What To DO after You Be: Be-Do-Have Method | 44

If you've already stepped into that identity of wholeness, of completeness, of fulfillment, of joy, of peace, from that place, from that energy, from that is-ness, that being-ness, from there you act. I am one of four. My oldest sister has severe mental retardation, so she needed a lot of special attention from my parents. Then my brother came after, and he also needed a lot of attention 'cause he gave my parents a run for their money. So they had to be extra attentive to him and be on top of him. And by the time they got to me, they were tired. They were like, "What? Like, you raise yourself." So I learned early on in my life to fend for myself, to take care of myself, to do the work, to earn the attention. And then my little brother was a surprise, a great surprise, by the way. And he was our baby. So, you know, he was very, very beloved. I learned at an early age, like, that I had to earn the time, the attention of my parents, 'cause they were busy. I had to— somehow stand out if I wanted to attract some attention. And I did that by being the perfect student. I would get straight A's and, you know, like once in a while, I would become the star of the month and they would come to the assembly where they would give me an award. You know, I would excel so that my parents could take some time off and come see me. And it felt so good, you know, so I was reinforced and rewarded because my dad would take time off work, my mom would also be there. Whereas typically what it looked like is like my dad would drop us off super early to not get too much traffic on the way to work. And then my mom would pick us up very late, if at all. If, you know, many times we had to find the ride because she worked until 4 or 5. So in order for me to get attention from my parents, I learned to excel, to do, to earn. I just learned to earn love. And it was my bad. This was on me. Because now I know love is free. People can love me, and people can love you just because you exist. You don't have to be— you don't have to get good grades. You don't have to be a good housewife, do the house chores really well, like I did the ironing of my dad's shirts. You don't have to do anything to be loved. And I learned that pretty much the other day, conceptually first, and then in practice, I'll share how. When I lost Fofi, I was talking to the priest who changed my life forever, the one who sat with me on the walk-in closet. If you haven't heard my story, you can go to episode number 1, and I mention it there. And he would like come visit just to give us a hug or just to spend some time with us and just be there, be love. And I remember telling him like, I am working so hard on being a good Christian, a good person, and on doing acts of service and serving others. Like, I was like trying to earn heaven because I wanted, I desperately needed to see my daughter again. And the only way I know how to do that is by going to heaven so that we may meet once more. So I was telling him how I'm on a mission to be the best person in the universe so that I can earn heaven. And he looked at me and he was like, Betsy, love is free. You don't need to do all these things things to earn God's love. God's love is unconditional. It's free. It's yours. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to earn it. And I was like, wait, what? What do you mean? I don't need to go to church and do the thing and be kind? Of course, yes, yes. That's how we choose heaven. That's a choice. It's not to earn heaven. It's to choose it, ultimately, right? When you are following in the footsteps of the all-encompassing love that God is, then you're choosing His path. So, yes, there's some of that, but it's not an earning thing. It's a choosing, right? Like, you're doing all the right things because you choose His path. You choose the light. You choose the way. You choose love. You choose God. But in terms of being loved, He loves you even if you're a jerk. This is the free love, the unconditional love that Father Gerardo was telling me about. And then I started looking for it in my life and paying attention. I have to tell you that I found that unconditional love in my husband. And that's why, you know, many people think that my husband is absolutely perfect and he's a god, he's an idol because of how I talk about him. He is just as imperfect as we all are. But he is— I always say there's Jesus Christ number one, and he's a close second because he is an embodiment of love. And by the way, it comes from his parents. If you've met my in-laws, they are love, like deep, unconditional, profound love. And that's what he learned. That's what he experienced. They didn't have a lot of means growing up, but they had love. So all the friends, everybody wanted to go to his house. So unconditional love, even if there's no other, if there's none of the other things that we also enjoy, material things and such, is something that's very familiar to my husband. So I remember I was writing my book, and during that season, I spent a lot of time on my dining table writing, writing, writing on my computer. And I didn't do much around the house. I didn't cook much. I didn't serve the kids much. He was doing all the things. The food, like the serving the kids has always been his department, in all fairness. But he was really picking up the slack of everything I wasn't doing because I was attending to this book. And I remember one time sitting on the table and him coming in after, you know, he was riding bike with the kids, and then he would come and bring me water or tea. And then at any given moment, he'll be like, "Come on, baby, let's go for a walk. You've been there for too long." And he wanted me to see the light of the day. And he would take me for a walk, and then I would go back to riding. He would just take