Practical Tools to Walk by Faith, not by Fear: A Psychospiritual Approach

So what is fear? Fear is a distressing emotion, uncomfortable emotion, like, yucky. I don't like it. It's like, you know, it's not pleasant and yet it's neither good or nor bad. It's neutral. Emo. It's a, it's a neutral emotion. I believe all emotions serve us. I believe that's what. Why God allowed us human beings to experience them, because they guide us. In fact, I, I think that emotions are like a divine compass. You know, how when you, when you're anxious and you have no peace and, and, and that's like a. There's like a lingering, like, feeling within you, in your body that tells you something's off. You know, that, that, that, that way of contracting when someone says something that's hurtful or when you're, you do something that's out of alignment with your values, you, like, there's, there's contraction. Those are emotions and those emotions guide you. They tell you, like, don't go there, or yes, that feels good. Go all in. And I'm speaking about deep emotions. I'm not speaking about moods or fleeting emotions. Right? There's times that we're like, we explode and we're super pissed off and angry, or we're really excited or we're, you know, we're experiencing some form of pleasure. Those are fleeting emotions. I'm speaking about the grounded ones that like, guide us. Because when, when you experience pain, when you're hopeless, when you're fearful, it's so unpleasant and uncomfortable that you'll do anything to get rid of it. So that that emotion is, is guiding you like a compass. So we get to embrace emotions. Fear is neither good nor bad. It's neutral. It's there to support us. We just get to be intentional about how we respond. And you respond to it and use it. Fear keeps us safe. So this distressful, distressing emotion is, its main purpose is to alert us of danger or the possibility or like, or a threat of harm. So whenever you're walking with your grandkid or your child across the street and you see cars coming, maybe like, you hold the hand tighter because like, you're, you get scared that, that the kid will, you know, start like, start running or will be hit by a car or something like that fear, that emotion is protecting you and your grandkid or your child because it's telling you like, hey, you know, let's, let's do something about this to avoid the possibility of harm, the threat of harm or danger. Now really important, the mind, the Subconscious mind. And that's another class for another day. It's actually part of one of my masterclasses. The subconscious mind does not know how to differentiate truth from fantasy. So if you perceive something as scary, your mind doesn't know it's just a perception, it's just a thought, it's just ptsd. It's just whatever your mind thinks, it's, it's danger. There's a lion in front of you and it's coming for you. So your body is going to react with fear as if it were the lion, even though it was just a spider that you're afraid of or a cockroach. Right. So that's not going to hurt you. In case you didn't know, the cockroach is not going to hurt you, even if it's disgusting and scary. So danger, the alert of danger is whether it's perceived or real. Which is why we're constantly feeling, experiencing fear and anxiety when really nothing's going to happen, nothing bad's going to happen. But in your mind, based on your beliefs, something can happen. And if I'm late then, then the, you know, all hell's gonna, gonna go lose again. It's gonna be the worst thing ever. And if, if I don't call my husband and, and I, you know, because I fell asleep or whatever, then he's gonna be really pissed off and oh my goodness, I'm gonna die. If I get an F in my test, that's it. I'm, I'm gonna fail in life. If I don't make as much money as I desire to, I'm a failure. I'm defeated, right? Like that. The stories that we tell ourselves matter. That's why I'm always insisting words matter. And my poor students, I'm on top of them, like having them repeat the things that they say until they, they use intentional words. Because words, those words are informing your subconscious mind of what to believe. And then your subconscious mind, which is there to support you and believe whatever you tell it and, and act upon it, then responds with fear, anxiety, and all these unhealthy coping mechanisms that, that hurt you and ultimately make reality a lot worse. And fear is also both psychological, mental, emotional, right? Like, you know, you have, you experience the fear, the feeling of fear in your mind. You, you, you know, you think fearful thoughts and you experience it, but it's also physiological, which is what makes it so strong because all these physiological responses of fear, what they tell your mind, and it's a self perpetuated cycle that we're going to talk about more later. What they tell your mind is like, oh my gosh, this is real. This is not just in your head. Look at your sweaty palms and, and look at, you know, you're breaking out in a rash, like you're dying. Oh my goodness, you're dying, right? Like in your heart's pounding. And like how many times do we think, like, do people who have experienced a panic attack, they think that they're having a heart attack, they're dying and it's a panic attack. It's something, it's something that started with a thought. But fear is powerful because it has that biomedical biochemical reaction. And just to. Without getting super technical, I think I'm really good about dumbing things down. I'm not calling you dumb by any means. I needed to dumb it down for myself to get it. I just, just so that you have a little understanding of what the physiological aspect of fear is, I'm going to explain it with this drawing. So this part over here is called the hypo hippocampus in the brain. And the hippocampus has access to your ex, your experience of the. Out of the external world. So if you see here, it's connected to what you heard, it's connected to what you, what you saw. So if you receive a stimulus, you see something that, that you interpret as dangerous that came through your eyes into the hippocampus. And the hippocampus immediately went to the amygdala. So this is the hippocampus over here. And this red part is the amygdala. So you receive the external information from outside. Like someone said something that was hurtful or scary or that you're worried about, or you're freaking out about it, or you saw it, or you, whatever it is that you experience from the external world that you interpret it as a threat, the hippocampus immediately sends it to the amygdala. The amygdala is a pre verbal part of the mind. Like animals have the amygdala, like it's, it's a very like primitive area of the mind. Which means if it's preverbal, it's also not rational. It's instinctive. It just, it just reacts. It doesn't think, process, make decisions, does all these executive functions that happens in the prefrontal cortex of the brain. So that means that when you've already been triggered the emotion of fear and it's operating from the amygdala and then it goes and exacerbates or like, triggers the. The nervous system, right? Like, it sends chemical signals to the, to the nervous system, like, hey, and I love that it's a sympathetic nervous system because it's so sympathetic that it just reacts in alignment with what you're feeling. So that's when you, when the amygdala does that in order to protect you from that danger. Because this is. This started from back in the day when people would go to hunt and there's a tiger in front of you, and you, you know you're about to die if you don't run or fight it or do something about it, right? So the amygdala is like, okay, let me, like, let me send this to the sympathetic nervous system so that you can create the symptoms that are going to empower and strengthen you to get out of that dangerous situation. Okay? So when we were trying to escape the lion or the tiger, it made sense. One of the. Some of those symptoms include sweaty palm, hands, like racing heartbeat, like the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. And something very important that I think helps us understand is that when, when the, when the amygdala sends its disinformation to the nervous system and the nervous system reacts to support us, the blood pressure, which is typically increased, is going to your extremities. The blood, like all the blood that you have in your brain that supports your thinking and processing and, and making good decisions, all that blood goes to your hands and your feet so that you can fight the lion or whatever it is that's like causing danger and, or you can flee. You can, like, you can run for your life. So that's why when we, that's why they say, like, you know, when you're in a, in a race, in a marathon, they. There's like a, like a heightened adrenaline, a healthy heightened adrenaline that helps you go faster, get there sooner. Like, do all these things that during training you didn't experience. Because when you're working out, you're also inducing stress. So the hippocampus communicates with the amygdala, which is preverbal. So don't try to