Episode #9: How Faith Helped Me Find My Husband (Featuring my hubby, Alain Guerra) - Faith & Growth

It was. I don't know how to say it in words, but the feeling was like, I'm in love. I'm in love. I found him.

I said, mom, I met this amazing girl. We spoke for hours. We spent all night together. She didn't even kiss me, Mom, But I remember going to mass every Sunday and praying to God and saying, God, if you send me the one that's for me, I'll be the husband you want me to be.

If you have not found love yet, or if you're trying to love your spouse who is driving you crazy, this episode is for you. Today I am delighted to present to you my favorite guest and person in the entire universe. Well, I'm talking about my husband. If you know me, you know I'm obsessed with the guy, and today I get to share him with you. So allow me to welcome and introduce the one and only Alain Guerra. Welcome.

Am I that spouse driving you crazy?

No. No, no, no. Never. Never have you ever. So, baby, I wanted you to come to this episode because I want to. I know a lot of people think that we are, like, the perfect couple. My cousin Ainara, when she came for Fofi's Celebration of Life, she was. She was with us during the most difficult times of our life. And what she told me, like, impacted me. So, like, what she said about us impacted me deep, deeply, because I was like, wow. If she saw that when we were at our worst, there's something to it. She said, you guys are a Facebook couple. You're a Facebook couple. You know, on Facebook, everything is.

I don't have Facebook. Is that good?

On Instagram and Facebook, everything is perfect. We're happy. We're like the perfect family. She said that about us, and I feel that. I feel like we're. We're perfect, but we're not perfect perfect. We're perfect for each other. We're perfect because we welcome each other's differences. And, you know, I can think of a lot of flaws of yours. Well, maybe not a lot. Like one or two if I think really hard. But I love you for them. Right. Like, I always say that you're gonna be like Abuelotrufine when you grow older. Like, a little, you know, Abuelo Trufinge is his grandfather. I love that. I love that. So I would love for today's conversation to be about our story. I think there's. There are a lot of lessons in the story, and also about the thing. You can be super honest, Take advantage of this moment. You can be super honest. I'M not going to take it personally. Today you can say all the things about me that you wish were a little different and how you deal with it and all the good stuff. So should we start with our story?

Sure.

Okay. This is Q for the beginning. Yes.

Oh, well, if. If I'm giving my version, it's not going to be as long as your version is. That's.

Well, that's probably a good thing, because if not, we'd be here for a long time.

So where do I start?

I will jump in and interrupt if.

I need to fill in like usual. All right.

Okay.

Okay. So where do we start? Do I start from Jeff and Lee?

Marty's wedding?

Go for it.

Go for it. Okay. So it was 2004, and I had just broken up with my boyfriend of six years. And I was sad. I was sad. I was crying every day. I. We had broken up because I believed we were gonna end up in divorce. Like, I believed that I could not live with our problems for the rest of my life. But we loved each other. It's just that I wanted to do what I wanted to have the courage to do what I felt was right because marriage was so important to me. I was a hopeless romantic. You would know that. And I just. I dreamt of my fairytale life, of my Prince Charming coming in his shining armor in horse and just rescuing me from Rio Piedras, Puerto Rico. It was like a thing. Marriage was a dream for me. It was all I desired my entire life. So we broke up because I was scared that we wouldn't have a lasting marriage. And I knew it was the right decision. I had peace with the decision, but it was painful. So I was crying one night and I was praying, and I was asking God to just be with me and to show me that his plans for me were better than my own. So I remember I just grabbed my computer, I took it out, and I started a Word document in which I, of course, I didn't want to ask God for things without saying thank you. So I just prayed and I was like, thank you, Lord, for being so good to me, and thank you for this and that. Oh, and by the way, God, I'm going to tell you exactly what I want in a man.

This is the famous list.

