Surviving The Holidays Webinar

Welcome you. I am very happy and humbled that you're here. I know a lot of you may have responsibilities at this time of the day, and I appreciate you taking the time to take care of yourself, to listen to some hope and hopefully get some valuable insights as to how you can heal and rise above this pain that you are experiencing. So I'll start sharing my screen now. Okay. Alrighty. So today we're going to talk about surviving the holidays. I do these webinars every six weeks. They're part of my giving back. I have an online program that I feel is the most beautiful program on overcoming the pain of loss. And this is my way of giving back and honoring my daughter through service and giving even more content and value to the people that I serve, especially those that are part of this program as well. So today I am going to show you how to navigate through the holidays peacefully and with grace. And I know that many of us just want to fast forward and be done with this or we're actually resisting and hoping that time stops and we don't even have to go through them. But I will hopefully help you leave this session with the hope, with the peace that you can get through the holidays. You're not just going to survive the holidays. You're going to get through them with grace and with. And with peace. And they're going to help heal you and you are going to continue to love and honor the person that inspired you to be here, the person that has gone to heaven or for those that are undergoing the experience of divorce. Because I think it's important to. Sorry, this is like, it's important to understand that loss is not just losing someone because that person died. Losses, the loss of your life as you knew it because you lost your health, because you lost it because someone moved away, because you got a divorce or you. You broke up with the person that you love. Like losses, losing a job, losing your routine. So let's just understand that there's different forms of losses and no, not one of them is greater than the other. Pain is pain in the end. And we're here, we're united by a loss, but we are hopefully going to connect by something higher, something more along the lines of hope. Rather than identifying ourselves with what we've gone through, we're going to learn how to define ourselves with how we respond to. To what we've gone through. And one of the responses that I need from you is to avoid distractions. So if you don't mind, please turn off all distractions like Try to be present so that you can make the most out of this. Somebody did that. And I'm not sure I remember how to delete it. Okay, somebody drew a green line. So if you don't mind deleting it. If not, no problem. It kind of looks good with a design. Okay, so we have a free Q and A at the end. It's free therapy, you guys. My sessions are $400 an hour, and I am yours for free today until I answer the last question. So if I have to be here till midnight, I will be here till midnight. But none of you will leave without me answering your question. So you are in the right place. If someone you love passed away, if you're going through a divorce, a separation, if someone that you adore has moved away, you know, because they've gotten married, because they've moved to a different state or country because of a job transfer. And my friend asks, where's Fofi? And when I look down, I saw her red polka dot mini bathing suit. And at some point, I'm looking at my husband, and he was like, foffy. Come on, Foffy. You're strong, Foffy. You got this, mamita. Let's. Let's go watch movies after here, you know? You got this. I found myself falling on my knees by the stretch, singing a song to myself. And to me that was like, okay, it's not gonna happen. She wasn't gonna be saved the way I wanted her to be. Are we ever going to be happy again? Is it possible to be happy again? The priest said those that were happy again chose to honor their children or their lost one through service, through love, acts of kindness and gratitude. And I want to honor my daughter. So everything that I do is to honor her. Hello. I learned through that experience that just because I went through this, it would make people feel more understood and they would feel hopeful. Because if you went through this and you can smile and you can experience joy, then I can't. It doesn't matter how many times I. I watch this video. I. It takes me back. But. But this is. But this is my. My current life, right? Like, I. I do. I can't help. I'm human, and I. And I can't help but go back at times and. And dwell on what I lost. But if I'm truthful and honest and humble and raw with you, I have a beautiful life. And I almost feel that because I went through that loss. I am so lucky. I am so blessed. I am, like. I feel like obviously Back then I felt like, why me? Why me? And now I'm like, oh, my gosh, how did I deserve to be the chosen mother of an angel? Like, how is it that I have all these hookups in heaven? Because I imagine that my daughter goes to Jesus and God or whatever we believe in, right? And then God is like, you're so cute. What do you want? Whatever you want, I'm going to give you. So then I get all these hookups because I asked her to interfere, intercede, and she goes to God, and God is like, okay, yes, no problem. I have truly found the way to joy. Not by not talking about it, not by forgetting that I lost my daughter too soon, too fast, but by embracing it and by. By acknowledging the. The gift that. Having that being able to love beyond measure, beyond, like, to transcend time and space and to be able to truly, unconditionally love my daughter because she doesn't do anything cute to earn my love. She for sure did not meet my expectations for her life. And I can still adore her. And I can do that by celebrating life after loss rather than feeling that I need to dwell on the pain of the loss forever and not embrace the fact that she was life. She is life for me. So this is my family. We continue to honor my daughter. My kids continue to honor their sister. The little one never met her personally, but she knows her well and she loves her. And we have, like, a nightly prayer that we all engage in, and it's called Angel Fulfi. We called her Fulfi. Her name is Veronica. That was her nickname. And she's very much part of our lives. So if I'm honest with you guys, although there are moments that I. That I miss her dearly. It's been seven years. The majority of the time, I don't miss her because she is so present in our lives. She is so talked about. She is. I just. There's so many signs that I have chosen to define as signs that help me feel connected to her, that I continue to love and experience my daughter. And I hope I can convey that for you so that you may find a little hope in understanding that this pain that you're feeling is temporary and it has a purpose. It's building resilience and strength and love and grace and everything that you're going to need to be able to elevate yourself and rise above this loss. So can you imagine feeling peace during the holidays while still remembering and honoring the person that you lost? It is possible to have pleasant moments during the holidays. And I will show you how. Because I wish somebody would have told me these things. No doctorate in psychology ever prepares you for such a loss or such a tragedy. So I didn't know. What I'm going to teach you has nothing to do with my clinical background. It's something that I had to learn as a human being, just like you. So. So if I could do it, so can you. I'm going to discuss four things that are going to help you not just survive the holidays, because I think. I think we shouldn't survive them. I think we should. We should experience them fully and we should embrace them and we should use them for our healing. Because. And I'll share a little more about this. Pain is not the enemy. And everybody that follows me and knows my work knows that. I'm really adamant about feeling the pain, allowing ourselves to embrace it, to sit in the dark, to cry. If you have 3,000 tears to cry, don't cry. 250. Cry the 3,000 tears. The reason I embrace and I believe in pain and in using pain to rise is because I differentiate between pain and suffering. Pain is hope, because pain is what we have to go through to heal. Pain is the pathway to healing, to joy, to our highest self. Everybody that you may know has done something great in life has done it because they've experienced pain first. So pain creates the discomfort that we need to be motivated to want to get rid of that discomfort and do what's impossible. Like pain awakens our creativity. We want so badly to feel better that we're willing to do anything. And we become creative. We think outside of the box. We learn how to connect with a deeper sores, with our inner wisdom. So then at that point we're able to discern, we're able to make better decisions. We create habits that are good for us because of pain. So pain is not the enemy. Pain is. I always compare it to a fertilizer. What are fertilizers made of? Poop. Fertilizers are made of poop. They stink and so is pain. Pain stinks like poop and it feels like crap. But like fertilizers, they help us grow, they nourish us, they allow us to develop, to strengthen. So when we think of pain as a fertilizer, as the path to joy and to healing and to peace, then we are more willing to embrace and feel it. The problem is that many times we refuse to accept what's going on because in our minds we have an idea. Like in the little box of our mind we have these paradigms, and paradigms are like beliefs, very strong beliefs of how life is supposed to be. Life is fair. I'm supposed to die before my kids. She was too young. This wasn't supposed to happen. Marriage is forever. I was supposed to be happily ever after with my spouse, and he had to, like, why did he have to leave? We have these ideas of how life should be. And the truth is, that's how we want life to be. But that is. But life is. Life is with lots of amazing things and others that don't feel so amazing. Life simply is. And when we experience something that moves away from our idea of what life should be, then we struggle with accepting that we resist it. We fight with reality. No, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter. My husband was supposed to be here with me to witness this, to have grandkids together, like my sibling. I miss my sibling. I miss my dad. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle. Like, we struggle. We struggle with these experiences, rightfully so, because they hurt. They hurt. But if we sit with that hurt, understanding that there is hope because it's temporary and it's building us, it's fertilizing us, then it's easier to sit with that pain. The first thing that I wanted to share with you is that anticipation. The anticipation of Thanksgiving, of Christmas, of Hanukkah, the new year. That anticipation is always more painful than the experience itself. And the reason for that is because anticipation is living in the future. And when we're living in the future, we experience anxiety when we live in the past. Last year, Thanksgiving was with my daughter, was with my husband, with my father. When we look back, we experience depression and pain. So living in the past brings depression. Living in the future brings anxiety. Only living in the present moment can we experience peace. So we get to choose to live one day at a time. And instead of living already in Thanksgiving Day and dwelling and suffering for it, we're going to live today and prepare for Thanksgiving Day today. We're not gonna. We're not gonna live Thanksgiving today because today's not Thanksgiving Day. And today's not. It's not Christmas, and it's not New Year's. And there's something that we can do right now. We don't even know that we're gonna make it. I like this. Today, right now is all we have, and we get to fully embrace it. And if what you feel right now is pain, and that's what you get to embrace, and feel and sit with. Because everything in your life has purpose. And this pain that you're enduring, this pain even though you can't understand it. And I thought God was crazy. And I would tell him all the time, you're crazy as shit. Like, what were you thinking? Like, how could you not prevent this from happening? But in hindsight, some things make sense, and then others may never make sense. And that's okay too, because we get to proactively pursue acceptance. And I have other webinars on the things that you can do to overcome adversity that talk a little more about acceptance. This is actually one of the main topics of the online program I'm going to talk to you about. It's in Hurt to Hope. And my book that's coming out Hurt, the number two Hope, also discusses this. So if you want to learn a little more, I strongly encourage it because we may not understand what acceptance truly means. And I go more in depth in those areas. So suffering. I love this quote by Seneca. We suffer more in imagination than we do in reality. And I think that's aligned with the idea of the anticipation, right? Like, oh my gosh, Thanksgiving is going to be the worst because he's not going to be here and she's not going to be here, and I can't live without him or her. And the truth is that that anticipation is in addition of living in the future and in the past. It's also like the resistance, right? Like we're creating that suffering. And the difference between pain and suffering is that pain is the pathway. It's the thing you have to feel to be able to be able to rise. Suffering happens when we reject or we escape or we push back on pain instead of sitting with it. Because then we're denying reality, we're resisting reality. And what happens is just because we deny reality doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's going to continue to be there and it's going to. It's going to dig deeper and deeper, deeper in our souls, in our core, in our hearts, and it's going to get to the point that it's going to explode. And a lot of people have experienced, like a double grieving experience, right? Because they lost, let's say, a parent, and they didn't allow themselves to feel it because they needed to be strong for the siblings or for the other parents. And then they lose somebody else in the future, and it's a double grief because the other one was still there. Deep, deep. So if we escape pain, like, what Were you thinking, like, how could you not prevent this from happening? But in hindsight, some things make sense and then others may never make sense. And that's okay too, because we get to proactively pursue acceptance. And I have other webinars on the things that you can do to overcome adversity that talk a little more about acceptance. This is actually one of the main topics of the online program I'm going to talk to you about. It's. And in her to Hope and my book that's coming out Hurt, the number two, Hope, also discusses this. So if you want to learn a little more, I strongly encourage it because we may not understand what acceptance truly means. And I go more in depth in those areas. So suffering. I love this quote by Seneca. We suffer more in imagination than we do in reality. And I think that's aligned with the idea of the anticipation, right? Like, oh my gosh, Thanksgiving is going to be the worst because he's not going to be here and she's not going to be here. And, and I can't live without him or her. And, and. And the truth is that that anticipation is in addition of living in the future and in the past. It's also like the resistance, right? Like we're creating that suffering. And the difference between pain and suffering is that pain is the pathway. It's the thing you have to feel to be able to. To be able to rise. Suffering is. Happens when, when we reject or we escape or we push back on pain instead of sitting with it, because then we're. We're denying reality, we're resisting reality. And what happens is just because we deny reality doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's going to continue to be there and it's going to. It's going to dig deeper and deeper and deeper in our souls, in our core and our hearts, and it's going to get to the point that it's going to explode. And a lot of people have experienced a double grieving experience, right, because they lost, let's say a parent and they didn't allow themselves to feel it because they needed to be strong for the siblings or for the other parents. And then they lose somebody else in the future and it's a double grief because the other one was still there. Deep, deep. If we escape pain, we engage in suffering because it becomes deeper. Another form of suffering is when we are so used to experiencing the pain, when we are so comfortable feeling the pain. And this is where there's a fine line, right? Like when I say Sit with the pain. I mean, sit with the pain that's helping you grow, that's fertilizing you, that you need to go through. I don't mean sit in the pain forever, because pain is the path, it's not the destination. So there are certain. There are people that have lost their loved one many years ago and still feel as if this would have happened yesterday. And that's because. Because they've chosen to honor the loved one through pain, to