A practical guide to defusing conflict and strengthening relationships through regular contact, genuine curiosity, and acknowledging emotions. The speaker emphasizes asking non-defensive questions, listening more than talking, and explicitly naming what someone feels to help them calm down. These techniques take practice but work across clients, family, and teams.
So how do you deal with a toxic client? Or how do you maintain a great relationship with your clients, your family, for anybody for that matter? That was a question that was asked to me by a couple of team members in a conference call we had the other day. So I thought I'd create, give you a cheat sheet, a list to keep in mind. Now, a little disclaimer. I'm going to give you some tips that will help resolve heated relationships, difficult situations, but there's no guarantee. Why? Because the one thing we know is when your emotion goes up, your intelligence goes down. And anything that I wrote down here that I give to you, you're going to totally forget about it in that moment unless you practice, unless you're really aware and conscious. But I'm going to give this to you anyway, so at least you're not operating on autopilot, which is the last thing to do. Okay? So great relationships with clients, particularly with clients. If you're going to. One of the things to do is to always make sure that you maintain a high level of frequency with your customers, with your team, those people. But make sure you have a reason for talking to them. Don't just call to chit chat, call for a reason. If you're going to talk to them, talk to them for a reason. It could be a reason is, I miss you, I'm checking in on you, I want to know how you're doing or what got something new going on or just following up on our last conversation. But don't just call aimlessly. Have a purpose in mind, in your mind, an outcome that you just want to see how they're doing and tell them why you called. Otherwise, are they trying to sell me what's going on here? So make sure it's real. All these things that we're talking about, all these things that we're talking about also operate off of the premise that you are. Do your best to be 100% honest, truthful and authentic. Don't try to walk on eggshells. Don't try to be somebody that you're not. Don't. You know, choice of words is important, obviously, but be yourself, okay, Number one, may have a reason, number two, frequency. Number three, listen a lot, a lot, a lot. I mean, you've heard this said a hundred times, but what happens is your little voice in your mind gets so hyperactive you want to jump in, interrupt the conversation, add value to it, defend yourself, all kinds of things. Just zip it and ask a lot. Here's a thing you can do. Try to not only listen to what they are saying, but watch the nature of the conversation. Kind of sit outside and look at the conversation. Look at them and say, hmm, what's the bigger picture going on? I wonder why they're talking about that. And get curious and aware of the whole picture that you're doing. Allow you to be quieter and to listen longer. Acknowledge them a lot. Every time they say something, say, thank you, I got it, and ask tons of questions. Questions like, why is that that way? Now. Now we're starting to get into contentious situations. So they're talking about something they're upset with. Listen, acknowledge, nod your head if you have a visual. And ask lots of questions. Well, tell me why. Why is that that way? Tell me more about that. Explain. Thank you. And from a curious perspective, not from a point of view. Okay, so prove it to me. That's not what I'm talking about. Ask why. Get curious. Because, particularly if their upset is a shock to you, you want to know why. And don't go into defense. I'm going to get into that in a second. Number five. Get it, get it, get it. What's that mean, get it. Somebody says they're upset, just get that they're upset. Say, I get it. I got it. I understand. I get it. You know, one of the big problems is people don't like anger and upset. Anger and upset is actually very high on the emotional tone scale, which means a person above that. Above that is impatience, and above that is actually enthusiasm. So it's really. It's much better than apathy. It's much better than covert hostility. So the idea here is to just get it. Not bad. Just get it. Say, I understand. I get it. You don't have to agree. I didn't say agree with them. I didn't say be them. I said just get it. And sometimes I'll say to myself, wow, this person is really angry, really upset. I think they're completely unjustified. But I'm not going to say that. I just say, wow, I get. You're really upset, aren't you? Yes, I'm really upset. Thank you. Why? What's. What's that? What? Where's that? What's that upset about? What? Are you really upset? So inquire, go into it, observe it. Just get it. And here's the thing about getting it. Don't just say, I got it. I got it. No, get it when you say, let them know that you got it. We used to call it getting gotten. My teacher, Marshall Thurber, used to call it getting gotten. So somebody's angry, sad, frustrated, whatever it is. If it's a negative emotion, say, I get it. I get you're frustrated. And rename the emotion, if you can. We teach this in facilitation. So I get that you're really upset. Is that right? Are you upset? Yes, I'm upset. Say, I get that you're really angry. No, I'm not angry. Okay, I get that you're really frustrated. Yes, I'm frustrated. And you'll notice that when you acknowledge what the emotion really is with them, all of a sudden, it begins to dissipate a little bit, because two things cannot occupy the same place in time and space. So the minute you actually acknowledge it from a perspective I got will begin to dissipate a little bit. So try to get it. Okay.
