Hurt 2 Hope Webinar #2

Excited to have you here. I just put on makeup for you. I've been in bed all day, feeling under the weather. But I'm here and I'm very present and I'm full of energy and I owe that to the amazing Tylenol. But I was really looking forward to having you here. I am not sure. Are there people coming in caro or. We're ready to begin. I just want to be able to honor your time. Right now we're at 16 participants. There's no one in the living room. Okay. So let's just. Just you keep on accepting them as we go. That's Kato, guys. She is amazing. She's my angel and she's gonna be helping us with the back end because last. Last time I was a disaster and there were a lot of bloopers and I couldn't handle everything at the same time. So I'm excited to have you here. Okay, so let's start. I'm gonna the most of today is gonna be with a PowerPoint. I usually don't do that, but I think it's proven in the past to be helpful for you guys to have both the audio and the visual image. So I have decided to do that. I'll still be in the screen here, and I'm very present. So if you need me for anything, I'm happy to answer all your questions. At the end, we'll have a Q and A, so if you want to take some notes and if you have any questions about something in particular, please feel free to write them down and we'll. I'll get to you. The Q and A is going to be 20 minutes so everybody can go to sleep. But I will stay here as long as necessary for those that want to stay in to answer questions. The last time we were here until 11 o'. Clock, but I answered every question, so you can count on that. I just want to make sure that I honor everybody's time. And I know it's late and you have your families and all the good stuff, so let's get to it.

Okay.