so much care of me. And he was so good to me, and he really picked up the slack. And I remember, like, I would cry, feeling so inadequate, unworthy of all this that he was doing. I was with my coach having a walking session at some point, and I'm like, I feel like the worst wife and mom. All I'm doing all day is writing, writing, writing. Like, I'm not being fully present with my family. I'm not being a good housewife. I'm not gonna— And my friend was like, wait, but Betsy, you're not just doing this for Fofi, which was ultimately like my original intention. This was gonna be my gift to her. And for humanity, those who are going through what I once went, through, right, like the grief, I wanted to, in honor of Fofi, gift this story and these tools to those who are going through loss and grief and hopelessness. So she was like, you're not just doing this for Fofi and the people you're meant to support through this book. You're supporting your kids by teaching them how to persevere through something hard, by teaching them how to fulfill your purpose, your goals, your mission, by gifting them this legacy of these tools and story that's gonna be written down forever, and they'll have access to it when they're older. But like, she kept on going, and I was like, oh, like, so she helped me reframe what I felt was inadequacy, like, like I'm not balancing things well enough. And then she helped me see that I didn't need to do things around the house and I didn't need to earn my husband's love. And I remembered what the priest told me. My heart remembered. And for the first time in my life, I felt intentionally, mindfully, openly felt unconditional. Love, the love that is free, the love that doesn't depend on you doing all things right for you to receive it. And I don't know what to tell you, but that may sound like dumb because I think I love my kids unconditionally. I'm sure my parents loved me unconditionally. Like, I just couldn't get the message. I just didn't get it. I kept on engaging with something that was reinforced and rewarded, and that I understood as little Betsy. I kept on believing that. So that takes me to what I want to share with you today. Last week in our podcast, we learned about how beliefs form. Thoughts are sentences. And those sentences are repeated. When they're repeated and you, you know, you engage with them and you pay attention to them and you think they're true, they become beliefs. And then those beliefs then become your reality because you act in ways that fulfill the prophecy of what you think is gonna happen, self-fulfilling prophecy. And last week we mainly focused on the Be, Do, Have model, which is the spiritual way to achieve success, manifest the life that you desire to experience, and feel fulfilled, complete, whole. And the Be-Do-Have method says that first we focus on, on being what we think we're gonna be when we have something, when we do something. So go back to the last 2 episodes. I think they're gonna really bless you, and they're gonna open your mind to limitless possibilities. But today we're gonna focus on the do. So last week we talked about how do I step into the identity that I desire to experience and embody. If I am— like, for example, there was a time that I hated running. I think I'm back to hating it a little bit. But there was a time I hated running, and I wanted to run a marathon in memory of my friend's dad, Caro's dad. And she had run a half marathon in memory of Fofi. So I wanted to show her that I would do anything for her. And I did not want to train for the marathon miserably, which was going to be the case because I really did not enjoy waking up early, or running. So I decided that I was going to step into the identity of a runner who is also a morning person. I was gonna be that first, and from that being, I was gonna train, which is the do, and then I was gonna have the success of running the marathon. So be, do, have is the model that we follow, whereas the worldly model is have, do, be. First you have the skill set and the experience as a runner, a marathon runner, then you do the training, the things that a marathon runner does, and then you will be a runner, successful, you will successfully run a marathon, yada yada, right? So that's what society says. Spirituality says, no, no, no. We don't have to worry about having, we don't even have control over having. You don't have control over the outcomes. You have control over stepping into an identity. So that was B, and I go into details in last week's episode, so go back to that. Today, I wanna share with you what to do when you've already stepped into the identity that you desire to embody. So if you have chosen to be the kind of person who lives in her purpose, who believes that she's worthy of sharing her gifts, who knows her greatness, who believes all things are possible for her because with God all things are possible, or I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. If you've already stepped into that identity, of wholeness, of completeness, of fulfillment, of joy, of peace. From that place, from that energy, from that is-ness, that being-ness, from there you act. So last week we gave examples of if you're wanting to manifest more abundance in your life, financially speaking, then you become the kind of person who has all the money in the world, who has the possibility of investing and sharing and giving and spending on whatever she deems is important for her life, right? So you become that person first. And then from that wisdom, then you act. So do I spend money on this or do I not? Do I invest in this? Do I not? Do I gift? Do I keep this money or do I share this money? Do I donate this money? Is it the right thing? Is it the right cause? Does it pull at my heart, right? Like from that place, you do, and then eventually you have. And I'm