reason or think with someone who is in the middle of a panic attack. It, Whatever you say doesn't matter. Don't try to reframe. Don't try to help them. Use all these tools that you've learned here. They're not listening, they're not processing. It's not working. Don't waste your time. Instead, just, just connect with that person physically because the amygdala is preverbal. So physically hold them, like help them feel safe. Like, you know, do do. That's why many times like when, when somebody is in a crisis, they're restrained, they're like held like, like just so that they can be feel contained. And if you feel like you're in a crisis, but it's emotional, it's not necessarily physical, you can still imagine and visualize. I did this so many times, the embrace of God. Like I, I, I have this image of, of, of Jesus, like, like holding me in his arms and like just caressing my hair, like, just, just holding me. And, and that is more calming than anything you could say to someone in the middle of crisis. So then the nervous system exacerbates these hormones. Cortisol, adrenaline. And then that creates symptoms like high blood pressure, like sweaty palms. The heartbeat is like going a million miles per hour. Like you're experiencing all these symptoms that come with fear and anxiety. Notice that you feel those symptoms even when you're having a nightmare, when you're watching a movie. Because again, it doesn't matter if it's real or fantasy. The subconscious mind is receiving it all the same. Okay, so when all these things happen physiologically, the reason for which they happen is to protect us because the brain is wired to keep us safe. Sometimes it doesn't get the memo that that safe means to feel the pain. But that's another, that's another webinar. But the idea is like the first person who came up with the fight or flight response is the physiologist Walter Cannon. And Walter Cannon said, like, you know, when, when the brain experiences that emotion of fear, the physical aspect of fear, what it's doing is it's preparing us for the flight or fight or flight. Which is what I shared before. If you have a tiger in front of you that's going to attack you, you want to fight. I wouldn't recommend fighting him. I would run for my life. But you know, there are times in which fighting is the respons. And this fight or flight response has evolved over the years with people who have continued to study this response. And it's evolved into four Fs instead of two. So the four Fs are fight, flight, freeze. Fun fight is, you know, like when you're fighting the person, when you're acting aggressively towards that person to protect yourself. Flight is when you just flee, when you run away, freezes, when you just are unable to move or act because it, it was, you're shocked and then fun. I think this is really Important and like underrated is the immediate, the trying to avoid confrontation or avoid the problem. Like, or, please. Right, like. And this happens a lot, a lot in relationships where you say something and your spouse responds with like what? Or like a little bit of attitude. And you're like, oh, what I meant is. And you're like, let me avoid conflict at any cost. And that's a way of avoiding fear or danger, which you like. Because sometimes people who tend to be non confrontational, non confrontational interpret a discussion, an argument, a disagreement as an attack as a, as a, as, as an, as a fight. So then they try to avoid it at any cost. And that's a response that we get a lot in our relationships, interactions. Does anybody connect with any of these fight flights? Let me, let me look at your faces real quick. Does anybody connect with five flight fun something? Yes. Everybody is good. Nobody responds to the rest. No. Yeah. Okay. All right, so just to understand a little bit of like, practical examples of what this looks like, a person who is in fight mode may be a workaholic. Like a person who's like, you know what? Like, this is not working out, then I'm gonna do more and I'm gonna hustle and I'm gonna be in the grind and I'm just gonna work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. And I'm like. Instead of like. And society, by the way, invites us to do that. Society says the more you do, the more you get, the better you do. Which I've come to realize because maybe that's one of my issues, right? Like, I tend to, I tend to attack the thing that's attacking me, right? That's, that's the whole point of, of of work. I mean, a fight. And that looks like me doing even more of what's not working. Oftentimes overthinking, experiencing anxiety and like having panic attacks or being ocd. Like, that's, that's our way of like wanting to control, wanting to fight back, wanting to like, just, just make it happen. Being a perfectionist, people thinking a perfectionist is a quality perfectionist is the opposite of efficiency because you're, you're, you're overdoing to under do in some ways, right? Like you're protecting yourself with the fight to feel like, okay, I'm doing all these extra things and I'm doing it perfect and I'm over delivering. But ultimately you're doing it to fight something that may be better resolved through stillness, through processing, through coaching so that you can receive the confirmation, the awareness. So that is a way of fighting. It's not nowadays. We're not fighting tigers and maybe, maybe some, I don't know, alligators in the Everglades, but we're not really fighting animals like back in the day. We're fighting like life experiences. We're fighting traffic. We're fighting all these experiences that we, that we experience, that we endure on a day to day flight. Looks like anger. Anger outbursts. By, by changing your focus from the situation to like, like having an anger outburst. Like now suddenly. Has it ever happened to you that you're in an argument with a person you love and you were arguing about, you know, your husband not picking up the underwear from the, from the bathroom floor and, and then he gets super pissed off and then suddenly you're not even bothered by the underwear in the bathroom floor. Now it's, it's by his reaction, right? Like there was, there was a way of fleeing the original situation that came from that anger outburst. Controlling like bullying. When you, when you deflect to someone else, when you put other people down, usually it's to feel better about yourself, but without having to come inward. Rather you just focus on the other person to like not have to think about, not have to deal with the situation at hand. Narcissistic. Like it's interesting that we think of narcissism as a person who's self centered and all about themselves and really what they're doing by, by projecting everything onto the other people is fleeing themselves the pain that they probably feel within. Explosive behaviors. I think that goes with Albert. Anger outbursts. It frees when, when you have difficult situations and you, you just, you feel stuck or when you disconnect emotionally, which would be dissociation. When you numb yourself with, you know, you could even numb yourself with, with substances or you just, you just numb. Which typically happens at the beginning of any crisis. You're. It's so surreal that you, you freeze. You're like, is this really happening? Right? So all these are natural responses that are typically attributed to freezing. And then fun is when we are people pleaser. When you. This is a typo. I apologize. When you lack identity. Like when you lose yourself in pleasing others and doing for others and suddenly you're like, what do I. Like who am I? You know, like, who am I living for? Like, you don't even know yourself. And that's a way of avoiding conflict and avoiding people possibly not liking or loving you and then just losing yourself in the process. Feelings of overwhelm, codependence, all those Things have to do with avoiding conflict or fun. The danger of fear is, is that. Okay, there's something called excitation transfer process, which I guess it could be well described. When you think of a terror movie, like a horror movie, you watch a scary movie and it's like, and you're scared and you're like, oh my gosh, what's going to happen? And there's suspense and you're freaking out and you're like, just waiting for like the thing to explode. And you stay watching it anyway. And that is because those thrills that we get, that, that adrenaline shot that we get with fear in, in some way feels good. And excitation transfer process means that when you tend to have those thrills, like in a scary movie, those tend to last well beyond the, well past the experience that produced the fear. So if you watch the scary movie before going to sleep, you, you may have nightmares or you may, you may walk around the house and hear more things than the usual and freak out and have more thoughts about fear. I, like there's a lingering experience. It's like you have a bottle of wine and you're enjoying it while you're experiencing. But that, that buzz that you have after the wine, like, like keeps you wanting to do it again because it, you know, you feel good about it. It's. It, it