How to Co-Parent After Divorce Without Toxic Drama

Mindy Bear is a powerhouse with a voice that's graced radio and television. She's super famous and a story that will touch your soul. When life unraveled, Mindy found herself navigating divorce, dating in her 40s, and eventually building a big blended family full of redemption. This is a conversation about second chances, which is going to be her podcast. Coming up, Sacred Pain and how God writes beauty into every piece of your story. So help me welcome the one and only Mindy Bear.

Oh, Betsy, I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for having me.

Thank you. Thank you for being here. So, Mindy, you are a wealth of stories and wisdom, and I think you're gonna have to come back.

I would love to come back. I can be like a trilogy.

Yes, please.

Okay, Perfect for today.

I would love to hear a little bit about your story, and your story is very interesting.

It's. It's interesting. It's titillating. It's scandalous. It's. It's all the things. And I would like to tell everybody that the reason I know you is because I attended the Faith based. Faith Based Coaching Academy as the only Jewish person to ever have gone. And do not let faith or not faith be with something holding you back, because one of the best choices I've ever made.

Thank you. I love, like, I. I always wonder, like, can I hold space? Because I always say the Faith Based Coaching Academy is not about religion. It's about spirituality, the relationship with God. And when you. When you. When we got on our call, I was like, can I hold space for her in a way that honors her and honors me and the language I typically use?

And you did.

Oh, yay.

And you do. And so I think that anybody who's considering this, and I'll tell you all the reasons why you absolutely should. Faith is a huge part of my life. I'm born Jewish to Jewish parents. And just to dive right into it, my parents got divorced when I was 11. And my mother is a powerhouse herself. She was an attorney. She went to law school. There were only five or six other women in her class. I'm 60 years old. I mean, my mother, we have all stood on shoulders of women like my mother who have really been pioneering. She's incredible and beautiful. So I started a career in the radio here in South Florida, which was amazing. I used to buy under eye concealer by the gallon. I was exhausted for 50 years, 15 years. And during that time, I went on a trip to Israel, a summer singles mission, because where else do you Go meet nice Jewish boys, right? And on that flight, I sat next to a boy who I wound up marrying. And when we very first started dating, he told me we were gonna get married and have three daughters. And guess what? We got married, and we have three daughters. And my life really was a storybook. It still is, by the way. But. But that beginning part was delicious. It was romantic. He wined and dined me. We had our babies. We went away for long weekends. We traveled with the kids without the kids. We had friends who were, you know, other couples. Barbecues and birthday parties and all of those, like, suburban things. I grew up in Miami, and I live in the suburbs of West Broward. If you had told me that I would be living in West Broward, I would have fallen on the floor and died laughing. But it's one of those big surprises in life. Well, another big surprise came 12 years into my marriage when I found out that my husband, the first great love of my life, who I still love and adore and treasure, but that he had fallen in love with someone else. And the someone else was a man. I'll give you a second. One, two, three. Yeah. That was a big, big, big surprise. I was devastated. I was shocked. I was unhinged. I remember that moment. I mean, my body temperature plummeted to, like, -20. When people say they felt the world drop off from underneath you. I felt that my children were very young. They were like 5, 7, and 9 or 4, 6, and 8. I mean, they were little girls. And it was horrific. Now, we've all heard of so many people who come out during marriage or realize who they are, but back then, in the very early 2000s, like, no one knew. No one had heard many stories like this. And it was shocking. It was horrible. I was afraid. I was scared. I was sad. Because I love him, loved him. And I. I wanted to be one of those couples that are married for 67 years and have great grandchildren and all of those things. I wanted it. Cause I didn't have it as a kid, he didn't have it as a kid. And it was our dream together, one of our many dreams. So we stayed together for a long time, for a year, and tried to work things out. We had to know. We tried everything, and we did. And we ultimately got separated and divorced. And I was one of the very first people of my friends to get divorced. And that sucked when people started to find out. I remember a girlfriend called the Moment after. We told the kids in that hour after. And she ran over to my House. And I was comforting her. Oh, Debbie, everything's gonna be okay. What's wrong with this picture? But I lived through it. I didn't have a ton of role models as to how to handle a divorce without having it turn into a vitriolic, poison, poisonous, disgusting episode. We don't hear about a lot of positive divorces. I don't think there even is anything positive about divorce. No. Children want their parents to get divorced. And it's just a very difficult scenario. But I did my best to take care of my piece of the puzzle. And thank goodness. I had chosen very well in my first marriage. Because my first husband, I call him my Wusband, was a super amazing and cooperative co partner, co parent, and best friend. We didn't have a visitation agreement. Cause he would never have been able to stick to it. His schedule is crazier than crazy. And I never said no. Why wouldn't I want my children to see their dad? So we got divorced. I don't even know how I survived. There were days I couldn't get out of bed. I certainly don't want anyone to think it was easy, because it was the hardest thing in the world. There are days I was furious, I was angry. I thought if I had a knife. I mean, I felt all of those feelings. I sound so calm and relaxed now. I promise you, I wasn't then, but I was a woman of faith. I am a Jew. And that's always been there for me in my life. And I wanted my children to have what I didn't have, what he didn't have. And so they saw their life continue on in that same rhythmic, beautiful pattern. Here he came for dinner every week, at least once a week. One time he even called and said, what are you making? I said, whatever I'm making, you'll eat it. I mean, come on. And life continued on. But, you know, eventually I had to date. I didn't want to date. I wanted to be a nun. I wanted to be without a man ever. Because I wasn't letting myself get hurt again. Because that really hurt. But I did. I let myself date. And I had some relationships. And I had to get back in that saddle. And that sucks. I didn't like dating the first time. Now when I'm older and my boobs have relocated to a new area, you know, and then you have men that are dating and they do have hair where they don't want it, and they don't have hair where they do want it. And everybody's just a.