not gonna spend too much time on having because manifesting what you desire into your physical reality is inevitable. It's inevitable when you've done the work. When that happens, that's not up to us. Right? Like, we do the work and we surrender the have, we surrender the outcome. But trust me, you, that before you know it, you are going to be in the place, in the having, in the experience that you once could only dream of and visualize in your mind. So back to doing. Let's say that you are wanting to manifest success. Actually, I'll share my experience, right? Why not? I have the Faith-Based Coaching Academy. It's a program that's accredited internationally in which you become formed psychospiritually. What does that mean? You grow in wisdom, in personal development. You heal. You become your better version. You do all the psychological work. You understand why you think, feel, act the way you do. And you understand why others do that too and why they trigger you in the process and what to do about it. So you become equipped with PhD-level education in psychology and personal development for yourself. And you also connect more deeply to God by learning different theories, by learning a practice, by, engaging with daily practices and rituals that are gonna allow you to grow closer to God and be a vessel of the Holy Spirit. Like, just tap into that Holy Spirit, that divine wisdom within. So this is, this is a program where you become formed and certified, 'cause it's internationally accredited as a life coach certification. But most of my students don't necessarily care to pursue a life coach career. They do this because they want to do the work with excellence. And obviously, like, when you get PhD-level education, it's no joke. And they want to do it with competence so that they may be supportive to their children, their spouses, their ministries, their communities, and everybody who surrounds them. And in this Faith-Based Coaching Academy, I, I have like big big dreams, big missions, big, like, big ideas. And I am determined to reach as many humans as God allows me to. I just wanna spread this through the world because I know that if there are more moms and dads who have these tools, then their kids are gonna be supported more deeply, and there's gonna be like a ripple effect. I've also had 20-something-year-old students, many of them, to my surprise, go through this program, and all of the older students always say like, "I wish I would have done this when I was your age," right? So, those 20-something-year-old students will make the best decisions in their lives. They will marry the right person. They will choose the right career. They will— they're equipped. They're formed. Success is inevitable for them, right? So I just have to. I have to share this with the entire world. And I feel like a lot of conviction with that, and a lot of desire, and responsibility. So I am devoted and dedicated. To making this happen. And I work, I invest in executive coaches and masterminds and programs to help me learn what I don't know, to help me reach the people who God has assigned to me. You know, I believe marketing is our responsibility. And what marketing means is like letting people know, like it's like putting like a neon sign that says, Welcome, we're open, we exist, right? So I am very intentional about marketing and letting people know, and I'm very intentional about conveying the value and learning how to do that in an excellent way so people understand with clarity and whatnot. So I do the work, essentially, is what I'm trying to say. I invest, I show up. I am relentless, relentless. The outcomes, the have, the be, do, have, right? Like the have part of that model doesn't always come as fast as I do the being and the doing. Actually, I will, in all honesty, I think the reason it doesn't come as fast is because I am especially focused on doing because of where I came from. I learned how to do. I learned how to earn love. I learned how to earn success. I learned how to earn good grades. I learned how to earn admiration, whatever. And I hadn't been focusing enough on the being, but the being is the foundation. So I would do, do, do, do, do, hire coaches, do the work, do the exercises, go to workshops, do like, I don't stop. I have been in the journey of becoming better at being. That stillness, that belief that comes from, I am loved, period. Not I am loved because I do this, because I'm good, because I do things, acts of service, because I'm generous, because I'm— no, no. I am loved. I've realized that because I was so focused on the doing without the foundation of being, I set myself up for failure because the have, the outcomes, the results of my hard work are not coming soon enough. And you know why they're not coming soon enough? Clearly, it's not because I'm not doing the work. It's because I don't believe. I am worthy of those outcomes, even though I conceptually and technically think I have earned them. There's a difference between earning and believing worth— believing that you're worthy of. Jamie Kern Lima wrote the book Worthy, and she distinguished so beautifully between self-worth and self-confidence. Self-worth is Knowing that you are loved and that you deserve to be loved and admired and taken care of naturally, like just because, like that's a sense of worthiness. And then self-confidence is that you believe you deserve to be loved, admired, or you're good because you've proven something, you've done the work, You've gotten in the reps to become good at that, right? So when I read that book, I was like, oh my gosh. I've always thought I'm so confident because I really am the most confident person I know. But I was equating that to self-worth. I'm like, I don't know why I feel this way. I'm totally worthy because I'm super confident about what I do. But it