The Experience Of Gratitude - Faith & Growth Podcast - #20

So having an attitude of gratitude means that you live your life looking for God in people, in experiences, looking for all the good God with two O's. When my kids were little, I did something that I'm sure most of you did with your children or your parents did with you, which is that every time there was someone who did something for them or gave them something, I would encourage them to say thank you. Que se dice? What do you say? So we know from early on the importance of being grateful, but the way we teach gratitude and the way we learn gratitude is by just saying thank you. So my kids have gotten really good about saying it, but sometimes I don't think they were able to demonstrate it or to act thankful. In fact, like a lot of our kids nowadays, suffer from entitlement. And I will say it's not just my kids, it's me. I have suffered from, from entitlement. Many times I've thought, like, I've come from a place that, like, I think people are supposed to do things for me, starting with my mom, for example. My parents. Like, I have this. I remember when I had little kids, I expected my mom to be able to come help me and to be available. And subconsciously I wanted her to do for my kids what she couldn't do for me, because she was working, because she was dedicated to us in other ways. So I remember having that feeling and sense of entitlement. However, I was very good about being politically correct and saying thank you, but did I feel grateful? That's a completely different story. And so today, in commemoration of our Thanksgiving month, I want to continue the conversation about gratitude and share with you how we get to experience gratitude, not just say thank you. I'm going to tell you four ways in which we get to express and feel gratitude. And I am going to give you some tasks or exercises that are aligned with each of those four ways of experiencing gratitude so that you have practical tools to begin today and to teach your kids while you're at it. So gratitude is an attitude, they say. What does that mean? What is an attitude of gratitude? That just means that we get to experience gratitude by looking for the positive, the blessings, the gifts of every moment. The brain is wired to focus on what's negative. There's a theory called the Velcro Teflon theory of the mind, which says that everything that's negative, like the things that didn't go your way, the failures of the day, the traumas, the negative experiences stick to the mind, like Velcro, like, effortlessly. It's like natural. And then the positive things, like all those gifts of the day to day, like a little butterfly that passed by or the breeze that we've been feeling in Miami, which is a very warm place. Those little things are gifts, and we can experience them with joy and gratitude. But typically, those slide like butter on Teflon. So the Velcro. Teflon theory of the mind says that the negative sticks effortlessly instantly, like Velcro, and the positive just slides like butter on Teflon. Like you. You don't really. It doesn't really stick. So then it encourages us to sit with that positive experience from 15 to 20 seconds so that it can stick. So it's not effortless. There's. There's intentionality. And you wanting to sit with that thing which. With which you feel grateful, that you feel grateful for. So attitude is looking for the gifts. There's a practice that I encourage all of my students and my clients to engage with, which is the examen de consciencia, the conscious examination from St. Ignatius. And essentially what that practice does is, like every day, you reflect back on your day, so you relive your day. They say hindsight is 20 20, so you get to see things more clearly when they've already passed. And I think this is a great exercise for consciousness to create awareness, but it's also, also a spiritual practice that increases gratitude. So in that practice, what you do is you go back to. You revisit your day, and then you look for three things. Three things. Number one, where was God in your life? Was it in the. All the green lights that you took when you were running late, and then that helped you get there on time? But was it in the butterfly that you saw? Was it in the text or phone call that you received? Just yesterday, one of my students sent me a beautiful video. She was sharing how I always tell my students that they are assigned to people, like they're being trained as life coaches. And I always tell them, like, people are praying for you. You are the answer to someone's prayer. And her video message yesterday talked about how she. Well, it's shout out to Emily. This was Emily who sent me the message. Emily sent me a message explaining that all of the students in her cohort, she has a program for widows. So if you've experienced the loss of your spouse, she's your person. There's no one better than her. And she was sharing in the video that the people who have. Who signed up to this video, when they were sharing in the first session, they were Saying like, you know, I was praying and you came up, I was praying and somebody told me about you. I was praying and I found you online. I was praying and you sent me an email. So if you are praying for Emily, go to brave widow.com and she will gladly support you. She's one of our alumni at the Faith Based Coaching