Mishandling Upset and Losing the Room

Episode 4. Episode 4. One of the biggest mistakes that presenters and facilitators make is avoiding and steering away from potential upset in the audience. I understand it because it can be intimidating being in front of a groom. Whether it's on zoom, whether it's offline online, doesn't make any difference. And the prospect, the idea that somebody could take you on, I disagree with you. You'd have no idea what you're talking about. Challenge you in front of another group of people brings up a lot of fear. I can tell you that after 30 plus years of doing this, there's still a part of me that's a little nervous about that sometimes. But understand this, that if you understand the basics of how to do this, you will put yourself in a category of less than one tenth of 1/10 of 1/10 of 1 /10 of 1% people in the world out there that are terrified of it, and that's why they're terrible presenters. That's why people don't engage with them, and that's why the people that can do it sell a lot and change a lot of people's lives. So you got to ask yourself, what do you want? A or B? Hopefully you want to change a lot of people's lives. So let's get into this for a little bit, okay? So let's say that somebody in your group challenges you, raises a hand, types something in the chat box and says, you know what? I don't agree with what you're saying. Now, the first thing that's going to happen is you. Your little voice is going to freak out, okay? So it'll do one of two things. Your emotional go up, your intelligence go down, and you will not know what to say. That's very common. Or your ego will want to defend itself, or you'll want to attack, or you'll want to lay down and die. And whatever the case may be, none of those are good options. None of those are good options. Okay, remember this. If somebody objects to something you say or they or they're upset with something you say, the good news is they're engaged because they've been listening to you. That's good. As opposed to the other 50% of the room that are all checked out, checking messages on their phones. So the good news is somebody's listening. That's a good thing. So you should feel good about that. So how do you handle this now at our Master Facilitator program, I drill you on this for an entire day. Your worst nightmare. Objections that could happen in a room until you're like, it's nothing. Okay, Now, I'm not going to go into all that right now, but suffice it to say, it does take practice. What are you practicing? Asking. That's right. Asking questions. So somebody says, you know, I'm really confused. I don't quite get what you're talking about. You say, thank you. Okay, so one of the things we'll talk about in this episode, too, is always acknowledge. Always. Even if somebody says, you're a bloody idiot, say thank you, you have no idea what you're talking about. Thank you. Okay. Why? Because what it does, it softens the blow. It creates form of agreement. And let's sends a message that you're not here to fight. Okay? If you know, a lot of people, just jump right into the fight, that's your ego. And I'm going to tell you what, you're going to crash and burn and both of you are going to look like idiots. Trust me, I have done this more than once in my career. So don't do that. Ask questions. What kind of questions? You try to ask questions to surface, whatever the emote, if there's agitation or upset, to surface that. So a person says, I'm confused. Thank you. So you're saying you're confused. Yes, I'm confused. So what's causing the confusion? Well, you said this before and now you're saying this. You know, which one is it? Okay, thank you. So if I could clear that up, would you be. We all be better here. Confusion go away. Yes. Okay, good. So how simple is that? But if you interpret that as a challenge to you, then what happens is it just goes into a burning spiral. Okay, so you ask questions, try to surface the emotion. Is it confusion? Is it fear? Is it mistrust? Is it. They don't. Yeah, mistrust. They don't think that you have the credibility, whatever that is, and be willing to. As is it. We talked about that before. Be willing to say. So I hear what you're saying. So is this an issue of whether you think I know the material that we're covering? The person goes, yeah, I'm not sure if you know the material. Okay, good. Thank you. Thank you. Rather than going into defense, you ask a lot of what questions? So they say, yeah, I don't know that you know all this stuff. Okay, good. Thank you. So what can I do to show you that I can give you good information on the subject? Let them tell you. Well, you know, if you give me a couple case studies or if you give me a few examples of what you're doing, that would help. Okay, that's fair enough. And you can even ask the room and say, look, how many of you would like a few more case studies? A few more examples. Okay, good. Awesome. So if I gave you four more case studies and some real examples of how this works, would that rest a little bit better for you? Yes. Good. Thank you. Okay, so don't run away from it. You have an opportunity to raise the level of the entire room. Okay. To raise the level of the entire room. Now, it can get out of hand. And don't worry about that because it typically doesn't happen. Most people are pretty polite these days. They don't do that. They just shut up. Which is also kind of bad. But here's a hint, here's a hint. Before you do a presentation, if you're nervous about it, sit down with a friend and make a list of all the possible objections or all the possible challenges somebody could give to you and role play with the other person. But don't answer the challenge. Don't say, prove to me you know what you're talking about. Thank you. So is this a credibility issue? Yes, it's a credibility issue. Okay, great. So how can we solve that credibility issue? Well, you give me some case studies. Okay, good. So if I could give you some case studies. You notice what I'm doing? I'm not defending. The minute you go in to defend, you've just sprung the trap and they win and you lose. Don't do that. Ask lots of questions. Okay? Now there's more on that in our Master Facilitator program. But don't run away