Yes, this is the list. So that, you know, they said in the Bible, it says to be specific. So I'm like, I'm going to be really specific, God. Okay. So I sat down and I started a list. And that list was a. Was a live document because I Was intending to continue adding things as I thought about them. So I wrote the prayer, I wrote the list, I wrote everything from the most important things, like I want him to have, be a man of faith and to have these values, family values, to love my family, all the things that are really important. All the way to type of underwear. Yes, yes. Type of underwear. You're right, I forgot about that. But I even wrote like that he doesn't pee in the toilet seat because I grew up with brothers and I had to share the bathroom. And I always used my parents because they peed in the toilet seat. And it was super disgusting.

And no motorcycle.

And no motorcycle. I didn't want him to. Yes, to like motorcycles. And so I had a whole list and I kept on adding to the list. And every day I'd be like, thank you, Lord, for him. Thank you for blessing me with this man. And I just imagined you and I loved you and I thank God for you. And I figured he was already born because if not, then I'm a cougar, right? So, so I was like, thank you. It's just a matter of finding him. But I believed and that's my superpower. It's faith, it's belief. I believed that you were out there for me and God knows you were. You had a whole life out there while I was praying for you. And that's how I believe this started. And the reason I wanted to start there is because we don't just encounter life and oh, whatever happens, like, I'm so lucky. Only lucky. Like there's intention and there's purpose, like I believed. And when you believe, you manifest into your reality. So I loved you before I knew you. And if you are listening and, and you're looking for love, just live as if that was already true. Thank God for that person. Thank God for that abundance of whatever it is that your heart desires. But going Back to you, 2004, I make this list shortly after, I go to Brazil with a friend to visit her family. And on the way back I have to do a layover in Miami. And it was a two day layover. I was broke. I was a student forever. So I was student at the time. I was doing my doctorate and I, I got a flight with miles and there was nothing straight to Puerto Rico. So I had, I had those two nights. I called for like three months every day, American Airlines, trying to see if some opening, something had opened up for me to go straight to Miami, Puerto Rico, and there was nothing. So I get yes. So I come to my layover. My cousin, who you knew because she's married to a friend of yours, was going to pick me up because my friend, who had originally committed to me, like, staying with her and everything, wasn't answering. But then I got to Miami and my friend showed up. So I didn't need to. Didn't need to stay with my cousin. And my cousin, like, you know, still called and reached out and I felt, like, compelled to spend some time with her. So I went to the movies the first night and. And that night she tells me, like, oh, like, you know, what do you like to do? Betsy, your mom says that you love to salsa dance. I'm like, yes, I love dancing salsa. And not everybody knows how to do all the turns and all the fun stuff. And she's like, oh, I have a friend who is a really great dancer. I'm like, tell me about him and can we go dance? I didn't care about you in terms of, like, romantically speaking, but I'll dance with anybody. So I was like, tell me about your friend. Can we go dancing tomorrow? And she's like, oh, yeah, yeah, my friend, he actually went to my wedding last year. And I'm like, oh, my goodness. I saw someone there that I really liked. There was someone that I was checking out. And she was like, well, he was there. And I'm like, no, no, the one I'm talking about had a girlfriend. And she's like, he had a girlfriend? And I'm like, no, you know, like, whatever. I didn't even think I would remember you. It was so long ago. And then she's. I'm like, how is he? She's like, oh, he's like, white, blue eyed. I'm like, eh, whatever. Not my style. I thought it was a different white blue eyed version of type, I don't know. And I left it at that. I really didn't care. I had just broken up.

What's wrong with white guys with blue eyes?

You guys are handsome. I was like, whatever. I was just trying to have conversation. I had. I just, you know, I had only seen her husband in the wedding, but I was talking to him for the first time. So I was just trying to, like, have some conversation, but didn't really care about the possibility. And long distance, forget it. Been there, done that, didn't care to do that again. And the next day she invited me to go to the bowling alley that had just opened. And before the bowling alley, she invited me to go to her house to look at the wedding album. And you Know, just to spend some time, like pre partying kind of thing. But I didn't make it. You did.

I went.

So what happened?

You didn't show up. So I went. And I first want to state that while you were making your magic list. While I wasn't making my magic list. But I remember going to mass every Sunday and praying to God and saying, God, if you send me the one that's for me, it's for me. I'll accept it with open arms. I'll change all of my ways. I'll be the man you want me to be. I'll be the husband you want me to be. So I didn't make the list. But it's.

