Leaders With A Mission - Turn your PAIN into HOPE

Hello, everyone.

This is Diana Castro with four Productions, and today I would love to present someone to you that I love with all my heart. Her name is Betsy Guerra, and let me tell you a little bit about her. I would describe Betsy as a source of wisdom and light on dark times. She's a licensed psychotherapist and a public speaker, helping people overcome suffering and the loss of their life as they knew it. With you, Betsy. Thank you, Betsy, for being here today.

Thank you, Diana, for having me. I am delighted to be part of this.

Can you, like, tell us a little bit about your story in a nutshell, for those people that may not know you?

I am a mom of four, and one of my children lives in heaven. That time was defined by pain. It was defined by recurring thoughts that were driving me crazy. I couldn't focus on anything else. And there's a similarity between my darkness and this time that we're in. If we choose to. To endure that suffering, right? Like, that's all we talk about. That's all we focus on. It's corona here, corona there. Like, and there's fear and there's pain. And a lot of people have lost their loved ones. We don't. We may not realize that, but a lot of people are losing their loved ones to this. And I find myself engaging in conversations around this topic, and I'm like, my gosh, that's all we can think of. So in my story, there was a lot of darkness and pain. I missed her like crazy. And I couldn't think of any blessing coming out of that because my focus was on the darkness. And when you're looking at darkness rather than facing the light, or maybe it's a dim light, that's around. That's how you can see, feel, experience, and think about. So my darkness is around. Having lost my daughter unexpectedly and having to live without her, I know that.

Right now a lot of people are struggling with finding light to finding anything good about this. Like, many people lost their loved one to this, or others just found themselves without a job. What would you recommend or tell them that they could use right now?

Before I answer that, I want to say, I feel you. I am in this with you. I am experiencing this crisis with you. And I understand the pain of loss, and so do you. People think of loss and they think you're losing a loved one because that person died. But divorce is loss, is losing that person. The loss of financial stability, the loss of a job, the loss of your routine, the loss of your expectations, your dreams, life as you Knew it. We're all experiencing the pain of loss, and I know that really well. And my heart goes out to people because this is the time during which we experience fear, those recurring thoughts that are tormenting us. We struggle with focusing on something positive, the silver lining, because it's in our face. It's been talked about everywhere we turn. So it is hard not to focus on the pain and the source of the pain. Right. Like, having to stay home has meant for a lot of people that, like you said, they don't have enough patience for the kids. And I want to start with that. Let me actually start with one of my tools. One of my favorite tools is reframing. So when you think of reframing, imagine that your grandma gave you an art piece of a sunset, and it's in, like, a Victorian gold and black frame. And she's like, oh, here for your new house. And you're like, heck, no, I'm not gonna put that up. And then you go, you feel bad because it's your grandma and you want to honor her, and she was so excited to give it to you. So you're like, you know what? Let me go to the frame shop and see what they have. And they. They put this amazing modern, contemporary, spectacular frame. And suddenly when you pick it up, it's like your favorite piece of art for your house. This beautiful key sunset in this amazing frame is now amazing. And that's what reframing is all about. It's not about changing the art piece. It's not about changing the situation. It's about looking at it from a different standpoint. So reframing. I'm the queen of reframing. Reframing allows you to change whatever you're going through by changing the perspective. So you don't need to have control over this coronavirus. I couldn't have control over losing my daughter. I didn't. And I didn't have control over bringing her back. No matter how much I did and what I did, I could not bring her back. In this situation, we do have some power in being part of the solution. So when I say reframe, I don't say reframe and be responsible. I think it's important that we quarantine that. We are. We're doing this instead of live. We're doing it on zoom because we want to be part of the solution. So reframing is changing the perspective. And I'll give you an example. When I lost my daughter, I would always say, I'm a grieving mom. That Lost a daughter. And I carry this scarlet letter or label in my forehead that reads, look at me with pity, because I'm the grieving mom that lost a daughter. And I felt like everywhere I went, people would look at me with that gaze. And I. And I just. I couldn't. I couldn't stop focusing on it. And I decided I was gonna reframe it.

And it was hard because how do.

