How to stop overthinking and take action NOW | 55

When you get stuck in thinking energy, you're not doing it. We know that the only way to create progress is not just by thinking, it's by thinking and trying. I had a conversation with someone I'm gonna call Didi this week. Didi is someone who was interested in the Faith-Based Coaching Academy, and when I met with her individually, when we went through her faith and life audit, we realized that my program was precisely made for Didi. It is the answer to her prayer. Like, search no more, here I am. Like, you're welcome. And when I followed up with Didi to see, like, you know, if she had considered what she was gonna decide, she sent me the cutest response to my email and said, like my son would have said at 8 years old, and her son is like in his 30s or so, I'm thinking. What are you thinking about? Because I will tell you, Didi was not confused. She's not disinterested. She's not really undecided. She knows this is the right answer to her problem. This is the solution to her problem, the answer to her prayer. And she knows that in her core, but she's thinking. She's thinking about it. She's wondering if— not if this is for her. I think she's wondering, is she worthy of this? Something that she's been searching for so long. Like, this is a woman who has done a lot of work. She had a very abusive marriage that created a lot of trauma. She had a hard childhood. Like, her kids would tell her, you know, Mom, how am I supposed to have self-esteem if you don't have one? Like, all I want What I need from you, Mom, is for you to feel good about yourself, to not question yourself twice all the time. And she's thinking about the thing that will complete, like full circle, that experience that she's had throughout her life. She's been wanting to serve others. She's been wanting to become equipped and connected so that she can help others with the experiences that she's had of pain. She wants to show her kids, I am love. I am worthy. I am enough. She wants to feel that in her core so that she can shine it through her actions, her words, the way she shows up for her kids, and almost make them proud. But she is thinking about it. She is thinking about the thing that will help her acquire what she desires most in her life. And I even went ahead and asked, like, "Listen, if money is not an issue, do you do this? Because I'll help you figure out the money part. Like, I can coach you through this. I've done it with many other people who had no money and couldn't afford it. Like, I'll guide you through it." And her response was, "I'm thinking." What are you thinking about? What decision, what step, step? What, what change, what habit are you still thinking about implementing? What are, what are you stuck in thinking energy? And I've mentioned before, I learned this from my friend Caro. Thinking energy is when we are stuck in the, in the mind and in the inaction. In the maybe. Maybe is a very dangerous place to be. Maybe is what keeps you stuck. My son was talking today about trying. Like, he's started a business in cleaning trash bins and windows. And he's like, I'm trying. I'm like, trying is not good enough. You either do or you don't. And I threw something on the floor, and I'm like, try to pick it up. You pick it up or you don't pick it up. But you don't extend your hand from where you're at without moving. That's not trying. You do or you don't. So what are you trying? What is your maybe? What is your one day? I'm not sure what it sounds like to you because it may have a different phrase that you attribute to it. But what is that thing that you feel stuck on that you know you want, but you haven't fully committed to and decided that that's it. Something— I know this may sound a little dumb or not meaningful, but I've always wanted to do pull-ups. I want to do pull-ups. I feel that it's important to live the kind of life that I live. I love adventure. I travel with my family. My husband and my kids, we're all adventurous. And I always think, what if my life or my kids' life depended on me doing a pull-up in one of those adventures? I just, I think it's important. It's important to me to be able to do pull-ups. And I can't, I'm not strong enough to do pull-ups. So for years I've been like, one day, I cannot die without doing a pull-up. One day I'm gonna do it. And I remember last year putting it in my calendar every day. Every day I put it at 8 o'clock, like pull-ups, so that if I hadn't done anything towards that goal that day, I could go to the garage and like do at least the, like the negatives, which is the progression, which is like you jump for the pull-up and then you go slowly down, which helps you build strength. But was I really serious? No, because every time that reminder went off, I ignored it and I turned it off. I was stuck in maybe, I was stuck in trying, I was stuck in one day, I was stuck in I'm thinking. Well, you don't get to do pull-ups by thinking about it. I was telling my son today, like, you don't get to build a business by thinking your way through it. You gotta act. You can think about it. That's important. You can think about it. You can coach through it. You can have conversations. You can ChatGPT it, all the things. But then integrate that information. Put it into action. If I would've continued to think about, doing a podcast. By the way, it's a year. It's my one-year anniversary of the podcast today. If I would have continued to think about the podcast and think about doing it one day, I wouldn't have given you these years. I needed to start. I needed to take action. And I'm all about stillness and surrender and solitude and quietness, like, I love that. I think it's