How to Change Your Life Without Changing the Circumstances | 34

So when you set an intention, when you live a life of intention, you become the producer and director of your life. You are the one deciding what life is going to look like, not external circumstances, not the rest of the world. You. November 3, 2022. My dad was having his appointment with the oncologist who was going to determine whether or not he had cancer. I was extremely overwhelmed with a lot of things happening at work, at home. I was leaving on a Mommy and me date on a trip to Medellin, Colombia, with my mother. And I needed to arrange all the logistics of the kids. I was going to surprise my parents by visiting Orlando, where they were going to go to this appointment with the oncologist. So I had all these things going on, and I attend my coaching session, and my coach asks me, like, what do you want, Betsy? I'm like, I just want to be able to be present and enjoy all these things and. And, like, not be always so, like, rushed and running around like a chicken without a head and have all these things happening. And I'm going on this trip, and I'm going to go see my dad, and I'm going to. And I have to, you know, deal with all the logistics of the kids and leave everything ready. And I'm, like, freaking out. And she's like, okay, so what can you do? And I'm like, nothing. There's nothing I can do until I get all of these things over, done and over with. Like, I. In order to experience peace and be present and feel like I can slow down, I need for all of this to be over. And she said, but what if you didn't? What if you could create that peace right now? What if you could slow down right now while you're still doing all of these things? What if you could live your life right now in this present moment and bring that energy of peace and that. That slow down experience without having to change your circumstances. And she came up with this after I told her there was nothing I could remove because she, you know, her first. Her first intervention was like, okay, what can you remove of all these things? And I'm like, well, I want to go to Orlando to attend the oncologist appointment with my dad. I want to go on this Mommy and me trip that I've been looking forward to with my mother. And I was super excited about it. You know, I want to leave everything said and done with the kids so that the logistics are taken care of and I can leave in peace. Like, I want to do all those things so I can't take anything out. So then she came up with a brilliant conclusion that then I could just change everything without anything changing. And that is done through intention. So my dear coach and friend Caroline de Bosada taught me that when you set an intention, when you live a life of intention, you are changing everything without needing to change the circumstances. November 3, 2022, was supposed to be a disaster of a day because I was going to Orlando and then to Medellin, and I had to leave everything ready. And it may have been the best day of my family life. I got on a plane to go to Orlando and surprised my dad. He didn't know I was coming. He didn't know my older brother was coming from Georgia. He only knew about my younger brother coming from Puerto Rico to go with him, to. To go be with him. Especially because he was going to stay a few days because my mom was leaving right after that appointment with me to this trip to Medellin. And I get to the airport, I meet up with my brother. Every time I see my brothers, it's Christmas. It's Christmas, the best day ever. I'm obsessed with my brothers. We were all spread out, and every time we see each other, we'll do anything to see each other. And when we see each other, it's Christmas. It's celebration time. It's opening gifts, right? We're each other's gift. So I'm super excited with my brother waiting for my mom to pick up my younger brother, not knowing that she was going to find all three other kids there waiting for them. And as soon as they see us, they get super excited. We're excited that we get to accompany them to this. My dad feels so loved and supported. My dad is a man of faith, like, of unwavering faith. So he's going to the oncologist and he's. I'm sure he's nervous. He has a little bit of that white coat syndrome, but he's. But he's not scared. I guess that's the way to put it. My dad is maybe a little like, oh, my gosh, what's going to. What is the doctor gonna say? Like, have that anticipation and maybe a little bit of nervousness, but a whole lot of faith. So he wasn't scared. But it was a nice treat to see that all his kids were going to be here during this time, that he was a little bit. A little bit nervous. So we get to the doctor, and he's proud, dad. He's introducing us to everybody. He's like, oh, they came from Puerto Rico and Georgia and Miami to be with me. And, oh, these are my kids. And, oh, this one's a pilot and the other one's an engineer and the other one's a doctor in psychology. And, and he was like, totally showing off, like, proud dad all the way. We go in, so he's happy, he's happy going into this appointment. And we go into the appointment. We're messing around in the, in the room and joking around and being funny and silly. We, we told. I felt like we were 10 again because we were being super silly that day. For some reason. We were all in a good mood. My dad was so, so happy. And while we're waiting for the doctor, we, you know, we're hanging out, we're having a good time. The doctor comes and he breaks the news. My dad does have cancer and he does have to go through treatment. And we were unfazed by it. We were unfazed by it. I had set the intention of being present, of enjoying every moment of everything that I was doing that week and just enjoying slowing down, like, allowing for every experience to go through me as opposed to, like, rush through it to get it done and