated, became beliefs. And the beliefs, when repeated and ingrained, become facts. And facts are reality. It is what it is. So if we understand that, we also know that we have the power to change reality by changing our thoughts. And that's why affirmations have become very popular. Now. Affirmations are statements that we repeat to ourselves consistently to reprogram our minds and to believe something that we don't necessarily believe yet. And people think that affirmations are lies. I remember my clients and even myself at some point telling me, like, oh, so you want me to lie to myself? And I would tell them, no, no. You have been lying to yourself all along. You've been telling yourself you're not good enough. You've been telling yourself you're never going to find love. You've been telling yourself that you don't have what it takes. You've been telling yourself all these lies, and they have been completely confirmed. But here's. Here's where they have been confirmed. There's a psychology term for that. It's called confirmation bias. Let me explain to you a little bit about how this works. So when you have a thought, and that is a strong thought that has become a belief that pops up into your mind. And then the reticular activating system, the ras, which is a part in the brain in charge of deciding what you focus on, like it filters information that is going to look for the things that are aligned with what you already think and believe in your mind, and then it's going to confirm that what you thought is true. Let me give you an example, because this could be a little complex. When you're looking to buy a jeep, you have been googling information about jeeps. You've been going to jeep car dealerships. If you, you've been asking people who have the car like about, you know, what they like about it, you've been just thinking, jeebs, Jeeps, Jeeps, that's all there is in your subconscious mind. Those are the sentences that are more predominant in your mind. Well, your RAs, the reticular activating system of your brain, is going to pay attention to any Jeeps or jeep information that may be accessible to you. So when you go out on the street, you're going to see more Jeeps than ever. And, and it's not because, oh my goodness, that's right, it's the best car. That's why there's so many out there. It's because you're paying attention to that. The same is true when you believe you suck. I suck. I'm not good enough. I'm never going to be able to finish this. I've been working so hard and I still don't get the outcomes that I've been working so hard for. I don't have what it takes. It's just too long. Forget it. I'm going to fail. It's not going to work out. I should just give up right now. When you are thinking that way and that's what's fueling and that's what's happening in your subconscious mind, your RAs, the reticular activating system, is going to look for evidence for information that allows you to confirm that. And guess what? They won't accept you in that job. They'll tell you, they'll tell you that the project that you were in charge of sucked. They'll, they'll call you loser. People will validate that and the external world will validate that. But it's not because it's true. It's because you have acted in ways that contributed to manifesting that. You have shown up with lack of confidence. You have shown up with mistakes in the work and the project that you did. You have made errors that are unacceptable because of the same anxiety produced by the thought that you have. So then those thoughts that were sentences became beliefs and now you think it's true, so you act accordingly. Our actions are founded on our beliefs and our emotions. So having said that, if we know that we can confirm whatever we believe, why not fuel and reprogram our minds with thoughts that are going to create emotions that are pleasant, that are also going to manifest the life that we are created for. Hi there. Quick interruption to let you know that if you're ready to go deeper in this Topic and reclaim your power so that nobody can rob you of your peace. Please go to faithandgrowth.com because our next cohort is beginning on August 19th, and I do not want you to miss out. Now back to the episode. So that concept of confirmation bias is a really great trick to outsmart your mind, and a wonderful way of starting that process is through affirmations. So affirmations have three main qualities, and I call them the three Ps. Affirmations must be stated in the present moment, you know, so you don't say, I will be rich, I will succeed, I will find the love of my life. You say, I am loved, I am abundant, I am successful, I am capable, I am beautiful, I am all the things. And when you establish it in the present moment, and there you connect with God, because now is the only time there is. There's no the future and the past are just terms in the human language, but they're not real. There's only now, the eternal now. And if you don't believe me, go turn off the light yesterday. Go, go turn it off yesterday. No, you couldn't. Okay, go turn it off tomorrow. You can only turn off the light now, because now is all there is. So affirmations are always in the present moment. Affirmations are also positive. The subconscious mind does not understand the negative. So when you say, I am not fearful, I am not dumb, I am not fat. The subconscious is not hearing, not or don't. It's