Surviving The Holidays Webinar

Today we're going to talk about practical things that we can do during the holidays to. To experience some peace. So we're surviving the holidays after. After loss. Okay, here we go. So today, what I'm. What my intention is and what I'm committed to is to showing you how to navigate through the holidays with peace, grace. Notice I'm not saying without pain because I believe that pain is important in our process of healing. But if we could feel peace and grace amidst our pain and we can have hope that that pain is allowing us to heal, it will feel differently and it will avoid suffering. I ask that you please turn off all the distractions if you could be present with me. I love that you have chosen to honor a loved one, and that's what I want today to be about. It's not about skipping pain or finding the pill to survive in the holidays. It's about honoring the person that we lost and love by keeping their memory alive during the holidays so that we can experience some joy in this season. There's a free Q and A, as I mentioned, so stay till the end and I'd be happy to answer all your questions and hear all the comments that you want to share. Share. You are in the right place if somebody who you love died. If you're going through a divorce, we don't realize that loss is so much more than a death. We lose our life as we knew it when we lose our health, when we lose our marriage, when we lose a loved one, when we lose our financial security. And if you're going through any form of loss, then you're in the right place if someone you love has moved away. And I know a lot of people that are unable to see their loved ones and family members because they can't travel. I know people from Venezuela are stuck in Venezuela and haven't been able to see the rest of their family here or the college students or if someone has left physically or if you cannot spend time with the holidays with your family because of the whole Covid situation. I have a client whose dad is dying of cancer and he can't go see him because he's so vulnerable that they're scared of having him exposed. And it's just excruciating to see that his life is vulnerable and he doesn't know how much time he has with the dad yet he can't see him. This situation really is very painful in so many ways. Whatever your motivation, I am Betsy, I am honored to have you. I am here to serve. My heart is one Hundred percent here with you guys. And I hope I get to bring a little hope. Why am I doing this? Webinar. Who am I to do this? I do have a PhD in clinical psychology, and I've been working for 20 years, and I've been exposed to all sorts of grief and pain and losses. But I feel that what really gives me the credential has nothing to do with my experience. It's more about having experienced the pain of loss. And this video is a little long, but I wanted to share a little bit of my story with you, and I hope it already gives a little hope. Our life was a fairy tale. We had the two princesses, the little prince. We had that little picnic table. And we'd always sit in front of the tv. And that's how I memorized my left and right, because I always sat on the left. Really? Yeah.

When she would call a line at.

Work, or a line would come, sorry.

And then you're like.

And she's like, so yo remember?

Instead of saying like, oh, yeah, oh, okay. Whenever I woke up and she was still sleeping, I'd wait till she woke up. So, like, wake up together, I guess you would both come to the door at the same time, and you would.

Open it, and nobody would come out first.

So they would be waiting to see which one would come out. We had like the perfect family, the perfect life. There was so much love.

Weekends were barbecues, pool trips to Disney.

Trips to the beach, Everything you could. Even the day to day. Alain would dance with me with the girls. We have a video in which he's dancing with Fofi. And you came because you wanted to be with him. And Fofi was like, mio mio, go away. He's mine. It was beautiful. And that morning she came out, she played the juicing game with daddy, and then we went to mass. I had been teaching them the Our Father. Fofi didn't know English. She only spoke Spanish. Like her accent was the cutest thing ever. And in the Our Father, the lady goes our. And she goes, father, do I have it? Hallowed be that knee. Make with finishing the sentence. So I remember we decided to do.

The end of summer barbecue.

And Fofi came and she wanted to go to the pool. I got ready, I went outside, we went into the pool. And I think she swam from me to Alain, from him back to me. Then we did the cheerleading game. You know, like, a line would carry me. I carry Chi Chi and. And falsey. We took pictures like that. It was a perfect Miami, sunny summer day.

I remember taking pictures in the barbecue.

One time I came and I saw.

Her in the deep rain with some other kids.

And I said, be careful with Fi. She doesn't know how to swim too good.

So in my mind, I keep on.

Saying, if I knew, I would take her out of the pool at that time. So after that, I came inside and.

I was taking care of Gordito.

That's the last time I saw her. There has been the. The most painful day of my life. I don't. To this day, I don't know what happened or how it happened. I know that I was talking to Christy, and then suddenly she. Suddenly she says, where's Fi? And I couldn't. I couldn't see her. And then I realized she was. She was right next to me. But at the bottom. We got to the hospital and we were in a. In. In a small room with a lot of medical staff and. And everybody's working on her, and they're like. Like, they. They're. They're trying things. And at some point, I. I see the monitor and there's. There's like a line, like a straight line. Like, does that mean she's, like, not, like, no pulse anymore. So I was like, make her heartbeat. Make her heartbeat. And that was my prayer. Like, God, make her heartbeat. Please make her heartbeat. And he didn't. He didn't make her heartbeat.

Yes.

He didn't save her the way I wanted her to be saved. At night, I ended up on the bathroom floor, and I was, like, rocking back and forth like a crazy person, like, wanting to, like, rip off my head and the thoughts, and I wanted to die. The next day, there was a lot of people here, and Alaina and I were, like, literally hiding in our walk in closet. And the priest that baptized all three kids came to visit, and he went into the walking closet and sat down with us on the floor. And as we're there, Alain is asking, is it possible to be happy again? And what the priest said that day forever transformed our lives. And he said, some people are. And some people are never happy again. The people that are never happy again, they think that the more they loved, the more. The more they have to suffer, because that's how you show love. And the people that are happy again are those who choose to love and honor your loved one through service, gratitude, and love. It was hard. It was hard. But I always had the hope. We made decisions that would lead us there. That was like our north. Do I do this or do I do that? Do I go to this retreat, or is it too soon? Start a foundation and serve in her memory, or do I stay comfortable? That message. That message defined us. You know, what's always hurt me the most about this whole thing that happened.

Doesn't have to do with my pain.

Or what I'm feeling. And more with what I've thought the Lachic is feeling. She's so awesome and so strong that without even knowing it, she's made it easier for me.

But.

I guess that's what being a parent is. It's not what you're feeling. It's what your kids are feeling. Ophi was special. I think God sent her to Earth for a purpose. You know how people say that you have to go through the pain to get, like, happy or something like that? I feel like if we didn't go through this, we wouldn't be happy as happy. And I feel this book is gonna help a lot of people. That's another thing I was gonna say.

That I feel like.

I don't know.

I feel like we're an example to other families.

We give them hope, and they're like, oh, if they went through that and look how they are now, you know, I feel that a lot.

And there's a piece of her in everybody. Like, in Chi Chi, I feel like, because they were, like, the best friends in the world, they have something really deep that transcends time, space, and death. And then Mia is very similar to her in many ways. She's funny like her. And Gordito has the kind heart that she had. Like, he's kind and loving like she was. So I feel like we all have a piece of her. And our family has grown. We have a bunch of nieces and nephews, some very, very new and very active. Very active. If we went through this and we can smile again and everybody can. So we've learned how to embody hope for the people around us and show that it is possible to be happy again. That, in fact, because we've experienced excruciating pain, we've also had the opportunity to feel the most amazing joy. And when people look at us, they see that it is possible to go from hurt to hope. So that is a little bit of my story. And. And these are the people that I. That I honor.

Right.