was all focused on the doing. In order for you to be self-confident, you need to do. You need to get the reps in so that you can feel good about yourself. In order for you to feel worthy, you need not do anything. You simply get to be. And so my first invitation today is, do you feel worthy of being loved Period? Or do you feel worthy of being loved if or because? Take a moment to reflect on that. And my friend, allow me to tell you what the priest told me once. You are worthy of love. Period. You were created mindfully, willfully to God's image and likeness. And He loves you as is. You could be screwing up, or you could be thriving and doing all the great things and being very close to Mother Teresa, and there's nothing you can do or not do for Him to love you any less or for Him to love you any more, because His love is infinite. Period. For you. There's nothing you have to do to earn it. And it's taken me 40, almost 47 years to grasp this. And I'm still a work in progress. So don't wait so long. Meditate on this. Believe this. Build the belief. Go back to last week's session and learn how to build belief. Learn how to step into that identity. The identity of the person who is loved, period. So going back to be, do, have, when you have already embodied the identity that you desire to step into, from that place you're doing. So if your thing is with money, then spend, invest, or use money, you know, use money according to this version of you, this future version of you that already has all the money in the world. Make decisions from that place with wisdom, be a good steward. If what you're looking for is love, you're wanting to have a more loving relationship with your spouse, your boyfriend, girlfriend, or maybe you wanna manifest that kind of love into your life because you're single or divorced, then, or widowed, then from that identity of like, I am already loved. Imagine that you already have that man or woman in your life that makes you feel like a million bucks, makes you feel desirable, attractive, loved, wanted, considered worthy. Like, imagine it's already true. What would that person feel? What would that person embody? And then from there, act accordingly. So what would the person who already feels loved do? I have to tell you an example of this. My friend Luly Córdova, she is a widow, and she has been doing beautiful personal development work. She's also an alumni of the, or alumna of the Faith-Based Coaching Academy. And she's been working on just loving herself, period, not needing to find it in someone else. But she's very open. She's single, ready to mingle. And she's very open to receive that love from a partner. And there was a time that 4, 3, or no, 3 couples were— 4 couples. We were going, 4 couples, to Key West. And we were going by boat. And Luli loves boating. So she wanted to come, and it was all couples. It was 8, you know, like 4 couples. And she was like, "You know what? I want to go. I love boating. I love—" You know, she loved us, the group that was going. And I was like, "I don't think I would do that." Like, I don't think I would go on a couples trip alone. I don't know. I just— it didn't occur to me. Like, I don't think I would have done that. You know, feeling like the 9th wheel or feeling like I don't belong, I would have probably told told myself all these stories. And Luli, who was already doing some beautiful work of being the woman who's loved, even if she doesn't physically have someone there fulfilling that role, she said yes. She just, she just came with us, and we had the time of our lives. And she met someone awesome in that trip, by the way. So So Lully, am I giving too much information? Just saying, I think it's okay that I'm sharing this. But anyway, so the point is that from that place of, I am already fulfilled, I'm already complete, I don't need to have a physical partner to belong in this group of those 4 couples. From that place, she chose to join us. And I think she's the one who had the best time. It was perfect. She was not the ninth wheel. Like, it wouldn't have been the same without her. So from that place, you make those decisions. You don't let the not having the boyfriend yet prevent you from doing. You don't let the not having the money yet prevent you from investing on the thing that will most likely manifest the money. Do you understand how like society tells us, no, I can't afford it? In the bank, it says, no, I don't have enough. But love, God came to give life and life to the full. Abundance is all there is. If God guides you to invest in something, to pay for something, to do something, to give something, you do it. And you trust that he will provide for you. I am not suggesting that you go on a shopping spree and like, oh my gosh, Betsy said life is abundant. Abundance is all there is. I can spend all the money in the world. The world. I'm talking about real things that you're guided to do. There's been people who have come to me for the Faith-Based Coaching Academy, and I have— and, you know, they're in a very difficult financial situation. And there's been times where I'm guided to tell them, you know what, make it happen. You are resourceful. God is calling— clearly God is calling you to do this. Come. And I won't give a discount. I will I will empower them, believe in them, and lend them my belief that they are resourceful and capable, and they get to trust that God will provide. Sometimes God puts in my heart to do a promo or do something, but it cannot be out of scarcity or fear or like, "Oh, poor thing." No, no, poor nada. We're all equipped with the Holy Spirit inside of us, superpower. We cannot feel about people like, "Oh, poor thing, pobrecito," 'cause then we treat them like they're lesser than. No, no, no. People are whole and full and complete because they have God inside of them too. So if