How to Forgive Without Holding a Grudge

Think about someone, your partner, a family member, a friend that has hurt you recently. Think about that offense. What have you done about it? Have you avoided it at all cost? Have you held it in and let it accumulate? What have you done with that offense? I want to tell you about the importance of forgiving. I know, I know it's not your thing. It's not my night. But guess what? We are called to forgive because we need to be forgiven all the time. I mean, even when we try to be the best version of ourselves, we screw up and we need for someone to forgive us and we want that person to forgive us. There's been times that I've told my husband, like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I did that. I know, I know my bad. And he's like, I don't want you to tell me that you're sorry. I want you to stop doing it. And in that moment I'm like, oh my God, what do I do for him to forgive me? Because we want forgiveness, but you know what? We don't want to give forgiveness. And guess what? Forgiveness is not about justice. It's about freedom. It frees you from the offense. If somebody offends you or hurts you, that offense happens in the moment. But if you don't forgive him or her, then it elongates the process of being offended and being hurt by it. Martin Luther King says, forgiveness is not an occasional act, it's a constant attitude. And we are supposed to constantly forgive others to give them the benefit of the doubt, to understand that they didn't mean it, that it was impersonal, that it was their bad, and that they're better than their actions when those actions are poor and offensive. And when you don't feel forgive, offenses turn into anger and rage into resentment. And then suddenly you're bitter. You're bitter because you've allowed one little offense or one big offense to continue to hurt you over and over and over again. I hear people say, I forgive, but I don't forget. What is that supposed to mean? Of course you're not going to forget. It's not like you get amnesia after forgiving. But what they're really is, I forgive, but I'll always have this on you. And they haven't really forgiven. You know, you forgiven when you can remember the offense without pain, without getting teary eyed, without feeling the same emotions that you felt when you were offended. That's when you've forgiven and you free yourself from the pain and the offense. So freeing yourself. And forgiving is for you, it's not for anybody else. And it makes you a better person because you have things to be forgiven for. And I can't say I am free from offenses and offending others and making mistakes. So if I need to be forgiven, I am going to work hard at forgiving others. And the best way to do that is by telling yourself that you're capable of it. By praying for that person that offended you, by asking God or the universe or the electric power or whatever you believe in to help you and give you the grace that you need to heal and forgive the person that has hurt you. And by just planting a smile on your face. Because research shows that, yes, we smile because we're happy, but if we smile before we're happy, we can actually trigger a pleasant mood in ourselves. So smile, forgive, pray for that person. Heal, write about it, tell people about it. Look for different perspectives for refraining, looking at things from a different standpoint by giving the person the benefit of the doubt and just understanding that they don't get it. Sometimes people just don't realize how they hurt us with their words and their actions. Don't give them the power that they don't even know they have. Forgive and you will be forgiven. And free yourself from the pain that was not meant to last forever.