gives you a shot of dopamine, which is the, the. A pleasure hormone that is very addictive. That dopamine is what's present in most drugs and alcohol. So it becomes addictive. And we as human beings who automate, and that's part of what the brain does to support us, who automate the things that at some point felt good or supported us or served us. We tend to create habits out of those eggs, even if they are no longer serving us. Then we also create the habit of fear, which then becomes anxiety. And then suddenly you're scared about everything. You're scared about getting in the plane. You're scared about your kids going out at night. You're scared about your child driving. You're scared about the ones who just left to college and what's going to happen to them. You're scared about your husband traveling. You're scared about being an empty nestle. You're scared about money. You're scared of, you're scared about everything because it's, it's. It's what you do. It's what you become addicted to anxiety. You become addicted to fear. And in pure Betsy fashion, the Puerto Rican in me is coming out warning I. I do a lot of analogies with poop, like, especially when it comes to pain. I think, like, pain is the fertilizer. Fertilizers are made of poop, but fertilizers nourish us, and. And so does pain, right? So pain is poop. Fertilizer is made of poop. But they both, like, help. Help build us up, strengthen us, build resilience. So that's like my main poop analogy. And I always share with my especially grief clients or my students in the coaching academy that while poop stinks, and that's why pain is like. Like, I don't like this. This doesn't feel good. I want to get rid of it. Like, consciously we want to get rid of it. But then I'm like, but you know what? Poop is warm. It stinks. And you're like, ew. But. But it's warm. And sometimes we. We. We, like, get comfortable in the warmth of it, and we get used to the stinkiness. And that happens with fear, and that happens with anxiety. I don't want to be anxious. I don't want to be fearful. I don't. I hate that. Of course. Of course I'm not doing this to myself. Or maybe, maybe a little bit, maybe. I'm so comfortable in fear, and it's so natural for me, and it's so familiar, and I know what to do with it, and I'm so used to experiencing it, and we, you know, we like to stay in the comfort zone that we get comfortable in it. And then, you know, we have. One thing is to have a pity party and another one is to live in it. So then sometimes because of these physiological aspects of fear. So it's not that you're a bad person. It's not that you're. Something's wrong with you. We all go through it. I am the queen of pity parties, the queen to this day. And I know all these things, and I embody them. And I still experience the lasting thrill of being in the victim mode, being in fear, feeling anxious because it's natural. You don't have to fight anything or anyone. It's what comes natural. So. So it's easy because it comes natural. You don't have to think about it or process, you know, do anything about it. It's a lot harder to rise above it, to go against it, to reframe it, to challenge it. It's a lot harder. So it's really easy to fall into the comfort of fear and anxiety. Fear may impair your judgment because, like, I said before, your blood is flowing to your extremities. So now you're not thinking straight. Your mind is foggy. And because now the. The healthy aspect of fear, which is to alert us of danger, has become a thing we do for no danger. Like, you know, we've gotten into the habit of perceiving fear as, as the thing that we. That we see everywhere when there's no true danger. The gift of fear, fear is the emotion, is that it can protect us. So if you experience fear, you can take action and be like, oh, let me do something to avoid this possibility of getting hurt, this threat. Let me. Let me act upon it. It also precedes big leaves. And I cannot emphasize this enough. When we go through a crisis, when life seems to be falling apart and you feel like you're losing everything and you're like, oh, my gosh, I've been. I've been doing everything right, and things are still like. And you're scared of what can happen with your life. Something awesome is about to happen. And can I tell you that I'm going through it right now. I am going through this right now. And I have my pity parties first. And then I remind myself, like, ooh, something amazing is about to happen. And I get to, like, trust and be excited about it, even though I don't know what it looks like. So fear always precedes big leaps because we, we fear the uncertainty. We see fear that what we don't know, we want to have control. We want to know. But big leaps, greatness, transformations usually are bigger than we're capable of fitting in. So, so, so usually, like, fearful things happen in our lives to expand us so that we can. So we can be ready to receive, right? Like if. If you want to, if you have, you want to buy a boat, but you don't have a big enough lot or a dock or the money to pay for the dock to put the button. You could go buy the boat, but where are you going to put it? You can enjoy the boat because you don't have the money to pay for the dock. You don't have the space to put it in. You don't have a family member that's going to lend you their. Their land. I like, you can buy the boat. You can get the blessing. You can receive the thing that you desire. It's already yours, right? But if it doesn't fit, you're not going to enjoy it. So fear, which comes with the uncertainty of that big boat that's coming into your home, is like oh my gosh. Like I, you know, I'm scared that I won't be able to afford this new house that I'm buying. But it's what would fit the boat. And like, can I do it? Can I not do it? You know, you're scared. You're scared of the uncertainty. You're scared of failure. You're scared of what you can lose instead of being scared of what you can prevent yourself from acquiring if you don't take the leap, right? Like the mind is wired to, to focus on what you can lose, not what you can gain. And our invitation is that you be intentional and different to everybody else, that you outsmart your mind and you choose to be more afraid of what could happened, could happen if you push through the fear than what can happen if you step back and don't do it because you want to play safe. So it always precedes big leaves. And that's, I think that's a gift. So whenever I'm freaking out about something, especially in my business, I, I push through anyway and you know, and I go through a process that I'm going to share with you to be able to, to support me because I fear expands me so that then I can fit in the blessings and the greatness that's coming. Fear is, is like buying that bigger house that can fit the boat. But to buy the bigger house, you have to make sacrifices, you have to take risks. You. It's scary. And fear heals us because fear is an emotion, it's a feeling. And when, when you feel, you heal. Feeling is healing. So if you're feeling fearful, you allow yourself to feel it, but just to process it, right? Like, emotions are like food. I've shared with many of my students and even clients. And like whatever comes in, you chew, you swallow, you digest, you process it and then you release it. The emotions are the same. The whole purpose of the emotions is to come feed us. Whatever nutrients, whatever resilience lessons, blessings we were meant to receive from those experiences, then we process them to then release them, let them go. And that's how we're able to like, heal. Because if you, if you let go of a fear, if you let go of the pain, if you let go of the hopelessness, if you let go of your anger issues, if you let go of your scarcity mindset, if you let go, you don't, you don't have to worry about it. It's a non problem, you healed. Anxiety is not fear. Anxiety does not do any of these things. It doesn't protect us. It doesn't precede big leaves. It doesn't expand as it doesn't. It may come with the fear of, because of the way we respond to it. But I'm talking about fear as an emotion, a neutral emotion that serves us in these ways. But what is the difference between fear and anxiety? Fear is present oriented. So like something happened right now and I'm like, like I'm scared. I feel, I feel fear. Anxiety is future oriented. It's like, you know, like what if that happens? Or you know, this happened in the past so that could happen too. And like it, it's more complex. It's almost like fear as a habit, right? Like it's compounded fear that hasn't been processed and healed. It's, it's, it's the habit of fear. Fear is long acting. So. Oops, sorry. I'm sorry. This, this is wrong. I. Sorry. It's the opposite. So fear is short lived and anxiety is long acting. So fear, you experience it like, oh my gosh, oh you scared me. You know, somebody like you opened the door and there was someone there and you didn't expect to see them. Like you scared me. Okay, yes, gone. The fear is gone. Anxiety is like, oh my gosh, what if I see this person when I go to this place and what if they tell me something that I