How to stop self-sabotaging your life | 58

If you're a go-getter, a giver, someone who works hard and shows up for everyone, but the abundance you're chasing seems out of reach all the time, no matter how hard you work for it, well, that, my friend, is because you're most likely self-sabotaging without even realizing. So today you're going to become aware of the one thing that is keeping you stuck. If we haven't met yet, I am Dr. Betsy Guerra, and I am a licensed psychotherapist, a coach trainer, and for 26 years, my friend, I have been helping people like you stop self-sabotaging and open the, the possibility to receive the graces that God has in store for you so that you may live the fulfilling purpose-driven, and happy life that you were created to live as you serve others. So if you're like me, you're a go-getter, you make things happen, you're not afraid of doing the work and putting in the effort, and you, you wholeheartedly commit to the things you feel called to, but then the outcomes don't necessarily measure the amount of effort that you put into everything you do. You're constantly being generous to others, helping others, serving, showing up with your gifts to serve and elevate humanity. And you may not be receiving the abundance of success, fulfillment, peace, joy, fill in the blank, finances. I don't know. What is it for you? Fill in the blank of what it is that you haven't yet mastered, experienced, or received. Not received fully, no matter how much you've chased it and no matter how much effort you've put into it. Tell me, what is that for you? Take a moment to reflect on what that is for you. What is missing in your life? Now, here's the thing, my friend. The reason you're not receiving that is not because of lack of effort and work. You deserve it. You've earned it. It's not because you are here just to serve others at your cost. Notice that the commandment wasn't love thy neighbor at your cost. It was love thy neighbor as yourself. So why is it? Why is it that no matter how much you give, how much you put into the thing that you're trying to receive, it just doesn't work out? Here is the big secret, my friend. The reason you are not where you expect to be or where you would think you would be at this point after everything you've done is because you have managed to self-sabotage it. A person like you who is so giving, so service-oriented, who puts in the effort and the work, who who is a go-getter, who pursues what she wants, is a person that typically also does not know how to receive. Hello, my name is Betsy Guerra, and I love to give to people. I love to be generous, and I struggle deeply with being loved, with receiving help, with being supported, and just being open to the abundance and the gifts that my community, humanity, and God through them has for me. Do you resonate with that too? I have connected or identified so much with the identity of being the giver, being the helper, being the server, being the person who is there for others that I forgot. I forgot to also nurture my ability to receive. Like, I forgot to also make sure that I'm open enough to receive the graces that I've been praying and asking for. And as I prepare for the Faith and Growth Summit, which is on December 3rd— save the date, put it in your calendar— December 3rd from 9 to 5 in Miami, Florida, you are coming. We're having a date. With, you know, together and with God, because it's gonna be a place where a spiritual retreat meets a personal development conference. It's gonna be incredible. I cannot wait to share that with you. And as I prepare for this summit, I realize like, oh my goodness, this thing that I'm creating and building is a lot bigger than I expected, right? Like, I'm guided in my journey of my business, And my business partner is the Holy Spirit. And what He is creating through me is big and beautiful. And as I've been hiring and doing the hiring, the people that are going to support us and putting in the deposits and everything, I realized I need help. I need help not just from an event planner and people in general, but I need sponsorships. And when I thought about that, I would cringe inside. Like, what? I have to ask people for money? And what are they going to think of me? Like, who do I think I am? I have a for-profit business. Are they going to reject me? I had all these thoughts. And I'm like, Betsy, what is that? Even I was amazed at my reaction because I was scared. I was scared of asking. I was scared of what people thought. I was scared of being rejected and being told no. And what would that say about me, as if my worth depended on that? I was nervous about receiving. I didn't know what to say. I felt like thank you wasn't enough. Ultimately, I felt unworthy. Of being supported. I felt unworthy of receiving. And that surprised me about me. It was something that I got to witness and look inward and realize it was there. And my producer, he sent me the video for the sponsorships, and I had it ready. And I was supposed to immediately put it out into the world and ask my— I had a committee that's helping me through this. And I was supposed to ask them, like, okay, can you reach out to this person and that person? And I have a whole list of people I believe are my