You had a deal.

I was telling. Yeah, it was kind of like a deal with. With God. Like, come on, I'll settle once you send me the one I haven't settled because you haven't sent me the one. So your cousin Limari Prima tells me about you, tells me that we're going to go bowling and to meet up at her house first, that you're going to go and you're going to be there. You don't show up, but I get there and we start looking at the wedding album. And when we get to your picture, I recognize you because I remember you from the wedding as the girl with the blue dress. That's what my friends and I would refer to you as. And your cousin says, that's the one. I'm introducing you tonight. So. Bingo. Yeah. So we're off to the bowling alley.

And you are playing.

I am playing. So I get there before you get there, and we're in the middle of.

A game and then I get there.

Yeah, I don't know that you're there yet. I'm in the middle. I'm very into my game, making sure I win this game.

So when I get there, Frankie comes to me. Frankie was your. Frankie's your roommate at the time. And Frankie is Blanquito, Congo, Azules. Like, wide, blue eyed. And so I thought that was the guy, right? Like, so he started talking and then he immediately came to talk to me and have conversation and super nice and oh, I'm okay. This is probably, you know, this is him, you know, after I have a little bit of a conversation with Frankie, I keep walking towards the lane, and as soon as I get closer to it, I see you. And I felt the same thing that I experienced a year prior in that wedding when I saw you, like, like you were. You were sitting in front of me and I remember being like, oh, my goodness, I'm in love with this guy. It was like love at first sight. And I've never experienced. I had never experienced that before because I would always fall. Fall in love with my boyfriends after being friends with them. But I remember that's why that's so memorable. Like, when I was in that wedding, I remember thinking, like, when will I feel that conviction and that. That certainty that I want to spend the rest of my life with a person? And when am I going to have that sense of knowing that this is it? So I was. I was having that reflection, and then I looked at you, and I was, like, drooling a little bit. I was like, oh, my goodness, that guy's so handsome. And I remember looking at. You had a girlfriend at the times I remember looking at. I just remembered everything I have now, yes, but you still handsome. So then I saw you, and even though I didn't think I would remember you, I remembered the feeling, and it was like. I don't know how to say it in words, but the feeling was like, I'm in love. I'm in love. I found him. And I always tell my students in the coaching academy that I didn't meet you, that I recognized you. So I had loved you all along. I had prayed for you. I had enjoyed you. I had blessed you. And now I was seeing you with my own eyes. And the way I saw you was, like, in slow motion. I swear, all I remember is slow motion walking and then lifting your leg and your hand. I'm not a fastener to bowl the bowling ball. I was like, there you are. And then I went to my cousin, who was a little drunk. Apparently, I got in there a lot earlier than me, and I went to her, and I'm like, prima, I don't like the guy that you have for me that you told me about, which I thought was, Frankie. I love you, Frankie, but I'm in love with another one. I'm in love. And she's like, the one with the white shirt. I'm like, yes, please tell me he doesn't have a girlfriend. And she's like, that's him. I just couldn't see that. You were black, white, with blue eyes, right? Like, it was. It was too dark. I was like, don't tell me he doesn't have a girlfriend. He's like, that's him, Betsy. That's him. I'm like, oh, my gosh. That's it. That's it. I could die. No, no, no. After the wedding, after the wedding.

So we start bowling. And I remember there being instinct, chemistry. I think we were dancing salsa at some point. There was a music, because of course, a bowling alley in Miami is playing salsa. You were actually pretty good. And you're kind of beating me at a certain point.

Yes, I was.

But I couldn't let it end like that. So I ended it with, I think the first turkey I've ever bowled, which is three consecutive strikes. And I beat you. So let the record show.

So actually I thought, like, I, you know, at that point in my life, I was being very, very picky. So much so with my list, like, if. If I saw like a little bit of something that was a non negotiable in my list, I would immediately like, be like, oh, next, next. So I was being super picky. And I remember thinking, well, if this guy that my cousin wants to introduce me to is cute, then he's probably like, annoying. Or like, I don't know, like, doesn't have game or like, I don't know. I had those thoughts, like. And then you were like making fun of me every time I would.