Like you. Folfi is. Is my daughter. Her real name is Veronica, but we called her Fofi. And because of that day in the. In the walk in closet in which I learned and I trusted this priest that came to talk to us, I believed him. I believed him that it was possible to be happy again, even though we couldn't see the light. And it's definitely not what we were experiencing at the moment. I didn't think it was possible, but I believed him. He gave me hope. That's why this program is hurt to hope. It's not hurt to happy. Because when you're in such a pain, you can't even think about happy. You can't think about smiling ever again. But if you think about hope, like, if you have the hope that this pain is building you, that this pain is fertilizing you to help you grow and become stronger, that this pain can allow you to honor your loved one through service and gratitude and love, then it's easier to go on another day. Then at that point, you have something to wake up for and you have something to look forward to. And this is my family. We have found joy again. It's been seven years since the death of my daughter, and I pray and hope that a little bit of what you hear today allows you to have that hope that I experienced seven years ago, the day after losing her. And the idea today is to help you visualize and imagine that it is possible to feel peace during the holidays, even though most of your pain is raw and real and recent. Like I said, the first time that I experienced hope was the day after losing her. And although I couldn't see it, I believed. I believed it was possible. And that's my intention with you. It's to help you believe that it is possible to have peaceful holidays and it is possible to find hope in this pain. So the first thing that I want to share about surviving the holidays is anticipation is always harder than the experience itself. I love the quote by Seneca. We suffer more in imagination than in reality. And what I want to share about this is many times we anticipate, like, oh, my gosh, Thanksgiving is going to be horrific. And I have an online program that I'm going to talk to you guys about at the end. And one of the people in my community in the online program, because we have coaching sessions together, she kept on saying, like, I just want to skip over Thanksgiving. That was his favorite holiday. Like, she had lost her son to suicide. And she was like that, you know, like, it's just going to be horrible. It's going to be horrible. I can't. How am I going to do Thanksgiving without my son? That was his holiday. I'm not doing the pie because, you know, pecan pie was his favorite. And I Am having family over because they forced me pretty much, but. And she kept on saying how it was going to be so bad. And she did a beautiful. She did beautiful work in our program, and we supported her through it. And we gave her some of these tips that we're sharing with you today. And I called her on Thanksgiving and I asked her, like, how was it? You know, I couldn't stop thinking about her the entire day. And she was, you know what? I am at peace. I am in a better place than I thought I would be today. And she found ways of keeping the memory alive, of remembering her child, of having his presence during that day without him physically being there. And I just want you to know that, yes, the holidays are a reminder of what we lost. And it's hard to experience the sweet without the. I just want to skip over Thanksgiving. That was his favorite holiday. Like, she had lost her son to suicide. And she was like that. You know, like, it's just going to be horrible. It's going to be horrible. I can't. How am I going to do Thanksgiving without my son? That was his holiday. I'm not doing the pie because, you know, pecan pie was his favorite. And I am having family over because they forced me pretty much. But. And she kept on saying how it was going to be so bad. And she did a beautiful. She did beautiful work in our program, and we supported her through it, and we gave her some of these tips that we're sharing with you today. And I called her on Thanksgiving and I asked her, like, how was it? You know, I couldn't stop thinking about her the entire day. And she was, you know what? I am at peace. I am in a better place than I thought I would be today. And she found ways of keeping the memory alive, of remembering her child, of having his presence during that day without him physically being there. And I just want you to know that, yes, the holidays are a reminder of what we lost. And it's hard to experience the sweet without the bitter. I feel like if there's something that was true for me for so long was that everything was bittersweet. Like, no matter how amazing an experience was, I was always reminded of who I wasn't able to share it with. And that's why the holidays are particularly important. I don't think we only grieve during the holidays. God knows that we have our days every day, but the holidays are a reminder. And then it's, you know, we see people around us, we see the joy around us, and it's It's. It's hard. It's hard to know that you. You don't get that. You don't get that this year. But I will tell you that it, that if you choose to implement some of these skills and tools, it can be bearable and you can feel peace even amidst the pain. So keep in mind that what we anticipate, the idea of anticipating is not to start grieving and suffering for what hasn't come yet, is to prepare, is to do what we can to ensure that that day we were equipped with tools that are going to help us remember our loved one without falling apart. And here. So understanding that the anticipation is meant to prepare ourselves rather than to dwell and suffer. Here are three things that we can begin with. The first one is embrace the pain. I believe that pain is a fertilizer. Pain is the foundation for growth. It's humbling. It brings us to our knees. So it allows us to seek help to humble ourselves. Pain is not the enemy. Pain is not the final destination. We're not supposed to stay in the pain. Pain is the path. It's the path to healing. The only way around pain is through. The only way that we can overcome it is by feeling it. So if we allow ourselves to sit with our pain, to sit in the dark, to allow ourselves to have a moment, right? Like many times our family members are like, don't cry, don't cry. Like, you know, he wouldn't be happy if you were crying. Like, he wouldn't want you to. But we need to cry. We need to feel. We need to sit in the dark, to be able to enjoy and experience light at some point. And when I say embrace pain, I don't mean embrace suffering. There's a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the path, the pathway to healing. It's the hope that we know. Like, okay, I'm feeling this, then I'm healing. I'm being fertilized. I love the analogy of pain as a fertilizer, because fertilizers are made of poop and pain feels like crap and it stinks like it. But like fertilizers, pain help us grow. It nourishes us, it strengthens us, it helps us give fruit, it helps us become creative, think outside of the box and just be motivated to get rid of that very pain. So then we do the impossible to move forward, to heal, to grow. So that's pain. Now suffering is pain without hope. Suffering is the final destination. Suffering is also what we do when we avoid pain and avoid reality. And we Escape and let's not talk about it. Let's put away all the pictures. We don't mention his or her name at the house. When we try to evade it, to escape it, to negate it, or when we get so submerged in the pain because it's what we've been feeling for so long. When it becomes a habit. At that point, we're suffering because it became the final destination. But that's not what we're called to do when grieving. We're called to feel the pain, to heal it, not to stay in it. So when we've stayed in it, that's when we begin to suffer. Embrace the pain that fertilizes you. Sit in the dark, show your family, let them know, like, listen, I need to cry right now. Let me have this moment. And your family wants to do for you, to help you. They can't stand seeing you sad. But you get to tell them, if you want to do something for me, then sit in the dark with me for a moment and be comfortable being uncomfortable while seeing me cry and while seeing me feel. Don't try to fix it. I don't want you to fix it. You can, right? Like I feel like at this pain, especially with my gosh, with how raw the pain is for many of you during this time, the only thing that's going to bring you joy or that someone can do for you, that you're going to appreciate is bring that loved one back. And that ain't gonna happen. So because that's not an option, Option B is sit in the dark with me and let me feel and embrace this pain because it's healing me as I allow it to take over me. The second thing is become aware. There's another person in our group that was talking about the holidays, also Thanksgiving particularly, and, and she was like, she was really, really scared about it. So she kept on saying like, it's going to be horrific, it's going to be the worst, it's going to be really bad. I'm going to be crying all day. I'm like, she was also like anticipating that, that moment. And one of the things that we worked on was like, just become aware of what you're doing, right? There's a concept, a term in psychology that I, that I believe in wholeheartedly. And I, and I think it's brilliant and it's called self fulfilling prophecy. A prophecy is when you say you're going to do something. I mean when you say something's going to happen and it actually happens, right? Like that was your prophecy that it's going to rain and it rains. Self fulfilling implies that you contributed to it happening. And many times we don't realize the power of our interpretation of our thinking. But when we say, like, it's going to be a horrible day, it's going to be a horrible day. I'm going to feel sad, I'm going to be grieving, I'm going to be sad, it's going to be terrible. I'm going to be crying all day, I'm going to be miserable. When we're saying that we are determining what our, what that day is going to look like, we're making a prophecy. And the worst part about it is that we are going to be the ones contributing to it. Because that morning when you wake up with some peace, or you smile at something that someone said or did, or you feel the grace of God in you, you're going to negate it and you're going to say, like, no, no, no, I'm not supposed to feel peaceful. It was supposed to be a terrible day. So you're going to sabotage that moment of grace that you were blessed with because you decided that that's what your day was going to look like. So becoming aware of your language, of the things that you're repeatedly saying and catching yourself and reframing it. Reframing means that we change the perspective with which you're looking at something into a positive one. So instead of saying, like, whenever you catch yourself saying like, I can't do this, I can't do this. I can't do Christmas without my husband. I can't do, you know, I can't give gifts without my son here. I can't celebrate. I can't do. When you find yourself like, doing those things, first, feel the pain and allow yourself to be okay and acknowledge that that's how you feel at the moment and then become aware of how you may be contributing to that prophecy of not being able to do something that you are capable of doing and reframe it, right? Like change the perspective and say, you know, I am, I am going. I choose to honor my husband by making it a beautiful Christmas for the kids. I choose to honor my husband by, you know, preparing for myself because I live alone and I don't have any family here. Preparing for myself an amazing breakfast that he changed the perspective and say, like, you know, I am, I am going. I too would have loved and enjoyed and I'm setting a space for him at the table and I'm having a beautiful conversation with him spiritually, right? Like, reframe, like, convert this anticipation, this pain into something that may allow you to look forward to it, that may allow you to feel a little bit of peace with the idea of not having your loved one physically present that day. And the third one, in preparing yourself is change the paradigm. A paradigm is a belief that you have that is really ingrained in you and feels like a fact, right? Like those beliefs that we have that are like, okay, you know, like, for example, one of my paradigms was, I cannot be happy again. It's impossible to be happy again. I lived for my husband and my kids we have that are like, okay, you know, like, for example, one of my paradigms was, I cannot be happy again. It's impossible to be happy again. I lived for my husband and my kids. I'm done. I'm done being happy. That was my belief system because I believed that I could not live without the physical presence of my daughter. And when I reframe that paradigm, right? Like when the priest that came to the walk in closet told me, it is possible to be happy again one day, even though I didn't see that possible, I. I believed and I decided to change. I, I'm. I'm done. I'm done being happy. That was my belief system because I changed my paradigm to what he shared. He shared that the people that are happy again are the people who honor the loved one through gratitude, service, and love. I believed that I could not live without the physical presence of my daughter. And when I reframe that paradigm, right? Like when, when my. When the priest that came to the walk in closet told me, it is possible to be happy again one day, even though I didn't see that possible, I believed and I decided to change. And the people that are never happy again are the people that love honor their loved ones through suffering. And I feel society has taught us that people look at us weird. Like, if we're smiling after having lost a loved one, they're like, oh, my gosh, look at that woman. She just lost her husband and she's like, like dancing or she's smiling or she's not wearing black. Like, she probably didn't love him that much. Unfortunately, we're judged by society, and society has taught us, like, I remember many times feeling guilty about not having thought about her for. For five minutes or not having cried, you know, for half a day. And it's because subconsciously we have believed the paradigm that love equals suffering. The more you suffer after losing a loved one, the More you love that person. But that's easy. Anybody can suffer after a loss. What's hard is to honor and love the person that you lost through service and gratitude. That's hard. But then because it's hard, it has that much more value. And it's. And it allows my paradigm to. What he shared. He shared that the people that are happy again are the people who honor the loved one through gratitude, service and love allows you to heal while continuing to keep that loved one's legacy and memory alive. So to prepare, start always by embracing pain. In this program, there's a lot of people that have been hesitant to join at the beginning because they're like, no, no, no, I'm not ready. I'm not ready. I'm not there. I'm not ready to take such a thing to heal the grief. What do you mean? It just happened a week ago. And I always tell them, like, the reason this. This program starts with pain is because you. You are ready. Like, you and the people that are never happy again are the people that honor their loved ones. My first module on that online program is pain. And people are like, what about pain? Well, there is a way of navigating pain that's healthier than others, because if not, it will become suffering. If we avoid suffering, if we avoid the pain, if we escape it, if we stay in it too long, like, it's. It's hard. It's hard to know how to feel this pain that we've never been exposed to and that we don't know what to do with. And nothing in life, nothing prepares you for such a pain. I had a freaking PhD in psychology, and 20 years at that point, I had 13 years of experience with other people grieving. And I was at the bathroom floor rocking back and forth like a deranged woman because the psychologist did not know how to navigate that pain. And I wish. I wish I had someone to tell me, it's okay, Betsy, it's okay. Sit in the dark for a little bit. Like you, that's healthy. Or someone to tell me, betsy, it's been all these. All this time, and. And you're telling all these things to yourself, and your interpretations are harming you. Like, I wish I had someone to hold my hand and show me the way. And that's what I intend to do with the people that I serve. I want to be what I didn't have for myself. And hence it took me way longer to heal and find hope and joy again. And the third thing is how to celebrate. Now we Know that the anticipation is always worse and that, and that it's meant to prepare is not to lead into suffering. We know that it's possible to prepare for such a thing. And now we're like, okay, so the day's here. Like, how do we celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve, all the holidays? I would say that the first thing is do it how it feels right for you. I have a client in my Heart to Hope program whose dad passed away recently of cancer in June. And it was her birthday and usually the entire family came for the birthday and she was like, no, I don't, I don't want the entire family. I want to be just with my sister and my mom and that's it. Like, that's how I want to celebrate this year. And usually birthdays were a big deal for her. So the mom was calling me and she was like worried about it and she's like, you know, like, I just, you know, she always loves to celebrate and loves the attention, but this is what she wanted, this is what felt right. And I think we have an opportunity to respect that. Right, like to respect ourselves, to respect the loved one that may be enduring their loss and just what feels right to you? I have another client in my Heart to hold program that always sets a chair like in the dining table whenever they had Thanksgiving. Now she's doing it for Christmas and even in the day to day set up a space for her child that she just lost just a couple months ago. Suddenly she set up, she said, her plate with food and everything. And some people think that's crazy and that's wrong and it's unhealthy and it feels right to her. It feels good to honor her by giving her her place and letting the rest of the family know that because she left, she's not forgotten and, and she continues to be a part of the family forever. Right. Like, I see a lot of beautiful presence that I've received and that my clients have received where they say like forever a family of six, forever a family of five. Because love transcends death, it transcends time and space. Because the person is not physically here. That doesn't mean that the relationship ended. So whatever feels right to you, do, but do it because it feels right. Don't do it because you're supposed to or it feels wrong. Like, no, do it because it's what you feel in your heart you want to do. Acknowledge and honor your loved one. When the holiday comes, the idea is not to never mention the Person to not talk about it. So we don't cry. No, like, talk about the loved one. Like, mention him or her in prayer. Talk to him or her. Like, why not? Right? Like, people think it's wrong and crazy and unhealthy to talk to someone that's died. But why, like, why not communicate what you have in your heart, Even talk about the loved one, mention him or her in prayer, Talk to. Helps you, right? Like, notice that some things can be pathological. Him or her. Like, why not? Right. Like people think it's wrong and crazy and unhealthy to talk to someone that's died. But why, like, why. Why not communicate what you. What you have in your heart? If it symptoms if. If they're not serving you, but it feels. If it feels good, if you feel peaceful by. By setting up the table and including the person you lost by speaking out loud to that person helps you notice that some things can be pathological symptoms if they're not serving you. But if it feels good, if you feel peaceful by setting up the table and including the person you lost by speaking out loud to that person, by praying, you know, and having that person intercede. Interfere. Intercede for you, then do it. I find it very healing to talk about the person, to mention the person. Maybe something that I did the first Thanksgiving to me was the worst. Praying and having that person intercede for you, then. Then do it. I find it very healing to talk about the person, to mention the person. Maybe something that I did the first Thanksgiving to me was the worst. Oh my gosh. I didn't know all these things and I sure didn't prepare and I just couldn't find anything to be grateful for. It was excruciating. But something that I found to be healing was when we were doing the prayer for Thanksgiving, I every. I started talking. Oh, my gosh. I didn't. I didn't know all these things, and I sure didn't prepare. And it. I just couldn't find anything to be grateful for. It was. It was excruciating. But something that I found to be healing was when we were doing the prayer for Thanksgiving, I started talking about her. I started talking about being grateful for the people that supported me through that. And everybody started crying. And honestly, seeing other people share my pain and sit in the dark with me at that moment about her. I started talking about being grateful for the people that supported me was healing. And I would have been deprived of that opportunity through that.