So we're going to talk about how to transform hurt to hope. And I am going to show you how to go from the excruciating pain of losing a loved one or. Or really like going from any form of pain. Because the pain of loss we all have experienced, especially in the last few months, like everybody, the entire world has lost their lives as they knew it. And that is the ultimate loss. Whether it's because you lost a person or you lost your job. Or you lost your. Your peace of mind or your routine or your job, your house. We've all experienced some form of loss. Like, we don't get to go out to restaurants if that's something that we used to do. We don't get to spend as much time with family and friends as we used to. So we have experienced loss. So nobody, nobody here can say that they haven't gone through this. And we're going to go from that pain of loss to the hope that leads to joy. I just ask that you turn off all distractions. I love to multitask, but it's proven to be very to the detriment of those that do so, including myself. So I just ask that you turn off the phone and your. And the computer and whatever else so that you can pay attention and get as much as possible. From tonight, please stay until the end. I'm going. I have a timer here, because the last time I can talk, I can talk, my husband would pay me to shut up, and people pay me to talk. But I'm a talker. So I have a timer here to make sure I honor your time. If you stay till the end, you'll be able to ask whatever questions, and I will stay here until I answer the last question and you are in the right place. And you are supposed to be here. If you have lost a loved one or something, your life as you knew it, if you are grieving or you feel stuck and you don't know how to, like, move forward, or if you simply want to be happy again, if you have. If you are in one of any of these three pockets, you are in the right place. And whatever your motivation, I am humbled and honored and happy and ecstatic to have you here. Okay, so why me? Like, why is this Betsy girl, like, doing a webinar thing? And why should I listen to her? Well, I have a doctorate in clinical psychology, and I have been practicing for 20 years. But I feel that what really makes me special. My husband would say that I love to pat myself in the back. What really makes me special is not my clinical education. It's that fact that I also have endured the pain of loss. And here's a little bit of my story. I know some of you know it already, but for those of you that don't, My house was seriously a fairy tale. At some point, my friend asks me, where's Fofi? And when I looked down, I saw her red polka dot mini bathing suit. And at some point, I'm looking at my husband and he was like, foffy, come on, Fofi. You're strong. You got this. Mamika, let's go watch movies after here, you know? You got this. I found myself falling on my knees by the stretcher, singing a song to myself and to me that was like, okay, it's not gonna happen. She wasn't gonna be saved the way I wanted her to be saved. Are we ever going to be happy again? Is it possible to be happy again? The priest said those that were happy again chose to honor their children or their lost one through service, through love, acts of kindness, and gratitude. And I want to honor my daughter. So everything that I do is to honor. I learned through that experience that just because I went through this, it would make people feel more understood, and they would feel hopeful, because if you went through this and you can smile, you can experience joy, then I can, too. No matter how many times I see that video, I. Get emotional because this little angel has truly, truly, truly transformed my life. Like, everything that I do, I do to honor her. I'm sorry. Always get emotional. I do to honor her through service and through love and through kindness and rather than through suffering and tears. And it's been a. It's been a decision that I've had to make, because if it was up to me, I would most definitely still be, you know, crying all day, every day in a bed. So it's been seven years. It didn't. It took me. It wasn't an instant decision, right? Like, I made the decision early on, but it didn't happen right away. It's been a process. It's been a healing journey. And in the process, I have learned how to continue loving my daughter in a different realm. Right? Like, in a different way, because I can't hug her and kiss her and show her and spoil her, but I still show up for her, and I still love her. And she's very present in my life. And I've learned through this experience that love transcends space and time. And we know this from people that live far away and that we don't get to see daily or. Or when our loved ones go to college or to, you know, on a trip or move away, we know that we continue to love them even if they're not physically present. But when it comes to death or divorce, it's hard to. It's hard to see that in a different way, because it feels like a permanent loss. But I will show you today how you can transform that loss and that hopelessness into joy, into hope. And it's a choice, right? Like, it doesn't come naturally. It's not part of the five steps of grieving. It's something that you have to decide and do something about. So as a result of honoring my daughter, by loving her regardless of her physical presence, I have learned to be the happiest woman on earth. I really am. Like. And everybody that knows me knows that I don't just say this like, I truly live this. This is my family. We had the little one after losing Fofi. So I've never really had a family picture except the one that you saw in the title, which was a present. But I, you know, I never got to. I never got to get a picture with Fofi and Mia at the same time. So my question to you today before we begin officially, is, can you imagine what it would feel like if you could remember your laws and smile instead of suffer? If you could think about what you've gone through and find peace and remember that person or what it was, right? Like the experience that you had. Because if it's a divorce, then experience your marriage and your family, how it was in a different light so that you can feel grateful and appreciative of it rather than focus on the pain that comes with loss. So we are going to begin today on how to transform the pain of losing a loved one into the hope that leads to joy. This is my one and only family picture. Actually, no, it is not the only one. I have another family picture that a very special soul gave me, and it has Fofi in it as a 10 year old, which is. Or a 9 year old, which is how old she would have been today. So I will share that one with you in a different webinar. And this is the one thing I want you to leave with today. So if I don't do a good job of conveying this, I failed. And at the end, you can call me out. But I am devoted to helping you believe this. In a matter of 45 minutes. No matter what loss you are going through, you do not have time to suffer. Instead, you can use your pain as the path to healing, growth and joy. So notice that I specify suffering and pain, and I will talk about the distinction now. But we don't have to suffer. No matter what we're going through. We don't have to be in darkness and hopelessness and excruciating, unbearable pain. We can feel the pain and know that that pain is building us up and creating something greater and bigger in us so that we can use the pain as a tool to heal, to grow, and to experience joy again. There are five steps to overcoming suffering and grief. And I work more on these steps and a little more like. The truth is, I created this webinar to give you a sneak peek of a program that I have. But the program is a lot deeper, and I wish I could share everything with you in an hour, but it's challenging. So I just want to share a little bit. And you can ask further questions at the end if you have them. So, five things that you can do to overcome pain, or the five stages, not of grief, but of overcoming it. The first one is fertilizing pain. And what I mean by this is understanding that pain and suffering are different. Pain is what we all feel. It's inevitable. Like, we all have to experience it. We experience it not just when we lose someone, but when things don't go our way, when we have a bad day, when we're in traffic, when we're constantly exposed to pain. So it is inevitable. But suffering is optional, and suffering is pain without hope. Like, it's the dark, excruciating pain that you feel you're experiencing in vain. In vain. It's not taking you anywhere. It's just dark, and you don't know how you're going to get rid of it. And. And you want to just tear your head off because you don't want to think about the things that you're thinking and have the flashbacks that you're experiencing. When I think of suffering, I think of the day I came back from the hospital without Fofi, and I went to sleep in her bedroom, in her bed with my husband. And I don't know how, because I really don't know how. I didn't mean to do this, but at some point I found myself in her bathroom on the floor, like, rocking back and forth like a deranged woman wanting to, like, tear my head off. Because the flashbacks and the thoughts and how it happens and what she could have thought, like, those last seconds and how I didn't save her. And I wasn't. I was there, but I don't. But I still don't know how it could have happened and what happened. And I remember in that moment thinking that although I had been a therapist for 14 years, at this time of 13 years, I never really understood how people could go crazy. Excuse me. And I learned that people go crazy because if they have to stay in contact with that suffering, that reality, they would die. Like, it's just the brain can't take that. It's too much to handle and to bear. And I see so many people that stay suffering that it kills me because I suffered for some time and I suffered in some moments, even after I chose not to suffer anymore. And I can't imagine living like that for years. I can't. So I want to make the distinction between suffering and pain because it makes all the difference in the world. If you've lost, if you're in pain, you are entitled and you must feel the pain. But the pain, that is hope. Because pain is like a fertilizer. And what are fertilizers made of? Poop. Pain feels like poop, it stinks like it. And you just want to get rid of it as soon as possible. You can't stand it. But what do fertilizers do to plants? Fertilizers make plants grow. They nourish them, they help them give fruit, they strengthen them. And the same is true for pain. So pain is our fertilizer. It's our foundation for growth. It's what makes us a better version of ourselves. Because when we go through the pain of failure, the pain of loss, the pain of not getting what we want, the pain of you fill in the blank. When we go through that pain, we learn we were humbled to the core. We're on our knees. So our relationship with God, or the higher power you believe in, is strengthened. You shred your self righteousness because you allow people in to help you. You become more empathetic because now you understand what it feels to hurt. So when other people hurt, you can connect with their pain. So pain is, gosh, Pain is like the greatest, the greatest tool, the greatest, the greatest thing that God allows in our lives in order to rise up to what he created us to be. So I'm not saying I'm not a masochist and I'm talking about the inevitable pain. I am not talking about suffering. And I explained that further in my program. Like, it's not about, oh, Betsy says to feel the pain. So let me just be miserable for the rest of my life because I'm feeling the pain. The idea of feeling the pain is to use it. So when it. Like right now I'm very sick and I'm like praying it's not Covid. But I've been locked up in four walls doing sessions from my bed because I don't even want my kids to get exposed to me. And I'm in pain and I'm in physical pain, but that I can deal with. Tylenol. But I'm in emotional pain because I don't get to hug my kids. My daughter went to sleep crying yesterday, saying, like, my husband's out of town, so I had to put her to sleep. But, like, from afar, and she was crying because she wanted kisses, and that hurts. And I've been in my head this whole day because I've been thinking, like, is it Covid? Is it not Covid? Like, what's going to happen? Like, So I am in my head and I am feeling the pain of being sick and not being able to do the things that I do every day. But this pain, I know, like, brings me closer to what I want to be as a human being. And I spend the entire day in pain, but also praying and meditating and doing my affirmations and talking to my body so that my body can heal faster and doing all the things and feeling grateful and blessed because I was able to work from my bed today, because I had all my sessions in the, you know, in bed, from the phone. I was grateful that my clients were sensible enough to allow me to do that. So the entire day I was in pain, but also experiencing the fruits of pain, which are gratitude and the joy that comes with seeing how fortunate we are, because many times we're. We go about our days and we're so busy that we don't stop to see. Man, like, I'm so lucky that I have a job that I can do from home, and I'm so lucky that I have a help for my kids so that they are fed and they can be taken care of, not be exposed to me. So pain is the foundation for growth, and it is the stepping stone and the pathway to healing and to joy. And the problem is that we think, or our brains think that pain is bad because it feels bad. So we think, oh, my gosh, it feels bad, it hurts, then it harms me. It's bad for me. But the truth is that a lot of things that hurt don't harm you. Like, if you go to the dentist and you get a cavity or a tooth pulled out, it's going to hurt, but it's not going to harm you. In fact, it's probably going to be good for you. By the same token, things that feel good, like numbing the pain and escaping the pain, like going to drink or binge eating or talking bad about people or just locking yourself in and going to sleep. And when we block pain because it feels too painful or it hurts too much, it feels good, it feels better in the moment, but that is harming you. So there is a difference between, excuse me, between pain and suffering. And pain allows you to rise up. So it's important to embrace it, but only when you have defined it and learned to view it as a fertilizing pain, not as suffering. Excuse me. The second step is acceptance, radical acceptance. And I think that's self defined. Like radical acceptance means that you absolutely accept the situation you're in and the reason this is important. Mind you, acceptance is the fifth and last stage of the grieving stages. And it's where you get to after anger and negotiation and sadness and denial and all these things that we're supposed to go through when grieving. But I strongly believe that after allowing yourself to feel and embrace the pain, the fertilizing pain, acceptance is the first step. And it's not something that's going to come with time because time heals old wounds. Acceptance is something that you work on, that you intentionally decide to do, that you. That you determine you're going to work on. When this whole Covid experience started and we had to homeschool our kids, that was crazy to me. I was like, how am I going to. I was launching this program, how am I going to launch this program that I was working on creating? How am I going to continue working and seeing my clients? How am I going to be a full time teacher? Because my daughter was in kindergarten and I had to read everything and be supervising her and do everything for her. How am I going to cook, clean? Because I was the cleaning lady and the cook and the, you know, everything which I had help for before. How, how, how. And I had a bunch of pity parties, which is my way of experiencing the pain and embracing it. And it's the necessary first step to be able to heal. And at some point, I remember many times I would go shower and that's when I had some time to think and reflect. And I would think like, betsy, you know what to do. Just accept it already. Just because you're fighting and complaining about this, that's not going to open the schools and make COVID leave. And then, of course, I felt super guilty because here I am complaining about homeschool when there's people dying. So I had moments in which I realized that, gosh, I have to work on acceptance. And I remember the day that I decided I needed to work on acceptance with regards to the loss of my daughter. I was doing anything and everything that I thought could help. And one of those things was I would go to the blessed Sacrament, which for Catholics, it's like a little chapel that you go and like. Like Jesus is exposed, the body of Christ is exposed, and. And you. It's just like. It's just very peaceful place. And you go for adoration and prayer. And I would go there, and then I would go to Mass. And I remember in the Mass there was a scripture that talked about acceptance. And I don't know why that word popped out, because until then, I would spend every night looking at pictures and videos of my daughter and thinking, but, like. But she was just real. Like, she's. She was here. She's. She was real. Like, how could it be that she's not here anymore? Like. Like, I just. I could not accept that she was gone physically. I couldn't. And the problem with that is that when you resist what is when you resist reality, when you fight against reality, you always lose because your resistance doesn't change it. Like, you complaining about it, dwelling on it, you know, like, talking about it and just. It just doesn't change it. My complaining, my denial, my frustration, my fight against reality didn't bring my daughter back. And road rage doesn't remove traffic. And me complaining about homeschooling didn't open the schools, and me complaining about my weight or how I feel with my body or myself doesn't make me skinnier. Right? Like, resistance prevents you from moving forward because you're too busy dwelling on it. And that's suffering. That is suffering. Until you are able to accept that this is what's happening, that I lost my marriage, that I lost my daughter, that I lost my spouse, that I lost my parents. Until you're able to do that, you can start working on healing it because you're using all your limited energy and willpower to fight something that's not going to change. So radical acceptance, rather than the last stage, is the first one after allowing yourself to feel the pain. And in fact, I don't think these things are in order. I think we're humans and we're not linear. But, like, maybe, like, when you start accepting, then you start feeling pain rather than suffering. Or maybe you feel the pain and then after it's become so real, then you're ready to say, like, okay, this is my pain and I have to embrace it. And it allows you to accept it's a process. There will be times in which you feel you've come a long way and you accept it. And there will be moments in which it's not that easy. So we're not linear, and that's okay. That's part of feeling the pain and allowing ourselves to be human. Perfectly imperfect. So radical acceptance is the second stage according to this. But it's not linear to healing and experiencing hope. The third one is interpretation. Excuse me. Every event. Every event is neutral. Everything that people tell us, everything that we go through, the things that happen to us, the things. Things that happen in the world, everything is neutral. You have no idea how many people have told me, like, that this Covid experience has been, like, a great blessing for their families because it's brought them together or it's allowed them to be. Like, how many people have told me, like, oh, my gosh, I love being able to homeschool. I've always dreamt of homeschooling my kids, and I finally got that. Or I was working too much. And for the first time in my life, I was able to be home with my kids. Kids and work from home. Like, so what. What has been a global pandemic and so painful for so many people has been a blessing for others. So the pandemic, it's been. It's even been good for our Earth, for the world. There are not, like, all these cruise ships, like, contaminating our oceans. There are not as many cars contaminating the air. There's. People are kinder. People are helping each other. The doctors and our first responders have sacrificed or risked their lives and their family health to be here for us strangers. There's a lot of blessings amidst this pain of the pandemic. So events are neutral. I always give the example of canceled flight. A lot of people think that a canceled flight is something terrible, but if. If I am leaving on a work trip because, you know, I was forced to go by my boss and I'm gonna miss my daughter's first recital because I'm going on this work trip. If they cancel my flight, I am the happiest woman on Earth, and it's the best thing that could have happened to me because I get to stay and go to the recital. But if. If they cancel my flight and I was traveling to go see my son graduate from college, then that's the worst thing that could happen to me. So events are neutral. We determine our interpretation of those events. The meaning that we attribute to those events are what make them positive or negative. And Shakespeare said, nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. So even Shakespeare. There are so many things that I swear that I discovered through my process and my pain and my journey. And then when I read, I'm like, oh, my gosh, people are gonna think I copied from this one and that one. Because a lot of people have figured this out before me. A lot more people. But, you know, even Shakespeare knew that events are neutral and it's our interpretation. So in this program that I have, I teach people how to interpret, and I use clinical skills, but plus my experience to help you reinterpret, reframe, change the perspective. Because we see the world the way we are. We don't see the world the way the world is. That's why a lot of times you talk to someone and you tell that person something that you thought was really clear, and suddenly what that person understood is, like, something totally different, and you're like, oh, my gosh, are we having the same conversation? Like, I. It's because we have filters, and we have the lens through which we see the world, and we have power over that interpretation. And I teach you how to do that. And I wish I had a little more time to share a little more about that, maybe in a different webinar. But it is important to learn how to interpret to your favorite. Today, I was miserable in the morning, and I was like, oh, my gosh, do I have Covid? Do I not have Covid? Like, and then, you know, I was quarantined in my bedroom, and yada, yada, and then I'm like, wait a minute. But, like, I'm so lucky. I still get to do the webinar. I still get to talk to my clients. I have help. Like, so I was able to reinterpret to my favor so that I didn't feel miserably. Because our feelings, just so you know, are overrated. And they don't just happen. We create our own feelings. We create our own feelings by telling our subconscious mind through our thoughts and our words what we're feeling or thinking, right? So let's say if my interpretation of being in bed today all day was, oh, my gosh, my life is miserable, this sucks, and, like, I start complaining. Then my subconscious mind, which believes whatever you tell it, the subconscious mind doesn't question anything and does whatever you tell it to do. We give commands to our subconscious mind, to our thoughts. The subconscious mind is like, got it, Betsy. Okay, you're miserable. Let me create depression, sadness, frustration, this, that, and that happens with Fofi. When I. When I first lost her, I was the bereaved, grieving mom that couldn't keep her daughter alive. Her one and only responsibility. I was. I was. I had a scarlet letter that read, like, yes, I'm the mom. I am that person, the mom that lost a daughter. And I always. I felt like people were looking at me like, like, yeah, you're the one that's going through a divorce. Yeah, you're the one that lost a daughter. Yeah, you're the one that, you know, like, let your husband, like, die in the hospital and wasn't with you weren't with him because you were too busy attending to your kids. And yes, all these things, all these lies that we've told ourselves, we carry around, and if we interpret that, we project that onto the world, and it hurts. It hurts. It's suffering that is suffering because we are creating our own misery through our interpretation, and we're telling our brains how to feel. So that's what we can change. And in the last webinar I did on this topic, somebody asked me a really important question, and she said, okay, Betsy, you know, I can understand reframing and changing the perspective or the interpretation of losing, you know, of there being traffic and the pandemic and the homeschooling and the flight, but how did you interpret reinterpret losing your daughter? Like, how do you reframe that? How do you tell yourself something different to, you know, it sucks that my daughter died. And my answer to that is part of this program. And it's. I told myself that I was not the grieving mom that lost a daughter and was forever doomed to be miserable, which is what I really felt in the moment I decided that I was going to tell myself and believe that I was the chosen mom of an angel and that I was special, that I was the chosen one because I got to go through that. And I am VIP in heaven because I have a daughter that goes and advocates for me with Jesus and, like, pulls his thing and he's like, you know, mommy wants you to hook her up with this. And he's like, oh, you're so freaking cute. Of course I'm gonna give you whatever you want. So then I have hookups in heaven, and. And I am VIP And I am the chosen one. And when I believe that, when I choose to interpret it that way, it feels different. It feels different. I no longer carry around a scarlet letter that reads, my life sucks. I lost my daughter. I carry around a sign of. Hopefully, I carry around an aura of hope because. Because I am the chosen mom of an angel. So no matter what you're going through, I'm not saying that you're going to feel this immediately. Impossible. Like, you have to feel the Pain to get here. I had a lot of days of not being able to get out of bed and it wasn't for, for a cold or a flu or a Covid. It was, it was because my heart, my heart was, was broken. So I'm not saying you must feel this and do this immediately. And that's why this program that I will share a little bit more about in a little bit is to be done from home so that you do each phase and each step as many times as you need to and in the timing that you need to do it, like when you. As you're ready for it. So interpretation. You have the power to tell your subconscious mind what you want to believe because your subconscious mind believes whatever you tell it and does whatever you tell it to do. So you can create the emotions that are going to help you and serve.

