The 4 Most Effective Ways to Influence Others and Get What You Want!

All too often I hear my clients say, but, Betsy, that's too hard. And I agree with them. It is hard. But having power, being empowered, being able to do what you want to do, being able to influence others with your actions and change circumstances and events is hard. That is hard. But let me tell you what hard means. H stands for humility. When we come from a place of humility rather than arrogance or entitlement, we ask ourselves not, oh, how dare he or she do this to me? But rather, I wonder what made him feel this way, that he acted in this manner. I wonder why she said that or did that. I wonder what she interpreted. We start looking at the other person. We start empathizing and putting ourselves in the shoes of the other person. By being humble, we see the need in others. We try to understand their perspective. We see how they're filtering and interpreting our behaviors and our actions. And it changes perspective because it's easier to take things less personal when you understand that the other person's intentions are not as negative as how you're interpreting them to be. Humility. When you come from a place of humility, you also become a better version of yourself. So in addition to being empowered, you're better. Now, the A in HARD stands for authenticity. Some of us are super loud and talk a lot and use our words very well. Other people are more quiet, but their quiet presence can be very strong. So while my talent and my gift is with words, maybe other people's talent or gift is with silence. And both are just as powerful. And we have to honor who we are, our gifts, our qualities, our talents, and use them to exercise our power. So for me, I exercise power by being a cheerleader, by being super happy. Go luggy. You know, using my words, being expressive. My dad, you could not pay him to talk. So his power is in his quiet presence. But you better believe that his quiet presence is just as powerful as mine can be for some people, because he's different and he's authentic, and so am I. There's nothing wrong with being one way or the other as long as you are true to yourself. And people appreciate that, and they see the authenticity in you, and they love that, and that becomes powerful. The R in hard stands for responsibility. I love this. I think it is really important to assume responsibility for everything. Don't stay in the victim role. You can't do anything if you're a victim. If people are doing things to you, if life is throwing all these obstacles at you, then there's nothing you can do except for sit down and wait for everything to change. Good luck with that, because you may be waiting for the rest of your life. Responsibility allows you to be proactive, to take action, to not wait for others to change. You have no idea how many people come, couples especially, they come to my office and the husband tells me, you know, I'm here so that you can change it, change her. And the wife tells me, I'm here because he needs therapy and he should probably come alone because he needs to change. What about the question, what can I change? What can I do to make this better, to make my relationship better, to to make my health better, to be able to improve my finances, to have better family relationships? What can I do? And even more so, ask yourself, what have I done to get myself to where I'm at today? How did I contribute to being where I'm at today? Whether it's in my relationship or in any other circumstance in life? What have you done? Ask yourself that first. When you assume responsibility, you also assume power. Responsibility equals power. If you had something to do with where you're at, if you could have changed something and that would have made the other person react differently, then you have the power to change it. Moving forward, you can make a difference. You don't have to sit down and wait for others to change. One of my favorite quotes is, you don't have to. Nothing around you has to change. For everything to change, you just change. You, your perspective, your way of being, and the way you look at life change you. The d in hard comes from decisions. So it is important to be humble and to be authentic and to be responsible. But if you don't make decisions, then it's not going to change anything. We need to make humble, authentic, responsible decisions. And not just once, okay, I'm going to do this, and I decided that I'm going to do this. Well, you decided that that day, but you have to decide it again the day after and the day after and the day after. Because decisions have to be consistent. You have to persevere in your decisions. You don't just make a decision one day. You make it every day. You make choices every day that are congruent and aligned with what you want, with your final goal, with that big outcome that you're looking forward to, whether it's becoming a better version of yourself, improving your relationship, or increasing your finances or your health. If you decide that you want to be healthier and you start working out, and you worked out today for three hours, but you didn't work out tomorrow or the day after. Nothing is going to change. So when we talk about decisions, we talk about decisions that are consistent, that are daily, that are aligned with what you want. So hard. Yes, hard sounds like something terrible, but hard helps you become the best version of yourself. And who doesn't want that? We were born to be happy, and we were born to be the best version of ourselves. So exercise power. Power is hard. Changing the life that you have is hard. But it's amazing, and it's powerful, so go for it hard.