don't want to hear? And what if they look at me weird and like what if they're judging me and, and, and what are they going to think of me? Is, is everybody going to believe them and not me? I like now this, it's not just like, oh, I saw someone and I freaked out and or you know, it made me scared me at the moment. Now it's like long acting. It's, it's there with you. Fear is focused on a, on a particular. Again, this is, I am so sorry. This is off. So this goes here and this goes here. Fear is focused on clearly identifiable, identifiable threat. So you, you know exactly what caused you fear. Anxiety is a conglomeration of situations. And you know, you may go make yourself some coffee and you have a panic attack and the coffee maker isn't scary, but you have so many things in your mind. You have, you, you've been in the habit of experiencing so much fear without processing it that it's like accumulated. It's, it's, it's, it's stored in your body and now it's coming out suddenly whenever it wants to and you know, in the form of thoughts, ruminations, panic attacks, physical Responses of fear. And you don't, you don't even know what's causing that fear. You're like, but I'm safe right now. I didn't, you know, I'm not about to die. Like, why am I feeling this? Right? So that's, that fear is clearly identifiable. Anxiety is the one that's diffused. You're not sure. So in Betsy's words, fear is the emotion and anxiety is the habit of being. Thank you, April, my superstar. Fear is the emotion and anxiety is the, the habit, the addiction of that emotion. Like being in the habit of thankful. Sorry, my daughter is in my like, like ringing Nomad. Like surpasses, bypasses silence mode and she's calling. So I apologize for the distraction. Emotion versus habit, thinking versus feelings. I want to share this cycle because when I heard about it, I thought it was very helpful to help me understand this self perpetuated cycle and why it's so hard to live and walk by faith. When Joe, this Dr. Joe Dispenza, and I strongly recommend him, I feel like the same way that I'm, you know, where psychology and spirituality meet, I feel like he's where, where science and spirituality meets, like neuroscience and spirituality. And Dr. Joe Dispenza explains that the words are the language of the mind and the emotions are the language of the body. So whatever you experience in your mind as thoughts, what which are composed of words can also be and will also be experienced in your body in the form of emotions. Because we have a mind body connection. Like I always think of the, of the neck as that connection, right? Like there is a neck that connects them both so you can separate one from the other because they're in constant communication. So when we think a fearful thought, when we think a hopeless thought, when we think a painful thought, we create matter. That's how powerful we are. We create matter. And, and, and we can prove that scientifically with, with scans. And what that means is when you have a thought, so it's now it doesn't even have to go to the hippocampus because you saw something scary or you heard something scary. Now it's just your mind. Nothing externally happened. You had a thought. When you think a thought, you create matter by releasing or sending chemical signals to your body that tell the body like, hey, danger, right? So now your body is receiving the message, oh, there's, there's danger, something to be scared about. And then the body, which is there to support the brain also and you as a whole, the body's like, okay, let Me, let me, let me, let me trigger the sympathetic nervous system. Let me create the symptoms that make, increase cortisol and adrenaline and like, do other things so that you can be strong to escape this danger. And then the body starts experiencing all those emotions, and those emotions then send the message to the brain, like, hey, like, you know, we're in this with you. Like, you know, we're feeling it, we're with you. And, and the brain is like, oh my gosh, wait, if I, if I have sweaty palms and my heart is bracing and I, I, I can't breathe and I'm hyperventilating and like I, you know, my heart, I'm gonna die. Like, right, like, so then you create more fearful thoughts. I'm gonna die. I'm not going to be able to escape this situation. I'm going to stay alone in life. Nobody's going to love me. I'm never going to have money. I'm going to live under a bridge. I'm never going to be happy again. I, you know, fill in the blank. So then, so then you like, oh, I didn't make this up. This happened. Like, look, my, my, my wife put her hand on my chest and I had takigaidia. Like I was dying, right? Like, so now your mind, which is wired to interpret physical reality as true and your body is physical now is, is confirmed, has confirmed that indeed there's something to be scared about. So you had the thought, you created the emotions in your body. The thought responded to that. Now your emotions created more fearful thoughts. And then those more fearful thoughts, guess what, created more matter, sent more chemical signals to the body saying, like, oh, now this is real. Oh, this is real. Something's going to happen to my kid if they go to that party. And yeah, like, they're not going to be able to survive this situation, right? And then before you know it, you're thinking creates your feeling and your feeling creates your thinking. And we got to stop it somewhere. I love this quote by Dr. Russell Kennedy. Anxiety of the mind is a state of alarm, state of fear that is stuck in your body. That's why feeling is healing. If the, if the emotion enters your body and it's not pooped, you are going to have constipation and you're going to have a whole lot of gut problems that are going to result in way more symptoms and consequences with food. The same is true with emotions. The spiritual side of fear. I don't like. I love psychology. Love it, love it, love it. I don't think it's enough. So the spiritual side of fear is understanding fear from a spiritual perspective, right? Because we're physical, we're mental, we're emotional, we're spiritual. And what I've learned is that fear is the one thing for sure does that does not come from God. The one thing I, I think a lot of the things about God are mysterious, but I think the fear part is pretty, pretty clear. He says, fear not, do not be afraid, be not afraid. You know, don't be scared. 365 times in the Bible, one for every day of the year, in case you needed some today. So fear does not come from God. And when I say fear, I do not mean the healthy, neutral, natural emotion that is exacerbated and is short lived because we got scared about something. Fear as an emotion is healthy. Jesus experienced it himself in the Garden of Gethsemane. He was freaking out. He was like, God, can you like, please let this pass? Like, like he was nervous, he was scared. Fear is okay as an emotion. When I'm talking about the dangers of fear and why it's not good for you and what the Bible says, I'm speaking about the habit of fear, being in the habit of being fearful. And let me just. Sorry about that. A miracle according to I, there's a beautiful book called A Course in Miracles that is said to be inspired by, by Jesus and I believe it wholeheartedly. I believe it wholeheartedly. It's a very hard book to read because the language is, is hard to understand. And I feel like you have to be very deeply spiritually connected to like connect with it. But there's a workbook in the Course in Miracles that's a lot more accessible and there are people who do workshops on, on, on it that help you like digest it a little better. And that's what I've done. I'm not that I'm not that smart or I guess I'm not as spiritual as I hopefully intend to be at some point to grasp and understand the Course in Miracles clearly as it is. So I look for help to help me understand it. And even then it's, it's, it's the most incredible spiritual experience that connects you to, to a truth that we can't even imagine. So I love that book. And A Course in Miracles shares that a miracle is not something grand that happens. A miracle is a shift from fear to love. And I've always been fascinated by the choice of fear as the thing that it's the opposite of. Right. Because I'm like, oh, why isn't it hatred to love? What isn't it? Doubt to love, what isn't it? It's fear. So fear is the opposite of love. And when I think God is love God then, and he's the one who's saying fear not then if you are one with God, you fear nothing because God is all there is. It's, it's the one and only thing that's true is God and everything that comes from him, which is abundance, joy, love, health, justice, like all these things that you may not feel that you're experiencing at the moment come from God. So then really the problem is not the legal problem, the, the relationship issue, the financial difficulty, the, the, the fear. Like the problem is separation from God. And that's another free webinar that I have. I think it's fantastic. So if you want to consume it, it's faith based coachingacademy.com solution because it's the solution to every