You.

The next 1/4 is team. And what's important about this is choosing the right team, the right people, the people that you want to surround yourself with in order to heal, to, to move forward, to honor your loved one through, through service, gratitude, kindness, to, to become a better version of yourself if it's not because, you know, like if, if you've lost, if you're going through a divorce and you choose an attorney that is known for going to war, yet your values are very aligned with family unity and you want to be able to co parent peacefully and then choosing someone that's going to go to war and take all your money without looking out for the best interest of your children and your family may not be a good idea. Right? So choosing the right professionals that are accompanied, like choosing a therapist that like, let's say, let's say you're a person of faith and you go to a therapist that's an atheist for, you know, just to give you a literal example, that may not be aligned. Because if you're a person of faith, faith can be an extreme protective factor that can help you heal. And you would not be using that with this other person. And you're so vulnerable when you're going through this that you believe other people more than you believe yourself and your judgment. So finding the right people to guide you, in addition to finding the right people to surround yourself with if you're constantly around negative people or people that drain you, that are constantly criticizing you, that are telling you like, oh my gosh, it's been two years since your divorce. Get over it already, woman. Like, if you're surrounding yourself by people that do not understand pain and don't support you through it. Like, you know what's interesting? I feel like the most difficult. The most difficult part is that many times the people that we should keep at an arm's length and not necessarily including, like, our VIP team are our family. Like, loved ones that care so much about us that they don't want to see us feel pain. So they do anything to remove us from pain. Not understanding that pain is the necessary step to healing. So that's when, you know, when you're crying and don't cry, don't cry. You know, your dad wouldn't want you to cry. Be strong. Or don't cry. You know, you have other kids and you're the. You know, you're the boss of the family. Or don't cry because your husband died and you know, your kids need you. Like, they give us the wrong advice because they love us so much and they can't stand seeing us grieve. But grief. Grief is hope. It's what takes us to joy, to healing, to hope. Excuse me. Grief is not bad. Pain is not bad. And surrounding yourself with people, like, let me give you an example. I went to a support group once of parents that had lost their kids. And when I went there, like, people went around and some people were like, oh, yeah, it's been 10 years since I lost my son, and it's been seven years since I lost my daughter. And it's been. And these people were still in so much pain after so long. One of them said something about, like, it had been six or seven years before she was able to go into her deceased son's room for the first time. And I remember it had been just months since my loss. And I remember thinking, oh, my gosh, is this what awaits? Like, does this mean that for the rest of my life I'm going to grieve and I'm going to feel stuck? And then one person said, you know, it's like we're part of a club that we never asked to be a part of. And I remember thinking inside, heck no, I am not going to be part of that club. I choose what club I want to be a part of, and I am not going to be a part of the club that chooses to identify herself and define herself by the loss of her daughter. I am so much more than that. Like, freaking God created me, so. So if he created me, I'm amazing. I cannot just be the woman that lost her daughter, and I cannot be the woman that got a divorce, and I cannot be the alcoholic, and I cannot be the addict and I can't be like, no. Our struggles, our pain does not define us unless we choose to use it to help us define us and rise up. So surrounding yourself. I never went back to that support group because they were not aligned with what I wanted to accomplish. So instead I went to the emeas and I went to a mom's group and I went to all these ministries that were part of my community because although they hadn't lost a child or some of them had, excuse me, although they hadn't lost a child, they knew pain. And I got the empathy that I needed. I got the validation and the support that I needed. Because to be empathetic, you don't need to go through the same thing the person you're being empathetic with has gone through. You just need to know the emotion that that person is experiencing. And that's usually pain. And pain is pain. The pain that I'm feeling is not bigger or smaller than the pain you are feeling. People would tell me like, oh yeah, Betsy, I shouldn't even be, you know, dwelling on this because your pain is so much worse. No, it isn't. The worst thing that you can go through is the pain that you are going through because it's yours. That's your cross. So surrounding yourself with people that are going to empathize and accompany and help you rise up is extremely important. And lastly, developing healthy habits allows you to automate all the things of the day to day so that you can invest your energy on healing and finding joy. So it allows you to invest all your energy on finding joy rather than wasting it on routinely tasks and decisions. And what I mean by this, if, if I have healthy habits of exercising, eating well, then that's going to help my body, right? Because I'm going to be most likely healthier. That's going to affect my self worth because I'm going to feel good about myself as I'm doing something about it that's going to affect my energy. And when you're low in energy and when you're tired, your subconscious mind thinks like, oh, there's something wrong, so then it triggers sadness. So automating healthy. And by the way, I think one of the most important habits that we ought to work on are our thinking habits. If we've grown up to be worry worms because our mom was a worryworm and our grandma was a worryworm and oh yeah, my great grandma too, and it's what we've learned, then we are responsible for changing those thinking habits and starting to reframe them or reinterpret them and do the work consistently until we can automate it. Because the thing about habits and automated thoughts, behaviors, practices is that we don't have to think about them and we don't have to invest our limited willpower in them and our limited activation energy to cope with what comes in life. And if we have that taken care of, then all those things are happening automatically. And we can focus our energy, our willpower, our strength on what matters, on healing, on embracing pain, on reinterpreting, on accepting, on choosing the right people. We can invest our limited energy and we can free up space from our brains to be able to. To focus on what matters. And I will say that I feel that the most important of all these habits, at least it has been for me, is some form of spiritual practice. So whether it's meditation or I practice meditation, like the Christian form of meditation, which is called centering prayer, silent prayer, contemplative prayer, it's the same thing. And what that is, is, is you have 15 minutes of silence twice a day. I sometimes just do it in the morning. I'm still struggling with the afternoon one. And it's 15 minutes of silence in which every time you have a thought come in, you let go of it. Like in meditation. The difference between traditional meditation and this is that you are consenting to the Holy Spirit and you're wanting to become not one with the universe, but one with God. What happens is that when you practice that, you, you let go of your limited mind. I like, the mind is limited and finite and we are infinite and so much more than what we know about ourselves and what we see in the mirror. So when you practice this kind of meditation, you. You're able to become more divine. Like, you tap into your inner wisdom. You. You let go of some of that finite thinking that you have in your mind. So you let go of your mind to, to make space so that you can download your divinity, right? Because if, if you believe in God, then you know that God lives inside of you. If you believe in something else, then you know, like, you still can believe in enlightenment and that greater, better version of yourself. So it really applies to everybody. You don't have to be a Christian or a believer to experience this. So whatever works for you, whether it's meditation, centering prayer, mindfulness, it's such. I mean, research has proven that it is a very powerful practice. It's very healing. It relieves stress, it relieves anxiety, it makes you healthier, it gives you more Energy. There are times that I'm exhausted in the middle of the day and I tell my team, like, listen, I'm going to lock myself in my office. And they know that I'm just going to meditate for 15 minutes. And it's just amazing. It's a power nap. And research has shown this. It's like taking a power nap, except you don't have to sleep for an hour. You're meditating for 15, and that is the equivalent of hours of sleep. And it just makes you wiser, it makes you more holy.