important for us to know what step to take and what action to implement. We do need to be in stillness and surrender and quiet and listening and think. That's important. But you've thought about it enough, haven't you? What is that one thing that you keep thinking about? And one day, one day, and maybe, maybe, and I'm trying. No, you're not. You're not doing it. When you get stuck in thinking energy, when you get stuck in the maybe, what's happening is you keep asking people, you keep ChatGPTing if that's your thing, you keep thinking about like how could it work the best, almost as if you could prevent failure by just thinking your way through it. But we know that the only way to create progress is not just by thinking, it's by thinking and trying. Thinking and acting. And then you can iterate, and you can test and tweak, and you can do all the things. But, but what we do is we test and tweak and iterate in our minds because we, we almost like talk ourselves out of the thing that we haven't even tried to see if it works. Quick interruption to invite you to reignite the spark in your marriage. If your relationship has gone a little dull and you've been consumed by routine and busyness and kids and logistics and all the things, and you're ready to feel deeply connected to your spouse again and to feel not the butterflies but the fireworks, I got you. Go to reignitemarriage.com and meet me for just 1 month and leave equipped to build the fulfilling relationship relationship that you said "I do" to. And by the way, it's only $397 for the entire month. I have never ever offered such an inexpensive program, but I felt guided to do so this time because I want to make sure I help you bless your marriage. Now back to the episode. So then you'll be like, okay, I really want to lose 10 pounds. Or I really want to become equipped and connected, which is what we in the Faith-Based Coaching Academy help you do. Equipped with tools and theories and psychology and understanding that's gonna help you understand why people around you and why you think, feel, and act the way that you do and what to do about it. Like, that's where the tools come in. Like, okay, now that I understand why my kid doesn't want me in his life and they keep, you know, my kid keeps closing the door on me, and like, I don't have access to him, and everything that I say is triggering. Okay, now that I understand why he feels that way, and I have the tools to go around it and strengthen our relationship and give me access to him again, now I can make the changes I desire in my life, and that's the action part. So in my coaching academy, I do not let you graduate unless you've embodied what you've learned. And the way you embody, the way you become what you learn in theory is by being it, is by putting it into action, is by working on it, not just thinking about it. So be real with yourself. Take a moment. Pause this. Think about, like, what in my life— it may be something as little and dumb as I want to do a pull-up, or I want to lift X amount of weight, or I want to lose 10 pounds, or it could be something that may not seem as profound or meaningful to you. So maybe you hadn't given it too much attention. But how you do one thing is how you do everything. So what is that thing for you? What have you always said you want to do but haven't really put in the work and the effort? You haven't prioritized it. And listen, sometimes it is smart, it's wise to not prioritize something when there are other things that are more urgent or more important. Doing a pull-up for me wasn't a priority for a long time. It wasn't. And it wasn't going to change my life. And I had other more important things to attend to that I felt God was guiding me to first. And in this season of my life where I feel so fulfilled and whole and complete and stable and happy and peaceful, I get to, I get to focus on push-ups. So I hired a personal trainer, I go to the gym every day, and I am inevitably gonna succeed. And maybe one day I'll do it on camera so you can watch me. But by the end of this, By the end of this year, I will know how to do pull-ups. I promise. I am holding myself accountable. And by the way, that's one of the steps that I use in helping you get out of stuckness and thinking energy. It's holding yourself accountable by giving more meaning and by committing to someone else or a higher purpose. For example, when I wanted to run the marathon, I spoke about this last week, when I wanted to run a marathon in memory of my friend's dad, I just, I could not have run that marathon without giving it the meaning that I was giving it. I am doing this to show my friend how much I love her and how much I want to honor her dad and how much he matters to me. That bigger meaning was enough to get me through anything, any marathon, like literal or conceptually. I was going to do it because I have a strong value of service and love and being a woman of my word, and especially to people I love. Like, I wasn't going to fail my friends. If I committed something to a friend, to a person, to a client, to a human that I care for, I am not going to fail. I know I'm going to wake up. And if I commit to my personal trainer that I'm going to be there at a certain time, I'm not going to leave her hanging. I just, I don't do that. I honor people. That's one of my greatest gifts. And it's one of the things that I don't have to negotiate or worry about because it's strong within me. So what is the strong value that you possess that you don't even have to work towards because it's who you are, right? Like, I am a woman of my word, and I honor people. Those are two values that are non-negotiable and easy for me. It's who I am. I've