Academy. And her video message yesterday said, betsy, you always said that, that I was the answer to someone's prayer. And I thought, that's nice, that sounds really good. But it's just poetic. And Betsy being all inspiring. And yesterday she was like, it was true. I am the answer to a lot of people's prayer. And they are telling me now. And she was like super emotional, sharing, well, that was God. That God was in her message. Because sometimes, no matter how much success we have, we wonder if what we're doing is good enough. I wonder if what I'm doing is really making the impact that I. That I decided with intention that I was going to show up to experience and to provide. And messages like Emily remind me that I'm on the right track. So Emily was the face of Christ for me yesterday when she sent me that message. So those are those. Where was God is more than, you know, experiencing a miracle or something like that. It's like the little miracles of the day. Where was their love? Where did you get lucky? Quote unquote. Because it's more than lucky, it's God. Like, where, where what was good? Remember that good is God with two O's. So you know, what was God? It's just looking for other things. So that's number one in the exam, in the consensia. Number two, you're also looking for, where were you not your best self? Like, in which ways did you fail? So that you can create awareness and maybe set that as an intention the next day. And you know, in indignation. Language is like, how. Where did you sin? I just think sin. I just think of sin as separation. What separates you from God? Or what. What is not your best self? And then lastly, how were you your best self? Which I call success filing. This is a concept that my writing coach taught me, Susan Ford Collings. She has the book the Joy of Success. And she talks about success filing being something that you do daily or monthly or annually or however in whatever timeframe you want to do it as. But the idea is to go over, to reflect on the successes of the day, the little things, the things that were not in your to do list that you didn't get to Check off. But that probably mattered more than what was in your to do list. So I was able to spend quality time with my child. I didn't lose it when my kid forgot his book bag at home. I responded with grace when typically I would get pissed off and scream like, whatever, right? Like whatever was made you a better version of yourself, whatever represented the higher being that you were created to be that you were actually able to experience that day. Use Success file. So three things in the exam in the where was God? Look for all the good, all the blessings. Number two, in which ways were you not your best self? And number three, in which ways did you succeed and account for that? So having an attitude of gratitude means that you live your life looking for God in people, in experiences, looking for all the good God with two O's. And you also spend your day looking for ways in which you were good. So it's not just humanity and the universe, like, but you. In which ways were you better? And this just tapping into the feeling of gratitude for that which is good. So that's the attitude of gratitude. It's always looking for what's good in your life. And it's sitting within 15 to 20 seconds to overcome what the theory, the Velcro, Teflon theory of the mind says so that you can, like, record it. And honestly, like, at the beginning, it may be an effort for you to sit within 15 seconds. And eventually it becomes a habit. So then you're habitually grateful. I know when I was intentional about starting this practice, I remember, like, I don't know, I would. I would go for a walk. I love nature and I love movement. So I would go for a walk in nature and see something beautiful. And I would just sit, look, like, stop and look at it, sit with it, take a picture of it, think about it, thank God for it. And sometimes I would literally go, 1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, and just like, gaze at this, at the beautiful thing that I was looking at, to, like, record it and to like, really, really, really remember how lucky I am, how lucky I am to have the life that I have, no matter what adversity I'm going through. So attitude of gratitude is when you look for the good in your life and you tap into that feeling that helps you feel grateful for it. Number two, attitude is also. And action. I have to tell you about Orlando. Orlando Valdez is a dear friend of mine. He's the dad of. Well, he was a teenager at the time when I met him. So there's. There's this Young man who was going through a hard time in his life and he came to my teens group back then and I, I just loved him. I just love this kid. And Orlando, his dad was always deeply grateful for what my team and I did for his son and how we treated him and how we believed in him and how we held them when he was going through his hard times. And it was my job. They paid me for this. And mind you, yes, I did a lot of things that weren't paid for. Right. Like, I definitely went the extra mile and I, I went above and beyond and that's part of my brand. Part of my brand is over delivering. Jonathan Giner taught me that. My, one of my mentors and marketing strategists back in the day. Always over deliver, Betsy. Always over deliver. I think that's a way of practicing