problem. Like just connecting, reconnecting with God. So fear separates us from God. If we're home with God, we're trusting, we're safe. We are confident that everything that's happening is for our own good. Because everything, everything happens for the good of those who love Him. It's a scripture, it's a promise. So if you're home, if you're home with God, you're home with love. You can't be in fear. Fear and love are mutually exclusive. You're, you know, it's like hell or heaven. You want to hang out with fear, you want to hang out with heaven and love. You can't be in both places at the same time because they're opposites. And that's validated with, by scriptures. It's validated by a course in miracles and by all, not just religions, but like disciplines of spirituality, all of them, whether they're a religion or any other form of, of spiritual discipline that's validated by everything. Love is the highest expression of spirituality, a spiritual connection, and fear is, is away from it. And again, when I say fear and love are mutually exclusive, I am specifically referring to unhealthy fear, anxiety, right? Like not fear as an emotion that comes up, that's natural, neutral, healthy, but rather the, the habit of fear, engaging with fear. Fear is supposed to pop up like, oh, let me keep, you know, it's here to keep me safe. It's a tool. The moment we engage and hold on to it, it becomes this fear, the unhealthy fear that, that separates us. And I don't know if you've ever read Napoleon Hill's book Outwitting the Devil, but I think, I think it's my favorite book of all times and I've read a lot of books. And the reason I love it, it's. This is an interview that he has with the devil, right? Like the author has an interview with the devil and you forget that this is an author writing it because it truly feels like you're talking, like you're hearing the devil, like when you listen to the book or you're reading about it when you're watching, when you're reading the book. And there's, there's just so much wisdom that you can, when you connect with the God within you, you. You can validate and confirm that that is true, right? Or at least that was my experience. I'm not, I'm not saying I hold the truth right, but, but that was true to me and I'm sharing it with you. Fear makes us drift is the main message of the devil in that interview he has at outwitting the devil and what he's. So what he's saying is the way I get people to drift away separate from God is through fear. And there are six main kinds of fears. There's the fear of poverty, that scarcity. Oh my gosh, am I going to make it? Am I going to be able to retire? I don't have enough money. Can I afford that? Can I not afford that? Fear of poverty, fear of criticism. Are they going to love me the way they am? Are they going to think that I'm. I'm not good enough if I say what I think or if I do what I intend to do? Or like, is this good enough for, for, for my boss or is it good enough for my wife or for my husband, right? Like we, we. We're scared of people not loving us or, or, or not thinking of us. Highly ill health. So fear of illness, fear of getting sick. Fear of, of what that can do to you. Fear not being able to use your body the way you desire or you have been able to do so up until now. Fear of love, losing love. Fear of loss. We're scared that, that we will aband be abandoned. That people won't love us anymore. That, that, that we'll lose our loved ones. We were scared of losing love. Fear of old age. A lot of people are scared of aging. Not being able to perform at their highest capacity like they, they have been able to in their youth, or not being, lighting up like, like by, by growing older. Like, you know, I don't know why, because I'm obsessed with the. And other people. But like, some people think that the seniors are like, oh, they're like, oh, they're, they're a burden. We're getting rid of them. I happen to think they're the best thing ever. So fear of old age and then fear of death, and that's, you know, that, that, that sense of survival. So these are. If you have ever experienced any of those fears, any of you, tell me. No, you're lying. I think we've, we've experienced. We've experienced maybe all of them in some way. So these fears are because they're so. Because those things are so important to us. That's what the enemy uses to drift, to help us drift. So it's like, you know, like, yeah, start engaging with fear. Because I hang out with fear, right? Like, fear hangs out in a different territory. So, so it's like, yeah, engage with this fear. Yes. Oh my gosh. What if you can't pay? What if that case doesn't get resolved? What if justice is not made? What if, what if, what if your wife leaves you for another one? What if your husband cheats? What if, what if you can't pay these things and you're going to have to live under a bridge? What if. What if? Right? Like, so those, those seeds are planted in the form of fear of. So that we can drift. And that's a way of, of separating from your truth, which is the God within you, right? Like from home. When you're home with God, you're. You're at peace. Peace is, Peace is the emotion that hangs out when you're home with God. When you experience fear, then that's, that's you drifting. So fear, that's why I think fear is such a gift. Because, because fear can like, make you realize. Consistent fear, make you realize that, like, oh, wait, I'm. I'm. I'm drifting. Gotta go back home. It's like when you're, you know, when you're in Miami beach and you're, you know, you're in the water and the people outside have the umbrella and the chairs in a certain spot. But then you go to, you know, you start talking to someone in the beach and, and you're chilling and relaxing and enjoying the day, beautiful day. And you, you realize that suddenly your people are outside here in the sand and you're already by here. Like you, you, you drifted away without even realizing because you didn't. You weren't moving intentionally moving but you drifted away from your spot, from, from your original spot. Well, in life we're, we're home in the sound, in, in the sand, grounded with, you know, the beach chair and the umbrella with God. We're one with God. When we're born, there's, there's no separation. And then suddenly in life we like, you know, we get distracted and we start drifting and before you know it, you're, you're separated. So fear is like hey, danger. That's true danger. Like you're, you're beware, you're separating from God. So instead of trying to solve the financial thing, the criticism, what other people think about you, the health problems, the love situation, the old age, the death, instead of trying to solve for those things, which is what we do, we go outside of us and we look for the best doctor and we look for the best attorney, and we look for the best, you know, like lover and we look for the best of whatever. And we still feel empty because the real problem was that we drifted. So fear is really, really important in helping us come back home. It's like, it's like alerts danger. You're drifting, come back home and it's like it serves like a spring, like a, like as a, like, it just, it just brings us back if we let it. Anna this. I love the scriptures I had to share. I'm sure most of you are familiar with it. Do not be anxious about anything. And here anxious, the word is actually used for this fear that I'm talking about, not the emotion of fear that comes like suddenly and it's short lived and we get to process. Do not be anxious about every anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving. Gratitude hangs out with love every day of the week. So if you're hanging out with gratitude, you're shifting, you're, you're becoming that miracle, that shift from fear to love. Because I feel like if, if a miracle is a shift from fear to love, I believe gratitude is the road. So if it's hard to connect with love and joy, look for gratitude and that'll bring you to joy and love. With thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God. This is my favorite, my favorite thing. The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. I lost my daughter. My worst nightmare became a reality, physical reality. Anyway. I, I, I lost my daughter. I don't, I don't even know, I don't even know how to, how to express that into words. How would that felt like. And I experience the peace that surpasses all understanding because I could not understand being happy again. I could not understand being peaceful and feeling blessed because I'm the chosen mother of an angel. Like, I, I, I, that doesn't fit in my mind. That psychology didn't teach me that. But I, but I'm, I live it and I can't see it. It's not physical, it's not psychological, it's not scientific, it's, but it's as real as it gets. The peace that surpasses our limited understanding. So fear can be the road to God. The danger, as I already mentioned, is, is the separation. So this is where fear, where fear lives. And the idea is once you feel it, you're like, oh, danger. And then you come back home. I, I've said this in many of my coaching sessions