Finding God in The Silence - Faith and Growth Podcast - #16

So the breath is our connection to our source, to our Creator. It's the thing that reminds us of this life that he gave us. Psychologically speaking, it changes our brain. Neurochemically, spiritually speaking, it connects us to the breath of God. Good morning, sunshine. Welcome to the Faith and Growth Podcast, the space where psychology and spirituality come together to help you rise into the person you were created to be. If you're ready to stop playing small and start living the life God designed for you, I got you. I'm Dr. Betsigera, psychotherapist, speaker, and author, and I'm here to help you heal, rise, and walk boldly in your purpose. So if you're ready to do that, let's get started. If you Google running around like a chicken without a head, you're going to find a picture of me. That was me always rushing, always on the go, always busy, overwhelmed. Like, stressed out, like, running. Literally running to the car because I was late for the next thing and the next thing. And. And I don't know if you know this about me, but for seven and a half years, consecutively, nonstop, not even for a month, I was pregnant or breastfeeding with my four children. So it was a little bit crazy. It's a blur. And I have continued to live my life in that same, like, stressful, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go. Energy. Until my husband came to our house, and he was telling me about a conversation he was having with my soul sister, my dear friend, behind my back, where he was telling her, like, no, Betsy's super busy and she's rushing and she's overwhelmed. And my friend told him because she wants to. And I'm like. She said what? Like, I don't want to be overwhelmed and running around like a chicken without a head. I don't want to feel this way. So. Not what I want. But then I realized she was right. I had a choice. And I was always saying yes and trying to fit in things that I couldn't really address in a proper timeframe because I had a maybe. I'm still struggling with it a little bit. I have a little bit of an issue with time management. And I always think that 24 hours really is 48. So I think I was thinking, I can fit one more thing and one more thing, and before you know it, I'm putting myself in this predicament where I feel overwhelmed. There's nobody else to blame but me. It's not the four pregnancies and the seven and a half years of breastfeeding and being pregnant and doing things for the kids. It's me. I am the common denominator. It keeps on happening even to this day. It's something that I struggle with. So if you can relate. If you are, are running around like a chicken without a head, if you're always rushing, if you're always late, if you never have time, if you feel overwhelmed a lot, if you don't sleep enough and don't get rest, because if not, you can't fit in all the things that you're supposed to. Supposed to, quote, unquote, do, then maybe you get to listen to this. Last week we spoke about prayer and how prayer is not to change God's mind, but to change us. And we also spoke about how prayer is not just talking to God or reading scripture or praying the rosary. Prayer is also anything you do on the day to day, any task, any errand you run, anything you do may be prayer, if you do it with intention. Today we're going to continue talking about prayer, but this time we're going to focus on silence as prayer. And I call it the three S's. I got this from Thomas Keating, who's the one who coined centering prayer for the first time. I'll talk more about that in a second. But the three S's are silence, solitude and stillness. And I've been a woman of faith my entire life, but I had never thought of prayer as silence. And after having practiced it for, I don't know, maybe eight years, 10 years on a daily basis, I can tell you that I wholeheartedly believe it's the strongest, greatest, most powerful form of prayer that exists. Hear me out. So when I think of silence, let me tell you a little bit about. First, let me tell you the psychology behind silence. Like why it's so powerful and why the silent practices are really good for the soul and for the mind and for all of, all of this that we are. So when you. We have like something called adaptation energy, which is the energy we need to adapt to, to daily circumstances, to deal with change of expectations, to cope. Like everything that we are going through on a daily basis requires our energy, our energy, our adaptation energy, our ability to adapt, to connect, to cope with the things that come up. And when we are busy and when we have a whole bunch of kids and responsibilities, we are constantly depleting our adaptation energy. We're using it. So imagine you wake up with 10 units of adaptation energy just to illustrate it. In the morning, you wake up and you make the bed and then you go prepare breakfast and you deal with the kids going to school and they forget things or they're arguing or they're late. And then at this point you're already stressed out. So you've already depleted a couple of units of adaptation energy because they drove you crazy in the morning and then on your way out, you spill your coffee. So that's another unit of adaptation because now you have to go back, you're going to be late, you got to change, you got to do all these things. So now we're at seven and we haven't even started the