gratitude too, by the way. So I did overdeliver, but not to the point of how this man Orlando expressed gratitude. Like is, that was, I don't know, maybe like 10 years ago. And this man to this day is constantly looking for an opportunity to serve me or my family, to support me, to just show me his love and his gratitude. It's just, it's overwhelmingly beautiful. Like, I thought I was a grateful person, that, that's one of my main core values, but I'm smoking mirrors when it comes to gratitude. Compared to Orlando, Orlando, just any little opportunity he had to show gratitude by doing something for me, by taking action, by saying kind things, by reminding me of the impact I made in his son and therefore his, his family life he would take. He just, he would not waste any opportunity to the point that this, like, his gratitude makes me feel indebted now. Like, like he did all of this to show me gratitude and now I feel like I need to be grateful for all his gratitude. So it's contagious when you take, when you, when you experience and live gratitude as an action, it just, it's just contagious. Now there's all, and I mentioned, like, I feel like a little indebted because he's done so much for me and he's so kind to me. And I think indebtedness may not be the best word because there's no entitlement in acts of kindness and, But I can't think of any other word. Like I, I feel like when you're, when you act with gratitude, when gratitude is an action, you have this sense of indebtedness. Like, like you did that for me and I know you didn't do it so that I would pay you back. But I just, I just, I'm so grateful that I am going to pay attention to every opportunity I have to serve you, to show you, to thank you, to, to, to. To be grateful for the thing that you did that impacted me so deeply. So gratitude is an action when you look for opportunities to serve, to love, to praise, to encourage, to support the person you're grateful for. And I think when I think of Orlando, he's like the embodiment of gratitude as action or gratitude as service. When I think of him, I feel like if I were to look at him at any given moment, he's probably looking around the room, paying attention, looking for the opportunity. He always sees the need in others. And I'm just amazed and inspired by someone's ability to always be looking for the need of others, especially those he or she feels grateful for. So thank you, Orlando, for being a teacher of gratitude as action and service to me and everybody who knows you, because I don't think it's just with me, you're truly a servant leader and I learned from you. So I dedicate this episode to you. So number one, gratitude is attitude and the practical tool or the action item for that is select success filing, look for the little successes and look for those moments and the examine conscious examination. Like look for God in the day so that you can focus on that. The second one is gratitude as action and the practical tool or action item for that is for you to surge for opportunities. I always tell my kids, like man, like, you know, be grateful, be more grateful. Like whenever you see me, like running around like a chicken without a head or working in the kitchen or doing things around the house, offer help. Look for that opportunity to show gratitude to mom and dad. Like offer help, tell them is there something you need or just start doing it. That is a form of gratitude, gratitude of service. Before continuing the episode, allow me to invite you to book a call with me or my team@talktobetsy.com so that we can learn more about you and and see if the faith based coaching academy is the answer to your prayer. I cannot wait to connect back to the episode Number three. We have gratitude as investment. When you are grateful for something or for someone, you do not hesitate to invest time, money, energy on it. They say put your money where your mouth is. And I don't know why that makes me think of the scripture in Matthew 12:34 that says out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. God speaks to me in Spanish so I Don't know. Like, I don't know why I connect the two. I guess because they both have the word mouth, right? Like from the abundance of. Out of the abundance of the mouth, I mean of the heart, the mouth speaks and put your money where your mouth is at. And so I'm thinking like if the abundance in your heart is gratitude, if you have this deep sense of gratitude and then your mouth speaks that, right? Like you say good things about that person. So that's part of the attitude. You praise, you. Well, praising is also an action. But then you also take it to another level and you invest in time like Orlando has. If I were to call Orlando at any given moment to ask for help, he'll be in my house in five minutes. So I don't, because I don't want to abuse, but I just know that he'll be there if I ever need him. So he'll invest his time, he'll invest his money, he'll invest his energy on me and everybody else that he feels gratitude towards. So I'll give you a couple examples of this. I always have coaches. I believe in coaching wholeheartedly and I think we all have the opportunity to grow mentally, spiritually, professionally, other ways, physically. So I have a trainer who I interviewed for the second season of the Faith and Growth podcast for Lane. So I'm excited to share that with