and, and, and lives. So maybe you've heard it, and I apologize if I sound repetitive, but I, for those of you who haven't heard it, I felt compelled to share. Walking, Walking by faith is, is living in trust and confidence that God's goodness is chasing after you. I was just listening to a worship song that says that, and I'm obsessed with that phrase. And it's biblical too, like, like God. Deepak Chopra said, God is not impossible to find. God is impossible to avoid. And that's because his goodness, his love, his blessings, they're like chasing after you. It's up to you if you want to, like, receive them or not. Like, everything you desire is already yours. It's already yours whether you can see it expressed into your physical reality or not. And in, in I, I love analogies to, like, to help me visualize what it is that I'm doing. Like, what does that look like? And I believe that walking by faith is like, I don't walk, I run. Like, I'm, I'm, I'm always running. I'm a little hyper. And I, I imagine myself, like, running towards heaven, right? Like, that's how I choose to live my life. I run towards heaven. I'm like, oh, my goodness. I'm excited. I, I'm excited to see my daughter again. I'm excited to, like, meet with Jesus and ask him all the questions. I have no answers for right now. I, I, I, I have all these beautiful visions about heaven. So I'm, I live my life chasing heaven. Look, running after heaven while, while goodness is chasing me because, you know, like, it's, it's with me, but it's, it just feels good. It's a different energy to be like, running towards heaven than running away from what keeps you from heaven. So let's say that heaven is the destination you desire and hell is the destination you don't desire. And you imagine that because they're opposite. They're in opposite places, right? So you're in the middle and you're like, do I run towards heaven or do I run away from hell? Because sometimes we think that if I run away from hell, I am running towards heaven. We have linear thinking many times, right? So. And it would make sense rationally. So if I'm here and I'm running towards heaven, I'm running away from hell. Well, my favorite spiritual director, Father Richard Rohr, I think it was him who said it. I sometimes don't remember where I got quotes from, but I think he said, the path you take determines where you arrive. So we think, oh, if I run away from hell, I'm running towards heaven. But he's saying, if you take the path towards heaven, you get to heaven. And there's many different paths, right? Like when we think of Exodus and people, like, leaving to the Promised Land and going through the wilderness instead of the shortcut. Like, you know, that was a path they took. And the wilderness was painful, and there was. There was. There were plagues and there were. There was a lot of pain and loss and you name it, hunger, like other things through the wilderness. But, but. But that strengthened them, purified them, expanded them to be able to enter the Promised Land. If they would have taken the shortcut, would they have gotten to the Promise? I don't know. Maybe they couldn't fit the Promised Land. Like, they couldn't like that we can't fit the boats. So the path you take matters. The journey matters more than the destination. It's in the journey, in the being that God is. It's in the present moment, in that. In that process that. That piece is. It's in the now. So running towards heaven, not only, let's assume if you run away from hell or you run towards heaven, you get to heaven, right? Like, let's assume it's linear. What's a better life to be running towards heaven? Being, like, walking by faith and being excited about, oh, my gosh, My. My life is falling apart. My business is falling apart. My account bank account is falling apart. My. My love life is falling apart. Like, my friendships are falling apart. Like, oh, my goodness, like, and then running away from hell, which I consider is like living by fear, right? Oh, my gosh, I'm scared of Sinning. I'm scared of doing the wrong thing. I'm scared of losing. I'm scared of taking a risk and a leap. I'm scared that they won't like me. I won't do what I was called to do. Because what if, right? Like that's, that's what, that's running away from hell. Like you're scared, scared, scared, scared, scared. Let's say, let's say that running away from hell is the same you, you get to the same destination, right? Like you're going to get to heaven. Do you want to live in fear? Do you want to live freaking out? Do you want to live like, oh my gosh, again, this happened because the universe is conspiring against me. Everything happens to me. This traffic. Freaking Miami. Miami sucks. Miami's beautiful. Miami has amazing weather. People are freezing right now. We're here at 70 something degrees, like wearing this. And like Miami's awesome. And it has traffic, horrible traffic. And it's extremely expensive. And through superficiality and all the things. But are you focusing on the, on the fear of that or are you focusing on the excitement of. And what we focus on, we create more of what. So the path you take determines where you arrive. So I believe running away from hell is not the same as running towards heaven. I believe that wholeheartedly, but that's my belief bety. And however, if we were going to the same place. Do you want to live in fear? Do you want to be excited about life, joyful about life? Do you want to pursue your greatness? Walk by faith. Okay? And this is where the process comes in. I, I'm gonna, I realize I'm over time, so I'm gonna wrap it up as soon as possible. And I'm happy to answer any questions after today. And I'm gonna stay until the last person leaves to answer all your questions. But I wanna make sure I'm done with this part. So walking by faith is, is a process. It's a journey. And it's the very journey that determines well where you arrive, right? Like at your joyful destination of your greatness. And I think this is not an order, but I tried to look for an order that made sense, but it's not in order. You're going to jump up and down through all this process. Curiosity. I love to start with curiosity or feeling. Okay, many times when we feel fear because it's physiological, we don't even know why we're feeling fear. We're just like, oh my gosh, I'm feeling this like Uneasiness. So, so sometimes I start with feeling, you know, and that leads to curiosity. Other times I recognize the fear immediately and I get curious. So I was aware first. So, like, the first three tend to be like, like the first ones. Curiosity means when fear creeps in, be curious as opposed to judgmental. Oh, I'm fearless. I shouldn't be. Feel, Feel fear. I'm so lucky. Why am I, you know? No, don't judge it. Emotions are neutral. They're healthy. They're just, they're just coming here to serve you. Like, grab the nutrition and then just poop it, right? Like, just welcome it, embrace it, get curious about it. When you judge it, you push it back. And then it's. It's like flight. In, in the fight, flight, freeze, run. You. You push it. You push it away. No, just get curious. Like, oh, what am I feeling? Is it fear? Is it anxiety? Is it stress? Is it overwhelm? Is it. What am I feeling? Oh, and then you can create awareness by getting curious. And then you also connect with your body. You connect, and your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. So the body is what holds your spirit. The body matters. So getting curious about what you're experiencing in your body. And we know from Dr. Joe Dispenza that emotions are the language of the body. Like, you know, just get curious. What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? What does this mean? God, can you reveal this to me? Connect with God, Be still, pray, meditate on it. That leads to awareness. Oh, I tend to feel fear when. So then now you can plan ahead. Because if, and I should have, that should have been one of, one of the parts here. Planning is really important. And when I say planning, planning how you're going to respond to fear. But I would plan. This is, this would be my plan. This is my plan. Actually, it is my plan because since we know that the amygdala does not reason when you're feeling it in the moment, if you don't have a plan, you're screwed because you're not going to come up with one at that point. At the point. So curiosity is to, to instead of judging, just try, seek to understand. Awareness is the, the product of curiosity, right? Like once you get curious, you. You're like, oh, this is what I'm feeling and this is why. And you know, and, and if you're, if you're not getting the answers, then you get more curious. Feeling is healing. So feeling the fear before reframing it and using all these other tools before, before before feeling is important. If you try to jump to all this, the, the skills and the tools that are going to help you get over fear, you, you wasted fear. You wasted the emotion of fear, and it may get stuck in your body and come out later on. So feel the feels so that you can process them. Ask yourself, am I safe right now? Right? Because sometimes you're