identified with them. So then when I hire a trainer to help me with something, I show up. And when I promise something to my friend that I'm going to honor her dad by running this marathon with her, I show up again. So I didn't like running. I never cared. It was not in my bucket list to run a marathon in my life, in my lifetime. But it's always in my bucket list to honor someone and to love someone and to be a woman of my word. So that thing that you feel stuck in that you keep telling people, like, yeah, I want to help others, I want to coach others, maybe it's not as a career. The majority of my alumni in the Faith-Based Coaching Academy, probably like 90%, don't care to monetize their coaching skills. They come here to become equipped and connected, equipped with the tools that are going to help them help the people around them, support their children, their spouse, to create and build fulfilling, strong, peaceful, joyful relationships and a life of purpose. And you don't have to monetize that. The majority of my students don't practice coaching as a career. Do you want to be equipped with these tools? Do you want to get a PhD-level education in psychology in 4 months? What? Like, you're welcome. I give you everything that I got in the 10 years that it took me to complete a doctorate in clinical psychology. All of it, all the things that still serve and support me and help me support others, because that's my purpose, and that's what God created me for, and that's how I'm a vessel of God in building His kingdom here on earth. That's my responsibility, and it's my privilege. I give you everything I've learned for years, and through sweat and tears and pain, personal pain. You know about my story. You know that I don't just I didn't just learn this in books at school. I am a testament of the work that I do. I've experienced excruciating pain, and I am joy, and I am peace, and I am hope, as can be you. You've gone through a lot of things in your life. You have experienced pain. Maybe you've experienced tragedy, abuse. Like some trauma, and those things have given you wisdom. You've learned from them. And how dare you keep that to yourself when there are other people that are in the shoes you once were? And as my coach Rory Baden likes to say, you are most powerfully positioned to help the person you once were. You are most powerfully positioned to help the person you once were. And you already have the wisdom, you already have the lessons ingrained in you because you've been there, done that. But you're not equipped. You're not equipped to transfer them on to the people around you, to the people who are praying for you to show up. You get to be equipped. You get to, like, understand and learn those theories and those tools so that you can then use your life to make another's life better. So do you want to be equipped? And do you want to feel connected? And when I say connected, I go back to Didi. Didi knows conceptually that she's been called to more. She's been called to use her life experiences to help others. But you know what Didi doesn't know? By serving others, by becoming equipped to serve others, she's not just gonna connect to others, she's not gonna connect just to God because, you know, she's living her purpose and being a vessel. She's also gonna connect to herself. And that problem that remains of her building her self-worth and feeling enough and having a good self-esteem as her daughter begged her, to work on acquiring, that's the byproduct. When I was writing my book, I was writing my book to honor my daughter and to help those who were grieving. I thought that if I could put my story out there and give them tools that helped me and that helped many thousands of my clients, that then you know, I was going to be doing good work, and I could, you know, I could glorify God by doing that. It was hard. Writing the book was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, the hardest, and I've done a lot of hard things. It was so hard. And what I didn't realize is that God put in my heart to do this for others, which is the only thing that would have motivated me, right? Because I shared with you that It's a value. It's a value to serve. It's a value to show up for people. I did it for others. I did it for Fofi. I did it for those who were grieving. But what I didn't know is that it was healing me. God was using this to heal others, but He wasn't gonna leave me stranded. He was healing me in the process. That's why it was so hard, 'cause I was going through healing that I didn't even know I needed. I had done a lot of healing, for the loss of my daughter. But I guess I hadn't done enough healing for the how it happened. The how it happened was traumatic, and it was dark, and it was hard, and there was guilt, and there was fear, and there was, oh my gosh, if I can't control the one thing that I was responsible for, keeping my kids alive, then I'm doomed. And I still don't know how my daughter passed. Like, I was right there with her, next to her. I was next to her in the pool, Oh, I don't understand how this happened. So the not knowing for a recovering control freak like me was hard. And I needed to go and tell you the details through my book so that I could go in that again and submerge myself again in that darkness of the how I lost my daughter, like how it happened. So that I could heal it deeply and profoundly. So Didi is thinking about it because she doesn't feel worthy enough. And we don't get what we want, we get what we believe we deserve, said Oprah. But, and she's like, I want to help others. But does she want to help others and be worthy of helping herself and completing this journey that she's been