stay in the pain. They've chosen it as a destination. They've owned the identity of a griever. I see this all the time in our social media groups where we're very well intended, kind people are sharing their thoughts about grief to connect with, with, with you and everybody else. But, but, but when I read things like we're always going to be grievers and you know, we can, we can get better, but we're never going to stop, you know, hurting. And I cringe because I understand there may be some truth to that in terms of like, do we ever fully heal? I mean, anything, not just, not just grief. Right. Like we're human. So I understand there's some truth to that. My problem is not with a statement as much as with identifying yourself with the title and the role of a griever or someone that needs to be in pain. And I will tell you that oftentimes the reason role of a griever or someone that needs to be in pain. And I will tell you that oftentimes the reason we suffer so much is because we have this paradigm, this belief that the more we loved, the more we should suffer and we judge other people based on that. I felt it. I mean, we're trained by society to think this way. I remember going to a retreat soon after losing my daughter. And I received so much grace and it was such a beautiful moment amidst the catharsis and the pain because God knows that I felt it in the deepest parts of my soul. But there was hope, there was light in that retreat and, and I remember, like, feeling like, oh my gosh, like I feel like dancing right now. And then I felt so guilty about the thought about being so happy and so hopeful, so full of. Yeah, so full of hope that I was like, oh my gosh, like, I believe this too. I believe that the more I grieve, the more I loved my daughter. And I am a testament to how, like, erratic that is. I adore my daughter. I adore her more now than I ever have. And I have lived without her more than I lived with her. She was almost 3 when she passed. She would have been 10 this December. So when, when I tell you that it is possible and it is even more powerful and beautiful to love the person that you've lost through service by rising, by becoming a better version of yourself, by talking about him or her, by remembering him, by I'm speaking from experience, it is possible to continue to love while being kind and loving and compassionate, even with yourself. So I guess the first thing I want to tell you is in preparing for the holidays, question and challenge your paradigms. This belief that you can only be with your loved one when they're physically present, that you can only love someone when that person is here in the flesh, and that you honor your loved ones through tears, you have a choice to make, and that is the first one during these holidays in which you celebrate the day that we devote to thanking God or the universe or each other, the world, for. For what we have, for what we believe, for our blessings. Are you going to use that time to feel grateful for your life and the life of the person you lost and the memories and the time together? Or are you going to choose to only feel the pain and the darkness because you miss him so much? I'm not saying that if you choose to honor and love and be grateful, you're not going to grief and grieve the world for what we have, for what we believe, for our blessings. Are you going to use that time to feel grateful for your life and the life of the person you lost and the memories and the time together? Or are you going to chew and you're not going to feel pain? In fact, the first thing we talked about is allow yourself to feel the pain. So is that pain going to be suffering where you're it's going to mess up your holidays, or is that pain going to be a fertilizer? And is that pain going to be how you build the courage to honor the person you lost through kindness, to only feel the pain and the darkness because you miss him so much? I'm not saying that if you choose to honor and love and be grateful, you're not going to grieve and grieve, service, love and gratitude, and you're not going to feel pain. In fact, the first thing we talked about is allow. How do we prepare for the holidays? Number one, embrace pain. We already talked about how pain is a fertilizer. Staying in the present moment is important. And don't worry about feeling pain on Thanksgiving. I'm assuming if you're worried about that, it's because you are feeling pain today. So feel today's pain. Allow yourself to feel the pain. So is that pain going to be suffering where you're. It's going to mess up your holidays or is that pain going to be a, you know, feeling Thanksgiving pain and Christmas pain and the New Year's pain is fertilizer. And is that pain going to be how you build the courage to honor the person you lost through kindness? It's a lot. It's a lie. Stay in the present moment and feel today's pain. When Thanksgiving comes, then you feel that day, the pain of that day. The thing about holidays is that it magnifies on the day to day. We're busy, we're working, we're attending to our responsibility and service, love and gratitude. How do we prepare for the holidays season? And it's easy to get caught up in the life responsibilities and be distracted for a second. But we know that being distracted, number one, embrace pain. We already talked about how pain is a fertilizer. Staying in the present is not healing. What heals is allowing yourself to sit with the pain. So holidays are particularly powerful and a beautiful experience to force you to sit with that pain, to avoid distractions. That's why holidays are either very difficult if you interpret it that way or the most beautiful opportunity. The moment is important. And if don't, don't worry about feeling pain on Thanksgiving, I'm assuming if you're worried about that, it's because. Because there's no distraction. There's no. For many, right. There's still some. You are feeling pain today. So feel today's pain. You know, feeling Thanksgiving's pain and Christmas pain and the New Year's pain is some people have to go to work, but for many there are no distractions. It's obvious that there's an empty chair. It's obvious that you know somebody's not going to eat the entire pumpkin pie and that the person that was really amazing at cooking this pecan pie is not here to do. Makes it harder and stronger. And it's a lot. It's a lot. So stay in the present moment. And in a way it makes the person even more present feel today's pain. When Thanksgiving comes, then you feel that day, the pain of that day. And the thing about holidays is that it magnifies because you may not stop thinking about him or her that day. Right? Like on the day to day, we're busy, we're working, we're attending to our responsibility. And that's okay. We don't want to forget about the person we loved. We want to. We want to honor that person. I once heard a story that we should be afraid of the second death, not the first one. The first death is when our bodies die, but our second death is when we're forgotten. And it's easy to get caught up in the life responsibilities and and be distracted for a second. But we know that being distracted is not healing. What heals is allowing yourself to sit with the pain. So holidays are particularly powerful and a beautiful when we. When our legacy wasn't important big strong enough to be remembered by the people that are left behind. But if you're here, the person that you lost left a beautiful legacy because you are showing up to see how you can honor that person. And in the case of divorce, it may not feel the same way. Right. We don't want to honor our ex spouse, especially when there was betrayal and there's the resentment and experience to force you to sit with that pain to avoid distractions. That's why holidays are either very difficult and hurt and pain, but we get to honor difficult if you interpret it that way or the most beautiful opportunity. Our marriages, ourselves, like our relations, because there's no distraction. There's no for many, right. There's still ships. And the life that you had with that person that you lost through divorce was beautiful in the sense that it helped you become who you are and it helped you have the kids that you have and it helped you have the opportunities and learn the lessons that you've learned. Some people have to go to work, but for many there are no distractions. It's obvious that there's an empty chair. It's obvious that somebody's not going to eat the entire pumpkin piece and that the person that was really amazing at cooking this pecan pie. So there's always something to celebrate and be grateful for every day of the year, but is not here to do makes especially during the holidays. So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to embrace the pain of today, we're not going to worry about the pain of tomorrow and we're going to embrace only the pain that acts as a fertilizer. So ask yourself, is this pain like something that I need to experience to be able to heal or is this like I've already gotten used to this pain and this is my final destination and this is not serving a purpose. It makes it harder and stronger and in a way it makes the person even more present because Then that's wasted pain. That's suffering. Number two, because you may not stop thinking about him or her that day. And that's okay. We don't want to forget about the person we loved. We want to, as you prepare, become aware, create. Create awareness. Like, how do you find yourself speaking about the holidays? In my Heart to Hold program, we have coaching sessions on a weekly basis and some of the ladies, actually the people in our community, have shared that. She can't wait for the holidays to pass. We want to honor that person. I once heard a story that we should be afraid of the second death, not the first one. The first death is when our bodies die. You know, she wants to fast forward it, right? Or that she knows it's going to be. But our second death is when we're forgotten. Terrible because, you know, the son, the daughter, the father, the grandma is not going to be here and it's going to be so bad. And I hate that I have to go through this and it wasn't supposed to be, be this way. If those are the things that you are telling yourself, you are creating the pain. You're creating the pain through the anticipation, you're creating the pain. By living in the future, you're creating the pain. You're creating a pain that's not here now. So becoming aware of your thoughts, of the things that you're saying will help you practice reframing. For those of you that know me, this is when our legacy wasn't important. Big, strong enough to be remembered by the people that are left behind. But if you're here, the person that you lost left a beautiful legacy because you are showing up to see how you can honor that person. My favorite concepts in psychology. For those of you that don't, reframing means that we change the perspective with which we're looking at something from negative to positive, right? Like life. And in the case of divorce, it may not feel the same way, right? Like we don't want events, experiences, what people say and do. Everything's neutral. And honor our ex spouse, especially when there was betrayal and there's the resentment and, and I go further in the program and in anger and hurt and pain. But we get to honor old webinars and in the book. So if you want to understand this further, our marriages, ourselves, I elaborate a little more on that. But when we respond not to what happens because life is neutral, we respond to the interpretation we make of what happened. And if I give you an example, when, when I first lost my daughter and I ships and the life that you had with that person that you lost through divorce was. Was beautiful in the sense that helped you become. Gosh. When I first lost my daughter, Thanksgiving was the worst. Oh my. Who you are. And it helped you have the kids that you have, and it helped Gosh. And I. And I didn't know these things that I'm sharing with you, so I helped you have the opportunities and learn the lessons that you've learned. I was surviving the holidays. I was surviving the holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite of all. And. And I was. I was in such darkness. I remember thinking, like, I have nothing to be grateful for. Nothing. Like I have nothing to. So there's always something to celebrate and be grateful for every day of the year. But be grateful for my daughter's not here. Like, I just. I couldn't see the light, especially during the holidays. So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to embrace the pain. And looking back at it, I'm so grateful of today. We're not going to worry about the pain of tomorrow and we're going to embrace only the pain that acts as a fertilizer. So ask for the opportunity of being in such a dark pain at the moment because it's because of that that I'm able to reflect and understand now, to be able to share with you and hopefully bring hope so that you don't go through the same things, the same things that I went through, but I didn't prepare cure self. Is this pain like something that I. I didn't want to embrace pain. So because I didn't embrace need to. To experience to be able to heal. Or is this like I've already gotten used to this pain and this is my final destination and this is not serving a purpose. Face it. And I was trying to escape it and push back on it. I dwelled on the pain I suffered during Thanksgiving the first time because then that's wasted pain. That's suffering. Number two, I couldn't find the light. But if you prepare in advance, if you do today what we've been talking about, then as you prepare, become aware, create awareness. Like how then that day you may feel the pain or I should you find yourself speaking about the holidays in my heart to hope, say you will feel the pain, but you will also program. We have coaching sessions on a weekly basis and, and some of our. Some of the. The ladies in. Actually the people in our community have experience hope. And hope is. Is what keeps us going. Hope is what lets us know that it sucks Right now, but. But it may be better. It may be better tomorrow. This is temporary. That's hope. Even if we have no clue of how it's possible to live without the person that we lost share, that she can't wait for. For the holidays to pass. I know that. I know that in my core, I don't. I didn't. I didn't think I could live without my daughter, much less say that, that I. That I don't miss her because I feel she can't. She can't. She wants to fast forward it, right? Or that she knows it's going to be terrible because, you know, the son, the daughter, the father, the grandma is not going to be here and it's going to be so bad. And I heal her. Even when she's not here to caress me and hold me and hug me and kiss me and wrap her little hands around my neck. Become aware of what you're telling yourself. Become aware of the thoughts in your mind. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. You think that I have to go through this and it wasn't supposed to be this way. If those are the things you can change that thought, you can reframe that thought. And I teach you how to do this. That you are telling yourself you are creating the pain. You're creating the pain through the anticipation. You're creating the pain by living in the future. You're creating the pain. You're creating a pain that's not here now. So just do that in this program and I teach you how to do it in my upcoming group book. So if you want more, please seek the tools. I have a lot of free content on YouTube as well, so look for this hope. Don't stay in the suffering. Becoming aware of your thoughts, of the things that you're saying will help. And then lastly, changing the paradigm has to do with reframing. Have you practice reframing? For those of you that know me, this is one of my favorite concepts in psychology. For those of you that don't reframe and a paradigm that you get to changes. I honor my loved one. Framing means that we change the perspective with through tears. The more I loved her, the more I need to suffer and feel the pain. That's a paradigm that we should change. Why don't you love your loved one through act of service, through gratitude. Why don't you start which we're looking at something from negative to positive, right? Like life writing today, what you're grateful for. So that when Thanksgiving comes Events, experiences, what people say and do. Everything's neutral. And I go further in the program and in old webinars and in the book. So if you want to understand this further, you don't have to be stuck in that place where I was on my first Thanksgiving where I couldn't think about something I was grateful for. Changing the paradigm means you need to first become aware of what are the things that you're telling yourself. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm not gonna have a good Thanksgiving. Like, what about your other kid? What about your. Your. I elaborate a little more on that. But when we. We respond not to what happens because life is neutral. We respond to the interpretation we make of what happened. The rest of your family, what about you? Like, you're here. Those people. If I give you an example, when. When I first lost my daughter and I were all still here, is it just that? Is it that the only person that mattered was the person that you lost? What about the people that remain? Do we get to honor them, too, by at least being present? But, gosh, when I first lost my daughter, Thanksgiving was the worst. Oh, my. By celebrating the holiday, by saying a Thanksgiving prayer and saying, you know, it's been a tough year, a tough year for gosh. And I didn't know these things that I'm sharing with you. So I. There are a lot of us. It's been painful, but I'm grateful for you. I'm grateful for this food that you cooked. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for. I was surviving the holidays. I was surviving the holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite of all. And I want my resilience for my faith, because it helps me, for my courage, for my ability to sign up for a webinar and make myself vulnerable and make time at night to hopefully get some guidance and receive some hope from someone I don't even know. I was in such darkness. I remember thinking, like, I have nothing to be grateful for. Nothing. Like, I have nothing to be grateful for. My daughter's not here. I just. I couldn't see the light. And looking back at it, I. I'm so grateful. Change the paradigm. Change the belief system. Change the thing that's preventing you from. From. From living and embracing the holidays while honoring and loving the person that you lost. How do we celebrate for the opportunity of being in such a dark pain at the moment? Because it's because of that that I'm able to reflect and understand now, to be able to share with you and hopefully bring Hope so that you don't go through the same thing, the holidays. Well, first of all, there's no right way of celebrating. Like, there's not. So whatever feels right to you, that's what you do. People ask me in my program, Betsy, should I put a tree? Like, you know, I don't know if I should put a tree because I'm not in the Christmas. The same things that I went through, but I didn't prepare spirits. And Betsy, I don't. I don't even want to cook a turkey and do a dinner, because I don't. I don't. I'm not feeling it, and he's not here, and I. And I don't think it's fair, like, we shouldn't celebrate holidays when. When that person's not here to celebrate with us physically. And. And if I didn't want to embrace pain, so, because I didn't embrace it and I was trying to escape it and push back on it, I dwelled on the pain I suffered during Thanksgiving. The first time I. I was. I couldn't find. I couldn't. And my response is always like, you know, do I put a tree? Do I not put a tree? What feels right for you and your family? And maybe you are not the only one that should be considered in these decisions. Right? Like, I think. I think you get to ask the people involved, the rest of the family, you know, what would you like to do to find the light? But if you prepare in advance, if you do today what we've been talking about, then. Then that day, you may. You may feel the pain. Or I should. This Thanksgiving, what would you like to do this Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah? Like, what do you want to do during the holidays and consider them and, and come to a middle ground. Like, like, what's. What's important for those people? What's important for you? And see how you can. You can come to a middle point where, say you will feel the pain, but you will also where you're honoring the rest of the family and you're honoring yourself. So do you put a tree? Do you not put a tree? Well, may. Let's say they don't want to put a tree. And let's say you really want to put a tree for the, for your kids. The rest of the kids, or for the rest of the family, then maybe get a little tree for a table, right? Like, just get creative, experience Hope. And hope is what keeps us going. Hope is what lets us know that it sucks right now, but it May be better. It may be better tomorrow. This is temporary. That's hope. Even if we have no clue of how it's possible to live without the person that we lost, but listen only to the people that matter, because there's no right or wrong way. I have a client in one of these, in the Hurt to Hold program that lost her daughter recently, very recently, like just a couple months ago. And she. She still puts a plate. I know that. I know that in my core. I don't need a food on the table. And you know where she would be sitting. I didn't. I didn't think I could live without my daughter. And some people, especially your family members, your friends out that want to fast forward your pain, not understanding that it's part of the healing, you know, they're well intended. Much less say that. That I. That I don't miss her because I feel that. I'm sure they say, like, listen, you should. You shouldn't be doing that. That's crazy. That's gonna, you know, drive eo her even when she's not here to caress me and hold me insane. Or maybe you have pictures all over and they think, oh, my gosh, this person's not me being able to move forward. And. And that's that, you know, they shouldn't do that. So take those pictures down. This. This looks like a. Like a sanctuary or a memorial. And it's like, no, no, you should clean the closet already. It's been. It's been tweeted. Hug me and kiss me and wrap her little hands around my neck. Become aware of what you're telling yourself. Become aware of the thoughts in your mind. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. You can change that thought. You can reframe that thought. And I teach you how to do this. It's been six months. It's been whatever. No, you shouldn't be smelling their clothes. And you shouldn't be. Says who? You celebrate. You. You celebrate the holidays. You honor your loved one. You. You feel that person. You. You connect with your loved one. The way that feels right. Just do that in this program and I teach you how to do it in. In my. My upcoming group book. To you now, feeling right means that you. So if. If. If you want more, please, like, seek the tools I have that. That it give. That it brings you peace. The moment that it becomes a limit, that it gets you stuck a lot of free content on YouTube as well. So look for this hope, then. That's unhealthy. So When I. When. Don't stay in the suffering. And I say like, you know, your family may say, that's crazy, that's insane. Don't do it. Be mindful of the fine line there is between celebrate the holidays as it feels, as it serves you. Do, do what you think is right. Smell the shirts of the person that you loved. You know, do what you need to do, serve the plates, leave the chair. And then lastly, changing the paradigm has to do with reframing. And a paradigm that you get to change is I honor my loved one through tears. The more I loved her, the more I need to suffer and feel the pain. That's a paradigm that we should change. Why don't you love your loved one? They're open there for that person to join you for dinner. Do what you must. As long as that action is bringing you peace and is helping you cope so that you're able to one day accept, fully accept through act of service, through gratitude. Why don't you start writing today what you're grateful for so that when Thanksgiving comes that this person is now with you in a different way as you don't. You don't have to be stuck in that place where I was and that you get to reinvent your relationship with him or her. So celebrate the way that it feels right to you. If on my first Thanksgiving where I couldn't think about something I was grateful for, you don't want to see a lot of people because you don't want to deal with people. And you're like, oh. And you know, like. And then your family would worries because, oh my gosh, he's depressed, she's going crazy. Like, we need to force her to do this. No, I don't want to spend my birthday with a whole bunch of people. And that's okay. No, I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with the entire family, but celebrate anyway. Celebrate. Celebrate. Changing the paradigm means you need to first become aware of what are the things that you're telling yourself. It wasn't supposed to be this way. I'm not going to have a good Thanksgiving. Like, what about your other kid? What about the rest of your family? What about you? Like, you're here. Those people day, that life anyway, however you deem it appropriate. The second thing on how to celebrate is do not avoid the pink elephant in the room. Acknowledge and honor your loved one. Talk about him or her who are still here. Is it just that? Is it that the only person that mattered was the person that you lost? What about the people that Remain. Do we get to honor them, too, by at least being present by her? So maybe, let's see. For Thanksgiving, when on my first Thanksgiving, I literally was in a dark room by celebrating the holiday, by saying Thanksgiving, I was at my brother's house in Georgia, and there's a room in the basement that has no windows. And it felt so right because the room was as dark as my soul at that time. So I was just, like, inside that room and just crying and sleeping to numb the pain and truly suffering and thinking, like, what the heck am I gonna say in our Thanksgiving prayer when I can't find anything to be grateful for? Giving prayer and saying, you know, it's been a tough year, a tough year for a lot of us. It's been painful. But I am grateful for you. I'm grateful for this food that you cooked. I'm grateful for my health. I'm grateful for my resilience, for my faith, because it helps me, for my courage. So I don't know if I said something I was grateful for in the end, but those days are a blur. But I do know that when the prayer came, I spoke about her, and I cried. And everybody joined in, and I didn't. For my ability to sign up for a webinar and make myself vulnerable and make time at night to hopefully avoid or ignore that that was happening. And it turned out some guidance and receive some hope from someone I don't even know to be healing for me and for the people around me, for my family, because they were trying to be strong for me, and then they loosened up. I gave them permission. Change the paradigm, change the belief system, change mission to feel. And that was healing for me. Because when other people feel your pain, they hold space for you. They carry a little bit of that pain, and they relieve it. That's why empathy is such a gift. So to the person that was asking, how do I support someone who lost the thing that's preventing you from living and embracing the holidays while honoring and loving the person that you lost. How do we celebrate the holidays? Well, first of all, there's no right way. The loved one, empathy. And what empathy means is sit in the dark with that person. Allow them to feel the pain. Love them enough to be uncomfortable with. With the tears and the. And the. And the grieving, because it's celebrating like there's. There's not. So whatever feels right to you, that's what you do. People ask me in my program, it's painful to be next to someone that's in pain, that you love Betsy. Should I put a tree? Like, you know, I don't know if I should put a tree because I'm not in the Christmas spirits. And. And Betsy, I don't even want to cook a turkey and do a dinner. But when we accompany them in that pain, we're saying, I love you. I love you enough to be uncomfortable with you. I love you enough to sit in the dark with you. Empathy doesn't mean connecting with the situation that caused the pain. The majority of people that empathize with me and that made all the difference in my life had never lost a child or anyone in their life for that matter, because I don't. I'm not feeling it, and he's not here. And I. And I don't think it's the people that connected with me, connected with pain. They knew. Fair. Like, we shouldn't celebrate holidays when. When that person's not here to celebrate with us physically. And. And if. And my response is always like, you know, do I put a tree? Do I not put a tree? What? Pain? For whatever reason, they knew pain. So empathy is about connecting with the emotion, not the situation. So for those of you that are worried about not having the tools to support a loved one who lost someone meaningful in his or her life, what I have to tell you is what feels right for you and your family. And maybe you are not the only one that should be considered in these decisions. Right? Like, I think. I think you get to. If you understand pain, if you've ever felt some form of pain, discomfort, ask the people involved, the rest of the family, you know, what would you like to do this Thanksgiving? What would you like to do this Christmas, New Year's, Hanukkah? Like, what do you want to do during the heart failure? Anger, fear, you know, whatever form of pain. Then you can sit with that person, you can hold space for that person, and you can be there for them. And you don't have to say the right thing. In fact, you're better off shutting up. And you don't have to do the right thing. Just. Just show up, invite them for a walk, bring them a smoothie or lunch. Don't ask. Because when you ask us, hey, is there anything I can do for you? Call me if anything. Call me if anything more like this, and consider them and. And come to a middle ground. Like. Like, what's. What's important for those people? What's important for you? I don't even know what I need. Like, how am I supposed to tell you? I don't know I don't know what I need and see how you can, you can come to a middle point where, where you're honoring the rest of the family and you're honoring yourself. And in hindsight what I needed was hope was company was knowing that people were willing to sit with a Debbie Downer because I was a Debbie Downer. I was miserable, I was sad, I was, I was, I was just not fun to be. So do you put a tree? Do you not put a tree? Well, maybe let's say they don't want to put a tree and let's say you're round off and to think that people still chose to be with me, that was, it was humbling and healing and, and beautiful. Really want to put a tree for, for your kids, the rest of the kids or for the rest of the family then. So what you can do is simply be there and get my book. Because I do elaborate a little bit on this and I think it'll be very helpful and then maybe get a little treat for a table, right? Like just get creative but, but listen only to the people that matter because there's no right or wrong knowledge your loved ones. So on your during the holiday you're going to have a plan. You're going to plan on you know saying something in the prayer of what you were grateful for in terms of the life of the person that you lost. You're to going. Going to tell stories about wrong way. I have a client in one of these in the Hertzuho program that lost her daughter recently, very recently, like just a couple months ago. And she, she still puts a place funny stories about that person. You're gonna, you're gonna set a chair like a place on the table for that person. You're going to do what a food on the table and you know where she would be sitting ever feels right. Whatever moves your heart, like how do I want to have that person present that day? And you decide right? Like is it going to be any of the things that I said or are you going to create your own? And lastly, do something different this holiday. Do something different for Thanksgiving. Do something different for Christmas. And when I say different, I don't mean the entire thing has to be different. And some people, especially your family members, your friends out that want to fast forward your pain not understanding that it's part of the healing. You know, they're well intended but I'm sure they say like listen, you should, you shouldn't be doing that. That's crazy. That's going to drive you insane. Or maybe you have pictures all over and they think, oh, my God. I mean, like a little. A little thing, a little peace, a little activity, like, just try something new. For example, for me, that year, I was a disaster for Thanksgiving. But the next year, when we were around the bonfire in Georgia at my brother's house, we went around saying something that we were grateful for. And the most embarrassing thing we had ever gone through, and mine involves a fart with a client, if you can imagine that. And I thought it was so cool to try something new. This person's not me being able to move forward, and they shouldn't do that. So take those pictures down. This looks like. Like a sanctuary or a memorial. And it's like, no, no, you should clean the closet already. It's been. It's been two years. It's been six months. It's been whatever. No, you shouldn't be smelling because. Because it no longer felt like. Like a repetition of the thing that happened last year, but without my daughter. Because when it's the exact same thing with the absence of our loved one, then it. Then it magnifies the pain. But when it's a similar thing, because I always go to Georgia for clothes and you shouldn't be. Says who? You celebrate. You celebrate the holidays. You honor your loved one. You feel that person. You connect with your loved one. The way that feels right to you. Now, feeling right means that you. Thanksgiving. But there's a new memory, and there was a lot of laughter in that experience. Then