Style - FUSE

The third component of Fuse is style. And style refers to the distinctive manner in which we communicate or we relate to others. Now what do I mean by this? We all have a way that we feel familiar and comfortable expressing ourselves relating to others, and that is our communication language or relationship language, which is style. So style refers to the way that we implement our unique expressions, the way that we're comfortable and familiar with relating to others. For example, I am an open book, so I tell everything to everyone and I have no problems sharing what I feel, what I thought, my past experiences, my traumas, you name it. So I'm very transparent when it comes to that because my style of relating to others, of communicating with others, has to do with being an open book or just thinking that there is nothing that I need to hide, that what you see is what you get, which is part of what makes me authentic. Now, other people style in regards to that may be more of like, you know, I'm more private and I am more of an introvert and I like to process things at home or in my mind and dirty laundry is there at home. You don't need to talk about your things to other people and talk about your problems. To me, I'm like, oh, the more people know, the more people can pray for my problem. And to other people it may be like, no, we don't share it until we've gotten a grip of it, you know, until we've handled it in a certain way. Another way of sharing or understanding style is some people are more of extroverts, some people are more introverts. Some people are very like, to the point, assertive. They say the things that way, they think them. Others are more like passive and they like to kind of make, you know, that they feel a certain way with the nonverbal, but not necessarily in an assertive manner. Another example is some people like to speak in the moment and I need to solve this problem right now. Let's talk about it. Let's, let's fix it. Let's just do this right now. And others need to cool down, process it, and then revisit the topic. So let's say that you are in a conversation with a significant other or with people at work and you want to solve the problem in the moment, but the other person gets blocked and just cannot think because they're so anxious or they're so nervous or they just can't think in the moment. They can't solve the problem in the moment. They need to cool down and think about it and Process it. If you try to force that person into fixing the problem right at this moment, your different styles are going to exacerbate other problems. They're going to make the other person's filter be activated. So maybe that other person is feeling now disrespected and not taken into consideration and not being listened to. And then the triggers may also be activated. So now that person is also reacting to the way you are trying to solve the problem. So style is really important in Fuse because if you don't know the style of the person you're communicating with or relating to and they're different, that may further hinder the relationship and the communication and the. It can trigger the filter and the unconscious triggers in a very unhealthy manner. Another example of style is, for example, there are certain people that express themselves better verbally and they can write and they can speak and they can really show you what they're feeling by saying that, by saying the words, using words. There's other people that use their nonverbal, their body language to express how they feel and they don't have to say a word. For example, my dad cannot talk for his life and I'll be like, but dad, tell me, what are you thinking? What do you feel? And I use all the communication techniques. I feel this way when you do that or when you say such thing. And my dad is like silent. So he suffers from mutism. I say, but mutism is his way of communicating. He, he doesn't have to say a word to really convey what he feels or thinks. And that's where his power is. He does a really good job about expressing himself non verbally. And if I insisted on him telling me with words how he felt, I would be very miserable and I would still be waiting for his response. Because not everybody is the same, that everybody has the same style. Now sometimes in a relationship we do have to modify our styles and get to a middle ground. But we have to keep in mind that the other person is never gonna be how we want them to be and they're not gonna be like us. Which is why Fuse addresses the unique component of relationships and communication. Because everybody is different. So nowadays, even society and the times that we're living in have to do with the style that we are going to implement in our lives or that we're going to be comfortable with. I am comfortable speaking to others and expressing my feelings. Whereas the teenagers that I serve and even the kids nowadays may have a harder time with the face to face conversation and confrontation because they're used to be hiding behind a phone or a tablet or a computer. They don't. They don't necessarily have that one on one. I feel the energy in the room. There's a pink elephant, there's tension. They don't have that experience that we had when we didn't have all these technology devices. Nowadays, it's harder for kids and teenagers to express themselves verbally. So we have to consider that too. I find it very appropriate and very successful to communicate with my teenage kids, my clients, by text. And I communicate with them by text, and then I ease them into feeling comfortable with the conversation, and then I pick up the phone, call that phone, and I call them. And when we talk on the phone, it's not weird because if I were to call them off the bat, they'd be like, it's weird like, oh, my God, my therapist is calling me. Whereas if I text and I loosen them up, they feel more comfortable. So it's important to use the style of the people that you're working with to your advantage and to make it a more fulfilling communication exercise. For example, like the other day, there was a family in a restaurant. We're in a restaurant, and there was a family with teenagers there. And I saw the teenagers, like, just texting, texting and looking at the phone or looking at videos, and they were not having conversations. And the mom was so upset, and she kept complaining to the kid, like the teenager, oh, my gosh, you're not even talking to us. Why did you come to dinner? You might as well have stayed home. And I was thinking, like, gosh, I'm gonna be there one day because my kids are gonna be that age at some point. How would I address it, considering Fuse, considering the style. And I remember thinking maybe I would get my phone and I would text my daughter and be like, hey, mama. Hey, honey. I love having you here. Would you mind letting me see your beautiful face? And I think that would not only get her to understand the point, but it would also make her smile. And we would be able to engage in a positive conversation and a good interaction in the restaurant over dinner. So we need to pay attention to the styles of our spouses, our co workers, our children, our parents, the people around us, so that we can communicate with them in a style that's comfortable to them, but that is still familiar with, you know, to us, or we're comfortable with so that we can be effective. Now, keep in mind that not everybody's style is the same and that you're not always going to be able to get them to where you want them to be. So you may have to do some work in learning other styles. Now. Find your style. Learn those of the people around you and get into better conversations so they can actually start and you can implement all these things you're learning.