How a Simple Note Saved Our Marriage

You said, you're not in love with me anymore. And there was something that we knew to be true, and it's that we are together forever. And you, you say that. What is it that you say about marriage, like, about divorce?

I pretend that it's illegal and I don't want to go to jail.

So you thought it was illegal? I believed in marriage. So I knew I had two choices. I'm either gonna live miserably for the rest of my life with you or out of love with me, or I am going to get you to fall back in love with me. And I, I remember grabbing a little card we had from Camino's, those, those retreats that we worked, and I, I put, what can I do to make you happy? And I put in your wallet. And that's, that was like my way of like, like signing the contract, the agreement that I'm, that I am going to commit to doing this work with and for you. And the next day I was like, okay, what can I do today to make him happy? Oh, I'll pick up the house. You know, when you have little kids, picking up the house is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. It's just, it's gonna go back to a messiness. So I would, you know, I would wait for you to be almost home. There was no life360 back then. So I would call you, you're on your way, and I would pick it up. I know you like to come home to, like, a clean house. And I would cook your favorite food. And I would, every day I was like, what can I do to make him happy? What can I do to make him happy? And then I don't know. Something happened. What happened? I don't know. Did it work?

It work, Obviously. Here we are. Here we are happy. It, I remember, you know, I, you, you know that my memory at times isn't the best, but for some things, it's really good. And I remember that little paper in my wallet. I remember seeing it in my office and feeling really good about it because it meant that you were willing to work at this. And I knew that I was willing to work at it as well. Right? Because yes, to me, divorce is illegal, and I don't want to go to jail. So if I'm gonna stay married, I also want to be happily married. I, I, I'm, I'm a happy guy. I like to be a happy guy. So the fact that you left that note in my wallet, that I remember so well. And I remember because of the Joy that it brought to me and the.

The.

The. The relief more than anything because, yeah, those. It was a tough time. It was. It was tough, man. Having kids. It's tough. It's tough.

They are born from passion, and then they're passion killers. Does anybody resonate?

Yes. Yes. So it was tough. It was tough. And they don't come with manuals, and there's no manual for the marriage. It's not only that. There's no manuals on how to raise them. There's no manual on. All right. How do we keep this going while raising this creature. Creatures.

So it was a process, and it was. It was a season. And we had ups and downs, and we had moments where we were enjoying each other, and it worked out and. And then. But it was a season, right, like, where we didn't get out of the season for a few years. I remember, you know, and I remember one day, like, I feel like this was the moment that defined the ending to the season. We had a really big one and I lost it, and. And I was screaming in the street. Like, I was never. Like, I was psycho with my kids, but I wasn't psycho with you, like, in front of people, right? Was I kind of sort of? No. Okay. But I was psycho this day, and I was like, I was screaming outside. I remember seeing a neighbor. I'm like, oh, my gosh. Like, I wanted to, like, just. Just go under the earth. And I. We. We were on our way to a friend's birthday in the. In Gables, and we went there. You went in your car? I went in my car. I was like, I don't want to. I was so upset with you. And when we were in the dinner, you texted me across the table, and you're like, can we. Can you go outside? And we went outside and you said, can we hug it out? And at that point, it was like, we. We can't agree on some things. We couldn't come to terms. We couldn't see eye to eye, and it was almost like permission to. Okay, then don't. Don't agree. Don't agree to disagree. Agree to disagree. Let's just hug it out. Let's let love triumph over disagreement and differences. And that marked me because sometimes you don't get to talk it through because you're not going to get anywhere, you know, at least you're not going to get to where you want to get to. So just. Just love. Let love triumph. So we're in a really good season after this, and I feel like. I feel like it's been like that ever since. And then 2013, FOFI goes to heaven unexpectedly. We had three children at the time. Chichi, Fofi, Gordy. And you know, this. This is a story I share in my first episode. So if you want to go back to that, you're welcome to. But that marked us. And most marriages don't make it. They don't. And I can see why. I can see why, like, it's all suffering is all consuming, so it's hard to think of someone else. And marriage is about seeking to make the other person happy and elevate them.