like, oh my gosh, I'm not going to have enough money to do payroll to, you know, send my kids to the, the private school to, to support my family, to like. And, but do you have food right now? Is your, is your child in school? Are you li. Do you have a roof under your head right now? Oh, I don't know how I'm going to pay for the medical bills. And I got diagnosed with. Are you being taken care of right now? Like, are you safe right now? The majority of the times the answer is yes, you are. You have everything you need right now. You're okay. You're alive. It's not what you want. It's not how you want it. It's not the ideal yes. But the majority of times the, the answer to am I safe right now? Question is yes. And there are moments in which it isn't. You're being raped, you're being abused, you're being hurt. At that moment, you are not safe. And it's okay to answer that as well. Am I safe right now? No. And if that were, that's on extreme cases, because the majority of you are experiencing the yes answer. But in a case where am I safe right now? No. Then at that moment, people use certain defense mechanisms to dissociate. And so that's why, that's why people experience dissociation and they, they, they almost like remove their, their emotions from the experience so that they're not so hurt. And that's why it's called defense mechanism, because at the moment it protects you. And then once you're out of that dangerous situation, then at that point you can implement everything else and, and, and look for safety so that that recurring situation doesn't come back or that you, you, you take action to, to avoid it. But I just want to invite you to consider that, you know, right now you have food and a roof, and tomorrow the tuition is due, or the payroll is due or, or the mortgage is due. And you don't have the money today for the mortgage tomorrow, but it's due tomorrow. And for God, nothing is impossible. Or it's due tomorrow, but, but you could pay late. God is never late. Like if it's, if, if late is a possibility, it's not late in the eyes of God, right? Like, if it's a life or death situation where God has to respond right now to keep you, to keep you how he desires for you to be, which is sometimes different to our will. He. He will never be late. Never, ever, ever, Never has he ever been late. But it's hard when you want to have control over what's going to happen tomorrow. Look back, look forward, but return to the present moment. Those are the next three. So one of the tools that I use and I use with my clients as a coach also is I, I go back to frames of reference and I do it with myself. I, you know, when I'm go. I mentioned I'm going through it right now, and after I have my pity party and feel the feels and get curious and I'm all these things, I'm like, when else have I experienced this? And I can think of a lot of times in my business as an entrepreneur, you go through a lot of things. And like, I can think of a lot of experiences that I felt like, oh, my goodness, everything's falling apart. But it's because things were being removed and the path was being cleared to. I was being expanded to welcome that big leap, that greatness, that better thing that was, that was calling me forth. So when I'm, when I'm in it, I'm like, okay, I went through this with this and, and look, I, I rose above it. Bigger, stronger, better. And I, and you know, in my case, I go through those and then I'm like, you lost your daughter Betsy. Like, what's the worst that can happen here? You don't pay the mortgage, you don't pay the, the, like, going back to your examples, you, you, you have to do xyz, really? That's the worst that can happen. Okay, I'll build myself back up with the help of God. You know, the Holy Spirit is my business partner, so I can't fail. So look back to frames of reference. When else have I gone through this and how have I overcome it? And sometimes it's just moments, right? Like if you're having a crisis or you're having a lot of anxiety, you know, when, when did you have that moment of anxiety that you were able to feel better even without the external situation changing and, you know, grab onto that, borrow that hope from that experience and re. Implement it, like, accommodate it, tailored it, tailor it to your current situation. So look back only to success file like, you know, to like success file is a term that one of my coaches uses which is like, look at the things that are successes in your life. That, that went well. Look forward to visualize. Sometimes we're like, oh my gosh, why? I don't want this to be this way. But you, but you don't know how you want it to be. You don't have that vision. Like sometimes when things are not working out in my business, I'm like, oh my goodness, why isn't this working? But then I'm, but then I don't really know, like, what would I want it to be instead? What would working look like? So that's. We only go forward to the future to create the vision to, to like view our North Star so that it's shining bright and it can guide us. But then we always stay in the present so we only go to the back to see. Like, oh, that worked. I can bring it back home to the present. Home is only in the present. Or I can look to the future. Oh, I can have a vision that inspires me and I can come back and do today or experience today what's going to lead me closer to that vision. But the present moment is the greatest of all tools, I should say, because in the, in the now, which is all there is really, the past and the future are creations, human creations, because we make everything that's infinite finite to understand it in our limited human minds, right? So we have like a, we have a programming in our minds that only understands physical things, things that we can experience through our senses. So everything that's infinite and mysterious and greater, like God, everything that comes from, from, from that, like to be able to be understood with this limited programming has to be, has to become limited as well, has to become finite and understandable. So what we as human beings did with time, which is the eternal now, that. That's all there is, is we create a past, present, future, minutes, hours, years, weeks, whatever. But if you think about a person who had a near death experience and, and they died it many times, they, they share like, oh, you know, I died for, I died for a little bit. They resuscitated me, but I died and I went to heaven and I saw Jesus and I saw my mom and my dad and, and you know, heaven was like this and I saw a movie of my life and there was a bright light and they describe all these things and you're like, like, how long were you dead for? And I go, five seconds, man. Like in five seconds you did a whole tour around heaven. Had a conversation with Jesus, saw your entire family, had a family gathering, like ate turkey for Thanksgiving. You're like, what in five seconds? Because we keep understanding time in human terms as opposed to spiritual terms, which is the eternal now. It's, it's eternally now. And the example I give my students is we know that now is all there is because it's where our power is, our, our peace lies and where we experience God, right? Like it's in the present moment that we experience God. It's what we have power and control over. I cannot turn off the light yesterday. Go turn off the light yesterday. And I cannot turn off the light tomorrow. And unlike the, the argument that one of my clients daughter gave her, or my students, I should say, one of my students daughter told her like, yes, I can turn off the light tomorrow. Go turn it off tomorrow. Go. You try it. You turn off the light tomorrow. Go, go right now. Go turn off the light tomorrow. And you can say, well, not right now, but tomorrow. I can turn the light off. But tomorrow is going to be now when you turn it off. So tomorrow when you turn off the light, it will be now, it won't be tomorrow. Tomorrow will be a day from there. So only in the present moment can you do something about your situation, about your fear. Only right now. And sometimes that looks like taking action to get closer to your outcome that you desire. And sometimes it looks like stillness and connecting with God and meditating and praying and trusting. And that's what walking by faith means. You are already experiencing your outcome without physically seeing it. You're already experiencing hope even though the hopeless situation perseveres and is still there, is still present. You're already experiencing abundance even though your bank account is in negative. You're already experiencing success even though the world is falling apart around you. So being in the now helps you experience that inside of you, experience it right now as if you had it. The. That's what faith is. Faith is the assurance of the things you can see, the confidence that, that the, the, the things that you hope for are already yours. That's what faith is. That's what walking by faith looks like. And the reason we want to get somewhere and, and achieve a certain outcome is so that we can feel a certain way. But if you feel that way before by in