It makes.

It makes you more infinite and divine because you are not depending on your limited human mind. So fertilizing, pain. Acceptance. Interpretation. Team and habits. Fertilizing pain. Pain versus suffering, not the same thing. Acceptance. There's something that you can do about it. Interpretation. See the world in a way that serves you. Team. You will feel lonely in the process of grieving, but you still can surround yourself with people that will make you better. And habits. Establish practices that are going to help you and serve you. And if you notice, those words spell out faith. And that is my superpower. And when I say faith, I don't mean necessarily religion, although that is part of my life too. Faith is. Oh, actually, I am drinking tea from a faith cup. And it's, it's being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. So faith is believing in something that hasn't happened or you can't see. When I. When I first lost my daughter, I didn't. I just. I couldn't visualize the possibility of ever being happy again. It was impossible. I just couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't even smile, much less think of being happy.

And.

But I had faith. I had faith that I could be one of those parents that are happy again. And, And I am. And having faith, I don't mean again. It's not just having faith in God, although he, to me, he's the one that gives me all the strength. I'm not. I'm not strong enough. I'm not wise enough. I'm not. But he's. He's hooked me up. He has helped me every step of the way. But in addition to having faith in God, I'm thinking like, have faith in yourself. Have faith in, in the process. If you're going to therapy, then have faith in what your therapist is telling you and do it. Because when you have faith, you're more prone to do that because you believe that it's going to help You. But if you don't have faith, like, if you don't think you can lose the 20 pounds that you're trying to lose, you're not going to do anything and you're going to sabotage that process because you don't believe it. If you don't have faith that therapy is going to help you, your marriage, or help you get through this grieving process or. Or help you heal, then you're not going to. You're going to show up, waste the money, and then not do anything that you're like. You're recommended in your sessions, so have faith in yourself, in the people that are surrounding you and helping you in the process. And for sure. And whatever higher power you believe in, because whatever source you feel is greater than you will give you the strength when your humanity lacking it. I wanted to share a few testimonials of people that have gone through the process of my online program and therapy, because I just find them to be extremely inspiring. This person, the names are pseudonyms. Annie. She was married for over 20 years. She lost her son to a terminal illness. He lasted only, like, eight or nine months. And right when she felt like. I remember in therapy, she felt she was falling apart, and she's like, I can't do this anymore. Like, it's just too much. I feel like I can't. Right when that happened, we had that session, and the next day she calls me that she found out her husband had been cheating the entire time, that her daughter was sick, and that he was still with her, right? Like, he was. The reason she found out is because he was done, right? Like, he was sick of doing it and he was done. And right when this woman didn't think she could go on with the pain, she gets, like, another hit. Like. And to me, although I've never gone through divorce, I almost feel like I have because I am obsessed with my husband, and I just. I can't imagine my life with him or, you know, having my family together daily. So I really feel the pain of people that go through the divorce because I know the pain of loss. And I've been through the process with my clients and people that I know, so I understand how painful that is. So this woman lost her only son and, like, was cheated on. And just the other day she texted me out of nowhere, like, checking up on me with this whole Covid thing. We're no longer, like, we finished the process, and she wrote, we're getting closer, like, her and her husband. So they rose up, right? Like, they overcame the Fidelity, the affection. Like, they're doing better than ever. Like, it's just super amazing. Like, we're getting closer and depending on each other and getting closer to each other and mainly to God. So thank you, our angel, for being a part, a great part of that. And this is my intention with this is to bring you hope, because I just can't imagine being in her shoes. And I know that her strength came from having faith in all the things that she was doing to overcome that. And when I say faith, I mean everything we've talked about. So this is Luli. This is not a pseudonym. This is for real. She gave me permission. Luly went through a divorce, and I. And she's. She did the. Her two whole program. She got. So this is her testimonial. She guided me so much during my divorce and helped me understand that grief is not just losing a loved one to death. It's the loss of your life as you knew it was. Whether it's losing your home or job, divorce, death, or big shifts in your life like this pandemic, we all experience a version of grief. She helped me understand how to leverage my pain, my grief, and turn it into growth and hope. I have applied these systems she teaches, and I am a changed woman. It doesn't mean I no longer experience pain. I just don't suffer anymore. I have perspective and have the power to reframe and create a new definition of my experience. Lurie is a very, very inspiring woman. She's also my business coach, and she has truly led by example. And here are other testimonials that I wanted to share. Flavia, these names are also. I also got permission. They've completed the Her2Hope program, and Flavia wrote this. And I want to share with you why I was so moved by it. She said I immediately connected with her, meaning me. We had something in common, that we were both driven by a fearless faith and our passion to serve others. My son had passed away only a few weeks before I met Betsy, and I was devastated by the pain of my loss. Meeting Betsy was one of the gifts my son brought into my life. The reason I wanted to share this is because Flavia does not say I immediately connected with her. We had something in common. We had both lost our kids. She says we were both driven by a fearless faith and our passion to serve others. So she wasn't defined by her loss. And I admire this woman so much because I don't know that I was feeling that when it was so early on. It hasn't Even been a year since she lost her son. And this woman shows up and serves and inspires others and just rises up every day. And her son had a very tragic death in college and there was hazing involved with fraternities. And it's a very sad story. So there's also the pain of like, what happened? What did they do to him? Nobody has been wanting to, to give her information. So it's excruciating because there's also what happened, right? Like the darkness of not knowing. And then Marilyn wrote this. So that has to do with team, right? Like choosing the right team and reframing and reinterpreting. And then Mariling wrote, I wanted to join Betsy in her. To hope to become the second happiest woman on earth in the world. I always say I'm the happiest woman on earth. So she said she wanted to be the second one. Something that impacted me very much was learning about radical acceptance. It is what it is. After losing my mom and my mother in law in a period of six months, I spent too much energy dwelling on things that were not going to change by me complaining. I became more proactive in my life and transformed what I could myself. It all started with acceptance. So one of the things that touched her the most was acceptance. With Luli, it was the pain versus suffering. With Flavia, it was the interpretation and the team and the people you were going to surround yourself with. So what would your life look like if you no longer had pain or suffering? What would you do to overcome this discomfort that you may be feeling? And I want to tell you that I am not, not different than you. Like, I don't, don't think like, oh, Betsy, it's because you're a therapist and you. I will tell you that when I was rocking back and forth in my bathroom floor, my husband who came to rescue me, he thought, and I found out, like, I found this out, like just a few months ago. He went into the bathroom and he thought, like, man, she's the, she's the therapist. She's a psychologist. Like, if she can't handle this, like, what about, like, what am I gonna do? She's the one that was trained for this. Well, you never ever trained for the kind of pain that you may be going through.

Never.

No PhD, no schooling, no workshops, nothing can train you for this. So know that I was on the same boat as you. And the things that I have applied in the last seven years, I had to learn. I didn't know anything about radical acceptance. I, I Didn't know anything about, you know, these practical centering, prayer, and these, you know, practices that were going to help me. I didn't know anything about anything about anything. I had to. I had to learn it. And I feel that if I would have had someone do for me what I am devoted to doing for the rest of humanity to honor my daughter, it wouldn't have taken me as long as it took me to heal. And again, notice that healing is about seeing life differently. I still have my moments, but I don't suffer. I don't suffer. I always have hope. So faith is my superpower. Fertilizing pain, acceptance, interpreting to your favor, having the right team, and having good habits in place. So my question to you. Would you allow me to accompany you in this journey and have the honor of helping you transform your hurt into hope? So I will tell you now what I do to honor my daughter, but first I have to give you a little backstory. I know it's been an hour now when the day after losing Fofi, I was hiding in my walk in closet because there were a lot of people in my house, and I felt overwhelmed. And I was on the floor of my walk in closet with my husband. And our priest, who was our spiritual director and had baptized her kids, came to visit. So he came into our secret hiding spot, and the three of us were on the floor of the walk in closet, and my husband was. I mean, we really had a fairy tale life. Like, we were so happy. And my husband was like, father, like, are we ever going to be happy again? Is it possible to be happy again? And Father Gerardo said, you know, some people are happy again, and some people are never happy again. And my husband asked, what's the difference? And he said, the people that are never happy again are the people that choose to honor their kids through suffering. They feel that the more they loved, the more that person, the more they have to suffer and show their pain because they're matching pain to love. But the people that are happy again are people that have chosen a different way of honoring their loved one or the experience that they had, Right? Because sometimes it is not losing someone to death. It's losing your marriage, it's losing your job, it's losing your financial security, it's losing your health.