champions and believe in what I stand for and what I do and that I think would love to support me. I know that conceptually. I know it is a gift to give because I am a giver. But then I was, like, scared. I was scared of asking, terrified, if I am completely honest. Like, I would cringe. And instead of sending that video, I've held onto it for months. And I have hesitated. And in that journey, when I received the video, I sent it to a dear friend because her son is speaking at our event. And he was part of the sponsorship video. So I wanted them to see it. It was super cute. And I was sharing it with— he's my best friend. He's married to my best friend. So I was like, oh, here, bebo, look at this video. That guy showed up just a couple of hours later at my porch, at my door, and told me that he wanted his business to be the title sponsorship, like the top, top, top donation of my event. Without asking, God already sent me the most significant amounts of sponsorship to let me know, "I got you, Betsy. I got you. I'm right behind this." And then I was like, "Okay, like before I start calling people and having my committee like help me with that, I'm just gonna throw it out into the universe. Who's gonna read it? Nobody reads my emails anyway. I'm just gonna just send it by email and be like, 'Hey, if you wanna support, like, you know, Here it is. And one of my alumni from the Faith-Based Coaching Academy reached out and she said she wanted to be the second sponsorship. So the top sponsorship was $10,000 and the one right under was $7,500. And that's no small amount, right? It's a significant help. And she couldn't, you know, she couldn't take the $10,000 'cause it was already taken on the website by my friend. So she reached out and she wanted to inquire about that. Like, you also wanna help me? Like, you're willing to do this? I could have cried. Like, I may have cried again. I was so emotional. I was like, why? I don't know. It was like little kisses from God telling me like, but I love you. Of course, of course there are people out there who wanna help you. You don't only have to be the helper. And then a friend of mine, him and his wife started off as my clients, as a couple client many, many, many years ago. And eventually, like, after we were done working together, we had common friends and we just got really close. And he now is a— like, his family is really, really close to my family. Like, We're really close. He sent me a text and he's like, "Hey, are you still looking for help and sponsorships for your summit?" And I'm like, "Actually, I'm not. I haven't even started because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed to ask. Why? Do you know someone who would be interested?" And he's like, "Yes, this guy. This guy is interested." And I'm like, oh, like I was literally so humbled. I was so grateful and embarrassed at the same time. And I told him that. He's a very elevated human, so I can talk to him in this way. And he was like, "What do you mean? What are you embarrassed about? Just say yes." And he called me and he was like, "Listen, I have been holding on to this money, waiting for the opportunity, for the thing that God invites me to donate it to. And I didn't want it to be mindless. I wanted to feel it." I could feel it in my heart that that was the right thing to invest this money on, to give it to. And when my wife told me that you were doing this event, I immediately felt it. So you were an answer to my prayer. And I'm like, what? What? All that to say that you are here hustling your way to, forcing things, pursuing things, working your butt off, doing, doing, doing, earning, earning, earning. And some of that which you're trying to earn is love. And love is free. Love cannot be earned. Love simply is. You've already poured into others. You've already given. You've already invested time, effort, energy. You've already been the go-getter, the pursuer. You've done a lot of that. But have you invested as much energy into opening up to receiving. Are you open to receive the flow of abundance that God has in store for you? I don't know if I have told you this analogy before, but I believe that God is like Santa Claus. And He has a big red bag of gifts. It's filled with gifts. And He goes in His sled around the world, and He stops at your chimney to wanna like drop off all the gifts he has for you. But if the chimney is clogged or closed, or I don't know, you put something because it wasn't working, so you just sealed it, is he going to be able to give you, deliver the gifts to you? Can he? No. He can attempt the delivery, but he cannot drop them off if you have no way of receiving them. If the chimney is not open, they cannot go through. So even if he tries, you're closed off. And then, of course, God gave us free will, so we are the ones who open the door to receive His graces. And I have also given you this analogy in the past, which I hope you remember and keep in your heart, because I think it's an important one. But if you're asking God for a car, but the space you have to store the car in is the size of a drawer, can he give you the car? No, the car doesn't fit. Very much like he can't deposit it in the chimney, he cannot give you the car because you don't have