it's not just the thing that we continue to experience without the person. So creating new traditions that add new meaning and that give purpose and bring laughter and loosen up the mood or, you know, like. Or that that has to do with service even, right? Like serving others and bringing joy to other people, then it's not the rep that it give, that it brings you peace. The moment that it becomes a limit, that it gets you stuck, then. Then that's unhealthy. So when I. When I say, like, you know, your family may say, that's crazy. That's insane. Don't do it. Be mindful repetition of the holiday minus our loved one. So creating new traditions and making new connections and you, you know, like, new. Defining the holidays in a different way may be very healing and very helpful as you celebrate and navigate the holidays. And lastly, how to heal. So we've already talked about the fine line there is between celebrate the holidays as it feels, as it serves. You do do what you think is right. Smell the Shirts of the person that you loved, you know, do what you need to do, serve the plates, leave the chair, how to prepare, how to celebrate, how to heal. Like, how should we heal by how can, how, how can you open there for that person to join you for dinner? Do what you must. And we heal by experiencing and embracing the holidays. And the answer to that is use your pain, use for service. If, if you find something that you can do this Thanksgiving, this Christmas, this New Year's or this holiday season that you know in general, if as long as that action is, is, is bringing you peace and is helping you cope so that you're able to one day accept, fully accept, you can find someone that you can help. Like I know of people that this person is now with you in a different way that have, that have made like goody bags or that for like the homeless or like I personally I have a foundation in memory of my daughter. So every Thanksgiving I, I, I join forces with other communities and, and we create bags, you know, like Christmas, I'm sorry, like Thanksgiving dinner. Like, like bags, right? Like, like we go to the supermarket and we get like the mashed potatoes and a gift card for the turkey and the stuffing and all the good stuff so that the families that you get to, to reinvent your relationship with him or her. So celebrate the way that it feels right to you. If you don't want to see a lot of people because you don't want to deal with people and you're like, oh. And you know, like, and then your family worries because oh my gosh, he's depressed, she's going, don't have the ability. And this year, my gosh, this year there's so much opportunity, so many people don't have enough to put food in the table. Forget Thanksgiving every day. So many people have lost their jobs and are in hardships and crisis. So this year we get to redirect our focus from the crazy. Like we need to force her to do this. No, I don't want to spend my birthday with a whole bunch of people. And that's okay. No, I don't want to spend Thanksgiving with the entire family. But celebrate anyway. Celebrate, celebrate the day that life anyway, however you deem it a pain to service. And what happens with that is clinically or neurologically speaking, when you serve you get a shot of oxytocin, which is a feel good hormone that alters your mood, making it more pleasant. So when you shift your focus to service, not only are you no longer dwelling on your pain, which by the way grief can be very self appropriate. The second thing on how to celebrate is energy, right? Like when we're grieving, we're in so much pain that we just can't see. Do not avoid the pink elephant in the room beyond it. Which means that we're not seeing the need in others. We're not seeing the pain in the people around us. We're self absorbed by this all consuming, dark, excruciating grief. And when we intentionally acknowledge and honor your loved one, talk about him or her. So maybe let's say for Thanksgiving when finally choose to redirect our focus to shift First Thanksgiving, I literally was in a dark room. Shift our perspective and focus on pain. I mean, I'm sorry, focus on the pain of others or focus on service. Then we get the shot of oxytocin. So we feel good about serving and we are no longer. I was at my brother's house in Georgia and there's a rumor hurting as much as if we were staring at suffering in the eye in the basement that has no windows. And it felt so right because the room was as dark as my soul at that time. During my husband's first birthday after losing our daughter, he was in so much pain. And this was hard for me because my husband's like my rock. And he was just like inside that room and just crying and sleeping. He's very resilient and very capable of deciding to numb the pain and truly suffering. I'm thinking like, what the heck am I gonna say in our Thanksgiving prayer when I can't find anything to be grateful for? So I don't know if I said something I was grateful for in the end, but to shift the focus to more pleasant thoughts and he just couldn't. He couldn't this day. And for me, as the wife that wants to make him the happiest man on earth and as a psychologist that wants to. To heal him and help him, I feel very helpful. Those days are a blur. But I do know that when the prayer came, I spoke about her and I cried because the only thing I thought that was gonna give him some peace during his day was to get her back. And I didn't know how to do that. But my wise husband chose to go to a friend's house after work, a friend who had just had a baby. And. And everybody joined in. And I didn't avoid or ignore that that was happening. And it turned out baby and he went to bring him some treats and dinner so that they didn't have to worry about cooking And. And just, you know, like when you. When a visitor comes to be healing for me and for the people around me, for my family, your house, and you have a newborn, you're like, okay, here, hold him or hold her. And, you know, it's a relief. So he went. And after that moment, because they were trying to be strong for me, and then they loosened up. I gave him permission to feel, and that was healing for me. Because his day shifted because he was no longer focusing on the pain of not having his daughter for his birthday. He was now. He was now focusing on making his friend's life better. And when other people feel your pain, they hold space and making him smile. And, you know, as everything in life, with everything in life for you, they carry a little bit of that pain. And they. Whenever you serve or you bless someone else, you. You bless yourself. So it's a double blessing. So redirecting your pain to service, whatever that looks like, if it's, you know, they relieve it. That's why empathy is such a gift. So maybe, maybe it's giving food like as a, you know, as volunteering for kitchen, like soup kitchens, or bringing. So to the person that was asking, how do I support someone who lost a loved one? Empathy. And what empathy means is food to people, the homeless. Or maybe it is baking the pie that you didn't want to bake because that was your sit in the dark with that person, allow them to loved one's favorite, and you just couldn't baking it for the rest of the family, that's an act of service. That's an act of kindness. Because you're the pain. Love them enough to be uncomfortable with the tears and the grieving because you're getting out of your comfort zone to. To do something that's gonna make the other person happy. So it can be as simple as it's painful to be next to someone that's in pain that you love agreeing to do something you didn't feel like doing, or as grand as doing a tremendous act of kindness and using your pain. But when we accompany them in that pain, we're saying, I love being for service. And in doing so, I must say you. I love you enough to be uncomfortable with you. I love you enough to sit in that you're honoring your loved one and you're doing things in his or her honor, and you're continuing the legacy. And maybe those people that you're serving, you get to tell them the story of this person so that they can love her too or love him too. In the dark with you. Empathy doesn't mean connecting with the situation that caused the pain and they can remember him or her so that they don't have to worry about the second death. Number two. When you go through each day or each holiday, each important day, the majority of people that empathize with me and that made all the difference in my life process the experience. What I mean by that is it had never lost a child or anyone in their life for that matter is externalize it, share it, journal about it, tell your. The people that connected with me, connected with pain. They knew your therapist, your best friend, your spiritual director, whoever, whoever's around you just talk about this and you're going to realize that as you speak of pain, for whatever reason, they knew pain. So empathy is about connecting with the emotion, not the situation. So for those of you that are worried about it and you process it and you realize how much more resilient you worse than you thought and you learned that the anticipation was worse than the actual situation, even if it was bad, the anticipation was worse. When you realize all these things because you're listening to yourself and you're not having the tools to support a loved one who lost someone meaningful in his or her life. What I have to tell you is visiting the day, the story, the experience, you heal if you understand pain, if you've ever felt some form of pain, discomfort, you heal and you become aware and you become wiser. And one day you get to then to the third one, which is share your story so that you can help heal failure, anger, fear, you know, whatever form of pain. Then you can sit with that person, you can hold space for that person and you can be there for them others. And, and that's what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to. To use my pain rather than wasted by and you don't have to say the right thing. In fact, you're better off shutting up and you don't by. By bringing you hope that one day, I promise you, I promise you, I promise you that it is possible to be happy again. I have to do the right thing. Just show up, invite. I promise you take them for a walk, bring them a smoothie or lunch. Don't ask. I know this. It is possible. And maybe for now you don't even want to think about being happy because it's. It's too far gone. Like far off that possibility. Okay then it is possible to have hope. Because when you ask us, hey, is there anything I can do for you? Call me if anything Call me if anything. More like, I don't even know what I need. Like, how am I supposed to tell you I don't know. I don't know what I need. The hope that things are going to get better. The hope that this is temporary. If you need. And in hindsight, what I needed was hope, choose for it to be temporary. The hope that one day you'll see that person again. If you believe in eternity or in an afterlife, and if you don't. The hope that was company was knowing that people were willing to sit with a Debbie Downer because I was a Debbie Downer. I was miserable. I was. What you experience with that person is gonna fill you for the rest of your life. Because if there's something I've learned from my online program is that some of my. The participants share that, like when. Especially when they've lost their. Their parents, right? Like I have. I have a few that have lost a mom, a few that have lost a dad. And sad. I was, I was, I was just not fun to be around of. And to think that people still chose to be with me and they share that. They want to pick up the phone and call. Like, that was. It was humbling and healing and beautiful. Mom, you know, like, I need advice on this. Dad, do you think I should buy this car or do you think I should accept this job? So what you can do is simply be there and get my book. Because I do. They want that wisdom, that advice. And then they say, elaborate a little bit on this and I think it'll be very helpful. But you know, I can't. I can't pick up the phone and call them. But I. But I have an idea of what they would say. Like my dad would tell me XYZ and my mom would say, and that's knowledge. Your loved ones. So on your. During the holiday, you're going to have a. That's. That's the legacy that they've left. So. So these people plan. You're going to plan on, you know, saying something in, in the prayer of what you were grateful for in terms of the life of the person that I've learned to continue to communicate with your loved ones by the legacy that they've left, by the lessons that they've learned. And they're passing them on to their children, they're passing them on to their loved ones, and you get to do the same. You lost. You're going to tell stories about. So the way that you use the pain of the holidays to heal funny stories about that person you're gonna set up is by intentionally shifting your focus to service. And again, service can be in a grand scheme or it could be with your family by processing your experiencing by your experience through journaling or talking to some. A chair, like a place on the table for that person. You're gonna do what one. Or you know, just externalize it. Don't stay with it inside. Or if you stay with it inside ever feels right. Whatever moves your heart, like how do I want to have that person present that day? And you decide, right? Like do it in the form of a meditation where you. Or there's something called the excellent, which is a form of prayer that. In which you go back to your day and you relive your day in your mind, right? Like you go through it and you, oh, this happened. And then that happens. It going to be any of the things that I said or are you going to create your own and. And you're able to. You're able to look at things. And lastly, do something different that you didn't pay attention to because you were in it, right? You were rushing through the day and. And. Or too caught up in the pain. So that's another way of this holiday. Do something different for Thanksgiving. Do something different. Processing that's maybe internal, but you're still externalizing in a way. And then you share your lessons and you make another person's life better. You don't stay with for Christmas. And when I say different, I don't mean the entire thing has to be different. I mean like a little. A little thing, a little piece, a little. You don't stay with what you learn as you heal, you share it. You make this world a better place. You leave it better than you found it. That's your responsibility. So I wanted to chivity, like just try something new. For example, for me that year I share a few testimonials that I hope bring you hope. Sorry about the redundancy. Was a disaster for Thanksgiving. But the next year, because I know you, you know, some people think when we were around the bonfire in Georgia, oh yeah, that's because you're a therapist. Oh yeah, that's because you're a woman of faith. Oh yeah, that's because, you know, because your daughter was little, but mine was older. And we make excuses and we compare our pain and in the end, my brother's house, we went around saying something that we were grateful for and the most embarrassing thing we had ever gone through. And the worst pain that you can feel is not the loss of a Daughter, the worst pain that you can feel is the one that you're feeling in the present moment. So the worst pain for some of my clients is going through a divorce. The worst pain for and mine involves a fart with a client. If you can imagine that my teenagers is not being able to go out to the movies and not be able to see their friends. And I thought it was so cool to try something new because of COVID and pain is pain. Pain. Your pain is not bigger or smaller than mine. So compare. Because it no longer felt like pains is useless. It's using the pain to rise and to become your highest self that matters. So hopefully these testimonials like a repetition of the thing that happened last year, but without my daughter. Because when it's the exact same thing with the My Hurt to Hope program bring you a little hope because these are people that just. Just lost a loved one. This is raw absence of our loved one. Then it. Then it magnifies. And. And by the way, some people think like, no, no, no, I'm not ready for a hurt to hold program because it's too raw. Like. And yeah, like, of course you have to wander the pain, the pain. But when it's a similar thing because I always go to Georgia for. But that's why we begin with pain. And in my program we believe with pain Thanksgiving. But there's. There's. There's a. There's a new memory. And there was a lot. We begin with pain. Well, but we. But I teach you how to feel that pain, how to not let it turn into suffering and how to use it as a lot of laughter in that experience. Experience. Then it's not just. She is so right when it comes to like people celebrating the thing that we continue to experience without the person. So creating new the holidays early. And I was like, what? It was unbelievable. And now it's gonna sound weird, but because of the program and so much positivity, creativity, I actually traditions that have that add new meaning and that give.