And.

I remember in that moment thinking, I'm gonna be like the latter parents. I'm gonna be like the parents that are happy again because they love their kids through gratitude, service, and love. And although I made that decision the day after I Lost my daughter. It was a decision that took months and years to come into play. And I'm still figuring it out. And I. And I. I show up. And I show up. I'm getting emotional. I show up. Because my desire to honor this little princess with love and gratitude and service is greater than the pain that I feel for losing her. So my pain has purpose. And like, something like today, like, I've been in bed all day. Like, my sessions were me, like under a cover all day. Like, I didn't know how I was going to look decent for you in this webinar because I had to show my face. But I knew it was going to be okay, even though I didn't know how because I really was feeling really bad. I knew I was going to be fine because it always is, right? God always gives me the strength and Fofi always gives me the strength, the inspiration to, to get up and to show up for the people I serve and for my family and for the people I love. So not just because I do this. So one of the things, two of the things that I'm doing to honor my daughter through service is in addition to my private practice, which has become a bit overwhelming, so I'm unable to see as many people as has asked me to see them. I created this program that allows people to go through the healing journey without having to come to a one on one. And I also, like, I charge $395 an hour and not everybody can, can pay for that. So having. Having a program that, that people can less than a session for, you know, like, then going to allow more people to experience the healing and find joy again. So I created this program that I invested a lot of energy, love, emotions and money and time in it because I wanted to give that to people and honor my daughter and continue her legacy. So this program is, it's a virtual program and it's, it has like five modules and in each five modules you learn like each module has like three or four videos and you learn how to go from hurt to hope, how to embrace pain, how to distinguish between pain and suffering, how to radically accept, how to learn, how to reinterpret, like, what tools do you need to be able to do that? How to, how to choose the right people and what to look out for, how to strengthen your faith. If you weren't raised with any form of faith, like, how can you build up your faith so that you can be more successful? So, and in this program, something I love about it is that you get to do it. It's like therapy because you also have some worksheets or hope sheets, how I call them. And these hope sheets help you process and do the work that I would do with you on a one on one. And then if you still have questions or you still want to process something further, there's a six week live coaching sessions, Q and A. Like, you know, it started as a Q and A. It's become more like of a. Like a therapy group and coaching and support group. And it's everything. It's beautiful and very powerful. It's been amazing. So you still have access to me for six weeks in a row and you get to transform your hurts in hope to hope. So that's. So that's. And then I'm writing a book also, but that's coming soon in December for her birthday. So the complete program is. It's worth 4740 based on my fees. And it has the three bonuses, which is the live coaching calls every week for six weeks. It has a private Facebook group for eight weeks in the community for accountability and inspiration. And it has the hope sheets, which is like the exercises that allow you to apply the video information into your life and into your experience. Something really important is. I do not like a buyer's remorse. So I never, I never want to work with someone that regrets having hired me. And I do this across the board. So if you feel that this program did not help you and did not was. Was not helpful in any way, then I don't want your money. Because I do this to honor my daughter. I don't do this to make money. In fact, it just. I have my heart in this. So if you feel that you've done, you've given it your all and you've done the work and you have attended to the Q and A's, and it really hasn't done anything for you, I will humbly and gladly give you 100% of your money back. I don't want buyer's remorse. I do this to serve. I don't do this to fool people. So the program is 997, but it's this year. I launched it this year right before the pandemic. So this year it's only 347. As of January, I plan on going back to my rate of 997. And the program has everything that I already discussed. The coaching calls, the members, the Facebook group, the hope sheets, the modules, all the videos in it. And I know that some people don't have $347 to give right off the bat. So there is the option of 147. Three payments of 147 and you can go to her. The website is in the bottom. You can go to hurtthenumber2hope.com join to be able to sign up. I close registration. I do the Q and A sessions for six weeks. And I like for it to be with the same people so that there's a connection and there's, you know, it's just more powerful based on my experience in the past. So I'm starting my Q and A's the week of the 10th. So on the 9th, I close registration and you can no longer register for this season. You would have to wait for a future one. So if you want to benefit from this, three payments of 147 or one payment of 347 and you can go to hurt the number2hope.com join and that's it. I am officially all yours. I am going to set a timer for 15 minutes so that you guys can be free to go or although you. If you want to. If you don't have any questions, you're welcome to do that now. But I will let you know when that time's up. But please know that I will still stay here. I just don't want everybody else to feel obliged to do so. I will stay here to accompany you.

Okay, Betsy, I'm going to leave, but I must say this to you. I only met you yesterday on Instagram, you know, for the two hours. My son is a psychiatrist in New York. I've experienced a lot of loss. If I had somebody like you even three years ago, because it's been one on top of another. You are phenomenally intelligent. I don't want anybody to think that I'm your next door neighbor or best friend. I only met you, as I said, through the, you know, the prayer groups. Thank you so much. I just wish I could endorse you. Just saying that you're most. The most intelligent person in the mental health FIELD in my 66 years that I've ever encountered. Sorry to speak so long. I'm going to shut up. But you are phenomenal. God bless you.

Amen. Thank you, Jeanne. I really appreciate that. Thank you.

Humbled and sorry that I stayed in the dark. I had two eyes shot today, so I understand you.

You mentioned it. I know you had.

Okay.

And I'm going to be praying for everybody that's here. God bless you.

Thank you, Jeannie. Thank you. Have a good night.

Yeah, I mean, I May stay in the background here, but.

Okay, no problem. Thank you. I am all yours. Guys, it's $395 an hour, and you get it for free. So. Shoot. Ask away. How can I help you? Hi.

So I have a question. This is Brenda. So the 340. First of all, I would have to say you did a phenomenal job. I actually. Selenette's sister from Boston. I've been following you on Instagram. You are amazing.

Like, it just.

Just to listen.

Like, we've had loss in our family, siblings and so on, but it's just your. Your IG is so touching. It's like, I'm like, Sally, how can she. Can she come to Boston? Can we do it, like, just online? Because you are you. Very touching.

You're extremely amazing.

But anyhow, going back to this. This offer, this great offer. So it's at $347 for the package itself. Is that how it works?

For all of it? So it's. It's a pro. It's an online program that you have access to Life for lifetime. So if I continue to add content or bonus content, you. You can still access it. And so then it's six sessions. Once you sign up, you have six sessions of live coaching sessions, like group sessions. So you can go at your pace and you don't have to. You don't have to do something like, every week. Like, there were people that hadn't even started the online program because it was so recent and raw that they didn't even have the energy to, like, go over it yet. But they really benefited from the coaching calls. So although it's six coaching calls, you do have the opportunity to get more coaching calls in the future and upgrade. But the package of the 347 includes lifetime access to the online program. It includes the Facebook group, which is like a support group, and it's private. It includes the six live coaching sessions. Six weeks in a row. Starting the week of the 10th, I send an email to see what's the best time. I give several options so that people can have. They can vote on the best time. So I can't tell you right now what day and time. And then it also includes the hope sheets or the worksheets, which are the exercises that make the video lessons yours, because that's where you get to apply. Like, I put so much love into those exercises and activities. So that. So that, like, I just. I thought about, like, okay, what would I do with a client in. To, like, help them with this situation and what I would do on a one on one, I included in the hope sheets of the, of the group. So if you have questions about what you wrote there or you want to share, you're welcome to bring that up in the live coaching sessions as well. So then my next question would be.

Is it different topics per session.

In.

The live coaching sessions? No, it's whatever you guys want to share. It doesn't matter. Like, some people are faster than others. Some people have a very raw recent loss, so they're going to probably still be in the first module, which is pain. And other people are working on acceptance, other people are working on the reframing. So. But then you get to help each other in the process because, you know, like you, my thing is always inspiring hope. If I were to summarize my life mission, it's that it's to embody and inspire hope on people because hope has saved the lives, right? Like, people haven't committed suicide. And I have clients that have told me this because they thought that maybe tomorrow would be better and maybe this last thing would work. So to me, hope is everything. And I want to use my story to be able to help people do that. So, yeah, it's one of the rules in the life coaching sessions. It's, you know, you're welcome to participate and help each other, but always, always instilling hope.

Right.

Okay.

Well, thank you. This is like as part of the program, which is something that I don't do for anybody like anybody else. I don't have live coaching. Like, I don't have live group coaching sessions. I have, you know, I have virtual sessions with clients that are one on one. But another benefit is that if you want to continue like the coaching, you, you pay like nothing compared to individual therapy because you're part of the program. So you can upgrade to six more sessions, for example, for, for nothing, right? Like, compared to, to whatever I should be with. So this is great.

Thank you so much again. It was extremely helpful.

I really enjoyed it. Thank you. Of course.

Guys, take advantage.

She's amazing.

Anybody have questions? I'm all yours. I could sit here all night and.

Talk to you, but.

Well, if we'll wait a few seconds and have a little bit of awkward silence. If nobody chat like chimes in, you're welcome to, to ask something else.