You reframe losing a daughter? Like, you don't. You don't. Nobody wants that. But I was like, you know what? I am not a grieving mom that lost a daughter. I refuse to identify with that label. I am the chosen mom of an angel, and I am VIP in heaven. And I have all these hookups because she's there with me. And guess what? I don't have to wait for her to get out of school to see her, because I can be with her and feel her every day, all the time. And choosing to view my life that way, feeling that I was special because God chose me to be the mom of an angel, made me feel better about the situation that I was going through and made me focus on the blessings that have come from it. I realized what a beautiful support network I have. I learned that because of my background, I was able to apply a lot of the things that I teach my clients daily to myself. I also learned that I embodied hope because in learning how to reframe and live accordingly, live a fulfilled life and be happy again, I was able to embody hope for people that were going through difficult situations and didn't think there was light at the end of the tunnel. So this is one of those. We are in darkness. We are fearful. We are scared. We have never been through this. We don't know how we are going to get the money to pay the bills. This month, we were all in the same boat. And I am no different. I am no different. But I don't worry about those things. And here's another tool. Two things. One of the things that I want to inspire you to work on is acceptance. When we choose to. To accept the situation we're in, we don't waste time, energy, effort, emotions, fighting it. Every single time we fight against reality, we lose. Because I'm complaining here, and I found myself doing this, and I've had to, like, remind myself and come back to this when last week, when the whole homeschooling started. I'm still responsible for a private practice and a business and my kids and my team. I'm responsible for a lot of people so when I realized that I have to home school my kids for half a day and then still go to work and still assume all the responsibilities and still be there for my team, I freak out. I freak out. So I found myself thinking, like, that's why I pay for school, because I.

Don'T want to homeschool.

I didn't choose homeschool. Well, guess what, Betsy? You don't have an option right now. So why are you going to fight about that? Why are you going to stress about that? So when I would catch myself, I'd be like, radical acceptance. I'm going to accept this exactly the way it is, and I'm going to embrace it. I'm going to reframe it, and I'm going to think how wonderful that I get to spend more time with my children. I've always wanted to be a fly on the wall because I want to see my kids in school. I want to see how they are, how they learn. And I'm doing that now. I'm being so present with them, and I get to do that now. And that's how I reframe, and then I accept the situation. You know what? School's not going to start again just because I fight with reality. So acceptance is very freeing because you stop investing time, energy, effort in fighting something that will not change because you're fighting and resisting it. So that energy, that time, those emotions will have a better use by you by reframing, number one, by learning how to accept and look at the positive in all of this, like the time that I spent with my kids and being able to be present and being there for my team and showing them that no matter what, I'm going to be here and looking at the silver lining in this whole process.

I was wondering if you have anything for people who are probably experiencing extreme cases or. I don't know. I know you're so much light and hope and your wisdom pierce people's hearts. So what do you say to us on that part?

I have this thing that I always say, pain is awesome, and I have a video about it that when people first hear it, they're like, this girl's a masochist. What's wrong with her? What do you mean? Pain is awesome? What we're going through right now, the pain that we're enduring as a result of not getting our way and going through the pain of loss and experiencing so many difficulties is allowing us to learn the lessons that we're going to need to know to be able to rise to Our greatness to rise, to becoming the best version of ourselves that God created us to be. And if reframing is changing the perspective of what we're doing but what we're experiencing, then acceptance is just stop fighting with reality so that that energy is available for you to address the situation and take the precautions necessary and seek the help and. And the opportunities that are going to help you get out of, you know, whatever situation you are in particular. But then there's two other things that I wanted to share, and they're aligned with, with those people that may be going through those situations. Pain is awesome because pain motivates you. It inspires you to take action. And people that are in an unhealthy relationship, abusive relationship, or difficult circumstances will have the time now to reflect and realize how bad it is. And pain is allowing for that. Pain is also motivating them to get out of that. So whereas we settle in the daily routines of life for, oh, whatever, it's not a big deal. And we start getting used to how bad something is. And the more we are exposed to it, the less we're faced by it. Those women or people in general are having now the opportunity to realize, do I want to live like this the rest of my life in a moment of crisis? Do I want to not feel safe with the people I have chosen to be surrounded with? So, pain. So I guess my third recommendation is use pain. You never waste pain because it doesn't feel good. Pain sucks. But pain is a fertilizer. What are fertilizers made of?