And.

And everybody started crying. And honestly, like, I wouldn't have mentioned her and talking about her made her feel more present and real. Like, I don't, I don't know if you notice in the video, but at the beginning of the video, when we were remembering her, we smiled and we laughed and we knew where that video was heading. But as we were having this family session, we found ourselves just cracking up and laughing and remembering. So acknowledging and honoring your loved one is not only important to keep their memory alive and the legacy, but it's also important to change your mood, to focus, to help you focus on the blessings, on the blessing of that life. Because that I always hear that we should be scared not of the first death, but of the second death. The first death is guaranteed. We're all gonna die one day, and, you know, our bodies are, are not strong enough to, to live forever. But the second death is when you've been forgotten, when what you did in this, in this life didn't matter enough to, to be remembered and to be continued on as a legacy. So when you acknowledge and honor your loved one, you're keeping them from the second death and you're keeping them alive and you're keeping them forever in your hearts. So just keep that in mind because oftentimes we want to avoid the pain and we avoid speaking of the loved one. And I know this is true for some parents that I've served in my, in my her to hold program. They, their kids have, have not been able to, to speak about it, to heal, to process, because the parents won't, Won't let them. And, and, and just because you don't address the pain doesn't mean it goes away. It's just, it's there. It's just unspoken about, right? Like it's the pink elephant in the room. So by all means, include your loved ones spiritually, and then finally you can create new traditions. And I think this is one of my favorite things to do. We, the heart has a memory and holidays have a memory, and we often remember, you know, remember last year when he was here and he did this and when she was there and he did that, she did that. And, you know, by creating new traditions, we get to create new memories that do make us smile, that do bring joy, and that doesn't mean that those new memories don't include your loved one. One of the things that I, that I do every year for Christmas is I, I participate in a toy drive and I have, I go with my kids and my husband to the toy drive and we donate all the bicycles for, for the, for the people that we're serving. And it's a way of doing it in honor of my daughter. That act of kindness, if you will, is in her memory and is in her honor. But bringing joy to these kids that are less fortunate is beautiful. They especially love the bikes. So seeing their joy and their excitement and seeing how my kids get to see how fortunate they are because. Because they do have a bike that Santa brings, right? It's a new tradition that brings joy through service and through gratitude for what we do have. So creating new traditions that still include your loved one or that are different is okay. Maybe you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year's in a different house or in a different way. Or there's a new prayer, there's a new exercise in which we go around and we tell stories about the person we lost and we laugh about them. And those new traditions may bring hope. Whatever traditions you feel bring hope, you definitely stick to those. Lastly, how do we heal? There's so much I could say here and I have a whole online program about it. I hold my clients hands to accompany them in their grief journey, to help them heal. These are my three favorite. One of the things that we can do during the holidays is redirect our pain to service. If it's true that pain is a fertilizer and that we are supposed to use it to grow and heal and become better, then how do we do that? When we redirect our pain to service, what we're doing is we're changing the focus to the thing that we can do for others. Because pain can be very consuming and self centered. When we're in pain, we're so consumed by it that we can't, we don't think about what other people are going through. We don't think about, you know, like the other people in this webinar that are grieving too. We're consumed. We're thinking about our pain. We're dwelling on it. I remember thinking like, how dare the sun come out and the world go on? Like, stop, world, stop. So that I can grieve my daughter like my life just ended, stop.

Right?

In the meantime, there were other parents losing kids, there were wives losing husbands, there were husbands losing wives, there were people losing their parents. Like there were people losing their health, their financial security. Like I wasn't the only one in pain, but it felt as though I was. And when we serve, when we choose to, to mindfully and intentionally redirect our pain to service, we, we, we experience what I call a double blessing. So consumed by it that we can't, we don't think about what other people are going through. We don't think about, you know, like the other people in this webinar that are grieving too. We're consumed. We're thinking about our pain. We're dwelling on it. I remember thinking like, how dare the sun come out and the world go on. We bless others with our act of service, act of kindness, and we bless ourselves with healing because service and pain cannot coexist there. They can't. Services is selfless. Pain is self centered. So when, when you, when you intentionally decide that this Christmas is Hanukkah, like this holiday, you're going to act differently and you're going to honor your loved one by making donations. Like making a phone call. Like service could be like calling someone that feels lonely and giving that person some hope, you know, service like Stop World, stop. That I can. So that I can grieve my daughter like my life just ended.

Stop. Right?

In the meantime, there were other parents losing kids, there were wives losing husbands, There were husbands losing wives. There were, there were people. It doesn't have to be something grand and you know, like a foundation. You're volunteering for services. Just look next door and see, see the need in the person next to you. Look at your child, look at your, at your friend. I remember when I was going through my, my pain and I wanted to do this. Losing their parents, like there were people losing their health, their financial security. Nervous thing, right? Like, I, I would call my friend, one of my best friends, her, her son had cerebral palsy and he was my daughter's age at the time. He was three. And they didn't walk yet. And it was, it was a challenge. It was, it was painful. And I would call her and I would ask her like, how's it going? Like, we, I wasn't the only one in pain, but it felt as though I was. And when we serve, when we choose to, to mindfully and intentionally redirect our house, he doing in therapy, like, what's the progress? And that helped her feel amazing because she's like, wow, this woman is going through this and she's still asking me. And it helped me heal because it reminded me that, that people are grieving, you know, in different ways. And I get to be empathetic and service oriented. Pain to service. We, we experience what I call a double blessing. The second one is process your experience. And what this means is remember that we are not, we're not focused on the outcome. If Our outcome is to be happy and be happy during the holidays. I assure you, you're setting yourself up for failure. But if we, if we allow ourselves to process, to focus on the process, right? To, to. To. We bless others with our act of service, act of kindness, and we bless ourselves with healing. Because service and pain cannot coexist there. They can't. Services to pay attention to the blessings around us to, to allow ourselves to feel that is selfless. Pain is self centered. So when, when pain and find relief in feeling the pain. Because God knows there's relief when we have a crying session and are done.

Right?

Like we're so exhausted from crying that we forgot why we're crying in the first place, right? Like we, we heal. We heal through pain. So if we allow ourselves to feel the pain and to process the pain and to, you know, to use it to, to find the blessings around us, to, to gain strength, to tap into our resilience, to get closer to God. You, when you intentionally decide that this Christmas is Hanukkah, like this holiday, you're going to act differently and you're going to honor your love. If we, if we use the process of the pain rather than by making donations, like making a phone call, like service could be like calling someone that feels lonely and giving that person some hope, you know, service then, then wait for that moment in which I will feel better and I can, you know, like, or I want to skip all these holidays. If we focus on the process rather than the outcome and if we embrace it, we will find that it is more bearable than it feels at some times. Lastly, share the lessons. I feel like if you learn something from your pain or if you feel your family can support you in different ways, share that. Don't assume that other people know. It doesn't have to be something grand and you know, like a foundation. You're volunteering for services. Just look next door and see. See the need in the person next to you. Look at your child, look at your, at your friend. I remember when I was going through my, my pain and I wanted to do this. To search what you know because it comes so easy or because you've had to learn it the hard way. You have something to share with the people around you and it is your responsibility to share those lessons that you're learning so that you can be the light in someone else's life, so that you can be hope for them the way this priest was hoped for me if he wouldn't have shared that thing that he learned through his Ministry. I don't know what would be of my life. I don't know. I don't know what I would have done without that little bit of hope that he gave me to wake up another day. So nervous thing, right? Like, I would call my friend, one of my best friends, her son had cerebral palsy, and he was my daughter's age at the time. He was three. And they didn't walk yet. And it was a challenge. Whatever you learn through this experience, share that lesson with the people around you. Because you never know how one simple thing that you say can save another person's life. It was painful. And I would call her and I would ask her, like, how's it going? Like, we. I wanted to share some testimonials because I know it's. I know it's really hard to. It's really hard to imagine how engaging in a program that's about grieving when grief. Grief is so individual and unique to each person. And it is like, how can. How can that help? And I think there's so many. How is he doing in therapy? Like, what's the progress? And that helped her feel amazing because she's like, wow, this woman is going through this, and she's still asking me things about this program that are transformational and that are. So. It helped me heal because it reminded me that people are grieving, healing, that I have to share them with you to hoping in different ways. And I get to be empathetic and service oriented, fully bring you hope. Oh, I didn't. Let me click on it. She is so right when it comes to, like, people celebrating the holidays early. And I was like, what? It was unbelievable. And now it. It's gonna sound weird, but because of the program and so much positivity, I'm actually enjoying right now. The process of the second one is process your experience wanting to decorate for my children. And it's because I see it as, like. Instead of looking it as a negative thing, I'm like, no. And what this means is remember that enjoy this holiday. So I'm gonna make it extra special. I'm gonna make it sparkle for her, and I'm looking forward to that. Decoration is to honor her. We are not. We're not focused on the outcome. We're all doing it to honor her.

