How to Forgive in Three Simple Steps

Today we're going to talk about how to forgive in three simple steps. If you have experienced an offense from someone you love, you probably have struggled with forgiveness. And most of my clients understand that forgiveness is not for the offender. Forgiveness is to free you. But they still have the question of how. How do I do it? How do I forgive the unforgivable? And here are three steps that are going to support you in that journey. Number one, focus on expansion, not forgiveness. Let me explain what that means. Forgiveness is a grace. It's like a big gift wrapped in a big box with a large bow. If you grab a huge gift and you try to put it away in a small, small space, it's not going to fit. And sometimes we have a small space that does not fit the grace of forgiveness. For example, when you have the mindset of like, no, I'm never going to forgive, that's unforgivable, or, I don't care about that person, I'd rather not even talk to them or think about them, or it doesn't bother me, I'm indifferent. When you think that way, your space to hold the grace of forgiveness is shrunk. There's not enough space for it. But in the measure that you focus on expanding yourself, expanding your mindset, expanding your heart, then there's a larger room where you can host the grace of forgiveness. And what would that look like? You may focus on your spiritual growth. You may expand your mindset. So, for example, when you think, you know, I decide I am going to believe that forgiveness is indeed for me, and that forgiveness is a gift and a grace and that I am lucky to experience it. I get to model that for my children, the people around me. When you start thinking differently about the possibility of forgiveness, then you expand. And now there is room to download the grace. When you expand your heart, your spirit, when you're in prayer and you ask God, God, give me what it takes to forgive this person, you're expanding. So instead of focusing of like, no, he or she doesn't deserve it. This is what I think about forgiveness. Expand, focus on you as a person. What kind of person do I need to become to be able to host in my body, in my heart, in my spirit, spirit, the grace of forgiveness. Number two, you get to have what I call compassionate awareness. Awareness is when we're conscious about our role in our lives, right? Like, why is it that we react the way we do? Why is it that we allow certain things from other people? We are the producers and directors of our life movie. So when you look inward, when you have that awareness, you're able to explore, what about me contributed to that person thinking it's okay for him or she to offend me? And in doing so, the idea is not to blame yourself, to be shaming yourself. That's why I say compassionate awareness. The idea is to be accountable, to assume responsibility, and to be empowered by it. Because now it's like, yeah, that person offended me, but I get to show up in a different way that conveys to the world, it's not okay for you to do that to me. And number three is pray for that person. That's really, really, really hard when you want to, like, punch them or scream at them or curse at them. But having the courage to pray for the offender usually expands you in a special way so that you can hold that big, big, big gift of forgiveness in your life. So if you're ready to forgive and free yourself from that pain in doing so, I invite you to consider expanding, praying for that person who offended you and becoming accountable and aware of how you may have contributed to that experience. I know this is not easy, but if you're ready to do it, we're happy to Support you. @betterwithvetsy.com Sam.