over with so that then I can slow down when I don't have other things on my calendar. And I just indulged and enjoyed that moment with my family like no other that I can remember. And it was the day that my dad was told that he had cancer. So we leave the hospital and we stop for lunch and then we go get ice cream. And we are so happy to be together, to be there with my dad, to have made the news a little more subtle or less painful or scary. And at some point, my brothers and I are cracking up in the car like little kids. We're giggling and just, just having so much fun, being super silly. And all I see in the rear view mirror is a smile in my dad's face. The guy was just told he had cancer and needed to go through treatment for two years. And he, he was just happy. He was happy. He was listening to us giggle. He was seeing us get alone, be there with and for him, and, and life was perfect at that instant. I imagine if I wouldn't have set the intention of being present, enjoying every moment, showing up wholeheartedly for my dad and then my mom in this trip that we had afterwards. If I wouldn't have set that intention, that probably would have been one of the worst days of my life or scariest days. Because, you know, when you face a diagnosis like Cancer, you also face the possibility of loss. And loss is real to me. So I just remember those days in such a fond way, like with so much love and joy. I think about it and I have to smile. Imagining me and myself and my brothers just cracking up and having fun and then going for ice cream and being silly in the ice cream store. I felt like a little girl again. And it was just us and our parents. So it was like going back in time when I was being present, ironically. So I share this story because on a day that was supposed to be remembered by the bad news, all I can think of is, is that smile in the rear view mirror that we granted our dad. Because we were there, we were present and we were love. And that is the power of intention. Through intention, you can change everything without anything around you shifting. All you get to change is within you. Then that's what you have power over. And I want to share what that means exactly, because I know I talk a lot about intention in other podcasts and I told you last week that I was going to do a whole podcast just in this so that you understand what I mean when I speak about intention. Intention is not a goal. Like, you know, when you set a goal, you say, I'm going to do this and you do that. And intention is stronger than a goal because it's associated with the deeper feeling that we usually anticipate we'll experience when we reach a goal. So many times the reason we want something is because we believe that that's gonna deliver an experience, an emotional response that we long for. So, you know, I want more money because I think that's gonna help me feel free. I want to save my marriage because I believe that that's what's gonna help me be happy and feel loved and have a fulfilling, beautiful family. I want to lose weight because I think I'm gonna love myself more and feel much better about my body and my self esteem. A goal is the thing that we can measure. How many pounds did you lose? How much money did you make? And the intention is the experience that we choose to embody with whatever experience we're having. Right? That's like the deeper experience. It's more than the goals. An intention, therefore, is not measured by the outcome. Right? Like it's not as measurable as a goal and it doesn't depend on the outcome. Because if you arrive at the destination of joy or peace or fulfillment, which typically is associated with intention, then who cares how you got there? If the reason you want to save your Marriage is because you believe that by doing so, you're going to have a fulfilling family and you're going to be happy and you're going to feel loved and you're going to be loved. Then maybe it didn't happen the way you expected and wanted it to. But if you still experience that, if you're still a family unity, if there's kindness and grace and love among your family members, even if the marriage wasn't saved, does that count? Like, if you're feeling the thing that you thought you'd feel by saving the marriage, does that count? And that's a terrible example because I'm a big, big proponent of marriage and the sanctity and the sacrament of marriage. So bad example, but you know what I mean? Maybe you didn't lose the 25 pounds that you set out to lose, but you feel like a million bucks and all that extra weight is now muscle instead of fat, right? Like, that's a better example for me. Intention is the deeper experience. Goals are the measurable outcomes, and therefore they're attached to outcomes. Quick interruption, just to let you know that if you're ready to rock 2026, and you want to do that by unlocking your greatness, stepping into your purpose, leaving a legacy, making an impact, and becoming a better version of yourself, I get to support you at the Faith and Growth program. Just go to talktobetsy.com and book a call to get started. Now, intention is when you set a destination, right? Like, you turn on the gps, you input a destination. I want to arrive at peace. I want to arrive at surrender. I want to arrive at joy. I know that that was my intention. When I lost Fofi. I remember my husband asking the priest the day after she passed, like, is it possible to be happy again? Can we be happy again? And his question compelled me to decide that I was going to be happy again. And the priest said that those who were happy again were those who chose to honor through love, service, and gratitude. So. So my goal was to love, serve and be grateful so that I could be happy. So my goal was service and gratitude and all those things. My intention was joy. I wanted to experience the joy and the peace that surpass understanding and depend