you. I have a business coach, I have a spiritual mentor, I have a lot of other business mentors and I have a life coach. I really always have mentors and coaches supporting my growth because I always want to grow and I am a lifelong learner. So I'm part of this program called BBG Brand Builders Group. And my coaches, the main coaches are Rory and AJ Vaden and they launched their first book together. Their husband and wife. He has a couple of books, but. Or more than a couple, maybe. And she. This was her first book. So Rory and AJ were launching this book titled Healthy and well Known. And they were asking their community, and I'm part of their community, to support them with the launch. And they. There were different tiers of investments and I want to say the highest was a ten thousand dollar investment where you bought a whole bunch of books, shared them with your community. So that also gave them exposure and supported them. So it wasn't just, it wasn't just buying the books, it was giving it to people who would benefit from that and increasing their audience and their exposure. And I remember when they shared the news that they were opening it to the community for us to Help them. It was like a yes. It was like a strong yes, I'll do anything for you because I, again I'm paying for my program but they've over delivered and they've done so much for me and they've expanded me as a person and they, they've made my business better and more joyful. And I, I'm just like in awe of their intellectual property, of their frameworks and I'm deeply grateful. And then on top of that they share my faith so I feel like I can trust them wholeheartedly. And it's just, it feels very safe, very safe to be with them and very enlightening. And I remember that in that particular moment they, I had gone through a speaker showcase that, that they have for our, for the members and I was in a big time high and I was just so grateful for everything they were teaching me and how they were elevating me as a person and professional that when they offered that I was like, yes, where do I sign? Yes. And at the time I was not in a good place financially in my business. In fact, it was either I helped them with that higher tier support or I paid myself. And I prayed about it for a second. I was like, okay, God help me discern if this is what you want. And I just had so much gratitude in my heart that I was like, I can pay myself retroactively at another time when I make up for, you know, for the, for the lack in the finances, but I don't know if I'm ever going to have the opportunity to serve them, to say thank you with my investment of money. That, that wasn't like easy for me, right? Like, cause I, it's not like that I had like all the money flowing in my account at that time. So I was like, and that's the difference by the way, between scarcity and abundance, right? Like I was in a place of, technically I was in a place of scarcity. Numbers wise, right? Like the numbers in my account didn't, weren't measuring up. But abundance is a state of being and I, I, that's another one of my core values. I, I feel like I'm a very abundant person. So whether I have money or not, I get to be abundant. And at that moment, like from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. At that moment I had an abundance of gratitude. So I invested on their book launch and nothing felt more aligned and beautiful. So again, gratitude is an investment. The people who work in the ministries of the church, like I'm part of the EMEA's retreat and the EMEAS movement and the mom's ministry. And I see how, like, especially, you know, my kids go to a Catholic church, I mean school. And I see all these volunteers, the room moms and the carnival volunteers and all these people that do so much work for free. And I'm like, wow, wow. They must feel deeply grateful for the community, for their kids having the opportunity to be surrounded by people who share their values and learning and faith and in love. Gratitude is also an investment. So are you investing on what you feel grateful for? Let me tell you one last story about a student of mine. Ana Maria is a South American lady who saw me speak a few times in ministries. Like I volunteered to speak at some ministries of the church. And she would always come to me after the talk and she'd be like, I want to work with you. What will it take? Like, do you take new clients? Do you, like, what is it? What do I need to do to be around you? And I remember her saying that with conviction. So much so that I remember the first time she came to me, which was many, many years prior to her coming to the Faith Based Coaching Academy. And at the time she couldn't afford it, right? She didn't have the money to invest on the Faith Based Coaching Academy. I don't even think that that existed at the time. I was only doing private practices actually. And she kept on following me and she kept on having like that desire in her heart that she was going to be in whatever program I offered or whatever service I had. And she kept on coming to all my free webinars and coaching classes and all the things that I did for free in my, to support my community. So I got to know her until one day she was like, I must, I must. I have to do this Faith Based Coaching Academy. I want what you have to offer. And she had a lot of gratitude for all the things