I hope I speak for everyone in.

That if our outcome is to be happy and be happy on, you know, during the holidays and sense that we're.

All here to, like, support each other, we're all here to listen. And I said, I will go to therapy when I, I think I'm ready to go. And finally I said, you know what? Let me give it a try and come to see.

We are all going through pain. At the end of the day, the.

Pain is the same because we've all.

Lost something dear to our heart.

Someone dear to our heart. So I'm just glad that we, we ended up doing.

I, I assure you you're setting yourself up for failure. But if we, if we allow ourselves to process, to focus on the process right to. To.

To hurt, to hope, it really has helped a lot. I lost my life the way it used to be and I ended up with Betsy again. But when you start to feel that hope like man I could do to.

Pay attention to the blessings around us to allow ourselves to feel the.

Realize you're not alone and that everything.

Else is going through it too.

It gives me a sense of peace. Feeling pain forever because it's temporary and.

Understanding the fact that you can't end.

The suffering that you will experience pain. And I know I'm going to experience pain again, but I don't want to suffer.

And I think that to change your focus and find something to serve others.

As you were saying, so that you can enjoy the moment and understand why things happen. I'm trying to do that every single day.

Pain and find relief in feeling the pain because God knows there's relief when we have a crying session and are done.

Right.

Like we're so exhausted from crying that.

So.

So these are some snippets from. From our Hurt to hope coaching sessions we do. We forgot why we're crying in the first place. Right. Like we, we. We heal. We heal through pain. So if we allow ourselves to feel the pain and to process the them in zoom and, and we have people from all over. The first one that spoke was from Dominican Republic Race in New York and, and we have Miami and Missouri. And it's beautiful to see how we all come together because of loss, but we connect because of hope. And I think that's what's different about our program. Right. We don't. I went to a support group at some point and people were like, yeah, we're part of this club. We never asked to be a part of and pain and to, you know, to use it to find the blessings around this to, to gain strength, to tap into our resilience, to get closer to God. And I was like, whoa, no, no, no, I'm not going to be part of a club. I don't want to be a part of like, I don't want to be part of the club of all the parents that lost their child if we use the process of the pain rather than be a part of the club of the parents that lost their child and rose above it and honor them through love and service and gratitude and. And found hope, and then wait for that moment in which I will feel better and I can use that hope to share with the world. That's the club I want to be a part of. So I have been very intentional about creating this program. The group coaching is. Or I want to skip all these holidays. If we focus on the process, it's also like a support group in addition to the group therapy, the coaching. It's a beautiful combination of all these blessings and tools and community. And I. And I. And I love that it's founded in hope, not in loss. Right? Like, I am definitely not your girl, rather than the outcome. And if we embrace it, we. We will find that it is more bearable than it feels at some times. And lastly, share the lesson or if. If you want to stick to the paradigm of, you know, loving through suffering. So I wonder, right, like, how do you. How would you feel if you had a certainty that it's possible to celebrate life after loss? And I. And the reason I say this is because, like, I feel like if you learn something from. Remember we're approaching Christmas, and I remember on Christmas Day, the year that I lost my daughter, I remember thinking like, man, how could this priest be talking about the birth of Jesus with so much joy when he knows that he's gonna die a tragic light like death and your pain, or if you feel your family can. The guy's gonna die very tragically. Like, why is he so excited about the birth for you in different ways. Share that. Don't assume that other people know what you know, because it comes so easier because you've had to learn it the hard way. You and I. And I envied him. I wanted to. I wanted to feel that. I wanted to feel like I could see. Celebrate my daughter's life without thinking about her death. And I finally do. I finally. I finally can enjoy my daughter and like, think about her and think about her life, not her death. And I want that for you. And I know it's a process and I have a lot of patience in accompanying you through, at your pace, through your journey. And that's how I honor you have something to share with the people around you. And it is your responsibility to share those lessons that you're learning. So that you can be the light in someone else's life so that you can be hope for them. My daughter and I have to say, people think, oh, it's because you have the, you know, you studied psychology. Oh, it's because you have a family. You know, that the way this priest was hoped for me, if he wouldn't have shared that thing that he. Because you have more kids or because you have that husband and, and you can, you can do this if I was able to do it because I'm not more special than you and I. And I was created by God just like you and I. And I am resilient as you are.

And I.

And I have to tell you, none of what I went to school for helped me in coping with this pain. I had to figure through his ministry. I don't know what would be of my life. I don't know with my faith, with, you know, like just divine wisdom. I don't know what I would have done without that little bit of wisdom and a lot of prayer and, and divine guidance. And here I am passing it along to you Hope that he gave me to wake up another day. So would you allow me to accompany you in this journey and have the honor of helping you go whatever you learn through the experience, share that lesson with feeling stuck to elevated because I believe we should use our pain to rise and become a better version of ourselves. And this is, this is how I honor my daughter. I do these webinars every six weeks and they're free to everybody. And I. And I am committed about bringing hope. And the way I. The way I look at it, right. Like in my own people around you, because you never know how one simple thing that you can raise is I want to be the face of Jesus, the face of God for the people around me. I want them to. I want people to see me and think like, you know, I want what you say can save another person's life. You have. Right. Like the, the peace, the. The joy, the, the. I wanted to share some testimonials. The hope and. And I am devoted to doing that because I am. I know I'm going to heaven because of God's mercy, not because of my own doings, but I will sure try to do my best to, to get there because I know it's. I know it's really hard to. It's because I. I long for the day I get to hug my daughter again. So I honor her through service, gratitude and love. And one of the things that I've created is I'M a psychologist and I do. It's really hard to imagine how engaging in a program that I have a private practice and my fee is very competent. It's about grieving when grief is so individual and unique to each person. And it is. I charge $395 an hour for my individual therapy. And like how can. How can that help? And I think there's so many. I know a lot of people cannot afford that. And when there is a loss usually there's. The finances are affected too. And so I created this program to be able to help as many people as possible to make it affordable things that this program that are transformational and that are suitable to make it powerful and to share the same things that I would with my individual clients but in a group setting that allowed me to reach more, to bring hope to more and to serve in a different capacity. And that program is called Hurt to Hope. Oh Healing that I have to share them with you. To Hope. And it includes the life coaching group calls. We fully Bring youg Hope. Oh, I didn't let me click on it. She is so right when it comes to me are extremely powerful. That's the one that. Where we create community where we have like a support group. But like my clients in this program like call each other, talk to each other, support each other. It's just those snippets were not like people celebrating the holidays early and I was like testimonials that they recorded for this. They were like there were real content that they allowed me to use to share it with you. And it's. It's. It's very encouraging. Very uplifting to be in those coaching calls. We also have a private members only.

Facebook group that allows you to what it was unbelievable.

And now it is hold yourself accountable to reach out to your fellow, you know, like friends from. From the support group for guidance. We also have. It's going to sound weird but because of the program and so much positive positivity of what I call Hope Sheets. So in this. In this webinar there is five modules. I'm actually enjoying right now the process of modules. And there's. There's five modules of five different topics in which I address everything that we've spoken about here and more. Right. Like we talk about the pain. We talk about wanting to decorate for my children. And it's because I see it as like instead of looking it as a negative thing, I'm like no, she is acceptance. What does that mean? How does that. What does that look like? How do you pursue acceptance? Because acceptance is not something that you arrive at over time. It's something that you pursue proactively. It's an active process. So I teach you how to pursue acceptance, how to reframe, re enjoy this holiday. So I'm gonna make it extra special. I'm gonna make it sparkle for her and I'm looking forward to that decoration is to honor your loss so that you may find some healing and hope in your heart and feel better. We all doing it to honor her.

I hope I speak for everyone in.

That better about it. I teach you how to find the right people to surround yourself with because oftentimes you're in this process that you know, you lose a husband, you need an attorney that you can trust, you need a financial advisor that you can trust. You need, you know, now you have to talk about sense that we're all.

Here to like support each other. We're all here to listen. And I said I will go to.

Money and finances and know that the person that's guiding you like it has your best interest in mind. You need a therapist, a lawyer, like so choosing the right professionals, choosing the right people to surround yourself with. Many times we think that because our families are families.

When I think I'm ready to go.

And finally they're the ones that need to accompany us in the process. And sometimes we get.

I said you know what, let me give it a try and come to see.

To attribute a particular role to family members that are really good at certain things. Like I have a client in the program whose mother in law was really good about helping her with the kids and taking care of the kids.

But we are all going through.

At the end of the day, she wasn't emotionally present and it was hard for her to connect with my client emotionally when. When she came back from the. From the.

The pain is the same because we've.

All lost the funeral and the burial. She was in her bed like, you know, like in disbelief.

Something dear to our heart. Someone dear to our heart. So I'm just glad that we ended.

Up doing and extremely anguished. And the mother in law was like, listen, I need you to get up and start writing thank you cards to all the people that went to the burial. She couldn't connect with her emotionally. She couldn't understand where she was at. Who's thinking about thank you cards on the day that you buried your daughter. So then she had to make decisions lovingly and kindly to her to hope.

It really has helped a lot. I lost my life the way it.

Used to be and to include her mom, mother in law in a particular role in her life. But she got to choose other people that were going to support her emotionally through the process. In a more ended up with Betsy again.

But when you start to feel that.

Hope like man I could graceful manner, right? Like in a manner that felt more empathetic. So we do this and when you.

Realize you're not alone and that everything.

Else is going through a two we talk about faith, building faith. Right. Like some people don't.

It gives me a sense of peace, feeling pain forever because it's temporary.

Have any faith. And when I say faith, this program is actually very good about not making it about faith in God, even though that's what I call it. But like building faith in yourself, in your resilience, in your ability to overcome this. Building faith in other people and believing that others can help you and guide you through it. The way this priest helped me and understanding the fact that you can end.

The suffering that you will experience pain.

And I know and building faith in a higher power, like in whatever you call it, whether it's the universe or God or anything else, like, you know, how do you how to reach out here to tap into that divine wisdom to help you through this?

I'm going to experience pain again, but I don't want to suffer.

And I think that. So all the. All those modules have like a total.

In total to change your focus and.

Find something to serve others as you.

Were saying, so that you can enjoy the moment and understand why things happen. I'm trying to do that every single.