the present moment, connecting with that emotion and that truth in your heart, in your mind, who cares what the outcome is? Ultimately, you already have it. You already feel peace, you already feel joy, you already feel supported, you already feel ignited in the Present moment, reframe is one of my favorite concepts in psychology, which is changing the perspective with which you're looking at something. So if something is, like, really negative in your eyes, you change it into something positive, like, oh, my gosh, like this, you know, being in the negative is. Is horrible. I've taken screenshots of my bank accounts, my business bank account, when it's been in the negative, when it's been in $20, things like that. Like, and I keep them on my favorites because. Because I choose to believe at that moment that it's going to be a great story one day. So. So that's my way of reframing, like, ah, this is going to be a great story. And it's going to give me more power. Because now when I tell people, like, look, $20 in my bank account when I'm talking to them about abundance, or negative daughters in my bank account, when I. When I speak to people, they're going to believe me. They're going to believe me. They're going to. They're going to help me, let me support them and guide them, because I've been there, done that. So you can reframe, look at it in a positive light, and anything can be reframed. You know, all traffic. Traffic sucks. Traffic is great. I have some still time in the car, and I can call my mom and I can listen to the podcast. I can. I can listen to Betsy's book, which is an audio, too. Or you can listen to this webinar, right? Like, you. You can reframe that, and you can reframe losing your daughter. I'm the Lou. I'm the grieving mom who lost her daughter and can never be happy again. Or I am the chosen mother of an angel. I'm VIP in heaven. I'm connected. God loves me because my daughter goes to her and she, like, grabs him and he's like, hey, Jesus, can you please hook my mom up? She's asking for some help. And Jesus is like, you're so cute. Cute. Of course I'm going to give your mommy whatever you want. Whatever you want, right? So I. I tell myself all these stories. I reframe the heck out of it. And then I feel I'm walking on the moon. I'm on top of the world. I'm like, it's amazing. I'm the chosen one. The chosen one to mother my daughter, who's an angel and is in heaven, VIP with God. So reframe and then counsel. It's in the counsel of others that we can experience success, says the word of God. And I think it's important. I believe in coaching wholeheartedly. I invest a ton of money, time, and energy on coaching for me. I refuse to coach others and then not be coached. We're always learning, always growing, always expanding to receive God's blessings and unlock our greatness. So I'm. Every time, I experience fear, anxiety, and I experience it all the time. Instead of engaging with it and giving it power, I do all these things to release it. And one of the things that I do is I go to counsel. And when I say counsel, you know, it looks like coaching for me. It looks like reading books, it looks like listening to podcasts. But I choose intently. I do not go to anybody who may lower my standards or my energy. I go to people who are a step ahead of me. I go to people who are aligned with my faith. I got people who believe in what I believe in and are aligned with my values. They don't have to be like me. I want them to be different so they can challenge me. But I want them to be aligned. So I invest more to make sure that I am with a person that is connected to. To the power of spirituality, which I am so committed to. And I. I choose for it to be the. The greatest part of my life. So counsel, but choose intently. Don't just go talk to people. Don't just Google. Oh, Google the answer to this. Be intentional. And then surrender. Surrender. Surrender. And I know one of you wanted to hear about this, so I'm. I'm going to share. Surrender. I actually just posted a video on this on social me on my Instagram social media, if you want to go look at it. But surrender is not right now. Wait for that for later. Surrender is letting go of the power that we never had in the first place. Anxiety is the illusion of control. Is. Is wanting to control what you have no power over. Well, surrender is letting go of that power that you never had, which looks like. Physically, it looks like. Like when you. It's when you stop worrying about something and you start trusting that it will be okay. Even though you don't know what's going to happen, even though you have no idea of. Of what it's going to look like. Surrender is driving in the middle of the night in Georgia mountains, you know, with all sorts of turns and trusting only the headlights, which cover like a little piece of the road. You. You're. You're walking by faith. You are driving by faith. I should say, like you. You only see what you have in front of you in the now, right? Like, you only see that, that now, now, now, now. Every piece of now that you go into, that's all you see when you're driving at night. But, but you trust that you, that, that the road is going to be revealed to you every step of the way through those headlights that cover just a few feet. And Surrender looks like living in the present moment, having the vision of what you desire to experience. Like extracting the feeling of that vision, feeling it right now by connecting to the vision. Visualization. Because the brain doesn't know how to differentiate reality from fantasy, visualization also supports us because you can visualize yourself and be like, oh my gosh, it feels so good. I visualize myself reuniting with my daughter and it just, it lifts me up like nothing else. It's not true yet in physical, my physical expression, but it's mine. It's mine already. So Surrender is continuing to drive with the headlights and just, just knowing that going to get there, you. You're going to get there, but you're not worrying about what turns you're going to do in three miles or how many curves you're going to have to go through. You're not worrying about that. You're just being present with the guidance that you're receiving from your GPS and from, and the light, the, the, the light, the light that you're getting from, from your headlights. And in the video that I posted today, I compare it to you're driving a car, but you're, you're anxious, you're. You're not, you're not in, you're not in a position to drive. So then you go into the driver's seat and you say, like, hey, God, can you drive me? And then you just chill in the driver's seat. You turn down the window and you let the, the air, you know, come to your face and, and you let God guide you. And that doesn't mean you don't do anything because God may tell you, like, hey, can you stick your hand out because my signal's not working. Can you let the one, the, the people in the, in the back that we're going to turn, let them know that we're going to turn, right? So it's not don't do anything. It's don't do anything that you're not guided to. So be still. Connect with silence, solitude and stillness through prayer, meditation, centering prayer, which is silent prayer, meditation by consenting to the presence and action of God within you. And, and Wait for guidance. It's really annoying. Really annoying. Because God takes his time sometimes. It's story of my life. But every day, every single morning, I spend almost an hour in the Blessed sacraments in silence. And when I. When I'm anxious or when I have fear, or when I experience all these things we've talked about, I write down my questions. I have, like, a surrender list. And I write them down and I say, like, okay, God, by me putting them in this list, I'm turning them over to you. And that's a way of holding myself physically accountable. Like, oh, it's there, so I don't worry about it. And every time it comes to my mind and it wants to ruminate, I'm like, oh, no, no, I surrendered this already. I'm in the driver's seat. I'm trusting, right? Like, I choose not to worry. So I think a good way of experience, of knowing that you're experiencing surrender is you're not worrying about the thing that you've surrendered. You're just trusting. You're. You're trusting. You're waiting, but waiting. In. In stillness. In. In peace. In peace, peace, peace. When you're at peace and when you are not. Not worried. So you're at peace when you're not worried. You're. You're living in surrender. Surrender is my greatest superpower that I have to work on every day of my life. It's like, you know, surrender is the one thing that cannot be mastered. I feel all these other things. You can master all the clinical tools and skills, and you can mask surrender. I don't think you can ever master surrender, because if you master surrender, then you don't come back home in surrender, right? Like when you. When you're, you know, oh, I've surrendered so many times that it's second nature. Practice makes perfect. Then. Then you're never called to surrender, which is a way of bending our knees and just connecting more deeply with God.