a place in your container that is your life, your heart, to like to, to hold it, to receive it. So today we're gonna talk about how to expand our ability to receive. Not just do, not just give, not just serve, not just be generous, not just work hard. Receive. And I am going to guide you through 3 simple steps that will teach you how to open the flow of receiving that abundance in your life. Ready? Number 1, we're going to celebrate every time that you receive a little bit of something. So maybe you didn't get the car, but you got some wheels for the car. And instead of thinking like, ah, there's just wheels, what am I going to do with these? I can't drive the car with this. Or, oh, it's just $100. It's not the $10,000 that I need, the million dollars that I need. Well, it's a part of that. It's a little kiss. It's a symbol. It's something letting you know it's coming in parts, like IKEA. IKEA sends everything in a bunch of little parts. Well, it's coming in parts, but it's coming. When you receive that and you celebrate it, and you're like, I received $100 out of the million dollars that I need, but I received $100. Well, you're telling God, is I am open. I'm open to all the graces that you have in store for me. I'm open to receiving all the gifts that you have for me. And $100 is a gift. As you celebrate, maybe in your mind you exaggerate it and you add zeros to it. If it's money, you add zeros. If it's a little kiss, a little gesture, you make it, you exaggerate it. But you just— it's what we do when we celebrate, right? When you do like a big birthday party, it's just one more day, a new birthday, a new year of life. But we're like, yes, we're appreciating, we're celebrating that birthday. So that's step 1, pause to celebrate. Every time that I am working on expanding in some level, like this whole receiving thing, I sat with it, I cried, I thank God for it. I sent an email, a very heartfelt, long email to each of the people that I experienced this with. I told them, I was vulnerable. I told them what I was feeling, what it did for me, what I was learning from their generosity, all these things. Like, I paused and I celebrated. And I think right there with celebration comes step number 2. So maybe they could be combined. Which is gratitude. Feel into the gratitude that you have for that little amount of money that came in, or that little love gesture, or that if you're looking for love in your life and someone shows up and makes you realize, like, oh, I could meet my person in any random little moments or interaction. Like, those are kisses. Those are hopes. Like little, little hopes, like, you know, or forms of hope, beacons of hope floating around, celebrate them and practice gratitude. And what that means is like, just pause and like close your eyes and just, you know, like look for gratitude in your body and feel into it and breathe into it and just be like, thank you, God. I see you. I see that you're here like dropping off the little gifts that that fit in my chimney, and giving me the parts of the car that I've been asking for that fit in my drawer or in my bigger container as I continue to grow in my ability to receive. So number 1, celebrate. Number 2, be grateful. Because if you're grateful with the little, and if you're entrusted with little and you appreciate it, then you will be entrusted with more, my friend. You are saying without having to speak it, I am ready. I am ready to receive it. Thank you. I appreciate it. And then that has you vibrating at a very high frequency that is attractive and just sends the information out to the world that tells those who are meant to support you, hey, come this way. It guides them in some way. It tells God, that you are opening the door for Him to intercede and do the thing that is up to Him, not to your hard work. And then number 3, there's some work in reframing. We spoke about reframing last week. There's some work about reframing receiving. When, when we are receiving, we are not begging. We are not inconveniencing people. We are not being descarados. I don't know how to say that in English, but a part of me was like, how dare I be asking for help and for money for my events if this is a private business, right? Like, this is privately owned, a for-profit. So I felt like I was like, what are they going to think about me? Like, that I'm just asking for money like I deserve anything. But I don't think it's any of those things. I think when you reframe giving as a gift, you are giving other people the gift of giving. So not only are you receiving, you're also giving the gift of giving. You know personally how good it feels to help others, how good it feels to be the answer to someone else's prayer. You appreciate and enjoy serving, being generous. Why can't you give someone else the opportunity to do that for you? Reframe. Reframe receiving from inconvenience to the gift of giving. But the most important thing are not those 3 steps—celebrating, being grateful, and reframing it as the gift of giving. The most important thing is realizing that you are worthy of being supported. And I am the most confident woman I know. And I was like, why am I dealing with this? And I have to say that I've discovered two things that I am focusing on