Day over 15, I think I want to say it's like 18 videos total. And each one of those videos has a worksheet or a hope sheet which is where you do the clinical work. So what I would do with my clients on a one on one. I put those exercises there so that you can do it. And if you have questions, if you feel stuck, then you get to discuss them in the weekly coaching. Calls. It's six weekly sessions. And you can always like join us back for the next block of 6. Finally. And I think this is like one of the most important things because I do this. So these are some snippets from our her to Hope coaching sessions. We do this to honor my daughter. I do not want them in zoom. And we have people from all over. The first one that spoke was from Dominican Republic, raised in New York and we have Miami and Missouri and your money. If this is not serving you the way that you deserve to be served. So this program is 100% guaranteed. If you have invested yourself in this program, if you've given it your all and you've tried it and you've attended the sessions and you've done the hope sheets and you feel that what I'm telling you today did not happen for you. Like, if it didn't help you. It's beautiful to see how we all come together because of. I will gladly, humbly and enthusiastically give you the money back. Because I don't. I'm not motivated by money. I'm not moved by it. I am moved by purpose and by the legacy and honor of my daughter loss. But we connect because of hope. And I think that's what's different about our program. Right? We don't. I went to a support group at some point and so nothing to lose and so much to gain. So this program is usually 997. It will go back to being 9. And people were like, yeah, we're part of this club we never asked to be a part of. And 97 stats start in January. I. I did this discount for this year because it's when Covid hit and I was like, whoa, no, no, no, I'm not going to be part of a club I don't want to be a part of. And it was in prayer. The number came to me and I chose to do it. But it will go back to normal starting January. So today is actually the last opportunity we have for this. Today and tomorrow and it's three, four. Like, I don't want to be part of the club of all the parents that lost their child at 147 now. And what's really awesome about this is that if you cannot afford the 347 at once, then you could do three installments, so you could pay in four. You could do three payments of 147 and be a part of the club of the parents that lost their child and rose above it.

And.

And I don't like for money to get in the way of something like this. So. And honor them through love and service and gratitude and found hope. I'm always willing and eager to work out a payment plan that allows you. If that's the only thing that keeps you from doing this, I will work with you to create a payment plan that allows you to find hope and use that hope to share with the world. Like that's the club I want to be a part of. So. And to. To start healing and to honor your loved one and continue their legacy. So if you'd like to. To join, I encourage you to go to hurt the number2hope.com join. And I have to tell you and I, man, this is, this is the hardest part for me in this, in this program because I don't consider myself to be salesy. I don't, I don't like this. Like, I have a business coach and this is, this is my struggle. But my coach always tells me, betsy, you're doing people a disservice when you don't share this. And I will directly tell you and encourage you that if there's something that you can do for your loved one is to, is to heal. Is to heal and honor that person and not forget that person, but, but remember him or her with love, gratitude and service. And, and I know the majority of people, I mean, it happens to me in private practice too, that the majority of people think like, how is this going to help? How is this going to alleviate my, my pain? And I guess you don't know what you don't know, right? But, but I've had the, the blessing of experience this, experiencing this firsthand. And I've, I've seen transformations in days and weeks and, and it just comes in the form of hope. Like if there's hope, if you know that this pain is temporary and if you know what things you can do to proactively seek that hope and acceptance, then, then you, then you can get up another day and you can. I have been very intentional about creating this program. Like the group coaching is, is also like a support group in addition to the, the group therapy, the coaching. It's a beautiful combination of all these blessings and tools and community and I, and I, and I love that. And you can rise and it, and it's a process, but it's a beautiful process when you, when you put your heart and your. And your love into it. So I will officially invite you and encourage you to do this for yourself and for the person that you lost, that you loved and use this pain as a fertilizer, not as a final destination. And that's my message for today. You can go to hurt the number two home and buy the program there. Tomorrow is when we start the last block of six sessions of the year. So if you're, if you're starting this session, the deadline is by tomorrow morning. And if you want to join next year, you're welcome to do so. Just know that the price will be different. But I, but I'm always here and you're welcome to, to Join us anytime. And I am now all yours. It's founded in hope, not in loss. I, like, I am definitely not your girl and I'm ready for your questions and answers. So if there's something you would like to share or ask, I am at your disposal. You can unmute yourself and share.

I had a question you'd kind of.

Mentioned about, like, oh, if, if you want to stick to the paradigm of, you know, loving through suffering. So I wonder, right, like, how.

Not feeling guilty. If you're not grieving a lot or.

Crying a lot, how would you feel if you had a certainty that it's possible to celebrate?

Can you kind of explain? I kind of feel that's where I am. I don't cry all the time. You know, I get teary eyed sometimes. But then I wonder, did I not love him enough? I'm not grieving enough because I'm not sad more.

Well, it depends, right? And that's part of where we get to discern. Some people are not crying enough because they don't want to cry. They don't want to go there. They don't want to. They don't want to accept reality. And that, that is a form of suffering, even if you're not experiencing it. Right. Because you're just delaying the process. But it's still there. But if you're not like escaping it and avoiding it and you still don't feel like you're crying all the time and you're falling apart and you think like, oh my gosh, I thought I was going to be worse. You're not. Everybody grieves differently. And tears are not the only way in which we experience grief. A lot of people experience life after loss. And the reason I say this is because through anger. I have a couple people in the program that I have someone that lost. Remember, we're approaching Christmas and I remember on Christmas Day, the year that I met the dad and someone that lost a husband and they experience a lot of anger and they take it out on other people and they're often, they're a little bitter. And that is a form of grief. We don't have to like, fall apart crying to express our grief. And people think there's something wrong with that. I also have parents that call me and tell me, like, Betsy, that I lost my daughter. I remember thinking like, man, how could this priest be talking about the birth of Jesus with so much joy when my kids haven't been grieving, Betsy. My kids haven't been crying and their dad died, like, and I'M like. And that's okay. That's okay. Because everybody grieves differently. And grieving, it doesn't mean crying or losing it. Right. Grieving means the grief is the process through which we heal the pain of loss. But pain is experienced in individual ways, in unique ways. So if you're not crying all the time, but you're not avoiding the situation. Situation. And it sounds like you're not like you're here. If you're not crying all the time, it's okay. That doesn't mean that you didn't love him enough. Maybe I'm not sure what your. What your story is, but maybe you. Maybe this was expected. And you have been grieving for way longer than you think. I know. For people that have experienced, like, cancer or some sort of disease, like, their families have been grieving. He knows that he's gonna die at tragic light. Like, death. Like, the guy's gonna die very tragically. Like, why is he so excited about the birth? Like, from. From early on from diagnosis. And then when they die, it's like they thought it was their life was going to be over, and it's not. And you're like, you're more okay than you thought you would be. And there should be something wrong with that. But the truth is. And I. And I envied him. I wanted to. I want you. You've done your share of grieving. You know, having someone that's sick to feel bad. I wanted to feel like I could celebrate my daughter's life without thinking of. And going through, like, cancer. Any other disease is. Is. Is a very excruciating process. And. And the grieving is done. It's called. It's called, you know, in psychological, anticipatory grief. So. So that's also a possibility. But there's no. Let it be. No, let there be no doubt that you love the person that you lost, Mary, because you're here. You don't. You don't have to honor your loved one through. Through crying and suffering. And, you know, maybe that's not how you show love. And that's okay. That's okay. Can I say about her death? And I finally. Do. I finally. I finally can enjoy my daughter and, like, something.

It's not a question. It's more of a comment.

Can you guys hear me think about her and think about her life, not her death?

Or am I on mute?

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay. Sorry. Just because of what Mary just asked. My dad passed away on Thanksgiving Day. It made six months that he passed away, like Thanksgiving Day was six month mark and I was working with and.

I want that for you. And I know it's a process.

And I, Betsy, I had joined her to Hope. Very skeptical at first. And again, I'm not a major crier. I did cry at times, like as a release to let it out, but it just wasn't my go to for grieving. And I think I was really confused about that at first. And I would talk to Betsy about it and in the hurt to Hope, a lot of the people there that had also lost loved ones, you know, they said they would cry sometimes. They. They would just feel angry. So Betsy and this program helped me realize that my feelings were valid no matter how I expressed them. I mean, also. So the workshops that she says, the first time I joined, I was very skeptical because I just didn't know what to expect.

I joined a lot of patience in accompanying you through at your pace.

And honestly, it was great. It really, it's a community. But it's not like a pity party, you know, because I thought everyone was going to be crying and I thought it was going to be like, oh.

My God, this just like through your journey. And that's how I honor like an.

Hour of like everyone crying and sobbing and like, you'll just be exhausted by the time you finish. But it was not like that. It was so uplifting. And there were moments where people were quite.

My daughter and I. And I have to say, like, people think, oh, it's because you have the questioning things.

And they were saying, you know, like, oh, this happened to me, or this reminded me of my mom who passed away. And everyone kind of rally around them.

And so the work, you know, you studied psychology. Oh, it's because you have a family.

Or, you know, that workshop itself is amazing. And you get full access to Betsy. And then with these modules, these hope sheets that she calls them. When I first. When she first told me that there was, I mean, basically it's homework, I was like, oh my God, I'm feeling all of this. And now I have homework. Like, I don't even want to get out of bed, like, let alone look at homework. I did it on my phone. And every time I would finish one module, I would feel. I would feel like I accomplished a little something. So I would finish one module and be like, okay, I did the first module. And then she gives you exercises with these hope sheets. So you reflect on things or you try to change your paradigm. It was great. And then finishing the modules, you think like, okay, this is it. Like, I'm gonna feel good, I'm gonna feel better. Like, no more sorrow, no more pain. Unfortunately, it's not like that. But what I do have are the tools that I learned through the program from the first module to the last one that I could go back to that will help you get through those harder moments or through those moments where you think, like, oh, I should be happy by now, but I'm not. And the last is because you have.

More kids or because you have that.

Husband and thing I'll say about this. Okay, no, that's not true. It's not the last thing I'll say, because I could talk about this forever. Okay. But two more things that are very important that I think are so helpful for everyone here. I joined this webinar because.

And you can. You can do this if I was able to do it, because I'm not more so.

This is the first holiday season without my dad, and we didn't really know what to expect. So, like, are we going to be really sad? My family is very, very close, but because of COVID we're doing things very differently this year. And we're not around as many people as we normally are. So it's like a double whammy. And my dad and I were, like, obsessed with Christmas.

It was like our special than you and I. And I was created by God, just like you and I. And I am resilient as you are.

And I.

And I have to tell you nothing.

Thanksgiving. We would always do a 5k in the morning of Thanksgiving. And then that was like our excuse of we could eat triple the amount of food, you know, no matter what. And then. So the last webinar, I believe it was the same topic. How to get through the loss during the holidays. And Betsy said, you know, honor your loved one in a way that makes you happy in a way that, you know, brings everyone joy. That doesn't kind of bring down the mood. So at first I thought, okay, we'll set a place for him at Thanksgiving. And then I talked about it with my family. They weren't really on board with that, but I wanted to do something, you know, different, creative.