Purpose and enjoying right now the process of wanting to decorate from being laughter.

And losing up the mood or, you know, like. Or that that has to do with service even, right? Like serving others, my children. And it's because I see it as.

Like instead of looking it as a negative thing, I'm like, no, she enjoyed this holiday. So I'm gonna make it extra special. I'm gonna make it sparkle for her.

And bringing joy to other people. Then it's not the rep looking forward.

To that decoration is to honor her.

We all doing repetition of the holiday minus our loved one. So creating new traditions and making new to honor her.

I hope I speak for everyone in.

That sense that we're all here to.

Like support each other. We're all here to listen. And I said I will go to therapy when I think I'm ready to go. And finally we I said you know.

What connections and you you know like new Defining the holidays in a different way may be very healing and very helpful as you celebrate and give it.

A try and come to see.

We are all the holidays.

We are all going through pain. At the end of the day the pain is the same because we've all lost something dear to our heart. Someone dear to our heart. So I'm just glad that we we ended up doing hurt to hope it really has helped a lot. I lost my life the way it used to be and I ended up with Betsy again. But when you start to feel that hope like man I could do this and when you realize you're not alone and that everyone else is going through it too it gives me a sense of peace feeling pain forever because it's temporary and understanding the fact that you can end the same suffering that you will experience pain. And I know I'm going to experience pain again but I don't want to suffer. And I think that to change your focus and find something to serve others as you were saying so that you can enjoy the moment and understand.

And lastly how to heal. So we've already talked about how to prepare, how to celebrate, how to heal. Like how should we heal by how can. How can we heal by experiencing and embracing the holidays. And the answer to that is use your pain for service. If you why things happen.

I'm trying to do that every single day.

Find something that you can do this Thanksgiving, this Christmas, this. How would you feel if you had the certainty that you can celebrate life even after loss. This is. This is my daughter with wings and this is me celebrating New Year's or this holiday season that you know in general if you can find someone that you can help like I I know of people that have that have made like goody bags or that for for her life. I want to tell you one last story actually let me take this off sharing I sorry about that. I the first Christmas without my daughter after the like the homeless or like I personally I have a foundation in memory of my daughter Thanksgiving fiasco. I wanted to do things differently. I wanted to honor my other children. I wanted to celebrate the reason for the season so Every Thanksgiving I joined forces with other communities and, and we create bags, you know, like Christmas. I'm sorry, like Thanksgiving dinner. Like, like bags, right? Like I, I wanted to, to live Christmas. I didn't just want to survive it. And I woke like we go to the supermarket and we get like the mashed potatoes and a gift card for the turkey and, and I, and I was in a good place and I did some cookies. I may have eaten some of the leftover cookies from Santa Claus. And I prepared everything for the kids and the stockings and it was a beautiful day. I was in the present moment enjoying the stuffing and all the good stuff so that the families that joined their joy and they were so oblivious to how our life had been transformed and how their parents were in this deep don't have the ability. And this year, my gosh, this year there's so much opportunity. So many people don't have enough pain. And it was so beautiful and innocent and I was able to enjoy that until the night. It was exactly four months after the death to put food in the table. Forget Thanksgiving every day so many people have lost their of my daughter. And at night I went to mass, I went to church with my husband and the kids stayed with the grandparents. And when we were in church the there was a new priest, like a guest priest. And he jobs and are in hardships and crisis. So this year we get to redirect our focus from the pursuing the homily. And he was like, you know, like, you know, he was super excited about the birthday of Jane to service and what happens with eases. And he was happy and joyful. And I remember thinking like oh my gosh, this guy's really excited. Like he's really living the reason that is clinically or neurologically speaking when for the season. And I was like, doesn't he know that Jesus was born and then he's gonna be killed? He's gonna be killed and he's gonna die like a very tragic death. Like why is he so excited? And you, when you serve, you get a shot of oxytocin, which is a feel good hormone that alters your mood making it more pleasant. So when you're happy about the birth, if he knows that the guy is going to be like towards you, shift your focus to service. Not only are you no longer dwelling to death, I remember thinking or feeling so much envy. I was like, when am I going to celebrate her birthday? Her birthday had just passed on your pain, which by the way grief can be very self sad. This was Christmas and her birthday is December 3rd. When am I going to celebrate her birthday and not think about her death? When am I going to be able to celebrate life and not entered right. Like when we're grieving we're in so much pain that we just can't see beyond it. Which means that we're not seeing the need in not focus on the loss. Seven years later on December 3, 2020 Mothers we're not seeing the pain in the people around us. We're seeing this year I will celebrate the life of my daughter and I will give her a birthday gift of a self absorbed by this all consuming dark book that is meant to keep her memory alive because I share our story and to bring hope which is her gift excruciating grief. And when we intentionally choose to redirect our focus to shift to the world she was three and this girl gift our perspective and focus on pain. I mean I'm sorry focus on the impact has impacted more people than if she would have lived to 90 so time years that's just a number. It's an illusion. It's like the pain of others. Our focus on service then we get impact. What are we going to do with this pain? How are we going to the shot of oxytocin so we feel good about serving and we are no longer to use it to like rise to what we were created to be to hurting as much as if we were staring at suffering in the eye. Honor that loved one that we missed so much so that that person can remain not just in our lives but like during my husband's first birthday after losing our daughter. But like in our world in other people's hearts. How are we. He was, he was in so much pain and, and. And this was hardly going to rise above this experience of grief Hard for me because my husband's like my. My rock and he and I will finalize to open up the q and A. Let me share the screen again. He's. He's very resilient and very capable of. Of deciding okay. To shift the focus to. To more pleasant thought. Okay so this is clearly odds and he just couldn't. He couldn't this day and for me as the how I. Well here I'm telling you I am not different to you and I mentioned this before. If I can do this, so can you. So would you allow me to accompany you in this journey and have the honor to help wife that wants to make him the happiest man on earth and as a psychologist that wants to heal him and Help him. I feel very helpful. Help you go from stuck to elevated and experience the joy again of the holidays one day. Because the only thing I thought that was gonna give him this is how I honor my daughter. Everything that I do, I do for her. I, I. My. My work is not my work. It's some peace. During his day was to get her back. And I didn't know how to do that. It's my vocation, it's my purpose, it's my way of life. It's my modeling to my other children. And I am devoted to bringing home. But my wise husband chose to go to a friend's house after work. A friend who had just had a big hope. Especially in these times of hopelessness. And the way that I do that is through different programs that I have. I have this her to hold baby. And he went to bring him some treats and dinners whole program. I have the book that I just finished reading. I mean writing. And it took me over two years. And it was, it was, it was an experience and a very healing process and a double blessing. Right. Because I hope to bring hope to so that they didn't have to worry about cooking and just you know, like when you when a visitor comes to others. But. But it brought me hope as well and healing. And today I wanted to house and you have a newborn. You're like, okay, here, hold him or hold her. And you know, it's a relief. Tell you about the act the program because it's one. It's my pride and joy. This is my baby. So he went and after that moment his. So this is a program in which we meet every week for six weeks. You can always like upgrade and get, you know, more weeks more coaching sessions as they shifted because he was no longer focusing. And it started as a Q and A, but it turned out to be like something like so powerful. So there are combination among coaching sessions like. Like as you know, like therapy with. On the pain of not having his daughter for his birthday. He was now he was no now focusing on making his friend's life better and with support group because then you. You create this community. But again this coming making him smile and and you know, as everything in life with everything in life whenever you serve or you bless someone else, you bless yourself. So it's a double blessing. Unity is not connected through the pain. It's connected through the hope. So although we came together because of pain, we're staying together because we're trying to rise above this pain. And some people don't want to do that. So then this is not for those people, the people that want to stay suffering. I want to stay in the paradigm that love equals. So redirecting your pain to service, whatever that looks like, if it's, you know, maybe, maybe it's giving food like as a, you know, as suffering, then, then I discourage you from joining us. But those that want volunteering for, for kitchen like soup kitchens or bringing on to honor the loved one through, through love, legacy, kindness, acts of kindness and gratitude, then, then here on the program is 4740 like the value of the program based on the things that it includes. So it's five modules. Each module has from food to people, the homeless. Or maybe it is baking the pie that you didn't want to bake because that was your three to four videos. Each video has a worksheet. So in that I call it Hope sheet. So that hope sheet is where you do loved one's favorite and you just couldn't like baking it for the rest of the family. That's an act of service, that's an act of kindness because the personalized work, so that would be like the clinical therapy part that's personalized for you and then that helps you like have a better understanding of where you're at and you can ask questions or discuss it or process it. In our coaches, you're getting out of your comfort zone to do something that's going to make the other person happy. Teaching sessions and it's, it's. And then we have the weekly sessions, they're an hour and a half. So it can be as simple as agreeing to do something you didn't feel like doing or as grand as doing a. They're on zoom. And we have people from all over the world. It's international, tremendous act of kindness and using your pain. And it's just, it's so beautiful how people from so many different backgrounds come together and they're united by light, right? Like we're not. We don't define ourselves by our grief. We define ourselves by the way we respond to it and the way we use it to, to help, you know, to be the, to be the face of God for others, to make others better and bring hope to hopelessness. So we have the coaching calls. We have the Facebook group just for members. We record the sessions for those that were unable to attend. The sessions are at 5 o' clock in the afternoon Eastern time, so that, you know, people can attend after work. And we have the Hope sheets, which are those worksheets that allow you to do the clinical work. If this program doesn't help someone, I am willing, eager, happy and excited about returning the money. I don't honor my daughter to make money. I honor my daughter paying for service. And in doing so I must say that you're honoring your loved one and you're doing things in his or her honor and you're continuing the legacy. And maybe those people that you're serving, you get to tell them the story of this person so that they can love her too or love him too and they can remember him or her so that they don't have to worry about the second death. Number two. When you go through each day or each holiday, it's important to bring hope. So if I am not doing a good job at conveying that hope, at helping transform people's life and perspective at 8 process the experience. What I mean by that is honoring the life of the person that my client lost. I don't want this, externalize it, share it, journal about it, tell your anybody's money. So if somebody joins this program, therapist, your best friend, your, your, your spiritual director and they, they do the work and they engage and they, they don't get anything out of it, I am going to lovingly, humbly, whoever, whoever's around you just talk about this and gracefully give you the money back. So I, you know, I just, I don't believe in taking money or an investment that's not mine. And you're going to realize that as you speak up. My the online program is 997 about it. And you process it and you realize how much more resilient even and I had like I launched it at the beginning of this year. You were than you thought and you, you learn that the anticipation was worse. So this entire year I decided I was going to leave it at 3:47 and this is the last one. So because this is the last then the actual situation, even if it was bad, the anticipation was. I have it in session like you know, like I do it every six sessions because I have the meetings with, with the group and I like for it to be uniform so that you know the people in words. When, when you realize all these things because you're listening to yourself and you read your group and you can connect with them more beautifully. So I do it like you know, visiting the day, the story, the experience. You heal six weeks and then two weeks off and then six weeks, two weeks off and so on and so forth. So you heal and you become aware and you, because this is the Last time that it's going to be 3:47. You could do a payment of 347 or you could do a payment of three payments of 147. I'm wiser and one day you get to. Then it includes all these things. My individual sessions are $400 an hour and this program right now is less than one third one which is share your story so that you can help heal an individual session. And the reason I did it that way is because I others and that's what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to. I know not everybody has the means to pay $10,000 on a grief therapy program. Right. Like for individual and I know we don't. You know many times loss comes with debt or lack to use my pain rather than wasted by bringing you hope that one day I promise you I proc. Right. Like we have to suddenly assume more responsibilities and just a funeral my gosh. Like the cost of a funeral. Like who knew. So I understand that not everybody can be there and I was happy to do promise you. I promise you that it is possible to be happy again. I promise you. I don't know but I can't even accept new clients now that are not even funeral my gosh. Like the cost of a funeral. Like who knew. So I understand that not everybody can be there and I was happy to do pro bono but I can't even accept new clients now that are not even paying clients. I don't have the physical ability to see everybody that I would want to see. And that's why this program was born. So it's three payments of 147 or one payment of 347. Know this. It is possible and for. And maybe for now you don't even want to think about being happy because it's. It's too far gone like far off top seven. You can join at her the number two. The book is going to be already in Amazon next week and it's also called Hurt the number two hope. So if you know if that if you feel that's a better fit then by all means possibility okay then it is possible to have hope. It's like get it because I feel I really. I really put my. My heart and soul into it to. To help you and guide you and explain exactly you know how I was able to. To find joy again and to the hope that things are going to get better. The hope that this is temporary. If you to be in this place of peace and it's such a beautiful place that I really want that for you as well. So the book shares a lot of the details as to what I did. And then the process program is where I grab your hand and I go with you and I do it with you. I accompany you through the process. So I choose for it to be temporary. The hope that one day you'll see that person again. If you believe in eternity or in an afterlife. And if you don't, the hope that I hold that space for you. And so if you want to, sorry, I'm going to come back real quick. If you want to join in, it's hertohope.com join or hertohowe.com it's just that slash join is quicker. You don't have to go through like a lot of stuff. And I am ready for you. I am all yours. So tell me how I can help you or if you have any questions, I. I will be. What you experience with that person is going to fill you for the rest of your life here until I answer your last question. Let's see if I have anything. Hi, Beth from Cali. I love Cali. I didn't say hello before because if there's something I've learned from my online program is that some of my. The participants share that, like when, especially when they've lost. I am very comfortable with awkward silence. So I'm here for you, their parents, right? Like I have a few that have lost a mom, a few that have lost a dad. And Carolina. Hi Carolina. Hi Carolina from Brazil. Carolina. The program and they share that they want to pick up the phone and call begins again on December 7th. So December 3rd is my book launch. For those of you that are out of towners or that are unable to participate because of COVID like in person. I am going to be live streaming it free of charge December 3rd from 6 to 9. So stay tuned for that. And then December 7th is when I begin. It's on a Wednesday and it's at 5 o' clock Eastern Standard Time. We begin the coaching sessions. If by any chance you want to. Mom, you know, like I need, I need advice on this. Dad, do you think I should buy this car or do you think I should accept this job? Buy the program now because you don't. You want to buy it at the, at this price, but you cannot do they want that wisdom, that advice and then they say the online coaching sessions at this time. Then we could. If you talk to me about it. Because usually the ones that you're. That you're entitled to is the ones right after you buy. If you want to move them to the next one, then we can do that too. But you know, I can't. I can't pick up the phone and call them. I just need to know ahead of time and if you have any questions, I'm here, guys. Or any comments, if there's feedback that you want to share, if you want to tell me, Betsy, you're crazy. Everything you said is bs. I can take it. I can take it. So tell me so that I can make it better and be of service in the future. But I have an idea of what they would say. Like my dad would tell me, Yes, Evie, there will be a replay. So XYZ and my mom would say, and that's for all of you that signed up. And clearly you did because you're here. But even the people that didn't, that's the legacy that they've left. So these people aren't able to attend. Everybody that signed up will receive a replay of the webinar. So. I've learned to continue to communicate with your loved ones by the so somebody is asking why does grief hurt physically so badly? Gosh, pain, like emotional pain, it's. It's, you know, like people can't see it legacy that they've led by the lessons that they've learned and they're. They're passing them and doctors can't can, you know, they can diagnose it by looking at some X rays. But it is real. It is real and it is so real that we can get to the point of somatizing and usually my amount to their children. They're passing them on to their loved ones and you get to do the same whenever you're experiencing a lot of somatizations or physical pain as so the way that you use the pain of the holidays to heal the results of your heartache, you should ask yourself if you're really allowing yourself to sit with the pain and embrace it and allow for it. To allow for yourself to experience is by intentionally shifting your focus to service it. Because what happens is when we escape pain, when we don't have time because we have to be strong or we think we have to be strong for the world around us or when and again, service can be in a grand scheme or it could be with your family by processing your experiencing by your experience through journaling or talking to someone. When we have debts to pay and we can't just, you know, be on our bed all day and. Or all weekend and do nothing. We're not allowing ourselves to go through the pain. And the only way around pain is through. So many times when we're like, you know, we're one or just externalize it. Don't stay with it inside. Or if you stay with it inside, we're going, going, going, going, going, going, going, and we're not feeling enough. Do it in the form of a meditation where you. Or there's something called the ex. Whenever you're experiencing a lot of somatizations or physical pain as a result of your heartache, you should ask yourself if you're really allowing yourself to sit with the pain and embrace it and allow for it to allow for yourself to experience. Our bodies need to tell us like, whoa, do men. Which is a form of prayer that in which you go back to your day and you relive your day in your mind, right? Like you go through it and you, oh, this happened and then that happened and you're able to, you're able to look at things. Something about this. And usually we do pay attention to our physical ailments. So then many times grief hurts physically that you didn't pay attention to because you were in it, right? You were rushing and said because what happens is when we escape pain, when we don't have time because we have to be strong or we think we have to be strong for the world around us or when, you know, when we have debts to pay and we can't just, you know, be on a bed all day and. Or all through the day and are too caught up in the pain. So that's another way of processing that's maybe internal, but you're still externalizing in a way. And then you shall weaken and do nothing. We're not. Because we're not giving it the place in our lives. Share your lessons and you make another person's life better. You don't stay with. You don't stay with what you learn as you heal, you share it. You make this world a better place. You. That we need to give it emotionally so our bodies like, you know, our immune system goes down and we get sick. I know like, I know I always get like the flu or a big time cold or Covid. I got Covid. When I'm in. In a lot of pain or stress. And writing this book was. Was painful, right? Like, because I had to. Allowing ourselves to, to go through the pain. And the only way around pain is through so many times when we're like, you know, we're in order to connect like to convey the story to you. I Had to you leave it better than you found it. That's your responsibility. We're going, going, going, going, going, going, going. And we're not feeling enough. Our bodies need to tell us like, whoa. So I wanted to go back to living and it was hard. Share a few testimonials that I hope bring you hope. Sorry about the redundancy. Hard and painful. And because I was going through that pain again, my immune system went down and I was pushing on it. I was like, no, I don't have time for that right now. I need to finish a book. I got sick. I got Covid. I, you know, I've gotten flus in the bath in the past. I've gotten sick. So physical pain is oftentimes something about this. And usually we do pay attention to our physical illness because I know you, you know, some people think related to us not sitting mens. So then many times grief hurts physically because we're not giving it the place in our lives that we need to give it emotionally. So our body's like, you know, our immune system go with the emotional pain in a way that serves us and heals us. And besides. So that's one of the explanations. Another one that I can think. Oh yeah, that's because you're a therapist. Oh yeah, that's because you're a woman of faith. Oh yeah, that's because, you know, because your daughter was little, but mine was older. Think of is when we, when we experience heartache goes down and we get sick. I know like, I know I always get like the flu or. And. And we make excuses and we compare pain and in the end, big time cold or Covid. I got Covid. When I'm in. In a lot of pain or stress. And writing this book was. Was painful, right? Like, because I had to. The worst pain that you can feel is not the loss of a daughter. The worst, in order to connect, like to convey the story to you, I had to. Pain that you can feel is the one that you're feeling in the present moment. So the worst pain for some of my clients is quite going through a divorce. The worst pain for my teenagers is not being able to go out to the movies and not be able to see their friends because of COVID And pain is pain. Pain. Our brains, our subconscious minds don't know how to differentiate truth from fantasy. Right? Like it believes whatever you tell it. So if you're constantly having these sad feelings, then, then you're. Then it confuses that with tiredness. It confuses that confuses that with depression with. So then all those emotions that are cousins or you know, like emotions and physical ailments that are cousins, like tiredness. Like sometimes if you're tired you tend to be down because you don't have to go back to live it. And. And it was, it was hard. It was hard and painful. And because I was going through that pain again, my immune system went down and I was pushing on it. I was like no, I don't have time for that right now. I need to finish a book. I got sick. I got Covid. I've got energy to be positive to respond to unexpected situation. Your pain is not bigger or smarter than mine. So compare flus in the bat in the past I've gotten sick. So physical pain is oftentimes pains is useless. It's using the pain to rise patience as. As gracefully as usual. Right? So. So that's another one related to. To us not sitting to become your highest self that matters. So hopefully these testimonials from with the emotional pain in a way that serves us and heals us. And besides. So that's one of the explanations another one that I can think my Hurt to Hope program bring you a little hope because these are people that John, when you're in a low vibration, which we are in when we're sad and depressed and grieving, then all the low vibration experiences and emotions are attracted. We attract them. So it's grief affects everything. But if when we experience heartache, just. Just lost a loved one, this is raw. We, our brains, our subconscious minds don't know how to differentiate. We choose to change one little thing like one little. And and by the way, some people think like no, no, no, I'm not ready for a Hurt to hope program. It's truth from fantasy, right? Like it believes whatever you tell it. So if you're constantly, you know, having these sad feelings, then domino then, then we can revert that ram because it's too raw. And yeah like course you have to wander the pain. But that's why we begin with pain. And in my program we believe with pain then you're. Then it confuses that with tiredness. It confuses that confuses that with depression with. So then all those emotions that are cousins, we begin with pain. Well but we. But I teach you how to feel or you know like emotions and physical ailments that are cousins like tiredness. Like sometimes if you're tired you tend to be down because you don't have the pain. How to not let it turn into suffering and how to Use it as a first that impact, you know, we. We decide what direction the domino is going to fall in. So Dubai. Do you believe you can die of a broken heart? Energy to. To be positive, to respond to unexpected situation. She is so right when it comes to like people celebrating as. As gracefully as usual. Right. So. So that's another one the holidays early. And I was like, what it was when you're in a low vibration, which we are in when we're sad and depressed and grieving than all the low vibration experiences and emotions.

