NOT Being Ready For The Hoildays After Losing a Loved One

So it's Christmas time, and we're supposed to be so happy and full of joy. And because it's that season of the year where we get to celebrate and receive gifts and see kids opening gifts, and it's amazing or it sucks. For some of us, Christmas is not the woohoo excitement time. It's a grieving time. It's a painful time because it's a reminder that we don't have the people that we love or somebody that we wanted to share our lives with and experience that Christmas joy with next to us. And maybe it's because of a divorce or it's because of a death, somebody you lost, someone in the family, your mom, your grandma, your grandpa, your child, your husband, your wife. And it's not that fun. You don't have the Christmas period. You don't feel like decorating, like singing Christmas carols. Carols and watching Christmas vacation. It doesn't feel that way for you. And I want to tell you, I want to give you permission to feel sad, to not feel complete. It's okay. But I will not let you stay that way. So here's what I want to share with you. Five years ago, I had my first Christmas without my angel from heaven, Fofi. And it was on the 25th. That's Christmas Day. And that was the third month after her passing. She died on the 25th. And we would go, my husband and I would go to Mass every 25th of every month just to remember her, to honor her. And that day was no different. We had a beautiful day with the kids. They opened their gifts. I had that little hole in my heart. And we went to Mass that night. And when we were in church, there was a new priest that was doing the sermon. And this guy was so full of joy, you know, he was talking about the reason for the season. And he was excited, excited and joyful. And my gosh, his energy. You could feel how happy he was about Jesus being born and remembering that. And in tears with my husband three months after losing our daughter, I remember being like, gosh, I want to feel that way. This guy is so happy about the birth of Christ when he knows that he died a tragic death. So how is it that he's not super sad thinking like, you know, a day like today, Jesus was born, you know, and it's a shame because he died such a tragic death later. And his mom had to suffer so much, and the people around him had to suffer, suffer so much because it wasn't easy to keep his message alive. And like, instead, he's just so happy that the guy was born. And I wanted that. I wanted to be happy again. I wanted for it to be Fofi's birthday, which is in December, too, and feel happy that she was born, that she was my daughter, that I was so blessed to be with her for three years, almost three years. So instead of thinking, christmas sucks, this season sucks. I'm so sad. I have the blues. I have nothing to be grateful for. Why don't you celebrate the birth of that person that you've lost again? Whether it was through a divorce or through death, or you're about to lose someone who's sick or whatever it is. Take this second, take this time, to celebrate that that person was in your life. Because regardless of who it was, would you change your entire life, let's say it was a divorce. Would you give up having been with that person and not have the children you have and not be able to learn the lessons that you've learned as a result of that relationship? Would you have preferred to not have your mom or your grandma or your child or your sibling or your husband, your wife? Because it's so painful, what you're experiencing right now. If there's something that I had clarity with is that I would never give up being the daughter, the mom of my daughter La Fofi, because of, you know, just because I didn't want to deal with excruciating pain that came with it. I love having being her mom, and I love that God chose me to be the mom of an angel. It's amazing. I get hookups all the time. You know, I want something. I go to her, I'm like, listen, go talk to that guy over there and hook me up. And she's so cute that he can't say no to her. So I get whatever I want. But it was. I didn't feel this way five years ago. Five years ago, I was just like you. And what I want to do is tell you it's okay that you have the blues. It's okay that you're reminiscing and remembering what you did with your family member, your loved one during the Christmas time that you don't get to do now. But I also have to tell you that it's not okay to stay there, get your moment, have your pity party is what I call it. And I have mine every so often. Have your pity party, Feel bad for yourself. Feel miss her, miss him, feel sad, have the blues, be in a bed for a little while, and then get up get up and celebrate the life of that person. Celebrate that fact that that person was part of your life. Celebrate the blessings that came from having him or her and the blessings that came as a result of losing him or her. Celebrate that. And while you're sprinkling the cookies for Santa Claus, sprinkle a little hope in your life. Because what you're feeling now is gonna be amazing one day. It's gonna serve as a frame of reference to remind you what pain feels like and what you will not be experiencing anymore. Merry Christmas.