in, like, just seeing it full circle, like, just complete it by attending to herself too? Does she feel worthy of that? Does she feel maybe some imposter syndrome? Is she feeling like, who am I to help other people if I can't even get it right? God uses you. He, like, they say, like, God doesn't choose the equipped, He equips the chosen. So if you are chosen, become equipped. And God gave you me. God gave you my program to equip you. And I have to be super direct and real because how dare I not share with you the thing that I know is a solution to your problem, the answer to your prayer, which is you are not equipped, you're not formed to support and help and be there and coach the people you're assigned to, starting with your own family, and you're not deeply connected to yourself, to God, and to those you're meant to be connected to through the work that you do. So, do you wanna be equipped? Do you wanna feel connected? And connected goes so beyond, like, I think that's the one thing that has attracted all of my 100 students that have graduated from the Faith-Based Coaching Academy. They always say like, you know, like the Holy Spirit like just shines through and like jumps out of you. And I think about the role of God in my life, and it's se me sale por los poros. Like you could see it through me. Like I can't fake it. You can see the joy, you can see my peace, you can. It's as real as it gets because I'm constantly working and staying connected to the indwelling God, to the Holy— I'm obsessed with the Holy Spirit, obsessed. So I wanna be connected to the divine wisdom that I have access to through the Holy Spirit. I wanna be connected to discernment, knowing what decision to make when, when it's hard, to decide because I'm connected. And you, my friend, you have a great life. You have no crisis. You have a beautiful family. You can't complain. But there's something that's missing. And it's that you're not fully equipped to go all the way. In serving and supporting the people you're assigned to, whether you're going to monetize it or not. This is not a life coach certification. This is a formation program. The life coach certification is the icing on the cake. You're welcome. It's what makes it feel like delicious because you, you got like a certificate and you got to wear a graduation cap and gown and, and it just, it lets you know that you completed something important. Real, rigorous, like, professional, and beautiful. Like, it feels like an accomplishment. So that's the icing on the cake. But the real benefit that you get from doing this work is that you become equipped without having to go to school for 10 years, and you become connected to God, to yourself and to the people around you. So my friend, I'm going to call you Didi, my dear Didi, my dear friend, because you have been that person too. You have been that person stuck in, I'm thinking about it, maybe, I'm trying, one day. I'm inviting you today to take the next step, to implement, to put into action that guidance that you've been receiving, that little voice that's been telling you, like, I should do this. I should do this. This is your sign. This is the answer to your prayer. Like, if that's you, if you keep feeling like I should do this, take action. The next step. Go to talktobetsy.com and book a call with me so that I may help you. And it's called— it's a free faith and life audit, so I may help you discern where is in your life, is there misalignment, is there a separation from God and yourself, like, so that then we can connect it, reconnect it through the work that we do. And help you with the next steps after that. And I promise you, if you know me, you know this to be true. I will never, ever sell ice to an Eskimo. An Eskimo doesn't need ice. I will never invite you into the Faith-Based Coaching Academy if you are not a good fit. I promise you. In fact, it would hurt me and it would hurt my community. I'm very intentional about the people I welcome. And if it's not a right fit, I will be the first one to tell you. So take the next step. It's a 45-minute call, or 45 to an hour, of your life where you are actively taking that step, taking action, rather than being stuck in thinking energy. So— I hope this spoke to you. And if it did, I hope I get a notification that you booked the call because this is your time. Tomorrow is not promised. And if you keep hearing it in your heart, then I want to support you and I want to show up for you. If this did not speak to you at all, don't worry. Tune in for the next episode, and I will make sure that I support you with the content next week. But it's okay. Maybe this is not for you, period. But there's something else. There's something else you've been thinking about, my friend. Maybe it's the pull-ups or the losing weight or the having a better relationship with your kid or with your spouse. Or perhaps it's going back to school because there's something that you've been wanting to pursue that has nothing to do with psychology. And it's— this is the message. This is a sign for you. So whatever it is, listen to the underlying message. Get unstuck from that thinking energy and that maybe by taking action and applying meaning, connecting that step to a deeper meaning that is a non-negotiable value for you so that you may set yourself up for Success. Success is inevitable for you when you take action. I love you. I'll see you next week. Have a beautiful summer. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you, so thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode. Send it to them. Them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me at faithandgrowth.com. Thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.