I had done for free. And she, she was determined to investing on it. And at the time she, she really didn't have the money. Money. So she had conversations with her husband. They decided to go into their savings. I had, I had offered her a 12 month payment plan to support her because usually my payment plan is a six month payment plan. So like just to lower the monthly investment. And instead of taking me up on that offer, she went into her savings, did the math, talked to her husband, did all the things, and she invested the full amount at once. And after that she did the cohort three times. She did the Faith Based Coaching academy three times. And nowadays she is a life coach for especially couples who have God in the center of their lives or want to have God in the center of our lives. She's also a leader at the matrimonials and Victoria ministry, like marriages in Victory. She's Spanish speaking, by the way. She also invested a lot of time, energy and effort because her main language is Spanish and she barely knew English. My program is in English as of now. One day we're going to do the Spanish too, but my program is in English. So what took other people one hour to, you know, to watch a masterclass? Took her three hours because she would listen and then look in the dictionary, translate, look for the answers, like, ask questions. So not only did she invest the money, she invested a lot of effort, time, and energy. And I'm in awe. We actually have one of the awards that we give in graduation, her name, because she makes us feel like, oh, no excuses. There's no excuse to do what your heart desires. Ana Maria is a testament of that. And where did that come from? Gratitude. Ana Maria was grateful for the things that I had shared with her free of charge. She was grateful for the way I created content and combined psychology and spirituality. She had had a lot of experiences of trauma in her life and had a deep, profound faith. So being able to combine the two were healing for her and the people that she's serving, starting with her family. So, Ana Maria, shout out to you, I love you. You're a testament of love, gratitude, and hard work. And I'm just in awe of you. So investment. Gratitude is an investment. And then the practical tool that you get to implement to take action now and gratitude as an investment is to maybe take a moment to reflect on, is there a charity that, like, tugs at your heart? Something that when you hear about it, you're like, oh, like, I must help these kinds of people or this cause. And then consider investing, donating to that charity. Give, Give. Miami Tuesday is coming up. So if you're local in Miami, you can also give to a charity I'm actually supporting Ripples of impact right now. So if you connect with serving youth and the environment, that's a good one to give to. And then another thing that you get to reflect on is what have you been procrastinating on with regards to elevating your life, unlocking your greatness, and fulfilling the purpose that God created you to fulfill? And if it is to help others, consider going to faithandgrowth.com and booking a call with me so that you can finally be equipped with the tools, the wisdom that you need to show up for the people who are praying for you. And as I told Emily once, you are the answer to people's prayers. But unless you're equipped with the wisdom that will enable you to do that, you're not going to show up wholeheartedly and with competence. So if you're ready to book a call right now, go to talktobetsy.com if you still want to learn a little more, then just go to Faith and Growth dot com. So that's the homework for investment. And then lastly, gratitude is celebration. I had a meeting with one of the CEOs that I support. Like, I support his company. I give workshops for his leadership team. And he was in Miami. He's from Puerto Rico. He was in Miami. And he came because there was a conference in which they were going to recognize him for an award, a big award that he had. For the first time in 42 years of this organization, a Puerto Rican was nominated for this award. It was like a big deal. It was, it was a. It was a beautiful thing. And I'm, you know, I'm not biased as a Puerto Rican, but it's kind of a big deal, right? So he came to be nominated, and he almost didn't come because it was like, oh, like, you know, whatever. He's super humble, very modest. He does things with love not to be recognized. There's zero entitlement in him. He just, he just, he. He operates from passion, purpose, intention. It's so he doesn't need recognition. He doesn't need to be celebrated. It's just not necessary. And I remember him saying, like, him being like, oh, like, I don't even want to, like, do a speech or who am I? This is not for me. Like, you know, like, I don't need this. And I'm like, how dare you not write a speech and show up wholeheartedly to receive that award? Because celebration is a form of gratitude. If you're grateful for this recognition, for this nomination, you're grateful because they gave you an opportunity, because you put Puerto Rico on the map. This is not even for you. This is for all Puerto Ricans who feel the pride of being able to show up with competence and excellence like you have. You're representing more than just you. And you get to celebrate that, and you get to be grateful for that and just sit