hearing, I am fat, I am fearful, I am dumb. Like, so then we establish them and we declare them in the. In a positive sense. I am courageous, I am beautiful, I am in shape, I am capable, I am loved. So again, positive, positive, positive. And then the third P. So we have positive, we have present. The third P is power. If we say affirmations just because Betsy says so in the podcast, then the subconscious mind is going to be like, huh? The same way, like, you don't. You know, you don't believe most of the things that you tell yourselves when you're doing this as an exercise unless you add emotion to it. So when you say, like, I am beautiful, do you think your subconscious is going to believe that? It's going to call bs but when you say, I am beautiful, kisses for me. You look at yourself in the mirror, you're like, betsy, God must have been inspired when he created you. I'm beautiful, I am smart, I am capable, I am worthy of love. I got this. When you do that with emotion, with power, the subconscious mind starts Reprogramming. Listen, there's a lot of research and evidence that we have the power to change our brains physically. It's called neuroplasticity. When you start creating new thoughts, new skills, when you start welcoming new possibilities, new thoughts that you engage with, you're able to change the physical aspect of the brain, the neural pathways. So today is a good day to create new neural pathways by choosing to believe and engage with thoughts that serve you. So think about it. What are some thoughts that really rob you of your peace? What are some thoughts that you have believed that hurt you? Is it that you can't do this? Is it that you never get out of this financial rut you're in, that you won't find love? That you're not smart enough or good enough or have what it takes to. To show up and succeed? Is it that you never be the kind of mom, dad, spouse, person that the others would admire? What is it? What is. What is. Is it that you can't work out or you're not consistent, or you're not a night person or a morning person, and therefore you can't. What it. What are the thoughts that you have believed or the sentences that you have believed and that you have created a reality with and now change them? Choose a different thought and begin with affirmations and tell yourself every day. Tell yourself every day, because here's what happens when we. When we express something. When we say, like, oh, I'm not good enough, like, I'm such an idiot. I'm. I don't. When we express that, we declare it. We cast a spell. That's why it's called spelling. Words matter. Words are weighted. Words are declarations. They're manifestations. They're prophecies. So let's be mindful of the words that we tell ourselves because we're sometimes very cruel to ourselves. We tell ourselves things that we would never say to somebody we love. Thoughts are just sentences. If a thought pops up in your mind today and it does not serve, you just speak to it. You're the observer. Have a conversation. You can tell it. Hi, Thought. Thank you for showing up to try to support me, but I am no longer believing you subscribing to that. So how about we change it? How about we go look for another. Another thought, and then create your life. Be intentional about it. And next time somebody comes and tells you something that hurts, that offends you, that makes you feel angry, frustrated annoyed, remember that those are sentences, too. You decide what you're going to believe. You decide how you're going to transcribe the sentences that other people give you, how you're going to interpret them. And, you know, sometimes we're like, yes, Betsy, but this is what they said and this is how they said it. Okay, that's theirs anyway. That's their orange juice. That's not yours. So if it's somebody being, like, outwardly rude and there's no other way of interpreting it, which, by the way, I'm sure there is. But let's say, like, no, I know he did it with bad intention. Okay, that's their orange juice. Like, do this with me right now. Put your hands out, like, in front of you. Like, as if, you know, like as if doing a stop sign or, like, pushing somebody back. Put your hands out. Whenever somebody tells you something that does not serve you, that does not make you a better version of yourself. It doesn't add to your life. Put your hands forward. I recommend that you do this symbolically, not physically, when it's an authority or somebody that you know, like when it's inappropriate to do so. So just put your hands in your mind or physically in front of you and be like, no, thank you. I'm not receiving that thought. I'm not believing it. And let them keep it. It's theirs anyway. What really matters, as Brene Brown would say, is the story you tell yourself about that sentence. Do you believe it? Do you agree with that person? Then at that point, the person robbing you of your peace isn't he or she. It's yourself. It's your own story. It's your beliefs about you. How can I tell you that you were willfully, mindfully, intentionally created to God's image and likeness? How could you be anything short of greatness? Don't let anyone rob you of your peace. Reclaim your power by taking ownership of everything you feel. Because ultimately, my friend, it is your orange juice. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me@faithandgrowth.com thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.