day. By the time you get to the office, if you work at an office or if you have to go run errands, by the time you get to where you need to get to, you've already gone through Miami traffic or wherever you're at, you've gone to through traffic. And maybe a few people haven't been nice on the street or, I don't know, there's a bridge and the bridge was up when you needed to get to work. And all these things happen when you're driving. So there went another unit of adaptation energy. So now we're by what, like five or six? And yeah, you know, you got to work and you're halfway through your units of adaptation energy and you're just starting your day at work. And now you're like, when I say work, it could be working at home, it could be working in terms of their career, but God knows that stay at home moms work the most probably. Anyway, so now you're working and you begin working and oh, wait, let me check my emails before I start my tasks for the day. And then there's problems and fires to put out, put off on the emails and, and like, that takes more adaptation energy. So a couple more units. The point is that by the time you leave work, you've already used up your 10 units, but you still have the rest of the day, still have that extracurricular activities for yourself or your children. You have meetings or ministries that you participate in. You have your family to come home to. Your kids are not doing the homework if they're at that age or they called you from college that they're going through some situation or they ran out of money or. Right. Like, so all these things keep on happening. So now you're going into the negative. You're, you're depleting what you don't have. So now you're, you know, you finally get to bed at whatever time that is, and you are at negative five or six units of adaptation energy. And let's say you had the best night's sleep. But my, my thought is that you probably don't even sleep that much or that well because you're so busy that there's no time to sleep. But let's say you had the best night ever and you got your 10 units of adaptation energy replenished. Let's go. Great night. You wake up at five because you were at negative five. So now you wake up with less possibility of coping, of interacting with grace, of being your best self and being at peace and restful throughout your day and creative and productive and all the good stuff that comes with having a replenished adaptation energy. So you. And then imagine if we repeat that over and over again. Even if you have the best night's sleep, you still wake up at one adaptation energy unit because you kept on depleting, depleting, depleting. So what happens is that when we don't have enough energy, enough rest, enough, like, we don't feel replenished, we. We can't operate at our hundred percent. We don't have it. We don't have it in us. So what happens is that now you get easily triggered. You freak out if something, if something doesn't happen the way you expected something, you don't have the ability to cope and adapt to that change. You're going to freak out and you're going to live on fight or flight mode most of your life. And that's unsustainable. It's not healthy. That affects your health. That's another story for another podcast. But the point is that now you're in fight or flight mode most of the time because anything that happens is like, oh my gosh, look at the time. Like, oh, my goodness, what, I have to pick you up or my daughter's sick and I have to change, like, my schedule and go. Like, anything that happens outside of the ordinary or the expectations will put you on a fight or flight stress mode. And when this happens, what happens in the brain is that the amygdala takes over. You're operating from the amygdala. And the amygdala is ancient, an ancient part of the brain. It's in animals, too. It's preverbal. But which is why you can't just tell yourself, like, calm down, Betsy, it's not a big deal. It's okay, Just calm down. We're gonna be fine. I can't hear. I can't hear anything. Because When I'm in a stressful situation, although I have a lot of tools to affirm myself, to reframe, to do all these things, my amygdala does not understand words. It's preverbal. So at that point, there's an opportunity to change our brains and our bodies neurochemically with the first tool, the first prayer form of silence that I want to share with you, which is breath. Just breathe. When you breathe, you are changing the neurochemistry of the brain. When you bring. So what happens when you are on Fight or Flight is that the oxygen in the brain leaves to go to your extremities. So, like, it just flows down to your body and goes to your hands and feet so that you can fight or flee with your legs. Right? We need the oxygen there to be able to, like, you know, be safe and survive the chasing of the tiger. Right. Like, if we think about back in the day when, when we had to run away from danger or fight danger, our bodies are still in that mode when we go into fight or flight, even if it's perceived danger, most of the time, the stress that we experience in our body is just perceived. It's not even real. You're not going to die. You're going to be a couple minutes late or you have to change your schedule. Really, in the grand scheme of things, no big deal. It's. You're. You're not even going to remember that in a little bit. But the body still operates as if you were going to