What I went to school for, help me in coping with this pain. I had to figure a new tradition.

In honor of him. So he always drank? Not always, but he drank port wine sometimes after dinner, and he would just sip it. And that was like his thing. I do not like that. I think it is so gross.

But with my faith, with, you know, like, just divine.

With the end of Thanksgiving, Dinner. After everything was picked up, we were all stuffed. I poured port wine for everyone there, and we did a toast to my dad. And now we'll do that every year because that was like, his thing. He loved port wine. None of us did. But, I mean, you know, wisdom and.

A lot of prayer and. And divine guidance, and we just took.

It like a shot in or, like, for him, you know, I guess the biggest thing I learned from her to hope. It's very, very easy for a lot of people to say. I mean, even. Even other psychologists, for them to say, like, think of the happy times or, you know, time heals all or it'll get better. It's so easy.

Here I am passing it along to you.

People say that, and it's so nice of them to say that, too, because maybe that's all they know, you know, like, very.

Would you allow me to accompany you in this journey and have the honor.

Of helping you go grateful for everything positive? Something someone wants to tell you. Hurt to hope. And Betsy gives you a roadmap. It gives you tasks of things to do. It gives you goals. It gives you the how, it gives you the the who, what, when, where, why kind of thing. You know, like, why do I feel this way because of this? And then she gives you the tools of how to work through those feelings and how to not just work through them and forget about them, but work through them and make them a positive or make them work for you, you know, instead of kind of suffering in vain. I did hurt to hope. I loved it, learned a lot from it, still use it all the time now. Again, it's the first Christmas without my dad, so we'll definitely be going back into that toolbox. But I can't recommend this program enough. If this. If you're waiting for a sign, if you're waiting for an aha moment of like, should I do this? Should I not consider this your sign? It has truly helped from feeling stuck.

To elevated, because I believe we should use our pain to rise and become a better version of ourselves. And this is. This is how I honor my daughter. I do these webinars every six weeks, and they're free to everybody, me.

And then in return, it helps me help my family, too. So like Betsy said, you know, share your experience, share what you've learned. That's kind of, I guess, the stage I'm in right now. So that's what I can say for it. It's been great. You're not going to have a negative experience with this that, you know you could only be positive you'll do the work she gives you. I'm telling you, it's step by step with.

And I. And I am committed about which what.

I struggled with the most. So I knew where I wanted to be. I just didn't know how to get there. She helps you get there. This program helps you get there.

Thank you, Christy. That's so sweet. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that, Betsy. Yes, in my case, I feel that I wish things would have been different in the sense that maybe I wish he wouldn't have never taken that job. Bringing hope. And the way I look at it, right, like, in my own question, guilt. Because I feel maybe I could have done more. Even though I tried reviving him twice, could I have done things differently? Would he still be here if I would have done things differently? You know, Martha, is your nickname, Maritz and ways is. I want to be the face of Jesus, the face of God for the people around me. I want them to. I want people to see me and think, like, you know, I want what you saw. Marita, Marita, you're not alone. I feel that especially with wives that, you know, widows. I hear that so much. I have one client that kept on telling me, like, I took my kids to the birthday party. I should have stayed with him at the hospital. Had I known it was his last days, like, I would. I should have stayed with him at the hospital. You know, like, have, like, the. The peace, the joy, the. The. She had these guilt and these questions, and did I do enough? And did I. Did he know that I loved him enough? And. And the truth is, Marita, it doesn't. It wouldn't have changed anything. I know. It's part of the process, and you get to ask the question, and you get to feel the guilt, and it's okay, right? We get to sit with all that pain. But that's part of the hope. And. And I am devoted to doing that, because I am. I know I'm going to heaven because of God's mercy, not because of my own doings, but I will sure try to do my best to. To get there. That's part of acceptance, right? Like, I. When we ask ourselves, like, listen, my. My daughter was next to me in the pool, and I. And the week before, we were at the pool at a pool in Puerto Rico, and. And she was a little scared of the water, and she was respectful of the water. She loved it, but she was respectful of it. And she showed some fear. And I told her, mamida, don't be scared. Mommy's gonna take care of you. A week later she was fearless, swimming from her dad to me and jumping to us because I long for the day I get to hug my daughter again. Mommy didn't take care of her. Mommy, you know, don't be scared. Mommy's gonna take care of you. Mommy didn't take care of her. So imagine the echo of that phrase, that promise that I didn't fulfill or I felt I didn't fulfill. And the truth is that some things in life are mysteries, right? Like we have paradigms or ideas as to how life should be. And you know, little kids are not supposed to die. I'm supposed to be, you know, they're supposed. So I honor her through service, gratitude and love to bury me. That's a paradigm. And it was too soon. He was too young. I was supposed to go first. Like we have all these ideas as to how our life is supposed to be and the truth. And one of the things that I've created is I'm a psychologist and I do reality simply is right. Like an I've been, I have a private practice and my fear is very competent. And that's why acceptance is such a gift. Because us fighting it, us feeling guilty about it does not return the loved one does not change reality. But it's, it's part of what we have to feel to then arrive at a place where we, where we are ready to proactive. I, I charge $395 an hour for my individual therapy and I believe pursue that acceptance and just, just accept what is. And you know, this is how it happened. And God bless you for being able to revive him twice. That's unbelievable. Like I wouldn't, I mean I had a. I tried with my daughter. I did. I honestly I didn't know what I was doing. I've taken CPR classes, but I did not know what I was doing. Fortunately I had a doctor at the house and she came and she did perform CPR on her and I, you know, and that didn't change it for me. And I had, I had everything perfect for her to be saved. I know a lot of people cannot afford that and when there is a loss, usually there's. The finances are affected too. And so I created this program. I had a doctor from the emergency room at my house, my friend there to be able to help as many people as possible to make it afford came to assist her. I was next to her. So it must have been seconds, you know, that taken for her to like be on the bottom of the pool. The hospital was five minutes away. The ambulance got there in three seconds. Like, it was like the perfect situation for her to be safe. She had a. When she came out of. Of the. Of the pool when I took her out, and it didn't happen. So had you. Had you change all those things? I mean, the Doctors revived him 17 times or so, right? Like, it's, you know, there are things that I still don't understand, and I wish I had answers for you, like, you know, some things that God allowed to make it powerful and to share the same things that I would with my individual clients. I don't think God does these things to us, but he didn't avoid them, right? Like, he didn't intervene avoid them. And I think those are mysteries. But if there's something that I have decided to believe is that when he doesn't interfere to save our loved one, it's because he doesn't feel that saving them is going to allow them the greatest of all gifts, which in our faith is eternity. So I feel that, like, I tell myself that, right? Like, my prayer every night was, you know, for all my kids. My husband and I prayed together at night and we would say, like, you know, take giants, but in a group setting that allowed me to reach more, to bring hope to more and to serve in a different capacity. Take care of them, free them from all evil, like, protect them. I remember fighting with God and be like, I asked you every single day of my life. I begged you with faith. Like, why didn't you? Until I realized that he did. I wholeheartedly believe that he protected her from. And I don't know what that means. I don't know what it would have been, but I believe he did. So, you know, that's why I feel like having faith in something is so important, because what we can't explain, we can trust. There's still perversity. And that program is called Hurt to Hope, and it includes the life coaching group calls with purpose for it. Thank you.

Hi, guys. So, Christy, thank you. I think you're a little younger than I am, and you're taking it like a champ. So thank you. Thank you for being present. Marie. I was going to say that I actually made it through the weekend for the first time without really crying the whole weekend. And I was at the cemetery today for the first time by myself, and I really didn't cry much. And I was like, okay. You know, I took it as a.

Gift, which to me are extremely powerful. That's the One that where we create community, where we have.

And here I am trying to hold back tears so I can speak. Jessica. So that taught us something this past year, all of us, including my kids. And that's the power of intention. If you don't have the intention to harm somebody, then why feel bad? So I'm listening to you and I'm in a place where I have to listen to my mom over and over again. But what if. And I told her, well, I just, I'm just learning to listen like a.

Support group like that. My, my, my clients in this program, like call each other, talk to each other, support each other. It's just those snippets were not.

I was the one who took care of him when he started the fever. He would only respond to me. He had one day of 103. The next day, 101. We were on our first and last family vacation with all of the grandkids. I scheduled to have a family picture.

Testimonials that they recorded for this. They were like, they were real content that they allowed, which is now hanging.

In mom's house of all of us. And just this weekend, I said to my husband, okay, I know for sure that it was dad's time in the last year for me to use to.

Share it with you. And it's.

I was praying alongside with him that I knew that until he completed his purpose and didn't forgive certain people along the way, that he wasn't going to go. But he told my youngest son and myself, it's coming closer. And this time him saying it had a different connotation. So I said to my husband, you know, I accept, like Covid, for us.

It'S very encouraging, very uplifting. To be in those coaching calls for.

Me has been a blessing because I always expected for dad to go from a heart attack and that's it. You know, arrived to work one day and my mom told me papi didn't wake up and dad didn't want to suffer. Dad didn't want anybody to take care.

We also have a private members only Facebook group that allows you to take care of him.

Although I kind of did, you know, but he didn't know that I was doing that because he was sedated over six weeks. And just this weekend I said to my husband, you know, like, Covid. Covid. And you know, taking them at the right time, not taking them at the.

Right time, I said, hold yourself accountable to reach out to your fellow, you know, like friends.

Okay. So I've accepted And I'm thankful for Covid because Covid gave us nine weeks to get used to dad not being.

Around, you know, from the support group for. For guidance.

We also have and having some sort of, you know how you're saying about cancer, like, acceptance, right? Which you're never ready. Because the night before, I had been able to be with my dad for like three or four hours. And I FaceTime my brother. And finally my brother was like, okay, he's not there anymore, you know, and his thing was lung failure.

What I call hope sheets. So in this. In this webinar, there is five mod.

So I. I was still upset. I was very upset with my brother on Wednesday night because it was time. Like, I didn't want dad. His body, he was to bones in. In two months, a guy that was completely fit. We walked the beach and he was walking faster than I was.

And there's. There's five modules of five different topics in which I address everything that we've spoken about here and more. Right. Like, we talk about the pain we talk about.

And so I said to my husband, well, what if we would have taken him the day that he had 103 fever? Or what if I would have taken him the day that I saw that his oximeter was reading under 80 and we didn't. And that's okay. And it's okay for you to feel. What if I think that, you know, where we need to, I guess, jump the hurdle is in that acceptance. And what's pulled me finally, like, feeling a little bit better is in that promise of eternal life. Right?