Poop.

Fertilizers are made of poop, and pain is a fertilizer. So pain stinks. It feels like crap, it looks like crap, and you don't want it in your life, right?

Like, it stinks.

It just sucks. Just like fertilizers. But what do fertilizers do to plants? The same thing that pain does to us. Pain nurtures us, Pain nourishes us. It helps us grow, it helps us bring fruit. So use pain to become aware of where you've settled in your life and to realize that there's something that you need to take action in. And use pain also to grow, to make decisions to. And listen, Diana, if you understand wholeheartedly, as I've done, as I've understood because of my personal experience, that pain is a fertilizer, then while you're going through it, you're willing and eager to experience it and welcome it because you know you're growing. You welcome the pain, and you welcome the Work that it's doing in you even if you can't see it. So embracing pain is, I guess, my third tool. Number one, reframe. Number two, accept. Number three, don't be scared of pain. Don't push back. Don't go, don't escape. Don't freak out. Like, just be like, you know, this sucks. Like, have your pity party. Have your moment to embrace pain and be like, okay. And then just trust that it's building you up. It's getting you that amazing time that you want. So embrace it so that you can take action and then use it to serve. Instead of dwelling on it and focusing on it, you embrace it. That's not the same as dwelling on it. Okay? Like, when I say embrace it, I mean okay. You know, don't resist it. Accept it and be like, okay, what can I learn from this? And learn it right? And use it to serve when you change the focus. So changing focus is really important and that's aligned with reframing. But changing focus from, like, if you're staring at the darkness, then you're not going to benefit from the light that's right behind you. So changing focus looks like instead of thinking like, this coronavirus. Oh my gosh, this is ridiculous. I can't believe I'm here and I'm not. I don't have a job and I want to work and I can't even work. And this is ridiculous. And people are not listening and people are not quarantined. And then you criticize the world because of how they are experiencing this, right? Instead of, you know what I've learned with this experience? That man, like, even though I'm not making money, like, I have food on my table, I wonder what those people do that were living paycheck to paycheck and have literally nothing to eat. So then when you focus on that, you no longer you. Not. Not. Not only do you feel grateful for not being in that predicament, but you also are called to serve. And when you serve, you get a shot of oxytocin, which is a feel good hormone that makes you better. It brings your mood up and it makes you feel better. So changing the focus from, oh my gosh, this sucks and life is crazy and can you believe this? To wait a minute. And this happened to me last week. Like I had the entire last week I was thinking like, and like, I'm taking a hit. But you know what? I have food on my table and I have a roof to live in. So I started thinking about the woman that Helped me, my parents growing up in Puerto Rico. And I know she lived paycheck to paycheck. And I'm like, what if people are not calling her to go clean at their houses because of the social distancing? And I kept on thinking of her and thinking of her, and it took me a couple of days, and I'm not proud to say, say this, to reach out to her. And sure enough, when I called her and that was God giving me, or the intuition, the universe, whatever you want to call it, like that was that was this higher being giving me the. The inspiration to reach out to somebody that may have been in need when I called her. Indeed, people are not calling her for cleaning houses because of the social distancing. So I was able to contribute to her. Do I have all the money in the world to send her right now? No. But I sure have more than her. So I am going to help her. And God will provide for me. And I believe that wholeheartedly. So using pain to serve instead of to complain and to dwell and to not accept and to fight reality, I think is a beautiful. Provides us with a beautiful opportunity to rise up in times of crisis like this one.

Something that I've learned from you and you said it and it hit me like a break. A while ago while we were doing one of your videos, it was, pain is optional. Suffering is not.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optimal.

There you go.

There you go.