God guides them to do something, God will provide for them, always. Now there are other people who come to me and I tell them, you know what? Doesn't seem like this is the time. You get to focus on this, or you get to use whatever money comes in for that priority with your family. Or sometimes it doesn't even have to do with money, it has to do with time. Like, no, no, you use your time to take care of your dying mom, right? There's time for everything. And God is never late, and He never, ever fails. So going back to the doing, from that place of being already that future self you desire to experience and embody, what do you do? What would this version of me do? If money wasn't a problem, what would I do? If time wasn't a problem, what would I do? If I felt all the love in the world, what would I do? If I didn't have this issue, this grief, this legal problem, if I didn't have this thing going on, what would that higher version of me do? From that place, from that identity, abundant, filled with the unconditional free love, from that identity, you take action. So going back to the example of my business, I realized that my outcomes. Like, I wasn't attracting enough people. I wasn't filling my cohorts the way I had in the past. I, you know, sales were down. And that impacted financially my business, which also impacts how much I can invest on marketing and all those things. And I was like, why is this not working if I'm doing all the work? Why is— what's going on? What was going on was that I skipped the being. And I think it was Oprah who said, we don't get what we want. We get what we believe we deserve. We don't get what we want. We don't get what we work for. We don't get what we've earned. We get what we believe we deserve. And that reminds me of something else I heard from someone. I don't know if it was Emily P. Freeman, someone who said that, you know how we always say like, "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle." And we immediately think like, "God doesn't give you a cross bigger than the one you can carry." But that also means God doesn't give you the blessings the graces, the gifts that you can't handle. If you cannot fit into your mind because it's so— has so many limiting beliefs, into your heart because it's closed off or it's hardened, if you can't fit the graces and the gifts that God has for you, doesn't matter how much he tries to give it to you, They don't fit, so you can't receive them, period. But is it because He doesn't want to give them to you? Heck no. He's always ready, willing, and eager. He's Santa Claus. He's like, He's carrying that bag of graces just waiting for you to open your chimney so that He can just deposit all of it inside of you. We must not skip the being, doing, comes only after you've mastered that, so that the doing can be informed by the being. Being comes first. If you have a heart and a mind the size of a drawer and you're asking God for a car, you're asking God for a big grace. Maybe the grace of forgiveness, the grace of abundance, the grace of love. Those are big graces. They're the size of a car. They don't fit in a drawer. Your job, my friend, is to expand, expand your heart, expand your mind so that you may become the size of a garage that can actually fit in that car, that grace of forgiveness, that grace of abundance, that grace of love. You must expand. And in order to expand, you must do both the personal development and the spiritual growth. You cannot do one without the other. You cannot expand without the both of them. You may not live your faith You can't, it's not possible. You cannot walk by faith, not by fear, if you're not expanded. You cannot be, you know, like, love your neighbor as yourself if you're not, you can't. You cannot live your faith if you haven't done the personal development work, because we have triggers and we have traumas and we have issues, all of us. Big T traumas, little t traumas. I think Oprah is the first one who said that, I'm not sure, maybe. Maybe other people have said that before, but I heard it from her book. So you get to do the psychological work, personal development, the spiritual work, connect with the Holy Spirit inside you so that you may become unstoppable and so that success may be inevitable for you, which is ultimately your destination, because You know the ending to your story. You are— you're meant to rise. You're meant to resurrect. You're meant to be greatness. So if you're not there, you haven't arrived. And that's good news. You're in the middle. It's the messy middle. It's annoying. It's painful. It sucks. But you haven't arrived. That's hope, isn't it? So if you— are ready, ready, ready, ready to step into this greatness, to be the person that God created you to be, so from there you may do the thing that you're called to do and ultimately manifest what you desire to have, I would love to support you through my next webinar. I'm gonna put a link in the show notes, but it's, you can register at faithbasedcoachingacademy.com/webinar. FW, F as in faith, W as in wisdom. Or if you just want to do this right now, you wanna, you wanna like start right now, then go to talktobetsy.com and book a call with me so that I may support you on what are, what is the gap between who you're meant to be and who you're being. And from there, I'll help you gain your next steps and clarity on what God's calling you to do next. I can't wait to support you. I hope this has been helpful. And please, please, please share with someone that you wanna bless and love. And while you're at it, leave a review and do all the good stuff. Make, you know, leave a comment or do something that will help you, help me, help the world and create a big ripple effect so that others may step into the identity that God created them to be for. Awesome. Have a beautiful day. Love you. Bye.