die. Oh, my gosh, like a tiger is chasing me. And what happens is, like, you know, when you're in Fight or Flight, you release cortisol, which is the stress hormone. Cortisol is very acidic so that if the tiger does bite you and like, catches you and bites you, like, it's like, ew, it tastes bad. It tastes sour and bitter and whatever, right? So then now our entire body is changing due to this stress, and the breath is going to bring the oxygen back to the brain so that then we can think and we can operate from the part of the brain where executive functions, decision making, thinking, like all those take place, which is the prefrontal cortex. So now the brain comes back. I'm sorry, the oxygen comes back to the brain. You start like, relaxing. And the breath also calms the vagus nerve, which is the. It's one of the main connections between the mind or the brain and the body. So in the measure that you start calming that and you bring oxygen up, you're no longer operating from the amygdala, you're able to think straight, make better decisions and all those good things. So breath is, psychologically speaking, a very powerful tool. But spiritually speaking, it's, I believe, the most beautiful form of prayer. Because if we think back to our, to scripture, Jesus let God breathe life into us to make us, to create us, to create us as human beings that live and breathe like he breathed life into us. That was the first thing that we, that marked our creation. It was a breath, the breath of God. And then when we are born, what is the first thing that we do? We breathe. And what is the last thing that we do when we die? Before we're born to eternity, we breathe. And what happens when God wanted to give us the best gift ever? When Jesus was like, hey, I gotta go back to my, to my home, to my father, but I'm gonna give you something even better than me staying here physically. I'm going to give you the Holy Spirit. And he breathed, breathe the Holy Spirit into us. So, so the, so the breath is our connection to our source, to our Creator is this is the thing that reminds us of this life that he gave us. So psychologically speaking, it changes our brain. Neurochemically, spiritually speaking, it connects us, connects us to the breath of God. And I've always heard that, you know, we, when we name God, when we name Jesus, we limit him, right? Like it's like the fact that like even, like, even saying God, like I'm limiting him, right? I am, I am that I am. There's no adjective, there's no noun next to the I am, he is the great I am. The moment we say like, you know, God is this God is that like we are limiting him to just that. Because God is just everything. He can't be named. He can't be like put in a box. He's just so much greater than whatever we say or think he is. And I've heard that when that the only way to really name God is through our breath. I wish I could do it right, but I don't. But it's something along the lines of like Yahweh, like Yahweh, right? Like that's when that where that name came from. But it's the only way of naming God is through the breath, which is not even with words. So the breath is a powerful psycho spiritual tool to connect with peace, the peace that surpasses all understanding with God and to bring into our lives and our day to day a little more calm, a little more Rest to replenish that adaptation energy. So breath, breath, breath. I cannot emphasize it enough when you want to relax. And you can test this if you have an apple watch or any watch that measures your heart rate, look at the heart rate, let's say go jog in place or do some form of physical activity or whenever you're stressed out, look at it and let's see what the, what the number is. And then inhale through your nose, and then exhale for twice as long. So if you inhale for four seconds, let's say four, and then exhale for eight. When you inhale again, it's going to be a deeper breath. So inhale for four seconds, exhale for eight. Everybody's different. Every time I start this exercise, I start with 3 and 6 or even 4 and 6, depending on how much breath or oxygen I have at the moment. The idea of exhaling as if blowing through a straw through your mouth for twice as long as you inhaled it is that when you exhale, you release used oxygen in your, in your lungs. Like, you release, release carbon dioxide so that you can make room for the new oxygen. Many times when we're stressed out and we're hyperventilating, it's. It's not that we're like, we. It's not that we can't inhale. Like, no matter how much you inhale, there's nowhere to put that new oxygen, that fresh life that God has for you. So you must make room in your lungs. And the best way to do that is by releasing what is there, which is, I think, something beautiful about the breath, like, and how it teaches us to live. We think that when we want to be better, change our lives, improve, we think that we need to add more things to our life. Like, so we do more things. We go to more like church more, we read more scripture. And sometimes all we need to do is nothing, in fact, get rid of. Release. Release some of the things that you've said yes to that are not necessary or not a priority right now. Release some of the responsibilities that you can delegate to someone else. Release that anger that's within that doesn't allow you to enjoy your family because you're so irritable all the time. Just. But in order to