So how is it? Pain is option. No. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

So pain, pain is everything we experience that we don't like. It's painful when things don't go our way, when our expectations aren't met, when we really want something and then it's not available. Pain is losing a loved one. Pain is not being able to leave the house and getting cabin fever. Pain is not being able to go to work. And pain is not having a bank account that's like, you know, full of money like you're used to or like you wish it was. Pain is everything that we experience that we don't like, so we can't avoid it. We're always. We're never going to get everything we want in life. So it's inevitable. It's inevitable to experience pain. Suffering is optional. Suffering is pain without hope that it will get better. Pain without purpose, pain without service. Pain with wasted pain. Suffering is ongoing pain forever and ever. It's never going to get better. And it's not fertilizing me and it's not teaching me lessons. And there's nothing positive or silver lining to look at. That's suffering. And that's a choice. We choose to stay there. When I say embrace pain, I mean feel it. Have your pity party, freak out for a moment, and then what can I learn from this? And keep moving forward. Change your focus. Serve others, you know, don't waste it. But suffering is when you. When you choose pain as a lifestyle and people don't make this choice consciously. Everybody that's choosing suffering will tell you, that's not what I want. I don't want to suffer. But it's serving a purpose to be a victim. And they are choosing it. Consciously or not. They are choosing it.

Yes.

Suffering is not understanding that the pain you're enduring is making you stronger. It's fertilizing you. So then you're just feeling pain to feel pain. And that's. That's dark. It's dark. There's no hope that it will get better. So pain without hope is what I define as suffering. And I choose to feel the pain but not engage in suffering.

So, Betsy, I'm just so happy that you get to share your wisdom with us. And I know this is very impromptu. I actually called yesterday. I was awakened yesterday by this burning desire to bring light in moments of darkness. Because it has become clear to me as part of our calling here for productions, that as a media company, we're evangelists and evangelists. The definition that I was taught by my father was that they are providers of good news. And I consider myself an evangelist. Maybe I'm not very. I call it in Spanish, esperitu flautica, because that's not my essence. But I am a woman of faith as well. And I am a woman. I am a daughter of a king. And I understand my purpose. I was born with a purpose to spread the words of goodness, to give others a magnifying amplifying space so that they could do good in the world. Because there's just so much crap in the world right now. And we are sick and tired of keep hearing all this buzz and noise about death and coronavirus. And while I'm not saying that you have to be misinformed or, you know, like nothing's happening here, it's not a time to do that. But you do have to invest your time wisely on how much time and which sources you give your ears to so that you feed your brain and your soul good information. And that's what it was, the calling. Yesterday when I called everyone impromptu, I was like, I need to get people who are heart centered, who have a mission to share, who have words of hope, hope and wisdom and even sometimes alert, like, you know, like, just give people like this, hey, center yourself. And you are one of them. And I'm just so happy that I get to share your message and I'm so happy that I get to share things that are about bringing light in dark times, especially because we're confined to our homes and people are stuck to just consuming content online. And we need refreshing voices of wisdom and hope. So I'm really happy and I know that there's a project that you currently have on the oven that it's like simmering into the right flavors right now and you currently have a waiting list. It is called Hurt to Hope and it's totally inspired in fofi, the heart of your drive to keep her memory alive and to give purpose to that pain. That what you call to make sure that people who are suffering through pain get in Spanish, it's called just like wash away their pain without a way their suffering. I'm sorry, Away their suffering without wasting their pain and ensuring that even though there are bad and dark moments in life, that there is purpose in that pain. And. And I would love for you to tell us a little bit more about that because it's an online program where you get to coach people on how to navigate the grieving moments of losing something or someone you love, losing life as you knew it. And I would love to know more from your mouth because I'm talking too much now. So it's your turn.

So hurt to hope. It's the number two, hurt2hope.com and that program is I gave myself in that program. It's like a form of therapy coaching for people that have experienced the pain of losing a loved one and they want to choose joy. So I take them on a journey, on my journey. And that's why I say I given myself. And it's like you mentioned my way of honoring my daughter, right? Like, that's my way of serving through my pain. Because if my pain had a purpose, if it's gonna save someone else from despair, then it will have been worth it. In this program, I give myself to share the how I went from hurt to hope. There's a lot of people that know me, know that I was in excruciating pain. And they see that I experience joy. I live joy. I truly live joy. And they're like, what the heck? Like how? Like, I always get this question, like, okay, I know you were here and I know you're here now. But like how. So this online course is the. Is the answer to my community's question question of how I share how I went from hurt to joy and how I was able to overcome the pain, the pain, excruciating pain of losing my daughter. So that's this course. This course is the answer to the how. Like what are the tools that I use? What are the things? And I combine my clinical expertise in psychology with my faith and my personal experience. So that's why it's not just like a psychological thing or coaching thing. It's an experience, it's a journey. It's me sharing my pain and myself to be able to heal others and help them overcome pain and find joy again.

