Betsy Guerra separates politeness from real gratitude, arguing that thankfulness is a habit you build, not just words you say. She shares how intentional gratitude practices shifted her perspective after her daughter's death, and how leaning on her mother and mother-in-law taught her what genuine appreciation looks like.
Chapters
Thank you. What is that? What does thank you really mean? When I was little, my mom told me that I had to say thank you every time somebody did something for me, gave me something, or said something nice. I do the same thing with my kids. I find myself telling them, what do you say? What do you say? I don't even give them a chance to even say it at times because I'm so conscious about teaching them how to say thank you. But we learn early on how to say thank you. And that doesn't necessarily mean that we understand what being grateful is all about. There is a difference between having good manners and saying thank you when it's appropriate and being grateful, being appreciative. And all too often I hear couples, parents, kids say, oh yeah, they don't appreciate the things that I do, they don't care. But then the other person's like, but I said thank you so many times. And we don't realize that thank you and being grateful are two totally different things. Saying thank you is just learning how to do that. And we all know how to speak the words. Being grateful is something we have to practice. It's a habit. So we have to practice it and practice it and practice it until we can truly become, show, demonstrate that we're grateful. I had a little bit of a sense of entitlement, I'm not proud to confess. And I remember when I had kids, I felt that my mom had to help me with the kids and my mother in law had to help me with the kids. But the truth is that they didn't have to. They did it because they loved me. They did it because they loved their grandkids and they wanted to do it. And I remember having very good manners and always saying, thank you so much, mom, for doing this, for coming from, you know, from three hours, four hours away, driving and being here for I don't know how many days and missing out on all your activities at home. Thank you to my mother in law for being so present and devoted to my kids and helping in everything, even when it was last minute, because I'm the queen of calling last minute. I would say thank you, thank you. But I was always annoyed by what they didn't do right when they didn't do the things the way I wanted them to do it. And they could feel that energy. They could feel that even though I said thank you sweaties and thank you mom that I wasn't grateful, I was entitled. And I remember being so uncomfortable as I was experiencing that because I believe in the, in the value of the virtue of gratitude. But I was entitled. So I started practicing not just to say thank you, but to feel thankful. And I remember every time I would have a thought of like, you know, she didn't brush their teeth or she didn't shower them like I told her, or she didn't wash the hair, or she didn't do things my way, I remember thinking like, she did this. And my kids had a great time and they were happy and they got to spend time with their grandpar and they came from far away and they had to be in a car for so long and they're not 15 anymore. And I remember as I started doing the intentional exercise of appreciating the things that they did do rather than focus on what they didn't do, I started feeling more grateful. And I can say that I am extremely grateful for what my mom, my mother in law and a lot of people around me do for me. I am truly, truly, wholeheartedly grateful. Are you grateful or are you just saying thank you? Because gratitude is such an important virtue for me. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. And four years ago, the first Thanksgiving with my daughter without my daughter was one of the most difficult holidays I've ever experienced. She had left to heaven three months prior. And we always go to Georgia, to my brothers during the holidays, during Thanksgiving. And I love it. I love going. It's so much fun. It's like the best holiday ever of the year for sure, hands down for my entire family. And it sucked. It sucked. And I remember thinking, what am I grateful for? I have nothing to be grateful for, you know, this sucks. She's not here, she's not here, she's not here. And all I could think about was what I had lost and what I didn't have. And shortly after I was thinking about that, I went upstairs and I saw my little one who was a year at the time. I saw my oldest, I saw my husband, I saw my mom, my dad, my brother, my sister in law, my nephews. And I remember thinking like, I don't have her, but I have all of this because we have so much more than we realize. And when I started focusing on, well, I have this beautiful family that's supporting us, that love us, I have all these friends, all this community. I have so much to be grateful for. And I have to say, and I'm sure you've heard it everywhere, that when we practice gratitude, you know that they have these gratitude journals every day when you wake up, have this habit, this ritual of writing three things you're grateful for well, gratitude leads to happiness. It leads to joy. It leads to fulfillment because you change your perspective. So when you go from just saying thank you to being really grateful, truly, wholeheartedly grateful, your life goes from average to amazing, fulfilled, better.
