Betsy Guerra explains that changing a relationship starts with self-awareness: recognizing your own patterns and behaviors that create recurring problems. You're the common denominator in your relationships, and you only need to know what to change, not how, to begin.
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Today we're going to speak about the first step toward change. I often get people show up to my office and they want change, but they want change in the person that's bugging them, especially couples. They come to me and they're like, betsy, I want to change our relationship. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And then what it comes down to is, betsy, I want you to change my wife. I want you to change my husband. And in the process, I realized that the reason the husband is the way that he is or the wife acts the way that she does is because of the other person's behavior. So then my job is to teach them what they're doing and to show them how they're acting and how they're contributing to their misery. And that's what we call awareness. I help my clients create awareness of how they've contributed to where they're at in life. And it's not fun when they find out. Just the other day I had a new couple and the woman was telling me like, I'm tired of this. My ex boyfriend did the same thing and then he came crying. Then the other one also. I was even engaged in the past, and now this. No, I'm not putting myself in this predicament again. I'm not setting myself up for failure. And I'm like, wait a minute, your ex and your ex ex did this same thing that he's doing to you? Hmm. Who's the common denominator? They always look at me with a smirk, or maybe not. Sometimes it's not so funny. And they say, me, you are the common denominator of everything that's happened in your and other relationships you've had. So if your mom has told you that you're stubborn and hard headed, and your husband may have mentioned that you're stubborn and hard headed, and maybe a friend said that you're a pain in the butt and you're hard headed. I don't know, maybe there's some truth to that. But it's hard for us to look inward and guess what, your answers are within you. But if you don't listen to the outside world and the people that you relate with, you may never find them. So if you want to become a better person, if you want to be who you were created to be and you want to change, if you want to change your relationship, how things go on at work change, you look inward. And it all starts with awareness. So the first step to change is becoming aware is knowing what you need to change. You don't need to know how to just know what. Awareness is the only way to change. Because you cannot change what you don't know you have. If you enjoyed this video, please give me a thumbs up and subscribe. And if you'd like someone to change, share this video with him or her. For more resources go to betterwithbetsy.com.
