How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself

Well, welcome. It seems like a while since I've done one of these with you guys and I'm looking forward to this one. I have really been doing a lot of coaching with people lately and I noticed something. There are some people that have a very difficult time succeeding. As a matter of fact, it seems that just when they're on the verge of success, they find some way to sabotage themselves. Does that sound familiar? So if that's you, if you somehow sometimes maybe feel uncomfortable when people give you an acknowledgement, if you somehow feel like success is just like a fantasy or it's that the success you achieve you can't seem to hold on to. I hope this video is going to help you quite a bit. Okay, so I call this your self sabotage eliminator. And before I begin it, I just want to tell you that I owe all of this to the late Alan Walter Seal, Stanford and the folks at ACLC who are some of my coaches who taught me this. So I'm going to share this with you. And really what this boils down to, to understand how to stop sabotaging yourself. The first thing to understand is what is it you really want? You know, a lot of people don't even know what they really want. And if you can help, if you can find what it is you really want to begin with, focus on that. There may be a way to prevent you from sabotaging yourself. And by the way, when you're working with somebody else, if you're working with a team member, a client, a spouse, a friend, when they're frustrated, you can use this process with them too. So it's all about wants. I'll tell you the power of a want. Here, let me ask you a question. Have you ever lost your keys? You know, they're laying around the house someplace, you don't know where they are, and you're driving, it's driving you crazy because you know you're late and you got to find your keys and you can't find them and you. And you're like frustrated, maybe even start yelling and throwing things around. Oh, I know you never do that. But if you're like me, sometimes that's happened and then you find them. So that moment when you find them, you know that feeling that you have when you find like, ah, oh my God. You know why you feel so good? It's almost nervonic, right? Why? Because you got what you really wanted. That's the power of giving somebody what they want. You know, really in sales, that's all it is finding what people want, really want, not necessarily the product, but what they really want and giving it to them. Okay, so that's just on the side. I'm going. Hey, Joel from Mexico. Good to see you. Hey, Taiwo, nice to see you. Hope you're having a great Saturday. So here's the point. The reason you sabotage yourself from getting what you want is a. Because maybe you don't know what you really want. We're covering that. But number two, is it because possibly if you got what you want, you might not be comfortable with what you want. And that's why you sabotage yourself. I'll say it again. The reason you may sabotage yourself is because if you got what you really wanted, you may not be comfortable with what you wanted when you get it. Okay, now this is going to make sense as I give you the process of how to handle this. Okay? And again, this is compliments of my coaches and, and the folks at aclc, which I'll describe at another time. But here's the process for eliminating at least that level of self sabotage. So if you're ready, you might want to write this down. Okay? And again, say thank you, Alan Walter for this because this is his process. So the first thing is, and I got it here, so if you want the process, let me know because I'll give it to you here. Okay. Is that. First of all, it's only eight questions to eliminate this problem. Okay, eight questions. So you can handle that? See, I can handle that. Okay, can you handle that? Susanna, can you handle that? Okay, good. Thank you. Okay, so here it goes. There's only eight questions. The first question to ask yourself is what is it that I or you really want? Is it money? Is it health? Is it love? Is it opportunities, a business, acknowledgement, whatever it is you want. So let's just say your answer is success. I just really want to be successful. That's what I really. I just really want success. Okay, good. All right, good. That's one. See, not so hard so far. Number two, describe it. Okay, so describe what success is for you. So for example, success to me is when I have that magic touch and all my goals are accomplished and they're coming true and I'm living on top of the world. I mean, that's success to me. Okay, so maybe success is like for. If you play a sport, if you play soccer, being able to score a goal, that's success. Maybe you'll close a deal. That's success. Whatever it is, that is what you really want. You describe it so you're clear on what it is you want? This is half the game, right? Number three. Now, here's the tricky one. Pay attention. Here we go. If you had whatever it is you said you wanted. So in my case, if I said, if I had success, what problem might that create for me? Or might that create for you? Well, maybe I might answer, there's a problem. I don't think there's a problem. Now think deeply. If you had a lot of wealth, suddenly got a lot of money, what problem might that create? Well, the problem is I might. People might start to take advantage of me, or people might cheat me, or if I was really successful, possibly my friends might not like me or people would make fun of me. Or here's a good one. If I were successful, some people might expect more of me, and then I'd have to be able to live up to it again. And maybe I'm not that smart. And whatever it is, okay? Because sometimes what sabotages us is our own fear of what comes next. And it could be completely unconscious. That's why if you ask this question, it goes from the unconscious to becoming conscious. So if you had the success, what problem might that create for you? So let's just say if I had success, some of my friends might not like me anymore or they might even resent me. Okay? They might even resent me. Okay. All right. Very good. Question four. Question four, simple. How could you handle that problem? How did you handle the problem? So if your problem is if one of the possible. And by the way, there may be more than one problem. So you can run this for each of those problems that come up. But you could say, so the problem is, some of my friends might not like me. How can I handle that problem? Well, I could remain great the way I could handle it. I can remain very grateful and humble toward my old friends. I could be very honest and authentic with them and tell them how much I still really appreciate them. If I really do, and I can make a lot of new friends who do like me for who I am, that's how I could handle that problem. Okay? Or let's say if I. If all of a sudden I got some success or, you know, some big success, and the problem was I'm not sure if I could live