Acceptance. What does that mean? How does that. What does that look like?

How do you pursue that God gave us his only begotten son and that we strive every day to be the best that we can into being that Jesus for others as best as we can. Right? To be able to enjoy that. I'm going to be able to say something, although it's still hard for me. So I. I'm gripping on to eternal life. But it's very difficult still for me to say, okay, I'll see Dad again.

So just to say acceptance, because acceptance is not something that you arrive at over time.

It's something that you know, and I don't know if Betsy will agree or not, as our gift to guide us.

Through this.

You know, guilt is normal, but I guess that what helps me sometimes is, am I. What if I'm feeling, like, guilty?

Let's say you pursue proactively. It's an active process. So I teach you how to Pursue that.

Serving me, Is it serving my mom? Is it serving my brother? Is it serving my kids that he was so close to? And the truth is that the answer is no. So, you know, I guess it's finding those tools to feel that joy, which.

In the past couple of acceptance, how to. How to reframe, reinterpret years.

I don't know if you guys have seen the movie Inside out, but I realized through something else that happened in my life that joy and sadness dwell in the same place. And then furthermore, I embraced so many scripture readings in that God gives us joy for free.

Like, we spread your loss so that you may find some healing and hope in your. Your heart and feel don't have to do anything.

You know, grace and mercy sometimes comes from, like, if we're right with him, you know, but joy is like, it's there for taking. So. So, yeah, so that's just, you know, kind of, you know, what I wanted to share.

Oh, what a beautiful testimony. Thank you for sharing that better about it. I teach you how to find the right people to surround yourself with. With because you have a lot of wisdom, a lot of hope inside of you. You would be right up our alley in our group.

Well, I'm starting with you tomorrow.

That's awesome.

It starts tomorrow, right?

Are you cha.

Yes, I'm ch.

You're cha.

I'm excited to have you. I was like, oh, my gosh, you would be amazing in our group because like I said, we come together because of loss, but we connect because of hope. Because oftentimes you're in this process, like, you know, you lose a husband, you need an attorney. Hope. I'm excited to have you. I'm excited to have you. Thank you.

It does start tomorrow, right?

Yes, tomorrow. Awesome. Anybody else has a question or anything you want to share that you can trust, you need a financial advisor that you can trust, you need, you know, now you have to talk about.

I went through the what ifs with my husband, too. He had a brain tumor. He lasted 11 months with it. In the last two months of his life, he was in hospice and just gradually got worse. And Mother's Day weekend, he took a turn for the worse and had been having headaches for a couple days.

And I was like, money and finances and know that the person that's guiding you, like, it has your best interest.

My daughter kind of started it with, well, why did you call the doctor sooner? Why did you wait, you know, three, four days later? And why weren't you checking on him that he Was sleeping all the time. And I was like, well, until then he was able to function by himself. He could drive and everything. I said I didn't sit there all day long and monitor him and see how long he was sleeping.

So it's like, well, what if I didn't mind? You need a therapist, a lawyer, like so choosing the right professionals, choosing the.

Right call the doctor sooner and. And then did we put him in hospice too soon and did that just cause them to go downhill? He ended up in a hospital bed and basically the last few weeks of his life he was existing, not living. And now he's in heaven. He's totally healed. So I guess maybe that's why I don't feel like I'm grieving as much.

Because I know he's people to surround yourself with. Many times we think that because our families are families in a better place.

Even though I wish God would have healed them here on earth. But you can just drive yourself nuts going, well, what if I done this different? What if I than that different? And to me I just had to accept it was God's will. He had a terminal illness. No matter what I did, eventually he was going to die from. It was inoperable.

They're the ones that need to accompany us in the process. And sometimes we get.

So it was going to be sooner rather than later. So I guess I just had to come to that conclusion. No matter what I did, he was still going to die from this brain tumor. It wouldn't have mattered. So that kind of helped me get over the. The what up Stage. And I guess I went through the denial stage when he was in hospice and thinking, oh, he'll get better, you know, this is just a downtime and then it's gonna get better again. So I didn't go through that after he died. You know, kind of zombie to attribute.

A particular role to family members that are really good at first week.

But I kind of went through that. Like you said, when someone has cancer like that, you go through those stages like ahead of time before they pass away. So some of those stages, the denial and everything and the grieving knowing that he was dying, I kind of went through before he died. So maybe that helped me move on sooner. But there are little things. I go to his grave and I don't cry. And then one day I was trying to get table back upstairs.

Certain things like I have a client in the program whose mother in law was really good about helping her with the kids and taking care of the kids.

But in our Bonus room over the garage. And I couldn't carry it up the stairs by myself. And I cried because he was here to help me. And I just thought that was kind of weird that I was crying over a table. But I'm not crying over his grave. But.

But that's grief. That's grief because he, you know, like, you were reminded of the loss at that moment. She wasn't emotionally present, and it was hard for her to mince because he would have been there carrying the table. That is grief. And he did love him. Never, never doubt that. Okay, anybody else wants to share or ask, I'm okay with awkward silence.

Guys, can I just say one more thing just to jump on what everyone's already said? My. Sorry. This is my dog. She's so cute, right? My dad was sick.

Connect with my client emotionally when. When she came back from the. From the.

For three years. He had cancer for three years, and he was. He was really, really sick. And there were times where he was so sick that we thought, okay, maybe this is it. But then he would get better and he would jump back and forth. And then finally when he did pass away, there it was like, it was weird because half of it was. You feel at peace because they're no.

Longer the funeral and the burial, suffering.

And again, he was existing, not living there. Especially at the end.

She was in her bed, like, you know, like in this belief.

And then there was the other half where, like, if you hold on a little longer, maybe technology or medicine or, you know, something would have happened. So there was a lot of confusion for myself in the, like the next few months after his death. And that's where Hurt to Hope helped me a lot. It kind of helped. It was this confusion, but Hurt to Hope kind of helped me. Sorry. This dog, like, align my feelings with what was actually happening. It wasn't like, it's okay to feel.

And extremely anguished. And the mother in law was like, listen, I need you to like, feel.

Two things at once, sort of. So it. It helped validate those feelings. And that all came from hurt to hope because I was lost. I mean, Betsy has worked with my family for a while now, and we are so grateful. And there were times where she was like, you know, when are you gonna come in for a session? You know, when can I see you again? And I'm like, therapy's not gonna help. Like, my dad died. That's it. Like, it's over. You know, like, I just need to suffer through it. And then she, you know, threw her to Hope I learned that there's such a difference between feeling your pain and suffering. And that's what I didn't want. And that is what get up and.

Start writing thank you cards to all the people that went to the burial.

The program that. What Betsy has helped me learn. So it's been six months now, and.

I, like, she couldn't connect with her emotionally. She couldn't understand where she was at.

Like, I think it didn't help, but, you know, having three years of him in treatment and being so sick, you do have that anticipatory grief. But the loss is still just as big because it's kind of like, oh, my God, he actually died. Like, after three years, he actually died. That's so weird. You know, you always think they're gonna.

Bounce back thinking about thank you cards and on the day that you buried your daughter. Right.

Like, her to Hope kind of helped with that confusion that I was in, that gray area of, like, am I happy that he's at peace, or am I, you know, sad that he's gone? Hurt to Hope helped with. It's okay to feel two things that way.

So then she had to make decisions lovingly and kindly to.

Once your feelings are valid. You know, I thought it was crazy for a little bit because I'm like, I know I'm happy, but, like, the rest of my life is going to be without my dad, you know? So that was so confusing for me. Her to Hope the program, the modules, the hope sheets, the webinars that she does, the. The one that's every Wednesday. What do you call it? The workshops.

The coaching sessions.

The coaching sessions. I'm sorry. The coaching sessions. I mean, imagine this, but, like, with tools and so much hope and so much. Right. So it's like a zoom meeting like this where everyone's kind of on the same boat. Everyone's in pain.

To include her mom, mother in law, in a particular role in her life for different reasons.

But pain is pain, and that's another thing you learn through her to hold. And it's just. She just kind of helps you. Like. Like, she guides you.

I mean, she's gonna be our next facilitator.

Guys, I'm totally down. I can do it. And it's.

I mean, she got to choose other people that were gonna support her emotionally through the process in a more.

It's helped a lot. Like, I don't know, you think I'm strong, But it's all Betsy and her learnings and teachings and accepting what she teaches and, like, accepting it and actually implementing the work and all that. That's all. Hurt to hope. That's all Betsy. I wish I could take credit.

Thank you. Graceful manner, right? Like, in a manner that felt more empathetic. So we. My Melly.

Melly. Melly.

Mellie's another HER2 hopeer.

Hi. I know. Talk.

We talk about faith. Building faith. Right. Like, some people don't.

I feel like a veteran. No.

I recommend this program to anybody.

It literally saved my life.

I was a wreck.

Anybody in this zoom call.

I was a wreck.

It was.

I was.

I was sitting right here where I'm at right now, in my room, in my bed, and I just ugly cried one day.

And I've never cried like that in.

Front of anybody, have any faith. And when I say faith, this program is actually very good about not making it up. And after that, I was like, oh, God, Like, I don't think I want to go back.

Like, I felt so ashamed.

But, I mean, it changed my life. I lost my best friend six months ago.

Can you believe, Betsy? It's going to be six months tomorrow. It's. It changed everything. It changed. That's the reason why I'm sitting upright.

And I was able to survive through it. You know, there's stuff that my parents.

Couldn'T help me with, and it was.

Just bigger than me. It was the first time that somebody that close to me that wasn't a grandparent or somebody really bought faith in God, even though that's what I call it. But, like, building faith in yourself, in your. In your resilience and your ability to overcome this. Building faith in elderly passed away. So I had to do it, and.

I'm so glad that I did.

I'm glad we had you, too. Thank you. These are not. These are unpaid. What's it called, Commercials, guys. I did not. Other people. And believing that others can help you and guide you through it the way this priest helped me.

Unpaid. But, Betsy, if you want to. I mean, you could Venmo me whatever you want. I swear it's real. Just kidding me. It is. So it's unpaid. I mean, not that I won't take a payment, but.

Christy, I did it twice. I did the program twice. And the calls are what helped me the most, I feel.

Because just the way that Betsy listens to you. And I was telling my mom the.

Other day, I said, I don't know what Betsy does, but just. People just want to, like, tell her things. And I just look back at that, and I'm like. And. And building faith in A higher power. I like in whatever you call it, whether it's, wow, I can't believe I cried like that in front of, like.

Strangers, like, oh, my God.

But it was. It was so good and it. And you know, I'm not over it, but I felt like I was falling.