with it and receive that award and give a speech and enjoy it. Enjoyment and celebration. And by the way, this is something that I've struggled with because we go getters. Doers are really good about getting things done, but not so great about receiving and pausing to celebrate. But I have good teachers and mentors, and you've heard me talk about my first business coach ever, whom I adore, Lulibee. Lulibee has reminded me of the importance of celebrating as a form of gratitude. When you, you know, you're praying for something, God, help me with this. Please, please, please, please, please. You're asking. He helps you with it, you win, and you keep on to the next thing. When are you going to say, thank you so much? This is amazing. Celebrate. Gratitude is celebration. And this reminds me of a book that I read by Dan Solomon, who actually Alex Pardo gifted to me. Alex Pardo is going to be another one of our guests in season two of the Faith and Growth podcast and in the gap in the gain. That book talks about how we oftentimes live either in the gap or in the gain. The gap is when we measure ourselves forward, so we're measuring ourselves against the ideal. So when you think of, let's say you want to make six figures in your business, so that's like the ideal at the time, but then as you're getting closer to the six figures now, you know, you could totally do seven. So that ideal, that was six figures once, now you now gave. Now it's. Now it's seven figures. Like, it just moved. So you're never going to reach the ideal, because as you grow and expand, so does the ideal. And the way I think of it is, like, imagine that you are in a kayak and you're in, you know, you're in the water and you're, like, going towards the horizon, and you want to reach that line of the horizon. You keep on paddling and, like, you know, kayaking, like, and you're like, you've gone on and on and on for hours, and you're exhausted, but you keep at it. And then you're like, oh, my gosh, I still have so much left. I'm never gonna get there. So you never celebrated all the milestones. You never celebrated that you got to that island that looks so far away, and now you didn't celebrate that you got to the other little key. Like, you're just. You're just going, going, going, going, going, going, going, wanting more, more, more. Living in the gap. Living in that gap between where you're at and where you desire to be. And when you live there, you forget to be grateful for what you have already accomplished. And that's where living in the game comes in. When you live in the game, you're measuring yourself backwards. You're looking back, looking back to see I can't even see the shore anymore. Look at how far you've come along. This happens to me a lot in my business that I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm still not where I want to be. And then I look back and I'm like, what? I built a podcast. I have all these, all this content. I have the Betsy bot, the, you know, the Betsy version of ChatGPT, which is, by the way, a lot safer than ChatGPT because it's founded on my intellectual property, which is the science and wisdom of psychology with spirituality. So it's aligned with values. And you know, I have the Better with Betsy app and I have all these programs, the Faith Based Coaching Academy. I have like close to 100 graduates from the Coaching Academy. Like, it's like what I've been able to experience and accomplish all of that. When you live in the game, you're awed by the graces that God's given you, by the blessings, by your success. So. So there's an invitation in considering gratitude as a celebration to live in the gain, measure yourself backward. Look at how far you've come along. How much have you already accomplished? How much weight have you lost? Maybe you're not where you want to be, but you're on your way and that matters. Pause to celebrate. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Celebration is not laziness. It's not wasting time. It's being grateful. So just to summarize, there's an invitation for you during this Thanksgiving season to experience gratitude as an attitude. Look for all the good around you as an action. Be the Orlando that is constantly looking to see how he can serve others. To show that gratitude. Invest on anything that tugs at your heart or that calling that God's calling you to do next. Because like Emily, it is your responsibility and privilege to be the answer to someone else's prayer. And you get to be equipped so that you may show up competently and with excellence. And lastly, consider that celebration and enjoyment is also a form of gratitude and pause to give thanks for where you are at right now by measuring yourself or by living in the game. I hope this supports you and expands you and helps you be gratitude so that you can be happier. Because gratitude is the pathway to joy. I love you. Have a beautiful Thanksgiving. That's it for today's episode. Thank you. I loved, loved, loved spending this time with you. So thank you for joining me. If somebody came to mind while you were listening, bless them with this episode, send it to them. And if you may, please subscribe and leave a review. Those are really helpful to help us spread the message. And if you want to grow in faith and wisdom, join me@faithandgrowth.com thank you for spending this time with me. Love you. Bye.