Oh, that's a lot of good things.

And yes, because, you know, if you were all over me, then it wouldn't be as fun, but. So you were like, is that all you've got? Or. Or like when I did, when I did a strike, you would come and you would like, hug me, like kind of like, you know, high five and then a hug.

And I was like, sneak in the hood.

Yes. And I could feel like all the things, like I felt like all the butterflies and I'm like, he's touching me. It was like that. That childlike feeling of, you know, like the, the little kid with the crush. And I felt that. I felt that. I was like, oh, my goodness. It was instant, instant chemistry. And I almost won. And then at the end, you with your ways and your pride, your man pride, you've managed to beat me. So it's time to leave. And I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to leave you. But we were in Doral, in. In the. In Doral, Florida, where you lived. And you were super close to home. It was a Monday and my work the next day. Yes, that's what people do.

Yes. On Tuesdays.

And then my friend lived. I don't even know because I wasn't from Miami at the time, but far. She lived really far by the beach, which is far. Like 45 minutes. And I. And you. And you know, she was. They were inviting you because I, God forbid, you know, my, my pride. So God forbid. I told you to come with us. So my friends were inviting you, like, oh, come let's, you know, let's hang out for a little bit per my request. And you were like, no, I have work tomorrow. I live right here. And I was like, do something about it. So my friends literally kidnapped you?

Yes, they did.

They like I, I have this image of them like grabbing you by your clothes and like just putting you in the car like they kidnapped you.

We're off to North Bay Village, which for your audience that doesn't know, yeah, it ain't close.

If you are ready to take your relationship to the next level, go to faith based coachingacademy.com sneak peek. You can find that link in the show notes and look for day two, the video on Fuse. You're welcome. So. So you came with us. You were forced to come with us. And then we just talked. We just talked for hours and hours and hours and hours. And then. Are you wondering if I kissed him? Are you wondering? I'm not going to tell you. So then we went to, it was time to go to the airport because I was leaving the next morning at 6 in the morning. So we, you know, we just spoke throughout the entire night. And then you were taking me to the airport and I got to the gate and it was closed. The plane left me. So I was like, ooh, nice, I get to see this guy more. So I immediately called you and your phone was off. It went straight to voicemail. Because of course you went to work, right?

No, I went to sleep. I missed work. I think that was the first day I ever missed in that job after more than a year and a half there. First day I ever missed.

So you went to sleep, turned off the phone and I was in the airport. It was Thanksgiving weekend or week, something like that. So it was super busy and there are a lot of flights to Puerto Rico. So I waited for the next flight standby and then for the next one. And every time I would almost make it, but not quite. And then at noon I went to have lunch and suddenly I feel someone like touching me on my shoulder and when I look it was my ex boyfriend who was.

I still can't believe this.

It's pretty crazy out of the movies who was doing a layover from Vegas or something like that. So we had lunch together and while we're having lunch, my ex boyfriend and I, you know, at some point broke up and got back together and broke up and had fallen into that dynamic. And in those breakups, maybe there were a couple times a time or two that I met someone. And then I would always go back to my ex boyfriend. And I remember that day. On any other moment, I would have probably thought it was a sign, like, oh, okay, you know, it's him. We're supposed to get back together. And I remember having lunch with him and thinking, there is nothing that I would do right now that would risk hurting what I started a few hours ago. And I remember, I just knew. I just. I knew I recognized you. I knew you were it. So I did not make that flight, and I missed a couple ones. And then finally, like at 4 or 5 in the afternoon, I get on the plane, I get home, and I tell my dad, I met the man I'm going to marry. And then my dad said, yeah, I've heard that story a few times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, no, papi, I met the man. I met the man I'm going to marry, Papi, I promise you. My dad is, I told you, die hard Catholic. So I was like, I promise you, dad, if I don't marry him, I will become a nun. So then you say, joke is that.

You married me to not become a nun.