release it, you must sit with it. So there's an invitation from our breath, the breath that connects us to our Creator to just release, exhale for twice as long. And you'll see, like, every time I do this exercise that when I'm exhaling, it's like 7, 8. Like, I'm staying without air. And then when I'm going to take the next inhale, I'd say, like, I can inhale the world. And that's true. With all the gifts and graces God has for us, he has all these blessings to give us. But if there's no room, there's no space inside of us, then we can't receive them. So let's learn about our breath, and let's make sure that we're constantly being intentional about our breathing. Quick interruption. Just to let you know that the Betsy Bot is finally here. That is the AI version of me. It has all my thoughts, all my intellectual property, anything you can imagine. So if you'd like to process something, if you want some support, you don't have to wait for me. You also don't have to pay a whole lot of money to see me privately. You get to have me at the tip of your fingers on your phone by downloading the Better with Betsy app. So go to your Apple Store or, or your Google Play and download Better with Betsy app and you'll have access to Betsy Bot. Let's go back to the episode. So that's one form of silence. Every time I practice my silent prayer, I begin with breath. Every time I'm stressed out, I begin with breath. Every time I find myself running to the car, because I am running like a chicken without a head, Without a head. I get in the car and I remember and I'm like, wait, I'm not this person anymore. I choose not to live this way anymore. And I breathe. When you're nervous, when you're anxious, when you're about to compete, when you're about to step into a stage, when you're about to do something that's important to you and you're in a little bit of fight or flight, breathe. Just breathe. So the second tool that I want to share, which is connected, I believe, to the breath, is meditation. Meditation is an ancient practice in which we take the time to mindfully and intentionally be still. Just be still. Now I practice centering prayer, which was again created by Thomas Keating. And it is meditation where we consent to the presence and action of God within us. So it's meditation for people who believe in God because we're like, hey, God, welcome into our meditation. We don't just want to connect with our minds and enlightenment. We want to connect with the source of enlightenment. I love it. I love it, love it, love it. Meditation has incredible benefits. When I lost Fofi, I have incredible aunts and one of my aunts is my spiritual director. And she came to visit when I, when Fofi passed and she was telling me about this centering prayer, silent prayer thing. And you know how I could take five minutes, just five minutes every day to sit still, spend that time with God. And I'm like, didi, I don't have time. I don't have time. Like, imagine like I go to the bathroom and I have my kid, like breastfeeding. Like I can't even go to the bathroom alone and much less take a shower. Like, I don't have half time. And I am like a little embarrassed to share this because as time has gone by and I have adopted this, the practice of silence, and I've understood what it does for you. I've realized how ignorant I was and how much I didn't understand the power of silence. Because in fact, they say if you don't have 15 or 30 minutes to meditate every day, you should meditate for an hour. And I was understanding that from my human mind. That's a little limited and makes that, you know, that makes no sense. Like, if you don't have 30 minutes to meditate, how are you going to meditate for an hour? Makes no sense, right? Like rationally it makes no sense. But when you understand that meditation gives you rest, replenishes your adaptation energy, it opens up your creativity, it helps you be more, more effective, efficient, it multiplies your time. Because what took you three hours will now take you 30 minutes. Because you're so clear and centered. If you understood that meditation expands and transforms you, you would meditate for three hours. In fact, I once heard that if you meditate for 30 minutes a day, that's the equivalent of a three hour nap. Can you imagine how delicious a three hour nap in the middle of the day would be? Well, you can achieve that. You can achieve that restorative experience within with 30 minutes of meditation. And if all you have is five minutes for now until you get upstairs, like, feel like, fall in love with the practice, then five minutes will do. And my aunt would always tell me that, like, even if it's a minute, Betsy, a minute. And she was so patient with me, and now I feel so ignorant because I'm like, wow, she had so much patience and she like, she like, let me be ready because I guess I wasn't ready to understand it or see it at the time. She was so graceful. And now I'm like, oh my goodness, had I known what I know now, I would have Started this practice a long, long time ago. Silence or centering prayer, meditation is a form of connecting. When you quiet your limited human mind, you then open up the space very much like the breath exhaling you, right? Like you're releasing what doesn't serve you, you're letting go of what limits you to now Allow some. Like, allow for room so that you may download God's thoughts, God's ways. I think I've shared