not on external circumstances like losing your daughter. So I set my intention, but I didn't know that I was doing that. I didn't know how it worked. And now that I am so intentional about my intention, I have to tell you what this is about so that you can do the same for your life. So an intention is when you choose to experience something unequivocally. You're setting that as your destination, and you will arrive at it no matter what. There's no bulldozing your way to your intention energy. There's no hustling until if it's the last thing I do. It's just like a divine decision that you make with God, like in union with God that you know will be that it's already yours, even if you can't see it yet. So intention is about deciding, intention is about connecting with divine power, and intention is about purpose. Those are the three things that happen when you set an intention. Number one, I'm going to go back to deciding. When you set an intention, you make a choice. You decide, I wanted to be happy again, and I chose happiness over dwelling, indulging on my grief, and just living miserably ever after. Like that was a choice for me, and it was a justifiable choice too. But I set the intention. I made the decision that I was going to be happy again, period. And when you set an intention, when you decide, decide comes from the word desidere, which means to remove all other possibilities. So when you decide something, when you set the intention, you remove the possibility of the opposite happening. When you say you're going to be happy again, you remove the possibility of being miserable forever. When you set the intention of loving your husband, your wife, loving your kids, then the possibility of lovelessness, of resentment, of unforgiveness is this disappears. It's removed. It's just not possible. It may knock at your door and temporarily show up its face because we're humans, but it may not remain or stay or triumph because the intention always overpowers any other thing that is in conflict with it. So, number one, when you set an intention, you decide, you remove all other possibilities. Number two, you connect to divine power. So what happens is that setting the intention is the equivalent of number one, turning on the gps, consenting to God's presence and action within you because you have free will and God is a gentleman, and he won't budge in if you don't let him. So, number one, you turn on the gps, you enter the destination. That's your. You decided something. This is where I want to go, God. And then in that surrender, you connect to divine power because now the, the. The driver's seat is occupied by God himself. Now you're, you're asking him, like, okay, like, guide me. Turn left, turn right. Recalculating. Make a U turn. That's not the path that I want you to go on, you know, that's direction too. So when you are letting God guide you through the power of intention, you become one with God. You have divine guidance, divine wisdom. So therefore, you have divine power through intention. You connect to divine power because you recognize that, yes, you make a decision and you remove all other possibilities, but you have power over you. The rest of the universe ain't in your hands, buddy. So by you including God in the equation and letting him guide, you are tapping into the power of God within you, and you are one with God. So you have this power already. It's just a matter of tapping into it. So, number one, you make a decision, you remove all other possibilities. Number two, you connect to divine power by surrendering to God's guidance. And. And number three, you do everything with purpose. You connect to purpose. What that means is if my intention is to love my husband, and I know that my husband is an act of service kind of guy, that's how he feels loved, then anything that I do around the house, any task, anything that I do to take something off his plate is not a task. I never do laundry. I never do the dishes. I never cook. I always love instead. So what I mean by that is that now when you're. When you're cooking, you're not cooking. Like, oh, my gosh, I have to cook another task. I have so many things on my plate. No, you're loving your. Your husband. Your intention was to love him. Then you're loving him by doing this. When you're doing the dishes and you're folding the Titan fold, folding all the tiny little clothes or the not so tiny clothes that they cannot for their lives, they always stay inside out. I'm always arguing with my kids over the socks instead of thinking like, oh my gosh, I have to do these things. You get to love your kids, you get to love your family. You're doing things with purpose as opposed to mindlessly. And life feels a lot differently when you are living your purpose, when you're doing things for a greater good, not just to get them done. So when you set an intention because you're building something bigger, any little thing that you do, any little step that you take to get to that destination feels good. Living in purpose feels good. My grandfather talked about this story of a man who was in. In. I think he was in France, and he. He was a construction worker, and he was like chipping at rocks. My. My uncle. My grandpa would say he was picando piedra. So he was Passing by a construction site and there was this man, like, you know, like chipping on, on. On rocks or breaking rocks. And he, this, this man goes, asks him like, hey, good man, like, what are you doing? And he's like, oh, I'm here picando piedra. I'm here, like, you know, breaking rocks. And he's like, oh, okay. So he keeps walking and then he sees another guy in the same construction site doing the exact same thing as the first man. But he's still curious. So he asks like, hey, good man, what are you up to? And he says, like, I am building the most beautiful cathedral in the entire world. He was also picando