up to it after that. How could I handle that problem? Well, I could do a lot of studying, make sure I get some good coaching, get some good mentoring like you're getting right now from me. And like Seal and Jeff, who are my friends, I'm going to Introduce on a future Facebook Live personally who gave me this process will do is I could get some good coaching. I could. Again, I can remain very, very humble and become an avid student of what I am successful at and be very honest about making when I make mistakes and be forthright about that. So then people, then I won't have to look like an idiot. So see, all these are great solutions, right? Because your brain knows how to solve the problem. Okay, pretty good, right? So now we identified the subconscious problem and then we created a way to handle. We self identified a way to handle the problem. Now it's question number five. What would be the consequences or the results of handling that problem? Okay, so remember what I said. The way I would handle the problem is I could. One of the things I could do is be grateful and humble toward my old friends, tell them how much I appreciate them, and make a new circle of friends that really do like me for who I am as well. Okay. Now what would be the consequences or the results if I did something like that? Well, the answer is my circle of friends would get bigger and I could continue to show my love for my existing friends. Also, those who really like me for who I am will still always be my friends. You know what? I could actually be my real me all the time and I wouldn't have to walk on eggshells all the time. And. And that would be the result and blah, blah, blah. You notice how I get even a little happier when I realize if I could handle that problem, how much better life would be. That would be the consequences. And then question number six. Have you ever done that before? Have I ever done that before? Have you ever done that before? Well, the answer is, yeah, I've done that before. And I can give an example when I'd done that before or if I said, no, I've never really done that before. Ask myself, question seven, Do I know anyone else who's ever done that? And describe that. Well, yeah, I had a friend that, you know, he became very successful in real estate, but you know, he was really still my friend and he's a great mentor to me right now, as a matter of fact. And it's allowed me to create a new circle of friends. So maybe I haven't done it, but I've got somebody else in my life that I recognize that has done that for me. And then the last question of all, question number eight, Could I do that? In other words, could I do all the things that I just said? Could I solve the problem that way? Would those Results be possible for me. Could I do that? That. And the answer is yes, you're good to go. Go get what you want and enjoy it. Now if I had to come up with more than one problem, let's say if I said what does I really want? Describe it and if I had whatever that is that I want, whether it's love. Okay, so that's another good one. So what does I really want? I want love. I want an intimate relationship. And I describe that. So if I had an intimate relationship with what problem might that create for me? Well, you know, I could get betrayed so they could cheat on me, they could lie to me, people make fun of me. Okay, good. So how could I handle that problem? Well, I could handle that problem by being open and honest and realistic in my relationship. We got lots of frequency of contact communication, get good coaching. When my little paranoid voice comes up, I can get coached on it. Why is that coming up and do all those things? And the consequences of that would be? Well, regardless of the relationship, I'd be happier and I'd be better. Better in my. I'd be a better partner in a relationship. Okay, and have I ever done that before? Well, yeah, or maybe no, but I know other people have done it. So I could do that. Okay. So I could keep going if I made a lot of money, same thing. So you can run this exercise anytime you feel you notice that you're self sabotaging yourself. You notice things seem to elude you. The success, the love, the money, whatever it is you're trying to do eludes you. Follow this little process and again, if you want the process, just let me know. Just make a comment and we'll send it to you. But this process only takes you probably two or three minutes to run on yourself. We have a program called Life Enhancement. Life Enhancement Program where Seal Stanford, who taught this to me actually teaches it to you. This and plus about 50 other great processes that are designed to reprogram your brain or to take your unconscious self sabotaging, stab yourself in the back little voice and prevent you from sabotaging yourself. I don't know about you. I don't need to worry about competition too much because I got enough competition going on in my own head. Should I? Shouldn't I? Can I or can't I? Okay, so again, these eight questions and possibly there's only seven if you answer yes to one of these are yours. If you ask for them. Why am I giving this to you? What I call this is this. If you take this on is your secret weapon. Very few people understand how to manage the little voices in their brain. And I've been blessed by great mentors, great teachers over the years. I just want to share this with you. As you've heard me say before, the world needs great teachers and leaders, and you're one of them. If you're watching this and share this with friends. Because if you've got people that are always frustrated and always grumpy and they have a negative view of the world and skepticism, it's usually because of something like this is because they're not getting what they want. If you ever have somebody that's really angry all the time or frustrated, the best thing you could do is ask them, can you just tell me what is you really want? And just listen and listen and listen and listen. And you know, they'll feel better afterwards because you may be the first person that ever asked them what they really wanted, and maybe the first time they ever actually articulated what they really wanted. But if they're not getting what they want, this is probably why is because if they did get what they want, it would bring up a whole bunch of other stuff that unconsciously they're not aware of. So this is one of many, many, many processes. Like I said, we cover in some of our programs, but I want you to have this now and see if it works. Send me some messages over the next few days or so and tell me if it works for you. Tell me how it works, if you have questions about it. But most of all, if you want the process, just let me know. And I look forward to giving you the next cool tip to get your little voice lined up to make you a great teacher and leader, help you make a lot more money, and just be the awesome human being that I know you are. Okay? So wherever you are, enjoy and we love you. Take care.