Betsy Guerra presents a short spoken reflection defining love as the capacity to "forget about oneself to do for another," contrasting enduring love with infatuation (described as hormonally-driven, temporary 'being high/drunk'), and offering practical examples and moral guidance (choose responding with grace over reacting; intentional submission framed as strength).
Chapters
What is love? To me, love is having the capacity to forget about oneself to do for another. Having the capacity to forget about oneself to do for another. The majority of us are really good about doing for others. We have a big heart, we love to give, it feels good to give, so there's nothing weird about that. But when giving or doing for another is in conflict with what we want for ourselves or what we feel we deserve, that's when it's a challenge. So let me tell you what forgetting about oneself to do for another means. When you have, let's say you have your partner and your partner is being a pain in the butt and is annoying you or really hasn't been a very good spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend, and he or she just doesn't deserve for you to do anything, go overboard for him at all. You know, like a little foot massage or something like that. No, no, nothing. Doesn't deserve it. When you choose to forget about the fact that I am hurt or humiliated or upset about what this person's doing or how he's acting or how he's making me feel. When you choose to forget about that, to be able to please him or do something for him or her, that's when you know that you have the capacity to love. Because love is not about feeling great and having the butterflies and feeling like you're drunk. Because just so you know, infatuation, passion, being in love is the equivalent of being high or drunk. The same thing's happening in your brain. You're releasing the same feel good hormones, the exact same. And we can't be high forever. So when those hormones leave, that's when love comes and love remains. So when you have the capacity to forget about what you want and how you want the other person to treat you, to be, to act in that moment, you will start loving and. And this applies to all of us. I'm a mom, I'm a wife, I'm a sister, I'm a daughter, I'm a daughter in law. I'm a sister in law. I'm all these roles and when I realize what love is about, I can apply it to everything. Because you know what? I don't feel like waking up in the middle of the night because my daughter was seeing monsters in her nightmares. I don't feel like waking up because the other one has allergies and I have to give her medicine or because my son is sick. I don't feel like it, but I don't even think about it. Because socially speaking, we've been trained to be good parents and want to do that. And you know, we've ingrained that inside of us and we've told ourselves that it is good, that you know, it is good, it feels good to get up and go and take care of your kids. But when it comes to other people, when it comes to the people that you've chosen or that you didn't want to choose, that's when you test your capacity to love. Forget about your well being, your benefits, and make it a conscious decision. I'm not talking about submission. Submission is a weakness, but intentional submission is a strength. When you have a choice to react to someone, to lash out at someone, or to talk back at the person, when you have a choice between that and doing good and being kind and responding rather than reacting, responding with grace and being loving, that's when you're powerful. Because the if you just react, if you live reacting, you're just as smart and amazing as an animal. But we're human beings and we have the capacity to respond. We have the capacity to love. So forget about yourself for a second. Stop being self centered. Stop being selfish. I know what you're thinking. Oh no, no, no. I'm super giving. I'm not self centered or, or selfish. My husband is, my mother in law is. My kids are super selfish. They think that they do. They think the world revolves around them. Well, so do you. So stop thinking about you for a second and think about what doing for others and loving others will give to you.