from it. Don't run. The worst that could happen is you just say, look, you know what, thank you so much for that feedback. I don't have an answer to that right now, but I am at the next break. I am happy to do whatever research I can to help you out. Would that be of good? Would that be good? What are people going to think? They're going to think that's an awesome person. Particularly if the person asked a stupid question or said something that was like off the wall. But you treat it with gentleness, you treat it with authority and you treat it with kindness and you rise above it. There's a great video from the movie Gandhi right where Gandhi is facing in South Africa is facing a group that's ready to riot because of laws that were passed against the Indian population. And they start objecting. They going in that. Cause I would Be willing to die. Now, you know, Gandhi did not want people, you know, he didn't want to fight. He says, he goes, I hear that. I praise your courage. I need that courage because in that cause, I too, am prepared to die. But, my friends, there is no cause for which I am prepared to kill. We will hurt no one. And the whole room shifts. Why? Because he embraced the objection, didn't tell them they were wrong, didn't tell them not to do it. He acknowledged the virtue and the value that was inside of it, and then raised everybody to a higher thought. If you can do that, if you could go find that movie and check it out, it's a brilliant scene. But if you can do that, you'll be a leader beyond your wildest dreams, and people will feel safe with you. Okay? All right. So don't run away from upset and practice, you know, role play a few times. Okay? One of the other reasons people screw up their presentations is because lack of acknowledgement. I was talking that before. If there's only one thing you take away from this whole hint of 20 some odd things is to remember to, no matter what somebody says, say thank you or acknowledge them. Even if they're giving you an answer that's not correct because you're not acknowledging their answer. You're acknowledging their participation in the process. This is key to understand, okay. Many years ago, I was doing a trainer program. I had an elementary school principal in Austin, Texas, and we did this drill, and she had a very hard time when practicing in front of the room to say thank you to people when they'd raised their hand. And I made the point, I said, look, it's a big risk for some people. Think of all those kids, 6 years old, 8 years old, 10 years old, you know, in front of their peers, and you asking them questions, and their hand goes up a little bit, you know, and if you call on them and it's not the right answer, you go wrong. All the kids laugh, and that kid just, like, shut down and go, whoa, I'm not doing that again. And what's the damage of that? As opposed to being the teacher that says, thank you, John? That's not exactly the answer I'm looking for, but good effort. Okay, stay tuned. We're going to get the answer to you. Okay? Who else has an answer? Very different approach, but always, always acknowledge one of the people. People always ask me, how is it your programs have so much energy and people, you know, are so jumping through the roof even after long hours? And why are sales so good? And I said, well, because part of the context, part of the environment, and the way we te filled with acknowledgement. Good. Thank you. Does that make sense? Thank you. Excellent. Well done. All the time. All the time. Because what happens is it starts to put a message in people's brains. Well, so for example, who knows the answer to two plus two? Somebody raised their hand, they go, 22. And you go, okay, that's not the answer I'm looking for, but thank you. Hold on to that. Give them a round of applause. Other people in the room, and you go for another answer. And other people in the room are going, that was the stupidest answer I ever heard. And that person got a round of applause. How did that happen? Shoot, man. I had a better answer to that. I'm going to raise my hand next time. That's what you want. And before long, within an hour or two, hands are up and people are gauging and they're participating. And remember what we say, Highest energy wins. Highest energy wins. So like I said, that elementary school principal, she was mortified by the fact that over 20 years, how many little kids that she had inadvertently, not because she's a bad person, inadvertently had discounted, shut down. And she literally burst into tears. She goes, I wish I could go back because I can still see their faces, their little faces, so perplexed, confused, and starting to shut down. And. And, you know, I understand it. That's why great leaders have to be great teachers. The good news is we can rehabilitate all that. And the good news is, if you understand some of these tools and techniques, you'll have teams and you'll have classes and you'll have people in your network that will love being around you. And they won't even know why. They won't even know why. They just know that they're acknowledged. And again, don't acknowledge people for something you don't want to acknowledge them for. Okay? But again, for their participation is typically what you're acknowledging them for. Okay? So remember, acknowledgement, acknowledgement, acknowledgement. You know, we do that with our kids when they're little, when they first learn to walk. Yay. Good job. Right? But as they get older, we stop doing it because we expect it and we set higher standards. Now, I don't need. I don't need. We don't need to celebrate the wins anymore. We don't need to do that anymore. It's expected of you. Yeah, it is. But how difficult it is to say great job. How difficult it is to say awesome. How difficult is it to give them a fist pump. Not difficult at all. And what happens is then you start to build a level of confidence and self concept in a person that will ultimately improve their results. So if for nobody else, acknowledge yourself. Even if you screw up, acknowledge yourself with what you've learned and acknowledge yourself for stepping outside the comfort zone. You do that, the minimum that will happen is you'll get stronger, be amazing.