Unbelievable.

And now it's gonna sound weird. I do, I do. Lucy. I do believe that actually I believe you can die of a broken heart. But I believe more but because of.

The program and so much positivity, I actually, I.

You, you know, are attracted. We attract them so it's grief affects everything. But if we choose to. To change one little thing, like one.

Little enjoying right now the process of wanting to decorate for my children.

And it's because I see it as like instead of domino, then. Then we can revert that as a negative thing.

I'm like, no, she enjoyed this holiday.

So that impact, you know, we. We decide what direction the domino.

I'm gonna make it extra special. I'm gonna make it sparkle for her and it's going.

To so do. But do you believe you can die of a broken heart? I do. I do. Lucy. I do believe that actually looking forward.

To that decoration is to honor her. We all doing it to honor her. I hope I speak for everyone in.

That sense that we're all here to like, I believe you can die of a broken heart, but I believe more for each other.

We're all here to listen. And I said I will go to therapy when I think I'm ready to go. And finally I said, you know what?

That you can mend a broken heart. And I don't know where you guys stand in terms of faith, but I know that when you have a higher power, a source to. To help you mend that broken heart, it's a lot easier and way more doable. Right. And. And it doesn't. You know, I call him God, but I've had a lot of clients that call him something else. Right. So. So it is that you can mend a broken heart. And I don't know where you guys stand in terms of faith, but I know that when you have give it.

A try and come to see we are all going through pain. At the end of the day, it.

Is possible to mend broken hearts and you deserve to mend your heart. You weren't created for. For sadness and suffering. You know, like you were God's purposeful creation and you deserve to be happy. So yes, I believe someone can die.

Is the same because we've all lost something dear to our heart. Someone dear to our heart. So I'm just glad that we ended up doing hurt to hope. It really has helped a lot. I lost my life the way it used to be and I ended up with Betsy again. But when you start to feel that hope like man I could do this and when you realize you're I have.

A broken heart and and I believe even more than that person shouldn't die of a broken heart. That person should die with a mended heart and lots of joy in her heart. Do you you not alone.

And everyone else is going through it too. It gives me a sense of can.

Associate the COVID with the emotional process. Then yes, yes, yes. What happens is that when we are.

Feeling pain forever because it's temporary and understanding the fact that you can't end the suffering that you will experience pain. And I know I'm going to experience pain again but I don't want to suffer. And I think that to change your focus and find something to serve others as you were saying so that you can enjoy the moment and understand why things happen. I'm trying to do that every single day. Every single day.