Go ahead, Jennifer, I'll go after you.

I just wanted to say hi.

I. I'm friends with Natalie and we've.

Been trying to connect, I think for a while now. I lost my dad in January. I don't know if you remember, but I just.

I have been seeing a therapist for the loss and.

Sorry.

No, it's okay.

I just don't find that there are, like, helping. Like, I talk and I talk and I talk and I talk, but there's no. Like, this is how you get through certain things.

You know what I mean?

And I'm not, like. I know I'm crying now, but I'm not, like, I'm not a sad person. And I. I get up out of bed every morning and I make it a point to, like, move on with my life, but. But I don't find that anybody has been able to, like, help and say, like, you know, this is what you're not doing or what. Or what you need to do better or something like that. And I don't know, Like, I just. I don't know if it's, like, better for me to do this. This group thing. I'm not really, like, a group person. Like, I'm kind of an individual. Like, I don't know if I'm intimidated with the group aspect of the. Of the process. That's not really, like, how I roll. It's like a miracle that I even am saying in front of these people. So that's. That's my problem. Like, I'm looking for more of something that's.

More.

Maybe not, you know, I don't know, on display, I guess.

Okay, I'm.

I'm.

First of all, you are very courageous by. By sharing this, especially when this is not your cup of tea. So congratulations of that. It says a lot about you. I. I understand what you are saying regarding therapy, because I must humbly confess that I look back and I'm like, I didn't know what I was talking about. Right. Like, I feel like the things that I learned in school didn't prepare me the way that pain has. And I went through my own psychoanalysis, so it was like deep therapy. I went through my own therapy when I was going through grad school, and I always said that I would give my psychologist, like, a diploma, my diploma, because I felt she had taught me more about therapy than school. And it made me who I was as a therapist. But I feel that my pain has further prepared me because I don't understand pain conceptually. I understand pain internally and physically and emotionally. So I understand why maybe a little hard for other therapists to connect with you at a level that. That feels as deep as you need it to be, because there are things in life that you just learn the most when you've gone through it. That's why there's so much coaching going on nowadays. Like, coaches are people that have lived something and have learned from it and are able to then gift that to the world by mentoring them and helping them. So I don't think that makes your therapist, you know, like, good or bad. I'm sure your therapist is amazing. It's just hard to connect with pain if you've never experienced it, if that makes any sense. In regards to. Sorry. In regards to the, to the group aspect, I'm so glad you mentioned it because the majority of people are doing this program are not group people, right? Like, they're like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't feel comfortable. Like, I've had so many say, like, I'm just gonna do the virtual program and the lessons, but I'm not gonna do the Q and A's. And I'm like, come on, just join me for one. And then it's so powerful and so beautiful that they sign up for more sessions. So give it a shot. I will give you your money back 100%. So you really have nothing to lose. So if you feel that you've given it a shot and it's still not your thing because it's a group thing or a lot of people tell me, oh, it's a virtual thing. I don't like online stuff. I'm more of a face to face and I feel the same way. I've always been more of a face to face too. But I do remember that when I had a psychologist when I, I believe in having. I've always had coaches or psychologists and I had one when I lost my daughter. But I had him for like something very specific and I was working on something very like a specific thing and I wasn't connected to him at all. So when this happened, I didn't have that rapport and I didn't feel safe with him. So I stopped going to him because of the lack of rapport, but also because I didn't want to talk about it when I didn't feel like talking about it. Right? Like, I wanted to talk about it when I wanted to talk about it now because I had a session and I had an appointment and I had to. So when I created this program, I thought, like, man, if I, if I would have had this, I would have loved it. Because I wake up at three o' clock in the morning and I can't go back to sleep because I'm dwelling and wallowing on my pain. I go to the Computer. And I. And I get a little hope, right? Like, whenever I want it. So understanding that sometimes things that we haven't used. Here's something that I always teach, and I believe in it wholeheartedly. Just because you haven't been a certain way your entire life doesn't mean that you always have to be that way. So the fact that you've never really cared for groups in other aspects or in other experiences does not mean that you may not enjoy this. And again, if you give it your all and you do the program and. And you do the live coaching sessions are a bonus. So they're not really like. Like a part of the program, right? So even if you don't, even if you don't do them, I do recommend that you do them because I think they're powerful. But even if you don't do them, you get a lot of. A lot of value from it. And if you don't, I promise you, no questions, no questions asked. If you give your all and you show it like you have 60 days, you have two months to say, betsy, this was not good. You know, give me my money back, and I will for sure. I will. So give it a shot. And the thing about this program is that it could be a standalone. You don't need to. You don't need to do therapy if you're doing this. But it can also be used in conjunction with therapy, right? Like when there's certain specific things that you need a little more guidance in or more time. You could have your. You could have your therapist and you could do this, too. So. But that you would. You would be able to determine that. Sally, you wanted to share something?

No, I just wanted to. The faith was amazing. I took as many notes as I could have, so I can always go back and read them to be sure of myself to move forward. Jennifer, I know what it is to lose a father. I've been there and lost a brother and asked questions as to why, why, why? I've been through many therapists, and I met Betsy at a funeral service of a great, amazing friend. And when I heard her speak, I said, she's the one. She's the one. I visited so many of them. And I walked out and said, this is. These psychologists are crazy. They're more crazy than I am. The stuff they used to say to me, what are you really telling me this to the point that I'm just like, no, Miami is just as a crazy city, right? But when I met Betsy and I felt her pain and I felt whatever she said it was like, oh, my God, this woman is the one who's gonna save me through what I'm going through now. Besides, it has nothing to do with the loss of my father, my brother. But. And in hearing her, and I said, God, he brought her down at the right time. And I'm very, very happy. And I'm happy to be, you know, having Betsy so she could overcome my pain, what I'm going through now.

And.

Yeah, and I. The fact of understanding what suffering. Because, like, you have a choice. Who wants to suffer? Nobody wants to suffer. I just want to grow out of this pain and move forward. And I. And I'm. I'm glad I'm here. And I'm telling you, Jennifer, another thing, like, I would join that group. You know, it's so. You know, because I thought. I'm like, I understand the fact that you saying, like, oh, talking in groups. How many people are in the group? Betsy?

It's different every time. It's different. But because not everybody attends the live sessions, I want to say that the most we've had at a time is probably, like, eight at a time.

That's good.

Or maybe like, nine that are actually participating. And there's other people that may be, like. Like, muted and the camera off, and they may be listening, but they're not necessarily engaging, but, like, that are actively participating. I want to say, like, nine. And there was a time in which it was an individual session, because nobody showed up to that particular session except for one person. So she's like, what? I have you to myself for an hour. I'm like, yes, I'm here. So we had an individual session. And it depends, like, not everybody. Not everybody takes advantage of those. And sometimes people have to miss because they had something, you know, come up. So it works out that it's not too. And in fact, my intention is that if at any point it becomes too overwhelming, because I've had, like, you know, like, 30 people at a time go through the program. But if at any point. Time and at any point it becomes too overwhelming, like, too much that I. I can't really cover much in the. In the live sessions, then I would. I would split them so that it's, you know, more helpful.

Yeah, Jennifer. I'm just saying, because I'm like. I've learned to talk pain. I mean, to share with others that have gone through it different ways. It helps so much. I was like, I call Bessie. I'm like, bessie's me. I want to talk. And I'm like, the One talking and it feels so good at the end of the day. And I mean, I get it, but I know what it is again to lose a dad. And you question to yourself so many different ways as to why, what happened or what, but.

Give it a try. I want to share is that the things that you learn in the program are not just for the loss of a loved one. Right. Like, although the examples are tailored to someone that lost a loved one through death or divorce. Like the examples in the videos and in the worksheets. I use those tools every day of my life. Every day. Like I just told you for the pandemic, I used acceptance and I worked on acceptance and I worked on reinterpreting and just today with how I'm feeling, I did that. So it's life, like it's life tools. I think it's really powerful. I have a lot of, a lot of people have actually gone through the program without having experienced like the loss of a loved one.

Right.

They've experienced some form of pain, but it's been like, you know, they lost their jobs and they're in a difficult situation or they got sick so their health has been compromised or they lost a leg and now they, you know, the life as they knew it is different and they've used these tools to be able to overcome that. So. And I have people that have, like, I have one that told me last week that she lost her mom recently and she said that she was now using those things for daily day to day experiences. And it was, to me, it was very fulfilling because they're my guide. Right? Like they're, they're what I, what I learned from losing my daughter. But, but what I continue to use every day of my life whenever something feels like pain. So it will be like life enhancing tools.

Let's see. I just wanted to say thank you and I also wanted to thank Jennifer too for being courageous and Sally, because I've been kind of quiet and just listening and hearing, you know, that we have something in common. I also lost my dad at the beginning of the year in February. So it's been a tough year in general in many aspects. I'm sorry, I'm even a little shaky. I feel like as I'm talking because it's just, it's hard to hear this and be able to find people that can relate. And you're kind of like in a group, a group you don't want to be a part of, but you're in it. And it's difficult, but it is a Little bit comforting to hear other people and ways that they've used to cope with things. And so I thank you, Jennifer, for being courageous to say that, because I got to hear, you know, something that I can relate to. And, Sally, you as well. I hurt for you because I'm hurting, too. And, Betsy, I just want to say thank you so much, because this has been a really, really good, informative lesson for us today.