Apart when it first. First happened, because it was my best.

Friend, you know, my person of, you know, 14 years, you know, and I couldn't call him on the phone and be like, hey, you know, what do I do?

Because you died.

You know, there was there, you know, there was nobody there that I couldn't tell him that. So I. I didn't know what to do. I was completely lost, and I was all right. It's the universe or God or anything else. Like, you know, how do you. How to reach out and here to tap into that divine wisdom to help you through this. And now I made a choice to say I was suffering. In the beginning, I was suffering. And at the end of the second session, I was like, okay, you know what?

That's it.

I'm done. Because I was miserable and my parents were miserable because they saw me miserable. And then I'm like, you know what? No, I'm alive, you know, and I have my whole life ahead of me.

And it's not fair to the people.

Around me that, you know, I'm a wreck. So that's how hurt to hope help. So all the. All those modules have like a total. In total. Anyone else has a question or comment? Betsy, thank you so much. Happy holidays and God bless you all. I have another zoom meeting with my church, like in five minutes, but God bless you guys and thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for joining. Good night, guys.

Good luck.

Over 15, I think I want to say it's like 18 videos total. And yes, I need you.

So, Christy, I have to say, Chris, one of your. Your zoom says Christina. I call everybody a nickname. Sorry.

But.

I'm super looking forward to Betsy. And I mean, she said something in the beginning of how she wanted to be the Christ to others.

Each one of those videos has a worksheet or a hope sheet, which is where you do.

Reminds me of the Prayer of St Francis, which is something that I used to sing a lot when I was a kid. So, you know, Betsy, thank you. And it goes with what you say of how. And reassures me, you know, clinical work.

So what I would do with my clients on a one on one.

I know how, like, pain is a stepping stool. Like the whole fertilizer thing. Oh, my Goodness. My dad's thing was his garden. And so I'm actually buying the house next door to my mom, which was her best friend, who she lost exactly six months, months before dad.

So.

And we've lived there for like 40 something years, so we're all like an extended family.

And just today those, those exercises there so that you can do it and if you have questions.

I was hanging an orchid in my dad's backyard and one of the neighbors, original neighbors, you know, came and the lady that helps her with her husband came out and they were like, oh my goodness, I remember your dad, you know, doing the yard. And then she was going to ask me to actually hang an orchid for her because I inherited the green thumb.

Anyway, as if you feel stuck, then you get to, to discuss them in the, in the weekly coach.

So thank you, Betsy, for, for embracing your calling. And Christy, give yourself a little bit of credit because you opened yourself up for that again. I think you're probably half my age. Like you could probably be my daughter.

No sisters. Sisters.

I have a 28 year old. They say that I look like the teen calls that.

It's six weekly sessions and you can always like, join us back for the next block of 6 Finally, which is perfectly fine.

But you know, it, it takes us to also like, you know, be able to. If they throw you a rope and you're in quicksand and kind of little.

By little, that's the thing. I think I was so desperate to not feel that pain. And I'm telling you, Betsy came in like an angel and saved the day.

That's why I'm here, because the anxiety and the panic attacks, finally I was like my fear of.

And I think this is like one of the most important things because I.

Do this falling into a depression without me even realizing it. Although dad, dad prepared me. Dad. Instead I'm, I'm, I'm my father's daughter. And I say that humbly. You know, Spider, I think it's Spider man says with great something comes great responsibility. Something like that.

This to honor my daughter, I do not want.

Yeah. So I'm kind of living that, which is a thing that I'm, that I'm having a challenge navigating through. But yeah, give yourself a little bit of credit, you know, and.

Okay, a little bit for showing up.

You weren't giving yourself anything.

Yeah, you're right. Thank you. Betsy takes the rest, though.

I'll take like your money if this is not serving you the way that you deserve to be served. So this program is 100% guaranteed.

If, if that presenting is 95.

Listen, I'm already giving her all the credit, so that's all good.

I'm excited to have you. I'm excited to have you, China.

Thank you. Bueno. I'm gonna sign out.

Alrighty.

I'll see you tomorrow.

Me too.

Good luck. Good luck with the program.

Thank you.

God bless you.

It's sweet and sour. You'll have a great time.

But you know, I'll laugh and cry and think of you.

Yes.

Okay.

Bye, guys.

Good night, everybody.

Good night.

Ciao. You have invested yourself in this program. If you've given it your all and, and you've tried it and you've attended the sessions and you've done the hope sheets and you feel that what I'm telling you today did not happen for you. Like, if it didn't help you, I will gladly, humbly and enthusiastically give you the money back. Because I don't. I'm not motivated by money. I'm not moved by it. I am moved by purpose and by the legacy and honor of my daughter. So nothing to lose and so much to gain. So this program is usually 997. It will go back to being 997. That start in January. I. I did this discount for. For the. This year because it's when, you know, when Covid hit and, and it was, you know, in prayer, the number came to me and I. And I chose to do it. But it will go back to. To normal starting January. So today is actually the last, the last opportunity we have for this today and tomorrow and it's 347 now. And what's really awesome about this is that if you cannot afford the 347 at once, then you could do three installments so you could pay in four. You could do three payments of 147. And I don't like for money to get in the way of something like this. So I'm always willing and eager to work out a payment plan that. That allows you. If that's the only thing that keeps you from doing this, I will work with you to create a payment plan that allows you to find hope and to start healing and to honor your loved one and continue their legacy. So if you'd like to join, I encourage you to go to hurt the number2hope.com join. And I have to tell you and I man, this is. This is the hardest part for me in this, in this program because I don't consider myself to be salesy. I Don't like this. Like, I have a business coach and this is, this is my struggle. But my coach always tells me, Betsy, you're doing people a disservice when you don't share this. And I will directly tell you and encourage you, you that if there's something that you can do for your loved one is to, is to heal. Is to heal and honor that person and not forget that person, but, but remember him or her with love, gratitude and service. And, and I know the majority of people, I mean it happens to me in private practice too, that the majority of people think like, how is this going to help? How is this going to alleviate my, my pain? And I guess you don't know what you don't know, right? But I've had the blessing of experiencing this firsthand and I've seen transformations in days and weeks and it just comes in the form of hope. If there's hope, if you know that this pain is temporary and if you know what things you can do to proactively seek that hope and acceptance, then, then you, then you can get up another day and you can, and you can rise and it, and it's a process, but it's a beautiful process when you, when you put your heart and your, and your love into it. So I will officially invite you and encourage you to do this for yourself and for the person that you lost, that you loved and, and use this pain as a fertilizer, not as a final destination. And that's my message for today. You can go to hurt the number2hope.com join and buy the program there. Tomorrow is when we start the last block of six sessions of the year. So if you're starting this session, the deadline is by tomorrow morning. And if you want to join next year, you're welcome to do so. Just know that the price will be different. But I, but I'm always here and you're welcome to join us anytime. And I am now all yours and I'm ready for your questions and answers. So if there's something you would like to share or ask, I am at your disposal. You can unmute yourself and share.

I had a question you'd kind of mentioned about like not feeling guilty. If you're not grieving a lot or crying a lot. Can you kind of expand on that? I kind of feel that's where I am. I don't cry all the time. You know, I get teary eyed sometimes. But then I wonder, did I not love him enough? I'm not grieving enough because I'M not sad more.

Well, it depends, right? And that's part of where we get to discern. Some people are not crying enough because they don't want to cry. They don't want to go there. They don't want to. They don't want to accept reality. And that. That is a form of suffering, even if you're not experiencing it. Right. Because you're just delaying the process. But. But it's still there. But if you're not, like, escaping it and avoiding it, and you still don't feel like you're crying all the time and you're falling apart and you think, like, oh, my gosh, I thought I was going to be worse. You're not. Right. Like, everybody grieves differently. And tears are not the only way in which we experience grief. A lot of people experience it through anger. I have a couple people in the program that I have someone that lost a dad and someone that lost a husband, and they experience a lot of anger, and they take it out on other people, and they're often, you know, they're a little bitter. And that is a form of grief. We don't. We don't have to, like, fall apart crying to express our grief. And people think there's something wrong with that. I also have parents that call me and tell me, like, Betsy, you know, my kids haven't. Haven't been grieving. Betsy. My kids haven't been crying and their dad died, like. And I'm like. And that's okay. That's okay. Because everybody grieves differently. And grieving, it doesn't mean crying or losing it. Grieving means the grief is the process through which we heal the pain of loss. But pain is experienced in individual ways, in unique ways. So if you're not crying all the time, but you're not avoiding the situation, and it sounds like you're not like you're here. If you're not crying all the time, it's okay. That doesn't mean that you didn't love him enough. Maybe I'm not sure what your. What your story is, but maybe you. Maybe this was expected, and you have been grieving for way longer than you think. I know for people that have experienced, like, cancer or some sort of disease, like, their families have been grieving, like, from. From early on from diagnosis, and then when they die, it's like they thought it was their life was going to be over, and it's not. And you're like, you're more okay than you thought you would be. And there should Be something wrong with that. But the truth is, you've done your share of grieving. You know, having someone that's sick and going through, like, cancer or any other disease is a very excruciating process. And the grieving is done. It's called, you know, in psychological, anticipatory grief. So. So that's also a possibility. But there's no. Let it be. No, let there be no doubt that you love the person that you lost, Mary, because you're here. You don't. You don't have to honor your loved one through. Through crying and suffering. And, you know, maybe that's not how you show love. And that's okay. That's okay.

Can I say something? It's not a question. It's more of a comment. Can you guys hear me, or am I on mute?

Yes, yes. Yes.

Okay. Sorry. Just because of what Mary just asked. My dad passed away on Thanksgiving Day. It made six months that he passed away. Like, Thanksgiving Day was six month mark. And I was working with Betsy. I had joined her to Hope. Very skeptical at first. And again, I'm not a major crier. I did cry at times, like, as a release to let it out, but it just wasn't my go to for grieving. And I think I was really confused about that at first. And I would talk to Betsy about it, and in the hurt to Hope, a lot of the people there that had also lost loved ones, you know, they said they would cry sometimes. They. They would just feel angry. So Betsy and this program helped me realize that my feelings were valid no matter how I expressed them. I mean, also, so the workshops that she says, the first time I joined, I was very skeptical because I just didn't know what to expect. I joined. And honestly, it was great. It really. It's a community, but it's not like a pity party, you know, because I thought everyone was gonna be crying, and I thought it was gonna be like, oh, my God. This just like an hour of, like, everyone crying and sobbing and, like, you'll just be exhausted by the time you finish. But it was not like that. It was so uplifting. And there were moments where people were questioning things, and they were saying, you know, like, oh, this happened to me, or this reminded me of my mom who passed away. And everyone would kind of rally around them. And so the words.