And you had really good health insurance too. So what happened when you went home after you slept like you. Your mom asked you or something happened.

So same feeling on my end, right? I felt I had met somebody different. I had not met the typical, as I used to call it, the Miami girl. Nothing against poor Miami girls. Our daughters are Miami daughters are Miami girls. But I met somebody different. You were different. You had just different energy. You were asking different questions. I guess the. The psychologist that you are was bringing something new to the game here that I wasn't used to. You're playing with my mind already. From the beginning. And yeah, I remember telling my mom about you. My mom, I think, was. Was ready for her son to settle down. And I said, mom, I met this amazing girl. Amazing girl. There's only two things. She's Puerto Rican and her last name is Castro, right? Nothing against Puerto Ricans, but.

Okay, but we have to explain that because. So I didn't know this, by the way. I couldn't believe it because it's. It's crazy. But Cubans, you know how like in every culture there's. There's a. There's a culture, there's another culture that you make fun of.

So Americans make fun of the polar, right?

So for Cubans, it's the Puerto Ricans. Which is crazy because we're the smartest people on earth. But, yeah, apparently that was a thing. So that's. That's the backstory.

But I think it wasn't necessarily that you're Puerto Rican. I think it's just that you were not Cuban. Right. So the. The Cuban mom wants the Cuban son to get with a Cuban girl. So I was like, mom, she's Puerto Rican and her last name is Castro. For Cubans, that's an issue. You obviously know that. And my mom goes, well, the Puerto Rican thing is fine, and she'll change her last name when she marries you, which is why we see now Betsy Guerra.

Yes. Let's go. So then you told her something that you. You told her the good things about me. What was that?

Oh, that's right. I guess I'll answer the question for the viewers. Yes, I said, mom. I met her. We spoke for hours. We spent all night together. She didn't even kiss me, Mom. My mom saw that as a good thing. So did I. So did I.

And that I was Catholic.

And that you were Catholic. That she was Catholic. So all of that trump the Puerto Rican with Castro? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay. So then I went back to Puerto Rico. I. A line came. Actually, no, I came back to Miami.

You came back for my Christmas party, my annual Christmas party tradition. And the RA townhouse with a cajachina. And I remember you continued to impress me with things that were not ordinary for me. I remember, you know, this. Well, this ended up being the townhouse that you lived in for seven years. Or you, I think you for four years. Tiny townhouse. You put 100 people in that townhouse. Townhouse is going to get messy. And I remember waking up the next day and the townhouse was clean. You had stayed up later than I had. You had mopped the floor. You had picked everything up. I was like, wow, I could get used to this.

I did that. Go meet now.

You got a nanny to do it for you.

I'm a smart girl. So. So then. So I met your family, fell in love with your family. We dance salsa and noa at your grandfather's house. I met the good old truffin that I was mentioning before, and it was. It was just like such a warm, loving family. And I would love for you to share later on a little bit about your family, because what I heard you say recently in your. During your parents anniversary was. Was very deep and beautiful, and I think the world needs to hear that. But before that. So we did Christmas together. I went Back to Puerto Rico. And New Year's Eve, you went out to party, and then you got back home, you were dropped off by a friend and you got a call.

Why are we divulging so much?

Just this one. Just this one.

This is your, this is your podcast. You're supposed to be talking about yourself.

But I think that's good. I think that's because you told them you had to deal with God, so they need the closure, baby.

Just know that I, I, I follow through with my deal with God.

Okay, so he had a call, one of those, those night calls. Like, what do they call them? Booty calls, Something like that. Okay, so he had one of those calls, and he, and, and he told the person, like, no, I just got home. And the friend, your friend looked at you and was like, bro, like, what's wrong with you?

And then I said, I made a deal with God. I've got a hold of my end.