here before that one of my favorite scriptures is, for my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the Lord, as the heavens are higher than the earth and the sword. My thoughts and my ways above yours. And what that, what that means is like, okay, God's thoughts and ways are not mine. But when I meditate, when I sit in prayer and silence with him, what I'm doing is getting rid of my ways, my thoughts, not engaging with them, not identifying with them, not believing them, so that I can be open to receiving God's thoughts and ways. So meditation is the, the way to reconcile your will with the will of God, your thoughts, your ways with God's thoughts and ways. Like, it's a way to, like, tap into infinite divine wisdom. It's really cool. Like, every time I. I practice silence, every day I go, I drop off my kids, they go to Catholic School in St. Timothy. So I, I drop them off, I go to the Blessed Sacraments, which is a chapel and in the Catholic Church, where the body of Christ is exposed in the form of the Eucharist, which is like the bread that is transubstantiated. Transubstantiated means that, like the body, the bread is converted into the body of Christ. Like it's changing substance. So we believe that in my faith, I love that about my faith. And I just sit in the presence, like, literal, literal presence of Jesus. And I, I just be. I just be still. I let go of my thoughts. Every time a thought pops up, I repeat my sacred word or phrase, which would be the equivalent of a mantra in meditation. So let's say your phrase is, jesus, I trust in you, or come, Holy Spirit, or I am yours, have your way. Whatever it is that resonates. It could be a phrase, or it could be just a word. It could be Jesus, it could be pe, it could be love, whatever just soothes your heart. You choose that word or phrase. Well, whenever a thought pops up in that silent practice, silence, practice. Whenever a thought pops up, you just repeat your word. Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you, or come, Holy Spirit, Come, Holy Spirit. And then the reason that helps let go of the thought is that when you're thinking, you're operating from the prefrontal cortex, that's a part of the brain. And when you're repeating something or when you're engaging with a habit or something repetitive that you don't even have to think about, you're operating from the basal ganglia. That's where the habits are, where everything that's automated is there. So what happens is that now you're like, oh, I have to go do groceries, and oh, my goodness, I forgot to call this person, and what am I gonna do about this problem? What decision I'm gonna make? When you start thinking, realize, right? Because sometimes we're thinking and we don't even become aware until a little bit later. Like, oh, that's right, I'm meditating. I'm not supposed to be thinking about this. As soon as you realize or become aware that you're thinking about something, you repeat your sacred word or phrase. And when you're repeating it, you now leave the prefrontal cortex and you go to the basal ganglia, this other part of the brain, to repeat, which is why you're able to then disengage with the thought. That's the science behind repeating mantras, to let go. And I share that with you. Because if you suffer from anxiety or ruminating thoughts, then this practice may serve you. Every time you have, like, a ruminating thought or fear that you can't get rid of, repeat your sacred word or phrase so that you may let it go. And in doing so, you're able and breathe. Remember to breathe. And in doing so, you're able to. To tap into that stillness that connects us to the mind of God. Right. Centering prayer is a way of centering ourselves and anchoring ourselves and connecting with the mind of God so that he can think for us. I love that form of prayer because it helps me. It helps me feel connected and tap into that confidence and deep knowing that I will be able to make decisions in my life on a daily basis. Like, the more connected I am with God, the more I feel that any decision that comes from me is going to be His. Any desire that I have is going to be his will for me. Right? Like, the more you connect, the more confident you feel that the decisions that you make outside of that prayer moment are going to be the right decisions, are going to be guided decisions. So that's my superpower. Silence is the way that I tap into the divine wisdom that is within me, and it is within you. So that's centering prayer. Sometimes it's a little hard to go from crazy morning, all the things that you had to do as soon as you woke up, to meditating. So if you don't do this practice, as is my case, right when you wake up, it may be hard to silence your mind because you've already, like, started the day. And that's when this practice, I think, will support you. This other practice or this other tool is lectio divina. Lectio divina means divine reading in Latin. And it's like a slow contemplative method of using scripture to listen to God, to communicate with God. So while I feel like silence or silent prayer, centering prayer is a way of speaking to God through your silence. Like, it's almost like you're letting God, like, okay, God, like, speak through me and for me, do the prayer for me. Like, I surrender it all to you, right? Lectio divina is a way of listening to God because it involves scripture. So essentially what it is