How would you feel if you had the certainty? Depressed or grieving or sad or again in a low vibration. Our immune system is compromised because we're releasing a lot of cortisol that you can celebrate life even after loss. This soul which is the stress hormone. So you know, the body is receiving like this. This acidic yucky hormone and it's like whoa. So the body is like trying to fight all the stress that this grief is creating. And then it makes. It makes the immune system vulnerable because then the immune system is not being protected because all this protection is going to to combat the stresses. This is my daughter with wings. And this is me celebrating her life. I want to tell you one last story actually let me take this off sharing I sorry about that I hormone that you're releasing through your pain. So definitely when we're in pain we get the first Christmas without my daughter. After the we get sick more easily. That's why engaging in healthy habits. And we talk about this. I talk about this in the book and I talk about this in the online program that helps you. It helps you whatever little thing you do right. Like many times we maybe we don't have the emotional intelligence yet or the wisdom to attack our grief emotionally. But maybe we're really good at creating a discipline and having a structure, a system system. And having a morning routine can be very healing. And that has nothing to do with Thanksgiving fiasco. I. I wanted to. I wanted to do things differently. I wanted to. To honor my other children. I wanted to celebrate the reason for the season. I, I wanted to. To live with talking or fear, processing emotions. So having a morning routine where you, where you move your body, whatever that looks like, exercise, walking with Christmas, I didn't just want to survive it. And I woke up dancing and, and meditating. Right. For me, the meditation I practice is called centering prayer. And it's, it's. It's a form of Christian meditation and it's very similar to traditional meditation, except what they call mantra. I call sacred word or phrase. And the intention is different because my intention is up. And I was in a good place and I did some cookies. I may have eaten some of the leftover cookies from Santa Claus. And I prepared everything for the kids and the stockings. And it was a beautiful day. I. I was in the present moment in just to put myself like consent to the presence of the Holy Spirit within me. Right? And it's beautiful. It's beautiful because, listen, I live for my husband and my kids. I live for them enjoying their joy and they're so oblivious to how our life had been. So the thought of losing one of them, it's just unbearable, incomprehensible. Like I couldn't, I didn't have the strength. I didn't. But when you, when you consent to the Holy Spirit transformed and how their parents were in this deep pain and, and it was so beautiful and innocent. And I was able to enjoy that when you tell God, like, hey, I'm all yours, you know, figure it out, because I can't. Until the night, it was exactly four months after the death. Do this then. Then you don't have to do it. Then you don't have to have what it takes. Then you don't need to know everything. You're going to be guided and you're going to be supported and you're going to be strengthened along the way. And then what seemed impossible suddenly becomes reality. Mercy, I read on Facebook you'll be hosting us of my daughter. And at night I went to mass, I went to church seminar on November, on December 3rd. So mercy, the. What we have on December 3rd is my daughter's. It would have been my daughter's 10th birthday and that's when I'm with my husband and the kids stay with the grandparents. And when we were in church, the, there was a new priest, like a guest priest and he was doing the homily and he was like, you know, like, you know, he was super excited about the birthday of launching my book. So I will have an event and it will, it will have speaking. So we have. My 11 year old daughter is speaking. I'm really excited about that. She was working on her speech. She was her sister's best friend in the world. So you know, it's the first time she was Jesus and he was happy and joyful and I remember thinking like, oh my gosh, this guy's really excited. Like he's really living the reason for the season. And. And I was like, doesn't he know four at the time? So now is the first time that we're talking about how she processed it, which is, it's beautiful and interesting and painful all at the same time. And then my husband's gonna say a few words and then I'll, and then I'll say that Jesus, Jesus was born and then he's gonna be killed. He's gonna be killed and he's gonna give you more words and, and then we have the book signing and all the good stuff. But for the live streaming purposes I just wanted to make sure that the people that couldn't be there but wanted to be a part of it were able to be present. So we're live streaming it. I still don't know the details because I hired someone to do that. But I will make sure to share them with you when we're closer. Rita, I love you. Rita is one of our girls. From her to Hope. Thank you for your message. I would love to get, I would love to give this to like a very tragic death. Like why is he so excited and happy about the birth if he knows that the guy is going to be like tortured to death. And I remember thinking or feeling so much envy. I was like a friend who lost her daughter. But I wouldn't want this to come off as trying to fix her. She doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. She said it's too painful to see friends who still have their children around. Oh my gosh. Poor thing. You, you can, you can give this to her and, and let her, let her come back to it when she's ready. When you first explain, am I going to like, like celebrate her birthday? Because her birthday had just passed, this was Christmas and her birthday is December 3rd. When am I gonna celebrate her birthday? And such a. Such a raw pain. You don't not think about her death. When am I gonna be able to celebrate life? And you don't have energy to work on it and try to heal it. You don't want, like, you don't even want that because it's, it's too much work. Or at least you think you don't want that, right? We don't know what we don't know. I had a therapist when I lost my daughter that I had hired to do something very, like a specific thing, right? Like I wanted to work on a pattern that I had that I didn't want to pass on to my kids, right? Like I wanted to make it better. So I hired whatever therapist that did the job, but I didn't have a connection with him. It was just my place to process. And when I lost my daughter, I couldn't even, I couldn't even schedule an appointment to tell him. So my husband went with me and he's the one. I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't say what happened. In fact, if you notice, I have a video about it just so that I don't have to go through the trouble of seeing it myself. So I went to the therapist with my husband. My husband shared and I didn't connect with him, not focus on the loss. So, like, I didn't. There was no warmth. There was. So I understand what she's feeling because a lot of therapists are, do this as a, as a career, as a job, but they don't necessarily have the empathy or the compassion or the connection to help that person through that. And I went through that, right? So then I was like, screw that. I'm not going to anyone and I don't want to talk about it when I don't want to talk about it. That's another thing that I love about this program. You don't have to go to the appointments. If you can't sleep at 3 o' clock in the morning, you can log in and you can get your coaching therapy session there, and you can. Seven years later, on December 3, 2020, this year, I will celebrate the life of my daughter and I will give her a birthday gift of a, you know, pray that whatever I said in those, in all those modules was the thing that you needed to hear in that moment. So what's beautiful about this is that it's at your pace, from your home, at your time, and you don't have to talk about it when you don't feel like it, but you get to talk about it and process book that is meant to keep her memory alive because I share our sources when you want to. So if you want to gift it to her, then just, you know, let's say she doesn't want to start yet, then let me know and I'm happy to honor the successions in the, in the next session, in the next, you know, the next time we launch it again and let her. I think it's a beautiful thought, your story and to bring hope, which is her gift to the world. She was three and this girl has impacted more people than if she would have lived. Letting her know you're giving her a gift of hope and how you present it is going to determine if she feels like you're trying to fix her or if she sees it as a gift of hope. So I have a lot of videos on IGTV and YouTube so maybe when you gift it to her, you, you also share like a small, you know, a three minute video so that she understands what, what this would do and that may help her connect with me and with our mission. But that's very sweet. That's to 90 so, so time. A beautiful gift, Salma. So her husband, I'm not reading it out loud because it's, it's in Spanish, but her husband died a year ago. She has two daughters and she's trying to, you know, to move forward for them but, but she feels very sad and she doesn't know how to, how to, how to accept it or even understand. And I guess, Salma, what I would say is don't, don't try to understand. Years, that's just a number. It's an illusion. It's like the impact. What are we going to do with this pain? How are we going to use it to rise to what we were created to be, to honor that loved one that we serve. Ms. So much so that that person that's, that's going to lead you to suffering. Don't, don't try to understand why, how. What person can remain not just in our lives, but like, but like in our world, in other people's hearts. How are we. Whenever you're going to ask yourself questions to try to heal, ask yourself questions that are, that can be answered. But if you ask questions that are, that cannot be answered, at least not in this life, right? Like why? What? Like what if I would have done what if. What if what? Those are, those are hurting you. Those are creating suffering. So we going to Rise above this experience of grief and I will finalize to open up the Q and A. Let me share the screen again. If you want to move forward and keep your husband's memory alive and make sure that your daughters grow up with their daddy, you have work to do. And what that looks like is acceptance, which is part of what we discuss in the program. And I also share about it in the, in the book. It's, it's allowing yourself to, to, to bring him, to, to bring him in his new, in his new essence. Like ask yourself, how can I, how can I bring him back to the family and have an okay, so this is clearly how I, well, here I'm telling you, I am not different to you. And I mentioned this before. If I can do this, a relationship with him again in this, in this new form of his. And like I said, you don't have, you don't need to have your husband present to love him and to feel him and twist. So can you experience him. You can create that relationship, relationships. So would you allow me to accompany you in this journey and have the honor to help bodies die? But relationships don't help you go from stuck to elevated and experience the joy again of the holidays one day. Your husband, he's always going to be your husband. I have clients who have lost their only child and they continue to be moms and dads. Right. Like the relationship doesn't die. This is how I honor my daughter. Everything that I do, I do for her. It's. It's just the body. And if you learn I, I, my, my work is not my work. It's. It's my vocation, it's my purpose. It's. It's my way of life. It's my modeling to my. How to bring your husband to your everyday and how to honor him and how to change children. And I am devoted to bringing, to, you know, like continue his legacy. Right. Like, what was he really good at? Like if he was the, if he was the, the one that was the most positive. I know I have a widow that tells me like, you know, like he was the, the one that made us hope especially in these times of hopelessness. And the way that I laughed. The positive one, I was the negative one. So he was always, always like uplifting me. And it was so beautiful to see how she, she chose to be do that is through different programs that I have. I have this her to Hope program. I have the book that I just finished reading. I mean writing and hope, especially in these times of hopelessness. And the way that I'm more positive and uplifting and I like live at a higher. I do that is through different programs that I have. I have this her to hold program. I have the book that I just finished reading. I mean writing. And it took me over two years and it was, it was, it was an experience and a ration so that she could honor and continue his legacy and bring her kids a piece of their dad very healing process and a double blessing, right, Because I hope to bring hope to others, but it brought me hope as well and healing. And today I want to tell you about the act, the program, because it's one. It's my pride and joy. This is my baby. So this is a program in which we meet every week for sick. It was beautiful how she used this that was so painful to, to witness and just transformed it into a better version of six weeks. You can always like upgrade and get, you know, more weeks, more coaching sessions. And it started as a Q and A, but it turned out to be like something like so powerful. So there are combination among coaching sessions like, like as, you know, like therapy with her. It was very uplifting, very uplifting, very beautiful with support group because then you create this community. But again, this community is not connected through the pain. It's connected through the hope. So although we came together because of pain, we're staying together because we're trying to rise above this pain. And some people don't want to do that. So then this is. You guys. Like I, I. It pains me, it pains me to not for those people, the people that want to stay suffering. I want to stay in the paradigm that that love equals suffering. Then, then I discourage you from joining us. But those that want to honor the loved one through love, legacy, kindness, acts of kindness and gratitude, then here on to see so much pain, you know, and so much grief. And I don't know if it's because I've gone through this, but I feel like I get all. Everybody feels compelled to share. Like the other day someone texted me the program is 4740. Like the value of the program based on, on the things that it includes. So it's, it's five modules. Each module has from three to four videos. Each video has a worksheet. So in that I call it hope sheet. So that hope sheet is where you do. My friend's son died. And that's it. Like I haven't spoken to this person in years. And that's the text I receive. I'm like, hi, how the personalized work. So that would be like the clinical therapy part that's personalized for you. And, and then that helps you, like, have a better understanding of where you're at. And you can ask questions or discuss it or process it in our coaching sessions and it's, it's. And then we have the weekly sessions. They're an hour and a half. Are you, like, help me out here. Like, why? Like, I receive a lot of really sad news and, you know, I have a private practice and I, and I have the online program and I, and I have, and I participate in ministries in my community. They're on zoom. And we have people from all over the world. It's international and it's just, it's so beautiful how people from so many different backgrounds come together and they're united by light. Right? Like, we're not. We don't define ourselves by our grief. We define ourselves by. But the way we respond to it. I see pain every day. The way we use it to help to be the face of God for others, to make others better and bring hope to hopelessness. So we have the coaching calls. We have a Facebook group just for members. We record the sessions for, for those that were unable to attend the sessions. But I have to tell you that the pain that I see does not compare to the hope that I witness. And that's why I'm so adamant about conversion. But I have to tell you that the pain that I see does not compare to the hope that I witness. And that's why I'm so adamant about converting heard into hope, because I've seen it save people's lives at five o' clock in the afternoon, Eastern time, so that, you know, people can attend after work. And we have the hope sheets, which are those worksheets that allow you to do the clinical work. If this program doesn't help someone, I am willing hurt into hope because I have seen it save people's lives. I have seen it save people's marriages. I am known in Miami as the couples whisper, the couple's therapist. And for the longest time, I thought that's what God wanted me to do. I was meant to help couples, you know, create fulfilling marriages. And then of course, he threw me a curveball and here I am doing this work. But I, I have, I have seen people in, in rock bottom and I've witnessed their rising because of, of hope and all these things that I share in the program. So, and in the book and I keep. I've seen it save people's marriages. I'm known in Miami as the couples whisperer, the couples therapist. You're happy and excited about returning the money I mentioned in the book. Because I want you to know that if you don't want to. I don't honor my daughter to make money. I honor my daughter to the program. Or you don't want. You can't afford the program. The book is 16 to bring hope. So if I am not doing a good job, I conveying that hope at helping