piedra. He was also breaking stones like the previous guy, but he was doing it with purpose. He was connecting to purpose. So what feels better to picar piedra por gusto or to build the most beautiful cathedral in the entire universe? The second one. So does it feel better to do all these tasks for your business and send all these emails and keep all these metrics and get on all these meetings and calls, or does it feel better to build the kingdom of God, which is how you, you know, through your business? Does it feel better to fold clothes and complain about how they kept. They left the socks inside out, or does it feel better to think like clean clothes for my kids? I'm loving on them. I'm such a good mom. Does it feel better to cook or to love your husband who feels loved through food or acts of service? When you connect to purpose, life is so much better. So when I set the intention of slowing down, being present, enjoying every moment of all those busy days that I had ahead of me. When I set that intention, I went to my dad's appointments where he was diagnosed with cancer and had the best day ever with my family and laughed in the middle of what could have been really sorrowful. And that's how his cancer treatment started. That day was when his healing began, not when the diagnosis and the problem was initiated. That's when healing began. And it began through the smiles that he was, was, was shining through in that rear view mirror. And all because I set an intention. And notice that when you set an intention, it's also collective. It's contagious. So my brothers didn't set an intention. They probably don't even know what an intention is. They think I'm woo and crazy. But by me setting the intention and showing up with that light, I ignited them and they adopted my intention. It's what happens anyway. We are affected by other people's energy, aren't we? If we're around people who are constantly criticizing, we become people who also criticize. If we are around people who are super positive, we become positive. If we're around people who are so negative or Debbie Downers, we become a little bit like that too. So when you surround yourself by people who are constantly setting intentions to make themselves in the world better, you become one of them. And it's almost like you adopt that intention mindfully or mindlessly. It happens anyway, so why not intend with intention? So my invitation to you, my friend, is that you live a life of intention, that you set an intention for your year. You know how this whole thing of like the word for the year that's setting your word of intention. So my word for the year is gain. I ended year the last year. I told you a little bit about this in my. In my episode last week, and I ended last year feeling like a little burnt out and overwhelmed and not appreciating and taking for granted a lot of the accomplishments that I had had during the year. And I was like, no, no, no, no more. I want to live in the gain. And living in the gain. There's this book, I forgot what the author is, but it's. The book is titled the Gap and the Gain. And I was. And living in the gain means that you are measuring yourself by looking backward and recognizing how far you've come along, focusing on progress, focusing on gratitude, not taking for granted anything that you've been able to accomplish, even if you're not idea at the ideal, which is what living in the gap means. When you're living in the gap, you're measuring yourself forward and being like, oh, but I'm not there yet. Oh, but I haven't achieved that yet. So that's not good enough. So you're not really living in gratitude. You're not focusing on progress. You are. You're measuring yourself against the idea which will always give so you never achieve it. Because the moment you get close to it's like the horizon. The moment you get close to your goal, then that goal becomes bigger. So I wanted to live in the gain and I wanted to live in gratitude. I set the intention of gratitude for the month of November last year, and it just shifted my energy. I was in a little bit of a funk and it shifted my energy so tremendously that I was like, I must. I must bring this to my year. So. So living in the gain to me is about living in gratitude, focusing on progress, appreciating the little things Success filing, that's a concept that my friend Caro uses a lot. And she got it from our coach, Susan Fort Collins, who wrote the Joy of Success, the book the Joy of Success. And success filing is about recognizing all the little accomplishments and successes that you have every day that you may take for granted. When you do that, your energy also shifts because you realize, like, okay, yeah, I didn't get to the 20 things in my to do list, but I was present with my daughter. I had a beautiful, meaningful conversation with her. I had another beautiful conversation with my son on the way to practice. Like, when you realize all the little things that you accomplish every day that matter more than the to do's because ultimately those are most likely the things that you would do if you knew this was your last day on earth. It wouldn't be to complete groceries or to send the email. It would be to be present. So when you success file, when you live in the gain, you're constantly looking for those little miracles of every day. And so my intention this year, my word of the year's gain, I wanted to live in gratitude, focusing on progress, not taking anything for granted. And I also wanted to gain the fruits of my labor. As you heard in the last episode, I show up. I show up for my family, I show up for my business. I show up for my clients, my students. And I don't often lately at least get results or outcomes that match the level of effort and dedication that I input that I put in. So I wanted to gain the fruits of my labor and I wanted to live in the gain that was my, my, my