Thank you for doing that. I find that honorable and just powerful. Especially in these times where we're forced to work. Those who have a message are being called to play at a higher level. And the one to one it is good, but it's limiting. And I feel that, that you embracing the new way of touching lives and reaching people and magnifying your visibility and your touch, you're going to be able to make a huge, huge impact to those that need you the most. Something I preach that's kind of like my say. I believe that every person was born with a purpose and a calling and it is their duty and responsibility to share with the world. And if they are within their purpose, they will be successful because there's nothing, there's nothing that will overcome that for them. That is nothing that will stop them because it is within their God given right to do that. So thank you for doing that. I do feel that these times are really shaping our character. Like with easy times it's easy to be everybody's friends. With easy times it's easy to go on about. But it is in hard times that our character is shapen and we can choose to become weak and let this run our lives or we can choose to rise and stand up for what we want. I feel like there's a book that I love called Outwitting the Devil. I don't know if you've ever heard it. I love that book and it talks about that when people are complacent, they're just like, they're taken like you know, to, to where they don't want to go, but they're complacent. They're you know, like everyone is like.

Oh I hate my job.

And then you don't have a job. Oh, I need a job. It's like we could become complacent, right? And we just let ourselves be drifted. It's called, like, they call it drifted in the book. Like, you drift away. And it is the way in the book, it's like the devil takes you with them. Is this a way of, like, enchanting you? But there are times that that could be broken. And it is when the floor under you is taken away, when, like, you are shaken and you can choose to stay in that shitty, ugly place or you can choose to, like, wake up and continue. And. And that's kind of like what I feel this moment is like. There has been a collective complaining and toxicity that we have been dragging as a society because we hate this and everything's polarized and this virus is shaking the floor of the entire earth so that those that are sleeping are awakened. So I need to. To let those people know that there are people like you, like Betsy. There are people like the people that I will bring towards this series that are there to give you support and hand. And it is for them to actually take back control of their purpose. It is for them, I feel strongly that this moment in time is a moment in time where we get to take back control of our purpose and choose to reframe and choose to accept and choose to surrender and choose to embrace our situations because the signs are all around us. And it is because of people like you that we get to not be alone in those times. So I want to thank you so much for taking the time to be in here. And is there anything that you would like people to walk away with before we, like I close this segment, I.

Just want to summarize, accept that this is happening. Embrace it. Refrain, change the perspective with which you're looking at it. Change the focus and understand that this pain is inspiring, inspiring you to take action and to focus on the blessings. So focus on the blessings. Look at the silver lining and very importantly, do not waste this pain and this experience. Look next door so that you can be of service to others and that will change everything and you will attract all the blessings that you need to be healthy and purposeful and in a good place during this time of crisis.

So where can people find you? Where can people find, like, where can people sign up to this waiting list that you create, currently have for this amazing, beautiful, soulful program that you've created where you have poured your heart. Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me now.

The place for the online course is hurt2hope.com and it's the number two hurt number two hope.com and my website and social media is better with Betsy. So I hope I get to hear from them in Instagram and Facebook and all the good stuff.

Beautiful. Is there an actionable thing that maybe we could do collectively? I don't know. I would like someone to take action right now.

I would say I invite you to take a second to see who could be in a worse situation than you. Change the focus from the self centeredness to the humility of looking out for the other people in the community. Look, think of someone that may be in a worse situation and call them, offer your help. See how you can be of service. Sometimes it's it may be a grandma and a phone call will do. Maybe it's someone that may feel lonely during this time and it has nothing to do with money or health. So just I invite them to change the focus for a second and reach out to somebody in a in a less fortunate situation so that they can be of service and use this to purposely and purposefully be of service to the community.

Beautiful.

Thank you again.

And for those of you who are looking to position your brand as a leader in your industry, please Visit us@fourproductions.com where if you subscribe, you'll receive content and goodies and free tools so that you can grow your business by the power of video. Thank you so much and I'll see you until next time.

Bye bye.