A short first-person YouTube reflection by Betsy Guerra about grieving and the social pressure to suppress emotions. Betsy describes how August—and specifically August 25, the anniversary of her daughter's passing—triggers an "anniversary reaction" that accumulated unexpressed emotions. She explains how she delayed vulnerability until the anniversary, realized that waiting limited her ability to integrate feelings, and invites viewers to give themselves permission to feel without needing an external excuse. She closes by offering support via betterwithbetsy.com.
Chapters
Today I'm going to talk to you about a time where I thought we don't have permission to feel. The month of August is particularly hard for me because it's the anniversary of my daughter's passing. And it's also back to school, which I always link to my loss because it happened a couple days before I lost my daughter. And sometimes this thing called anniversary reaction takes over me, and my body remembers that trauma from many years ago, and I feel like I'm off. And this particular year, I was going through a lot of things. I was having some challenges at work, and I. I couldn't come up with a solution. And I. I was off. I was sad, I was frustrated, I felt lost. I was stuck. And I felt like I had to keep it together, right? Because I don't have permission to come home and be irritable and scream at my kids and fight over nothing with my husband just because I had a situation at work. We don't have permission to do that. That's not acceptable. You get to woman up, be a leader, do what you need to do, show good face, and keep going. Right? That's what society told me. Or maybe that's the story I told myself. And August came, and days passed by, and with every day, I felt more disconnected and stuck and frustrated. But everything was building and brewing up inside of me. I did not allow myself to lose it. And August 25th came up, which is the anniversary of my daughter's passing. And I was a hot mess. I was abominate of all the emotions that had been brewing inside of me the entire month. It was so relieving, too. It was like, at last I have permission to feel. Because if people think that I am breaking down only because I miss my daughter, then they're gonna have grace with me. They're not gonna judge me. That was what I thought. So then I gave myself permission to feel all the feels, to be irrational, to be angry, to scream, and to have little patience. Like all the things. Because it was the day that I was allowed to feel that way. And after. After that day in reflection, I thought, man, if I would have allowed myself to be vulnerable, to be angry, to be frustrated, to feel like a loser at some point, to just embrace and welcome all the feelings that I had been feeling for months, I would have been able to connect with what that day means to me, as opposed to use it as an excuse that allowed me to express my emotions. And I will not deny that I felt a little bit of shame. I choose not to engage with shame because it's a very low frequency emotion. But I felt shame. I'm like, Betsy, this is what you preach. You tell people to be vulnerable, to open up, to feel the feels. I mean, pain is a fertilizer, right? The only way around is through. And I hadn't realized that I wasn't allowing myself to do the same in sharing this experience. My invitation to you is that you don't wait for society or your beliefs to dictate whether or not you have permission to feel. You get to experience all the emotions that are probably guiding, supporting, and healing you without having the need of an excuse to allow yourself to vent. I hope this serves you. If you want a little support in doing this, you're welcome to visit betterwithbetsy.com.