Yes, or so he says. That's what he tells me. I love to believe it. Anyway, so then, you know, he went to Puerto Rico to visit your parents, went to Puerto Rico to visit and get to know anybody, and the rest is history. So the reason I wanted to share this story is, is because besides being entertaining, I believe it's a testament of faith. And that's what this podcast is about. It's a testament of believing. You know, people call it manifesting. It's the expression of what you already believe to be true. And what you already know is yours into your physical reality so that you can experience it with your senses. And you were that. Like you were. You were. You are the most powerful manifestation of my dream. And I want you who are listening to know that that which you desire wholeheartedly is already yours. It is yours. My husband wasn't born when I met him. He existed all along. I just hadn't recognized him. I just hadn't met him. I hadn't, I hadn't, I hadn't manifested him into my physical reality, into my little world in this big universe that we are part of. So don't give up, because your person, your dream, the thing that you desire is already there. It's already yours. Just, just attract it into your reality. Okay, so back to you. You came into my life. We built a life together. Like, I went to New York the next year for my internship, and we would go back and forth, which was really beautiful. We would see each other a lot and had a lot of incredible experiences through the traveling because we were on the phone a lot we got to know each other in a special way. So long distance served us well.

You gave me a wake back then.

Yes. Tell us about that.

What was it? You were my caffeine. Yeah, you were my caffeine back then.

So we would talk until 3 o' clock in the morning on a weekday.

Which for me is very unusual. Was unusual back then. Is unusual today.

I didn't know that. I didn't know you were not a night person at all. But you would say, like, I can't believe I'm still awake. You're my caffeine. And I was like, oh, yes, I am. For you listening, you must know that I am currently my husband's Benadryl. I'm his Benadryl. As soon as I start talking, he's like.

Look, I'm good right now.

So, yes, that was his caffeine. That's like all the crazy things that happen in your brain when you're in love. And actually, I want to share something about that. When research shows that when you fall in love, your infatuation that, like, passion and that thing that keeps you awake even though you should be sleeping and, you know, you're not even hungry, so you give your food to your person and you do anything for them. That, that experience of infatuation lasts from two months to two years. That's why many relationships don't last that long. In fact, I was the. I was the first. Your first relationship that made it to the two years. So. So research shows that. But after that, you get to work on it. And maybe that's a podcast for another day, but you get to work on creating the spark. And just. So now it's not going to be like butterflies that are, like, natural. Because, by the way, being in love and infatuated is the equivalent of being high or drunk. Like, you just can't withstand it that long, which is why you crash and then you have like a hangover and you're like, oh, my gosh, this person does this and she's not perfect and he's not. So. So what do you. What you do then is then you. You are intentional about creating that infatuation. And I think we are also a testament of that. At least on my side, I'm. I love you. And I look at you.

I love you too. That's why I'm here.

Yes. This is you guys. This is an expression of love. I never thought my husband would be willing to do this for me. And it's. It's like a. It's like a Long one, too. So thank you, baby. I know you love me so. Yes, you get to build that up. You don't have to live without the spark or the infatuation or that in love feeling. And sometimes you go in and out of love. You go in and out of love with that. Do we go there?

It's your podcast.

Okay. So our aunt. His aunt says that we were a match made in heaven because it really was perfection. We got along. We assumed the roles, our roles, in a very easy, smoother way. It was just easy. We had conversations that allowed us to grow together. I had done a lot of work with my own psychoanalysts when I was in grad school. They recommended that I go to a psychologist so that I could be on the other side. And I did. And it was amazing to me because I learned all the patterns that weren't serving me. So I was very intentional about not repeating those patterns with you. And part of that included us having a lot of conversations that I'm sure you were like, oh, my goodness, here she comes again. Like, I remember. I remember I had my own triggers, and I. I felt like, you know, my main trigger is, like, not feeling considered. And there were times that I would attribute to you what was really mine. So I remember having conversations on the phone when we were long distance, thinking, like, I would hang up with you because I was so upset, and I would just, you know, first curse a little bit and be like, oh, this freaking guy. He doesn't care. And, like, be a victim. And then I'd be like, okay, wait, what do I have to do with this? Does this go back to my trigger of not feeling considered? Like, oh, yeah. Oh, oh, my God, it's me. It's me. And 99.9% of the time, our arguments, like, the things that I was upset at you for, were mine. Like, it was my interpretation. It was the way I filtered the information. So I was able to practice a lot of what I had learned with you. And part of that was also to speak up. And at the time, I remember you telling me this at the beginning, and I didn't know that it was true because I would get you to talk. But I remember you saying, I have a hard time communicating.