transform people's life and perspective at otters. And it's beautiful and powerful. And it took not two years. And for the longest time I thought that's what God wanted me to do. I was meant to help couples. And like not over two years, which was what actually took me to write it, but really seven years or 41 years. Right. Because I poured in it everything that I've learned in my life, but especially in the last seven years. So I'm here to serve. I'm here. I'm here to help in any way possible couples, you know, create fulfilling marriages. And then of course, he threw me a curse. Meli. My heart is hope. Now. Meli is part of our program and she's had a lot of roller coasters during these last six weeks. Meli. But I've seen you. I've seen honoring the life of the person that my client lost. I don't want you rise up to hope too. Anybody's money. So if somebody joins this program and they. They do the work and they engage and they. They don't get anything out of it. I am going to lovingly, humbly. Christine. So somebody's sharing that she lost her. Her baby girl. Sorry. Three months ago. I'm sorry. It was. It was. I'm sorry. That's painful. So someone here lost her daughter three months ago. She was born still. And here I am doing this work. But I. I have. I have seen people and I have so much anxiety about the upcoming holidays. But I love what you said about living and feeling in the present moment. I am praying for peace every day. I will pray for peace for you too. Listen this. This and gracefully give you the money back. So I, you know, I just. I don't believe in taking money or an investment that's not mine. Feels insurmountable right now and impossible. My. The online program is 997in. In rock bottom. And I witnessed then and I had like I launched it at the beginning of this year so overcome. And. And. And that's okay, right? Like it's okay that you think this. And it's okay that you. You feel this. And. And it is important that you sit with that. And if. If you want to cry, you cry. If you want to have a pity party and complain and feel miserable and feel bad for yourself, then do that too. You. You're entitled to. And you'll see that allowing yourself to feel that they're rising because of. Of hope. And all these things that I share, like, is like, that I had. I have an analogy in the. That I share in the book that like grieving and feeling the pain or sitting with the pain is. Is like feeling a piggy bank, you know, like a ceramic piggy bank. When you put the first coin, the coin, like, travels a lot because it's, you know, has to get all the way to the bottom and it hits itself hard. So this entire year, I decided I was going to leave it at 3:47. And this is the last one. So because this is the last, I have it in session. Like, you know, like, I do it every six sessions because I have the hard. Because it's ceramic and it's hard. There's no, there's no cushion there to like, you know, break the fall. But the. So tears are like coins with the group. And I like for it to be uniform so that, you know, the people in using a piggy bank. And the more we cry, you know, at the beginning, it hurts. It's like it feels like forever and you're crying forever and it's painful here in the program. So. And in the book. And I keep like that fall of those first coins, but then those coins form a cushion in the bottom. And then suddenly mentioning the book is, I want you to know that if you don't want to do the program or you don't want. You can't afford the program. The book is 16, you know, like, you have that to break the fall. So when the next tier is your group and you can connect with them more beautifully. So I do it like, you know, come out like they travel a little less. And there's something like there's a cushion to break the fall, and then that keeps on growing. So the more you cry, the less you will cry. And the more you allow yourself to feel, the less that you will feel in general. But it's not linear, right? Like, it's not like it gets better tomorrow and a little better the next day. Six weeks and then two weeks off, and then six weeks, two weeks off, and so on and so forth. So this is the last time that it's going to be 347. You could do a payment of 347 or you could do a pay. Or three payments of 147. And, like, we're humans. We're not mathematical. So. So we. You know, in. In general, in the grand scheme, there's. There's a. There's a mean line, daughters. And it's. It's beautiful and powerful in it. And it took not two years. That's going. Like, that's progressing. But really what that looks like is, you know, like, oh, you feel better one day, and then you fall again, but you fall in the same place. You don't take three steps backward. The wisdom and the lessons that you've learned, nobody can take away from you. So you learn, and then you fall in the same place, and it feels like you're going backward, but you're in the same place, and you keep on going. And one day. One day you fill up the piggy bank. And I. I remember the other day I was having a moment, like, not over two years, which was what actually took me to write it, but really seven years or meant. And. And I. And I had, like, literally, like, one tear. And I remember thinking, like, my piggy bank is full. Like, I get to, like, I get to have one tear and for, like, two minutes and. Or 41 years, right? Because I poured in it everything that I've learned in my life, but especially in the last seven years. So. And then. And then choose. Choose to. To embrace it and to move forward. Right? So it's hard now. And I wish. Oh, gosh, do I wish. I wish I could. I could tell my clients, like, hey, do this, and it won't hurt. Which is why I love couples therapy so much. You know, I could tell my couples, listen, we're going to do this and this and this and this and that. And the next week, it was better. But with you guys, I sit in the dark with you, and, you know, at least I help you. I help you carry it. And I hold space, but the only way around pain is through. I'm here to serve. I'm here. I'm here to help in any way possible. Connie is asking, how do I begin the meditation with the Holy Spirit that you mentioned early? I explained this in my book, but I will give you a little summary. So the one that I. Oh, there's a really cool app for. For, like, Christian meditation. Mellie, My heart is hope. Now. Malaysian called Hallo H A L L O W. And if you go. If you scroll down when you go into the app and you go to the intro challenges, in the intro challenges, there's nine challenges, like, nine days of meditation. And I love those. I think those are phenomenal. It's part of our program. And she's had a lot of roller coasters during these last six weeks. Meli. But I've seen you. I've seen. And they do three kinds of prayers. They do the silent prayer, like, you know, like being in silence with God. They do the excellent, which is the one that I told you, that you relive your day and you pay attention to the presence of God within you and what areas there's need for improvement. And then there is the lectio divina, which is a form of prayer in which there's, like, a dialogue with God. So they read a. Like, a very short scripture. And, you know, you're in silence and stillness. And when you listen to a scripture, you have to see, like, what phrase or word, like, stands out. And that's, like, the way of, like, letting God speak to you through. Through the scriptures. So those are really cool. But just so you know, center. It's called centering prayer. There's a lot of research online, so you could YouTube it. And centering prayer is simply sitting in silence, and you rise up to hold to. Christine, so somebody's sharing that she lost. And every time you have a thought or you engage in a thought, you let go of it by using your mantra, or we call it sacred word or phrase. So you choose a phrase. Like, it could be like, peace, love, something, something sacred, beautiful, peaceful. So it could be peace, love, Jesus, God, serenity, hope, whatever resonates with you. And you repeat that until you can let go of your thoughts. And then when another thought comes, then you repeat it again, and you let go of that. And sometimes you spend the entire. Her baby girl. I'm sorry, 15 minutes, you know, repeating like, mine is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Because you're so distracted and you're thinking about everything but meditating. But that's fine. Three months ago. Sorry. It was. It was fine. Because the power of this exercise is not to have a great meditation. It's to have a great life. So meditation, no matter how bad the session was, is helping your life become better. And I heard this analogy once, and I thought it was brilliant. You know, when. When somebody's practicing diving, even if they do a shallow dive, right? Like, they don't go all the way deep into the water, even if they do a shallow dive, they get wet. And the same is True for. For centering prayer. Even if you have a terrible session because you were so distracted, the fact that you sat there for 15 minutes and you consented to the Holy Spirit to come in, you just. Just. That gets you wet. So that's rather weird. That's just. That gives you the benefits. Oh, I'm sorry. That's painful. So someone here lost her daughter three months and I would. It's recommended to be practiced in the morning as soon as you wake up. If you could do five minutes, do five minutes. But ideally it's 50 minutes in the morning and then 50 more minutes in the afternoon sometime between 12 and 5pm so what that does is it replenishes you for the second part of the day. It's amazing. It's changed my life. I was always running around like a chicken without a head, you know, and having a business. Months ago she was born still. And I have so much anxiety about the upcoming holidays. But I love what you said about living and feeling in the present moment. I am praying for peace every day. I will praise for three kids at home. I have four. Three kids at home, a husband, a house. It's interesting. But this multiplies your time. It's amazing. Makes you more effective. So I'm like. I'm scared of like hanging up because what if anybody was about to say something? Speak now or forever hold your. What is per piece for you to listen. This. This feels insurmountable right now and impossible. What's your piece? I forgot what it was, how it went. I'm telling you guys, my English is not very good looking sometimes. Okay. So if nobody has any other questions or comments, I guess I will see you next time or hopefully I'll see you in the program and I wish you a really good night and I thank you for being here with me and I hope that you got a little hope that you spread it everywhere you go. All right, you have a good night. Take care. Bye. To overcome. And, and, and. And that's okay, right? Like it's okay that you think this and, and it's okay that you. You feel this and, and it is important that you sit with that. And if, if you want to cry, you cry. If you want to have a pity party and complain and feel miserable and feel bad for yourself, then, then do that too. You're. You're entitled to. And you'll see that allowing yourself to feel that pain like is like I had. I have an analogy in the. That I share in the book that like grieving and feeling the pain, or sitting with the pain is. Is like fitting a piggy bank, you know, like a ceramic piggy bank. When you put the first coin, the coin, like, travels a lot because it's, you know, has to get all the way to the bottom, and it hits itself hard because it's ceramic and it's hard. There's no cushion there to, like, you know, break the fall. But the. So tears are like coins in a piggy bank. And the more we cry at the beginning, it hurts. It's like it feels like forever, and you're crying forever, and it's painful, like that fall of those first coins, but then those coins form a cushion in the bottom, and then suddenly, you know, like, you have that to break the fall. So when the next tears come out, like, they travel a little less, and. And there's something like, there's a cushion to break the fall, and then that keeps on growing. So the more you cry, the less you will cry, and the more you allow yourself to feel, the less that you will feel in general. But it's not linear, right? Like, it's not like it gets better tomorrow and a little better the next day. Like, we're humans. We're not mathematical. So. So we, you know, in. In general, in the grand scheme, there's. There's a. There's a mean line that's going, like, that's progressing. But. But really what that looks like is, you know, like, you. Oh, you feel better one day, and then you fall again, but you fall in the same place. You don't take three steps backward. You. The wisdom and the lessons that you've learned, nobody can take away from you. So you. So you learn, and then you fall in the same place, and it feels like you're going backward, but you're in the same place, and you keep on going. And one day. One day you fill up the piggy bank. And I remember the other day, I was having a moment, and I had, like, literally, like, one tear. And I remember thinking, like, my piggy bank is full. Like, I get to, like, I get to have one tear and for, like, two minutes and. And then. And then choose. Choose to. To embrace it and to move forward, right? So it's hard now. And I wish. Oh, gosh, do I wish. I wish I could. I could tell my clients, like, hey, do this and it won't hurt. Which is why I love couples therapy so much. You know, I could tell my couples, listen, we're going to do this and this and this and this and that and the Next week it was better. But with you guys, I sit in the dark with you, and, you know, at least I help you. I help you carry it, and I hold space, but the only way around pain is through. Connie is asking, how do I begin the meditation with the Holy Spirit that you mentioned early? I explained this in my book, but I will give you a little summary. So the one that I. Oh, there's a really cool app for, for, like, Christian meditation called Hallow H A L L O W. And if you go. If you scroll down, when you go into the app and you go to the intro challenges, in the intro challenges, there's nine challenges, like nine days of meditation. And I love those. I think those are phenomenal. And they do things, three kinds of prayers. They do the silent prayer, like, you know, like being in silence with God. They do the excellent, which is the one that I told you that you relive your day and you pay attention to the presence of God within you and what areas there's need for improvement. And then there's the lectio divina, which is a form of prayer in which there's like, a dialogue with God. So they read a, like a very short script scripture. And, you know, you're in silence and stillness. And when you listen to a scripture, you have to see, like, what phrase or word, like, stands out. And that's like the way of, like, letting God speak to you through. Through the scriptures. So those are really cool. But just, you know, center. It's called centering prayer. There's a lot of research online, so you could YouTube it. And centering prayer is simply sitting in silence. And every time you have a thought or you engage in a thought, you let go of it by using your mantra, or we call it sacred word or phrase. So you choose a phrase, like, it could be like, peace, love, something, something sacred, beautiful, peaceful. So it could be peace, love, Jesus, God, serenity, hope, whatever resonates with you. And you repeat that until you can let go of your thoughts. And then when another thought comes, then you repeat it again and you let go of that. And sometimes you spend the entire 15 minutes, you know, repeating like, mine is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Because you're so distracted and you're thinking about everything but meditating. But that's fine because the power of this exercise is not to have a great meditation meditation. It's to have a great life. So meditation, no matter how bad the session was, is helping your life become better. And. And I heard this analogy once, and I thought it was Brilliant. You know when, when somebody's practicing diving, even if they do a shallow dive, right? Like they don't go all the way deep into the water, even if they do a shallow dive, they get wet. And the same is true for, for centering prayer. Even if you have a terrible session because you were so distracted, the fact that you sat there for 15 minutes and you consented to the Holy Spirit to come in, you just, just. That gets you wet. So that's kind of weird. That's just. That gives you the benefits. And I would. It's recommended to be practiced in the morning as soon as you wake up. If you could do five minutes, do five minutes. But ideally it's 15 minutes in the morning and then 15 more minutes in the afternoon, sometimes sometime between 12 and 5pm so what that does is it replenishes you for the second part of the day. It's. It's amazing. It's changed my life. I was always running around like a chicken without a head, you know? You know, and having a business, three kids at home. I have four. Three kids at home, a husband, a house. It's interesting. But this multiplies your time. It's amazing. Makes you more effective. So I'm like, I'm scared of like hanging up because what if anybody was about to say something? Speak now or forever hold your. What is it that. What's your piece? I forgot what it was, how it went. I'm telling you guys, my English is not very good looking sometimes. Okay. So if nobody has any other questions or comments, I guess I will see you next time or hopefully I'll see you in the program and I wish you a really good night and I thank you for being here with me and I hope that you got a little hope that you spread it everywhere you go. All right, you have a good night. Take care. Bye. 7. You can join at heard the number2hope.com join. The book is going to be already in Amazon next week and.