Thank you.

We also have a few questions on private.

So if you look at your messages, you can see.

Hi.

I'd like to say something.

Okay.

My name is Judy Guerrero. I am like, Natalie Pizarro told me about you quite a while ago. Natalie's like a sister to me, and I relate to what you guys are talking about. I lost my mom from diagnosis to death in three weeks. And my mom and I, for 48 years of my life, did not have a relationship in the last five years of her life. We became best friends, and I feel like I didn't get enough time. And I lost my best friend in the whole wide world, and we had so many much time to make up for, and I suffer for that every single day. And I know that you guys have lost your parents. Can relate to the fact that especially during this pandemic, who do you want to call? You want to call your parents? You want to say, I'm a nurse. And so this pandemic has hit me hard. And every day I go home from work and I want to call my mom and say, mom, this happened at work today. Or they called five code blues, or I don't have that. So I know what you mean. When it's the loss of a parent, it's painful, and. And I'm glad that Betsy has this. And I've been driving home from work after a really bad day and listening in my car on a zoom call. I needed to hear you guys say what you said, because sometimes I think, well, well, Betsy's lost a child, and my friend Natalie lost a child, and my friend Kenya lost a child. This is my parent. It was the natural order, but it doesn't feel natural to me.

No.

At all. At all.

So thank you for what you're doing. I've been following you for a while, and I've been really watching, and it's helped me a lot.

Thank you, Judy. Judy, let me give you a little feedback on that. So I cannot imagine losing my mom. And she's 71. Right. Like, it's just a matter of time, and I can't imagine it. So my heart Comes out to you. And I guess I try to understand, but I probably don't understand because I still have her. But there is. There is something that you can do in regards to reinterpreting someone that lost her mom recently. Also, like, right before the pandemic that was part of our group, she was actually my. My first hurt, like hoper. Like her to hope her. And she. She would share that every time that happened to her because she said she was a teacher. So, you know, it happened. And then right after she was like, homeschooling and doing teaching from home. And so all these things that she wanted to share with her mom and, like, vent about, and the mom was like the one that, like, her right hand, she helped her with the kids and all these things. So she was very, very involved and very present and also her best friend. And the mom was a principal from of a school and she was a teacher. So it was just like her mom was her mentor and everything the same.

My mom was a nurse.

Just like, oh, imagine like she, like, so she gets. She would get you.

She got it all.

So what she would tell us, which is why I think it's so beautiful, the group thing, Jennifer, because there are things that I can connect with the pain, but I've never felt it. So someone else can have a better, better idea than me, and someone else can have say something that may help you most. And that was the experience. And many times it was what another person said what struck the person the most. And what she would say is that her mom and her were so close that even though she couldn't pick up.

The phone and not have a relationship in the last five years of her life, we became best friends.

Call her. She could almost hear what she would have said. So she's like, okay. Like, so what my mom would have said is like, mejita. Like, don't worry about it, because this or that. Or like, oh, my gosh. Yeah, that day sucked. Oh, how difficult. Like, I'm sorry you went through that. You know, like, she could hear her and feel her and listen to what she would have said. Because those five years that you have with your mom to build the amazing relationship that you had, those five years gave you, you, your mom forever. They gave you your mom's legacy. Your mom lives on in the advice she would give you and the words she would have said in the lessons she taught you. And I think so part of the work that she did when she was reinterpreting and reframing and changing the perspective so that she could feel more peace in those moments. And she missed her so much. You know, the way she reinterpreted it was. And I had. My mom was so present and she showed up like so fully that I can still hear her voice and her advice and she's made her. She's. Love transcends physical space, Judy. Like, your mom may not be physically present and, and she may not be responding, but she is there and she is listening and she's still consoling you and supporting you through your at work.

I know that you're right and I'm sure that other people feel like I feel I would give anything for one 5 minute phone call.

I know anything.

But thank you so much for what you do. Thank you so much.

When, when, whenever you have those moments that you really like need that five minute phone call, like maybe practice some form of meditation or like, like I mentioned centering, prayer or something. Because I promise you that she will give you those five minutes, even if not the way you want them. I remember there was, there was a time that I was like, like, just let me, like I would go to bed and ask God, like, let me dream with her so that I can see her. Like, just see her and hug her and hold her one, like, one moment, like the meat. Like, I would literally spend time in bed so I could dream with her. And in my mind, like, the way that I was gonna experience that was by dreaming. And so many crazy things happened. Like, I got to experience her through so many other ways, right? Like, there was a day that I was like, please just let me know that she's in heaven for real and happy because she was so happy in my life that I can't imagine her being happier in heaven or anywhere else. And I remember being one day like, like just bawling and crying and in bed and trying to fall asleep to see if I dreamt with her. And I'm like, let me just know she's happy. Like she really is in this amazing place we call heaven. Like, can you believe that? The doorbell rang and I went outside and when I opened the door, this woman that I've never seen in my life, like, just walks into my house with like, strong presence and tells me, I have come to tell you that your daughter is joyful, enjoying the presence of God. And she's so happy. And I'm like, I didn't know. I have to freak out and like, think like, what the heck is going on? Or rejoice. It turns out she was the wife of the Landscape. So she wasn't a complete stranger. The landscape guy doesn't bring her wife to work, his wife to work. So she had learned about my situation. But the fact that she showed up in that moment to tell me that thing that I needed to hear, to me, it was like, okay, okay, okay. I got my five minutes of, like, talking to you and hearing you.

So.

So sometimes it's through other people, sometimes it's a message. Sometimes it's a post on Instagram. And we learn how to accept our new relationship with that person we lost and embrace and love it. I always think, like, man, I don't have to wait for my kids to come home from school to be with them. I get to be with her all the time. And I've created all the signs in the world. I have a wind chime, and I have the rainbows, and I have, like, all sorts of things that I have that I have created myself to stay connected and see her all the time. So it's just hard and it's painful. But at some point, you'll be able to hear your mom's voice and advice, smile and feel like, I find myself every time I see a rainbow or the wind chime goes off or like, I smile and I'm like, hi, mami. Like, I talk to her, and I. And I feel so happy, like, you know that she's talking to me. It's not what I wanted at the beginning, but now that I have reframed and done all this work, it just feels good that she's present, even if it's not the way I originally wanted it to be.

You gave me something to think about. That's true.