big intention, my umbrella intention. I have my vision planter that I, that I created. Like, you could do a vision planter, you could do a vision board or whatever. And in my vision planter, I put a soap that was the brand gain so that I would always remember that my umbrella intention is to live in gratitude, to live in the gain. Now I have also intentions for every month, and this is something that I learned from Kato's formula. She has a group program that's fantastic and allows you, helps you to live a life of intention. So today I'm promoting her because she's the one who taught me about intention and she deserves it. If you want to look into that, you can go to carolindeposada.com and learn more about her program. But anyway, so I have an intention for every month, and the intention for, for January was breath. I wanted to take a breath because I finished the year working a lot and I wanted to like take a breath. But I also wanted to. To do all the work for my launch of the Faith Based Coaching Academy until I was out of breath. I didn't want to leave anything, any stone unturned. And he I didn't want it to be that I didn't do enough. So I wanted to be out of breath while doing that. I also wanted to take a breath of fresh air and replenish and renew and measure moments by what took my breath away. So breath was my thing. It meant both that I was replenishing and that I was giving my all to where I was in that season during the launch. And then now February is free. February. So what I learned last month was that I was taking the time to breathe. And what allowed me to take those breaths that I needed was feeling that I had an abundance of time, which is something that I struggle with. I get myself too busy sometimes. So in order to have an abundance of time, I need to feel free. Like I want to feel free in terms of I am free to do what I want to do some most times, right? Like instead of having like a full schedule of compromises and things that I have to do because I promise I would. I wanted to experience that freedom. I wanted, I want to experience financial freedom in my business. We just went through the building of my office and a remodel and, and it, it took a hit on the account. So I want to, I want to focus on, on extra experiencing freedom. And remember that because intentions are not attached to goals or outcomes, I can feel free. I can feel an abundance of time with a busy schedule by connecting to purpose and choosing to honor the person I have in front of you. If the reason my schedule is busy, cause I'm talking to a client or a prospect or a student, right. I can experience freedom right here, right now. I don't need to achieve the goal to be able to experience the intention. So this month of February I have been focused on freedom, experiencing that freedom. And I have been cooking like crazy for my family because when I cook I feel abundant in time. So I've been doing all these super fancy meals and going all out and doing healthy desse desserts and treats and sharing with my daughter's friends just to feel that freedom. So I didn't have to wait until I had all the time in the world. I was able to do something that made me feel free right now, which also happened to support my family. When you set an intention, you have a North Star, you have seven something that, that is guiding Your decisions and. And that is guiding your emotions. Because now when I'm cooking, since cooking equals freedom, abundance of time, then I am not thinking like, oh my goodness, I have so much to do. I have a business to run and kids to uber around town and. And now I have to be a chef. And I love being a chef. I even took a day to. To go like a morning off to go with my friend Celi, who's a chef, shout out to you, Celi, you're the best. She also does when I do retreats. She's the one who comes and serves our students. And I went with her to Wild Forex and all these different stores to buy meats that I don't usually cook so that I can learn something new and gave me some recipes. I felt so free. You know what it is to take a morning to go to the supermarket? What? Sign me up. So when you set an intention, when you live a life of intention, you become the producer and director of your life. You are the one deciding what life is going to look like. Not external circumstances, not the rest of the world. You, you get to decide. You get to connect with divine power and you get to live in and with purpose. So my friend, I invite you to set an intention for your year and maybe even a smaller intention. So that's the umbrella minus gain. Living in the gain. Living in gratitude and then breath. Taking a breath allows me to be more grateful, allows me to be more patient in my journey. Now feeling freedom energizes me so that I have more energy to continue focusing on that gain. Focusing on gratitude. Right? So it's not a brand new intention every month. All these little intentions support the bigger umbrella intention. So what Is your intention? 2026 is the year that you fill in the blank. What must you not end the year without? What matters to you the most? What do you desire to devote this year to? And set it as an intention. Remove all other possibilities, connect to divine power to make it happen. And live every little task and step towards that intention with purpose and with joy. I hope this serves you. I hope you're able to shift whatever you're wanting to shift right now by simply setting an intention so that you may have a giggling in the rear view mirror moment with yourself or your loved ones or whomever you want to share this intention with. I hope this supported you. I love you. Remember to rate the show, Please, please. That really supports me and helps me reach more people and share it. Share it with someone that you want to bless with a life of intention. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Ciao.