is in a very meditative state. You are listening to a scripture, a short verse of scripture, and you are, like, looking for the word or phrase that pops out and taking that as, like, the message that God is trying to convey to you. So it's a very intentional practice of listening to God like you're looking for a message. In centering prayer, you are not looking for a message. In fact, if a message pops up, you're supposed to let it go, too, because it's all about just releasing our humanity and tapping into our divinity by giving him permission to take over. So lecte divina is a great transition. I use it every day. So I'll go to, you know, when I practice. When I do my practice, I start with breath. Then. Then I transition into lectio divina to, like, still have words because my mind is like a thousand miles an hour. So I listen to scripture in a meditative, you know, like a silent state, and I look for that word or phrase for the message that he has for me. If you're a person to journal, you could totally add that here. That would be the icing on the cake. I don't do it every day, but if I could. Not if I could, because I could. If I prioritize, one day, I'm going to prioritize it, and I am going to do that. But for now, I don't do it every day. However, if you are in the practice of journaling, I invite you to consider including it here. So breath, lecto divina, listen to scripture, look for that word or phrase, and then just sit with it in silence. Just what are you trying to tell me? Just listen, Listen, Linda, listen. That's it. And then after that, that you've already contemplated the word that you've, you know, connected with, like the spoken language by listening to scripture or reading it. Then, then you go into your silence and you just spend that time. And what's beautiful about centering prayer, which I think is important for you to understand, is that its benefits don't need to show up during the practice. Because the whole point of being, of practicing centering prayer is to be good at life, not to be the best meditator. And what I mean by that is that many times we're like, I'm not good at that. I'm not a good meditator. Like, I get distracted the entire. So my. My sacred word is Jesus. And many times I go to do my prayer, my silent practice, and I'm like, jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. The whole time I'm saying Jesus because I'm so distracted and I have so many things in my mind that I just. I can't think of anything else, you know, Like I can't focus on silence. But I still showed up and I still consented to God's presence and action within, and I still reserved that time to spend with him. And any time you give to God, he blesses. I promise you, anytime you give to God, he blesses. So even if you had a horrible meditation session, you still are going to receive the fruits of spending that time with God. So don't worry if you have a little ADD and your mind is too busy. No, I'm not good at this. You don't have to be good. The whole point is to get into the habit of reserving that time of silence, solitude, stillness, so that you may be great at life. I have been doing this for almost 10 years, and I still have those days where I'm like, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. And I'm thinking about everything else except silence. I love to use this analogy, which I heard from my dear friend Caro Martinez. I have a lot of kados in my life. Caro Martinez once told me that that centering prayer is like going to the beach on a cloudy day. It's a cloudy day, so you don't see the sun. You go there, it's actually breezy and a little chilly. So you don't put sunblock. Like, why? Like there's no sun. So Then you know, you spend the day, it's your cold even, and you, then you're not going to get sun because there's no sun. And then you go home, take a shower, and when you're about to put cream on, you're like, whoa, where did, where did these tan lines come from? You got a tan on a cloudy day. There was no sun. How did that happen? It's because even when it's cloudy, even when you're distracted, even when you had a terrible meditation session, God is there. The sun is shining through. Whether you can see it or feel it or not, the sun is always there. God is always there. So when are you going to put it on your calendar to create that habit of practicing silence by breathing, by listening to the living word of God through scripture in lectio divina, and by practicing that silence, solitude and stillness that connects you to the mind of God. So, my friend, no more running around like a chicken without a head. It is time for you to own. Time for you to let God bend. Time for you to let him expand your adaptation, energy and your ability to cope and to be grace and to be loved for those around you which comes with being rested and replenished. Are you ready to experience that calm and that peace? I cannot wait to hear how it's going. So send me a DM or at better with Betsy or write a comment in one of these episodes. Just let me know how your silent practice is blessing you. And if you haven't signed up for Soul Corps today, remember that we meet at 8:30 in the morning and we'd love to have you. I love you. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody can came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me @faith and growth.com. thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.