Yes.

You want to share about that?

Well, I did until I got with a psychologist that taught me that things would just be a lot easier if I expressed myself, if I opened up. But that's not the house that I came from. I think my family in general struggled with that and struggled with opening up and struggled with having. Having those open lines of communication or difficult conversations. Yeah, or definitely, definitely. And, and that still for me today is not easy. But I see many conversations or that I have even with our kids nowadays that I think to myself, I would have never had this conversation with my father. My father would have never had this conversation with me. He'll be the first one to tell you. And I attribute that to you to just really, I think more than anything making me aware that how much of a benefit that would be to me, to us now for the kids. So.

So yeah, so at the time, something that got in our way was validation.

Yeah, I remember that. You're not.

Validation is, is so align. Is very practical. You're very practical and you're very matter of fact. You're number two.

That's a good thing.

Yes, of course. It's a. Both and it's a great thing. And sometimes a little gray would be nice because you're. Because you're practical and you're a numbers guy. And two plus two is four. It's not three ish. So, you know, every time I would say something that was based on my interpretation, you would be like, you're trying to pick a fight. Or like, what, what are you talking about? Or no, that's not what happened. And I remember feeling invalidated, which means feeling as though my, my feelings did not matter or weren't important. And I, I remember teaching you like, and telling you like, baby, like, I need. It's important to me. It's important to me that you understand I'm not trying to pick a fight. This is actually what I felt and this is actually what I interpreted and what I heard you say. This is a story I tell. Told myself. And, and I remember one day. What were you. We had been working on validation. And at the beginning, what would you say?

I validate you.

So I'd be like, no, because I feel this when you're like, I validate you. Like, no, you say things like, oh, I'm sorry you feel that way. Oh, wow, that sucks if you interpret it that way. Yeah, right.

Like you take that all with. I validate you.

So there was this conversation. We were in the Keys and I was upset about something and I. And I, I was like, I'm not going to tell him because he's going to invalidate me and he's going to say that I'm picking a fight or whatever. And you were like, what's wrong? I'm like, I'm scared of telling you. And you were like, why? I'm like, because I'm scared. You. You brush it off and you invalidate it. And. And, you know, that was my way of disarming you so that you wouldn't do that. And you were like, no, tell me. Like, I'm not going to do that. Go ahead. So I'm like, you know, I used all. All of my communication techniques. All of them. I used. I. Statement statements. I feel this way when you do that, because this. This is the story I tell myself. And then I never. I didn't use never, always. And I was just so mindful of using all of the strategies that I knew. And I looked at you, and you were present and engaged, and I was.

Like, why do I feel this is not going to end well?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's a good story. It's a good story. So. So I'm, like, super proud of myself, and I see you. I'm like, okay, as soon as I'm done talking, he's just gonna tell me how sorry he is and how right I am, and it's all gonna make sense. So I finish, and you're looking at me confused, and you go, are you crazy? Or is every woman like this and they just don't talk about this?

That sounds about.

So it's. I love, love, love that story because you were so real and genuine, so confused and so cute that I was like, oh. Like, I didn't take it as a negative thing. I was like, oh, yeah, maybe we are. Maybe I am a little more outspoken in my craziness, but I feel like ever since you've become the master of validation, like, you, like, with our. With our kids, like, nobody validates like you, with your clients, even. I hear stories that they bring to you, and I'm in awe of you because you did not. You did not decide that this is who I am, and this is what it is, and this is how things were done in my house, and this is what I'm bringing into the picture. So deal with it. You were and still are, and I think you have. I've learned humility from you. You're a very humble man who's willing to accept constructive feedback, to think about it, process it, and then implement it if it serves you. So thank you.

Thank you.

If you want to know what happened when I went psycho, then don't miss the next episode where we continue the conversation and we share some of our struggles, our adversities, the things that could have broken us but didn't and why it didn't so you're in for a treat. Let's go.