Okay, so we have a couple questions. My mom was getting a bit toxic to me for the past year, and she just died three months ago. That makes me feel a little guilty sometimes. Okay, so I. I have a lot of people that come to me with that guilt because they had, like, unresolved issues with the person that passed. And the way we process that is you still have the opportunity to heal that relationship. And if your mom was being toxic during that time, you were doing the right thing by keeping her at an arm's length and by creating boundaries and. Doing what you needed to do to be able to move forward, because maybe she was part of the team that was hurting. That was toxic. And, gosh, have I. It's like, I don't understand it because I'm a mom, and I just. I can't imagine how. How people, like, you know, I understand, like, Right. Like hurt people, hurt people. So if you're. If you're hurt, if you're. If you're grieving, if you're in pain, if you feel dissatisfied with yourself, you tend to seek that healing and outwardly in other people, and you hurt those people in the process because you're not. You're not looking inward. Right? So I understand that if your mom was hurt in some way or she was going through difficult times and she had a hard time being present for you, being emotionally available, like being, being a mom. Because many times our parents unfortunately, like, put us in the middle of things that we shouldn't be a part of, or they make us part of their problem, or they create this codependent relationship in which they feel that we owe them. They gave us the life and they were there for us and they raised us and they did all these things for us. So now we owe them. And that is toxic. That is toxic. And that's. There's a. There's a quote I heard recently that I thought was so powerful. Let me look for it. It's from Carl Jung, who's a psychologist and like, very renowned. He has, like, a theoretical model in psychology and everything. And he said the greatest burden of a child, the greatest burden a child must bear, is the unlived life of its parents. So when our parents haven't healed, haven't become what they were created to be, haven't done the work, the internal work, to rise up and to overcome their wounds and their parents wounds and. And they continue to pass on the toxic, unhealthy relationships and perspectives when they have gone through that, they are toxic and they hurt us more than they help us. And I know of someone in this group. I don't know, I'm just gonna open up about it, but I know of someone in this group that can attest to that. She has gone through a lot with her mom and dad in the last few months. And I imagine it would also be painful if she were to lose one of them in this moment, that they're still trying to figure it out. But I assure you that you did the right thing by keeping your mom at an arm's length. And now you get to reinterpret, reframe your experiences with your mom. You get to come from a place of compassion and understanding and try to see, you know, what she was hurt about, which is, you know, which may have triggered her hurting you. And you have the opportunity to forgive her for that, to understand why she did that and to heal your Relationship. Like I said, like, love transcends time and space. I didn't stop loving my daughter because she stopped being cute and giving me kisses and hugs and. And putting her little arms around my neck. Like, I still love her and she does nothing. She does nothing to make me love me. Right? Like, love her. She's not cute. She's not. She doesn't give me hugs and kisses. She doesn't do, you know, cute dances. And she's not. Like, she doesn't do anything to earn my love. And you have the opportunity to forgive her for that, to understand why she did that, and to heal your relationship. Like I said, love transcends time and space. I didn't stop loving my daughter because she stopped being cute and giving me kisses, but I continue to love her. So you have the opportunity to continue to love your mom now and honor her and resolve the those experiences you had when she was alive is in hugs and putting her little arms around my neck. Like, I still love her and she does nothing. She does nothing to make me love me by leading by example and becoming the mom that she. Right. Like, love her. She's not cute. She's not. She doesn't give me hugs and kisses. She doesn't do, you know, cute dances. And she's not. Like, she. She doesn't do anything to earn my love, but I continue to love her. So you have the opportunity to continue to love your mom now and honor her and resolve those experiences you had when she was alive. She was unable to be. There's no greater joy and satisfaction and pride for a parent than for his or her child to. To just be better than what we were. Right? Like, I don't want my kids to be as awesome because I think I'm awesome. God created me, so I'm awesome. But I don't want my kids to be as awesome as me. I want them to be awesome by leading by example and becoming the mom that's her right? Like, I want them to be better, and that's the best way they can honor me. She was unable to be. There's no greater joy and satisfaction and pride for a parent, so you get to do that. And I'm not mentioning your name because I know you messaged me privately, so I want to honor that. I have another question. I have to head out, and I'm a little bit shy to speak aloud, but thank you so much to Betsy and to all of you for this experience and for sharing your insight. God bless you all. I think she already left. Thank you. So much, Betsy. Okay, so that I don't think. Get rid of thoughts. Can we talk about that? Okay. When you talk about meditation, we do. We make space. But you say you get rid of the thoughts. Can you talk? Okay, okay, okay. I love talking about that. So let me explain why meditation is so cool. And like, we're centering prayer. We are human beings, and human beings are by nature limited, right? Like, we think our brains are amazing and so powerful, and they are. And that's why we have such a beautiful, like, advances in our world. But it's limited. We're human beings. We're limited. So if you. If you. If you. If your mind is limited, right, Compared to a higher source and the infinite divinity here, you know, like, if your mind's limited, then whatever. No matter how smart and emotionally intelligent you are, whatever you think or process is going to be limited because you're human. And what we know today and the wisdom that we have today does not compare to the one that we're going to have in a few years with all the experiences that we're going to learn from. And many times in life, we have to make decisions today with the limited wisdom that we have that are going to impact the rest of our lives. And we don't know what awaits because we can only see what's ahead of us. The system that we have today does not compare to the one that we're going to have in a few years. And I compare it to a gps. When you turn on the gps, if you decide that you're going to take yourself to the Grove, right? Like a. Like, if you're going in my. If you're in Miami and you're going to the Grove, and you want to take the Sunset, which is a street, to the. To the Grove, which is a city, then. But then you turn on the gps and the GPS tells you, like, hey, turn left on the Palmetto, which is an expressway. And you're like, no, no, no. But I always go through here, and I know that this is the best way, and it's more. It's a scenic drive, and it's more beautiful, and I want to go through here. But then the GPS tells you, like, no, like, turn left in the Palmetto. And then you're like, no, this GPS doesn't know anything. So you keep on going, and you see that it's clear, there's no traffic, so why not? So you keep on going. And then you get to, like, the next street past the Palmetto, and the GPS is recalculating and you're like, oh, no, I'm gonna, like, just. I'm gonna go through the sunset. I'm not gonna go through the Palmetto. And then you keep on going, and the GPS is recalculating, trying to send you back to the Palmetto. And you're like, oh my gosh, this stupid thing, and you turn it off and you think, oh, this doesn't know anything. And then you get to the cocoplum circle, which is like a circle that takes you to the road, and there's an accident and everything's closed and you can't pass. You couldn't see that because you didn't have the infinite vision and ability to see what's in the future, to see what's besides or beyond your area of vision. You couldn't. But the gps, because it has the bird's eye view and it's from above, and it sees the past, present, future, like God or the divine. Because. Because the GPS was able to catch that accident, it was able to guide you. So when you meditate and you consent to the Holy Spirit or to the greater. The greater you. The spirit or the soul or the. You know, call it what you will based on your. On your beliefs, which is your true self, right? Like when you let go of your human limitations and your finite thoughts and wisdom, and you make space for the divine wisdom and the infinite knowledge, then you're being guided by something greater than your mind. And that's when making decisions for the future become easier because you. You're not being guided by what you can see. You can't see past the tree or the. The. Or the wall or the. Whatever is blocking your vision. So then when you're practicing these kinds of spiritual practices like meditation or prayer, stillness, mindfulness, what you're doing is you're opening. You're opening up space for downloading divine wisdom and guidance that will show up in the form of peace. So they will give you peace. Whenever it's coming from a higher place, they will give you peace. And even though it may not make sense in the moment, rationally you'll feel comfortable making those decisions. And because they give you peace and you're being guided, you're being guided by something greater than your limited wisdom today, if that makes any sense. I hope that answered your question. So those practices do that. They allow you to tap into your inner wisdom in a way that I've never experienced anything else to it. And I literally live my life like that, like with that gps, there are times that I'M like, God, I have no clue what I'm gonna do with this situation, but I trust that you're gonna guide me. So just show me the way before it's, you know, like by the time that I have to make that decision and it's just crazy. And then in hindsight, like, even, even studying psychology, I studied engineering for three years. Like, I, I studied engineering for three years. But when I look back, I'm like, oh my gosh. Like that was the GPS guiding me, right? Like I had this thing burning in my heart that I thought it was psychology, what I wanted to study after having taken a class and I built the guts. Because you imagine like, you know, like parents are not like, yeah, go study psychology. Like, especially back in the day, now it's become a little more respected. But engineering psychology, right? Like, so I built the courage and I did it. And I look back and if I wouldn't have experienced all the things that I experienced, I wouldn't have had the life that I have today. I didn't know I was going to get married and lose a daughter and use my vocation to honor my daughter. Right? Like, so when you're guided, everything will make sense and you'll be able to make decisions for the long term without needing to know what's going to happen next. I know a lot of people have had to leave and I'm here until there's no more questions. But I understand it's almost 10 o', clock, so I'll just wait a few more minutes if you have any questions.

Let's see, you were saying that the classes will start or the sessions will start on August 10th.

Was it that week? That week I sent an email so that people can vote on the day and time of the week. And then we wait and then those.

Are included in the package as far as the six sessions go.

Yeah, absolutely.

And that's all can be accessed through the website.

You get all the information by email to log in and you can log in immediately. You don't have to wait till the second week of August to access the, the online program. It's just that the sessions start on that day.

Perfect.

Okay, thank you. Thank you so, so much. I'm going to be signing off as well, but I wanted to say thank you and I appreciate today's. This was very, very helpful. It was like I needed this.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. Have a good night. You too. Good night, guys.

Betsy, please take care of yourself. Get a chance if you can. And I know in the Hospitals, they're giving everybody automatically. I knew it. So if that'll help you. I. I don't know. I feel really badly for you, but please, just because you're young, take care of yourself.

Thank you.

You know. You know, as a New Yorker last month, I've seen it all, so please take care.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like we are the new New York for real.

Where are you?

Oh, Florida. Yeah, don't get me started.

I think we are, too.

I feel the same way.

There was a lot of our stupid New Yorkers that went down to Florida during spring break. That caused trouble too. But we won't go there. We'll let Betsy get to sleep.

Thank you, guys. I know it's late, and I really appreciate your time. Thank you for being here, and thank you for your private messages I'm getting. Thank you, Betsy, for an amazing webinar. You have a great gift and amazing heart. Continue to do what you do best. Thank you, Brenda. Okay, good night. Or not. Like, I'm still here. I'll be the last one to leave, so I'll wait until you all leave.

Thank you, Betsy.

Adios.

In tears the entire time.

Thank you, Sally. I know. I know it's hard to take this time off. I appreciate you signing up.

I know. I'm so glad I did it. I made sure that all my Alexas were giving me my reminder.

Yeah, I know.

And even, you know, my kids were on board to give me my space, so I'm glad I did it. And I look forward for more to come and, of course, for our sessions together. And I'll see. Maybe I can get my sister to jump in the group session.

Hard to hope. Yeah.

Yeah. She was super happy, so I know she hopefully will do it. All right, so I'm gonna check out because I have to put my kids to bed. They're waiting for me. So we will talk soon. All right.

Good night.

Honestly.

I think we're good. Okay. Oh, there we go.

So much good photos, like, for Q.

And A. Oh, yeah. That's so funny how you. How you think in terms of, like, oh, I can use that. And I can use that. I can. Proud of me how cool that Christy joined.

Yeah.

So cute. So cute. I can't believe you don't understand how much my voice cooperated when I was in my sessions. Like, it was hard to talk. It was so hard to talk. Like, I couldn't wait for them to say something, and sometimes I would just be silent for them. And my voice really collaborated tonight. I knew Sophie would hook me up, so. And the Tylenol was clutch. Oh, my gosh. I was like. I took a nap right before jumping in. Like, I Woke up at 7 to shower and whatnot. But, like, in the nap, I was like, I didn't know how I was gonna get out of bed. I had a fever again. Oh, my gosh. Like, I'm so happy this worked out. And I totally look good.

You would never be able to tell.

I know. I can't believe I look decent. All right, Nana. Good night.

I'm having trouble uploading the igtv. I've been doing it while you've been talking.

You know what? Stop recording. Just so it doesn't become longer and longer.