deeply. Number one, there's a little bit of arrogance in me because why is it that it's okay for me to be the giver? And because what, I'm better than others that I only give? I'm only in that high horse, in that position that I can give to others and I can offer to others? I don't know. When I thought about this, I was very humbled because I'm like, oh. No, no, no, I'm giving because I'm good, because I'm generous, because I'm a good person. Yeah, but if I'm only giving, I'm also arrogant because I think I'm only the kind of person who gives to others, but I'm too good to receive. That was a little bit of a reframe there. And I was like, I don't want to be arrogant. And then the second thing that I realized about me is that I there's a part of me that, though I'm very confident, I may be struggling with a little self-worth. I, you know, when I cringe and when I feel unworthy of being supported, I am struggling with self-worth. And I have actually focused all these days on loving myself and just living in gratitude and remembering the love is free. Love is free. We love because He loved us first, and He loved us unconditionally and for free, which means I don't have to earn it. I don't have to earn the ability for others to give me, to support me, and forget me, because ultimately what I'm doing on December 3rd is for you and for others. It's to help others. So they're helping me help others. They're helping me and they're helping you. They're helping humanity through the work that I do. And that's what my friend told me when he called me. He was like, "You are doing God's work and I wanna be a part of it." So how can I block what God is doing through me as if it was about me? So there's self-centeredness, there's arrogance, there's lack of humility, and then there's self-worth issues. Like, God created me to His image and likeness, and He created you too. You are worthy of being supported. You are worthy of receiving. And the people you're here to serve are worthy of being supported by what you receive that then you can give back to them. So my friend, stop closing off. You are closing the door to the abundance that you desire wholeheartedly, and you're not realizing that by having that chimney closed off and the container, the space where you're gonna hold that gift that you've been asking for is the size of a drawer, but what you're asking for is the size of a car. You need to expand and open up. The space so that you may be the size of a garage in order for those graces to be deposited on you. I have to say that the work I've been doing on remembering that my self-worth does not depend on what I do and give to others, but it simply is, 'cause love is free. Like, by remembering that, I've opened up to all these graces, and I haven't even sent the sponsorship video. Can you imagine the magic that I get to experience by just asking and being open to receive? Stop sabotaging your success, your fulfillment, the things that you desire in your life, and open up. Open up by celebrating Every little thing that comes in, even if it's not enough, open up by being grateful for the little so that more can come your way. Open up by reframing receiving as the gift of giving. And reflect. And reflect on what about you is keeping you stuck because maybe you are not being humble enough. You're thinking you can only give and do and you're too good to receive. Or maybe, as it was the case with me, I'm the first guilty one here. Maybe you, like me, are lacking humility and you get to remove that arrogance of only assuming the role of giving and being in that authority. To give to others. You also get to humble yourself and, and remember that sometimes you'll need help too. Or perhaps you don't feel worthy enough of receiving the graces that God has in store for you. And you've heard it before: God doesn't give you anything you can handle. We think it's only the crosses? But God doesn't give you the graces, the blessings, the success, the abundance that you can't handle or you can't hold or you can't be open to receiving. So from now on, you are going to work on being open to receive. And next time somebody offers to help you with something, help you carry something, help open the door, bring you something, do you a favor, instead of automatically saying, Don't worry, I got it. You're gonna say, yes, please, thank you so much. And then pause one second and celebrate it. Like, ah, somebody opened the door for me. Somebody brought me a cup of water. Somebody did this favor to me. Receive, receive, receive. Practice with the little so that more may be entrusted to you and so that the flow and the doors of abundance are opened and you may experience the success and the fulfillment that you have been longing for. I hope this supports you. Make sure you send it to somebody you want to bless. And please don't forget to subscribe, to like, to do all the things related to the podcast so that more people can find the hope that I'm here to give to the world. I love you. Have a beautiful day. Bye. That's it for today's episode. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode. Send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me at faithandgrowth.com. Thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.